When mommy/housewife duties become very overwhelming

[wandergirl1980]

Hello mga sis...I'd like to get your opinion. I feel as though I'm getting drowned na kasi with all the things I do as mom/housewife. I don't know kung time management ba ang problema ko or what. I work from home. I have a 6-year-old kid and I have no helper. Here's my typical schedule: I wake up 7 am to prepare breakfast/lunch/dinner meals; wake up the kid and hubby around 9 am and have breakfast together. Prepare kiddo for school by 11 am. I start working by 1 to 5:30 pm. By 5:30 nasa bahay na anak ko...I let her play until 6. At 6:30 we start having dinner na and then after dinner I clean up my kiddo. By 8 start na kami sa mga homework niya. At this time I honestly feel to tired already. But since wala naman ako ibang maaasahan I have to help her kahit sa totoo parang ayaw na gumana ng utak ko...lol. Aside from homework I have to review her sa mga lessons niya. Nahihirapan pa naman siya sa Math at Filipino. Extra effort kami sa dalawang subjects na yan pero I feel impatient and ineffective kasi pagod na din ako mentally. Monday to Friday yan ang routine ko.

Saturday I have to do the laundry and ironing of clothes. Isa pa itong effort hahaha. Sunday work ako morning til afternoon then tutor ulit si kiddo.

What frustrates me is the feeling na I am not very helpful to her because I was always tired juggling everything from housework to my work to making sure all her school assignments are done and tutoring her. I understand na ang pinaka the best na solution is to get a househelp. Unfortunately, hanggang ngayon wala pa rin ako mahanap. Still looking til now. I talked to hubby I said I feel like drowning with all my tasks. I am willing to give up my work pero sabi ni hubby maghanap na [textspeak!] ng yaya. Sabi ko nahihirapan nga tayo maghanap at parang I am losing my effectiveness at work na rin kasi lagi ko minamadali just because I need to bago dumating kiddo from school.

I was reprimanded na rin at work kasi lagi akong may backlogs sa emails...I do customer support work. Haist ang hirap lang.

Suggestions naman please...medyo emotional ako ngayon because I feel so overwhelmed na

[wandergirl1980]

Add ko na rin...hubby works from home too. Duty niya starts at 3 pm to 12 am. Hindi ko na siya maistorbo between that time. Though he makes it a point to wash the dishes after dinner. His rest days are Mon-Tue. I have asked him several times to tutor our daughter on those two days para I can make up sa lost hours ko sa work. Kaso ito naman si hubby naninigaw ng bata pag di agad gets. Then sasabihin mag work din daw siya. So naiinis ako lalo.

Don't get me wrong hubby is a good provider. I think he is just lazy with housework and spending time with our kid.

[wandergirl1980]

Thanks sa suggestion mo sis. Ang problema ko kay hubby di cooperative sa housework talaga. Kahit nakikita na ako nagm-mop ng floor deadma hahaha. Linis ng CR ako pa din ayaw na ayaw ko pa naman gawin yang part na yan...lol. I have asked him to do the grocery by himself gusto pa kasama daw ako. Imbes na mainis pa ako sinisingit ko na yung grocery ng Saturday after ko maglaba.

Si hubby ang pinaka-housework na lang niya include dish washing, tapon ng trash at mag banlaw ng labada ko hahaha.

Nag-propose ako sa kanya na pa-deliver na lang kami ng food since merun naman mga diet delivery na weekly ang subscription. Masyado daw mahal. Sabi ko sige hati kami then sabi niya luto na lang ako mas tipid. OK fine!

By the way hatid-sundo namin kiddo sa school at gusto din ni hubby kasama pa ako. Kalokah lang ang pagiging clingy hahaha

[Girltalker2]

TS, dapat hubby mo na Ang maghatid sa daughter nyo sa school or mag asikaso for school in the Morning. Kung ayaw nya, sya magluto ng breakfast and lunch.

I divide mo ang work into 2 Tapos papiliin mo nalang sya which one prefer nya. Para fair, puede kayo magsalitan every other week para minsan Ikaw kasama ng daughter mo, minsan sya.

[wandergirl1980]

Tnx mga sis. No choice nga talaga kungdi maghintay ng helper. Hopeless na si hubby pagdating sa housework

[momentum]

sis if I may, mag suggest lang din ako..

since wala pa kayo mahanap na helper, ito naisip ko:

-ipalaba nalang mga damit. either find a good labandera na recommended ng kapitbahay, or ipa laundry shop. laking time na yang paglalaba at plantsa na mababalik sayo to do something else.

-magpa hanap ng stay-out maid or once-a-week/2weeks maid. Once a week igeneral clean yung house para maintenance ka nalang from time to time..

-freeze easy to prepare food. kapag may extra time ka na since di na ikaw ang naglalaba or malinis pa naman yung house, then puwede mo iprepare ito. like make shanghai, marinated meat, etc then freeze. to be used on days na wala ka na masyadong time to cook.

-tama suggestion ng isang sis dito. list down all the chores you do and what needs to be done. then sit down with your husband, have a heart to heart talk (walang nagging para iwas away) and agree ano ano mga chores na paghahatian ninyo. make it like a team work. express your side na napapagod ka na talaga and you need more time for your work, just like him. also present yung idea na get outsourced help (labandera, taga linis etc) kung ayaw talaga niya or di niya kaya mag linis.

-maybe it will also help if you get a tutor on some days. ask around sa community ninyo if they can recommend someone to come sa house once in a while to help tutor your kid..kung hindi talaga kaya or hindi effective yung tandem mo with your kiddo

ako rin hirap magturo sa kid ko pero I really try. I already looked around for tutors na malapit lang samin but hindi na nila kaya mag accomodate pa. pero dahil may yaya naman ako..at least wala na akong gagawin pa na housework when I get home. pagod lang talaga kalaban ko. malayo pa kasi work ko from where I live so bugbog na ako sa byahe plus aga din shift ko kaya aga din ako inaantok.

kaya pag uwi ko kelangan masimulan kagad assignments kasi habang gumagabi mas tinatamad na anak ko. we do it before dinner, which is usually by 6pm. 7am kasi pasok niya so maaga din siya nagigising. she has 1 hour to rest/watch tv from school, before I get home.. kaya nakapag pahinga na siya kahit papano before we start doing assignments. maybe kaya mejo cranky na anak mo kasi you tutor at 8pm..maybe that's too late na for her and pagod narin siya? kaya ba na before dinner kayo mag assignments/review? 

[zee87]

it is not going to help asking the husband to do work he doesnt want to do. On my part, i just let him do what he wants to do so dahil mahilig siya magluto, luto lang siya ng luto. Siya rin ang nagpprepare for school ng anak namin. Siya magbibihis pero ako ang nagpprepare ng breakfast at baon. Siya naghahatid sa school and nagsusundo. Ako ang nagtuturo ng assignment. Ayaw niyang maglinis at magtupi ng damit so ako gumagawa nun. Pagdating ko sa bahay, inaasahan ko na lagi ang kalat ng bahay namin, pero di ko na ini-stress ang sarili ko. Maglilinis ako kung gusto ko na. In that way, di ako nasstress. Pero being a babae at nanay, minsan di rin maiwasan yung kahit pagod na pagod na e maglilinis ka pa rin kasi ayaw mo makitang makalat ang bahay.

[skela96c]

TS, binasa ko pa lang yung post mo na overwhelm na ko.   Sis, wala kang rest day!

I agree with some posts, pwede na "outsource" yung ibang tasks kung ayaw ka tulungan ng asawa mo, like laundry.  magkano na lang ang cost nun compared sa time na nawawala sayo.  pagfree time ng hubby mo, sya ang pagdalhin mo sa laundry shop.  nakatupi na din pagbalik so a lot less work for you.

Sa food, tama, it would help a lot kung may frozen na ready for reheating na lang. or pwedeng semi-prepped na like may pinalambot ka na na meat lalagyan na lang ng veg pwede sinigang or nilaga. 

You have to have a rest day.  You NEED it.   

[j.adore]

Agree with outsourcing - laundry, iron, tutor, food (kung meron ok na carinderia why not?)

If you tried everything and still cannot divide housework with your husband, then wag na pilitin mag-aaway lang kayo. Since pareho naman kayo nasa bahay, get a maid from the agency or ask friends, maid ng iba, etc. O meron ba kayong kamag-anak who needs part-time work?

Bale, next thing to do is look elsewhere for help if you can't get it at home.

[ri-anne]

aside from what's already suggested here, may i add, you should also let your kiddo learn how to do things  herself. i noticed you mentioned you "prepare kiddo for school', "clean up kiddo"

she's same age as my youngest daughter. (i have 2 kids with no househelp also)
and when it's time to prepare for school or for bedtime, she's a bit independent na...she takes a bath herself, brushes her teeth, clean up, half-bath, put on/ take off clothes or uniform, whatever... my 6 year old also helps set the table, and puts her plate in the sink when done eating, tidy up their room, make simple sandwiches, etc.
believe me, kids can already do amazing things at a young age.
malaking tulong yan for her and for you as well

also, if kaya ng budget, malaking tulong din ang Fully Automatic Washing Machine. pagsampay na lang poproblemahin mo.

[wandergirl1980]

Thanks sisses for the suggestions...

I just realized that one of my other problems is my pagiging OC and trying to control everything. My daughter would offer to take a bath by herself and help set the table. But most of the time I'd say "wag na ako na" or "hintayin mo na lang ako." Feeling ko kasi pag siya maliligo mag-isa mag wiwisik wisik pa ng water so another linis hahaha.

By the way, I was able to contact a tutor already. Medyo mahal, 800/hr...pero sige na lang din kesa ma-stress yung anak ko. Nagpa-schedule ako ng 3 sessions a week. Sinabi naman nung teacher na magt-tutor she'll teach me some techniques too so I cna handle my kiddo by myself.

I also contacted Spic N Span for a general cleaning.

As for laundry isa pa ata yan sa i-consider ko kasi I've been hearing stories na hinahalo-halo ang damit sa laundry shop.

Ewan ko ba dati naman nagpapa-laundry kami nung dalawa pa lang kami ni hubby. Pero nung nagka-anak kami then nagka-asthma siya dun ako nagsimula maging super OC.

Speaking of pagiging OC I think it stems all the way back nung naghi-hika pa ang anak ko. Takot kasi ako ng baka ma-ICU ulit. Kaya konting alikabok pinupunasan ko hahaha. Huling asthma attack niya kasi nag-blue na yung mga daliri nya at yung lips niya and I wasn't home then, hubby ko ang naka-incharge. Kaya feeling ko pag iniwan ko sa hubby ko ang gawaing bahay super palpak lang. Thank God...4 years na naman na since it happened. 

Sa pagkain gustuhin ko man magpa-deliver na lang araw-araw di naman healthy. Maybe thrice a week OK lang. The remaining four days luto na lang talaga.

Si hubby naman may ugali din na kelangan mo talaga utusan bago kumilos. Maybe I'm expecting him to put to heart and mind yung duties niya sa bahay kaya frustrated ako pag kelangan ko pa mag-utos every now and then. 

Regarding automatic washing machine...hubby says he'll buy one next month para di na raw kami magbanlaw kasi nga siya ang taga banlaw ng damit hahaha.

[momentum]

If OC ka sa clothes then get nalang the automatic washing machine. Isasampay mo nalang but then again you still have to iron and fold. Baka yun puwede gawin nalang by someone else like planstadora

Good that your tutor will teach you techniques, baka rin kasi may mali tayong way ng pagtuturo kaya hindi effective

Agree on teaching your kid to be independent na and to help you out sa chores. You should be happy na she's offering you help, wag mo tatanggihan coz you are not helping her rin to be responsible and helpful..mamaya mabitbit pa niya yan sa paglaki niya na kahit nakikita ka na niyang nahihirapan sa ginagawa mo eh deadma lang sa kanya kasi sinanay mo. Lalo na if nakikita niyang ganun din hubby mo. Just my two cents...

[momentum]

Btw sis, bakit hindi nalang mag school service yung kid mo? Kasi if cocompute inyo transpo expense ninyong tatlo everyday sa paghatid sundo, baka mas mahal pa labas kesa sa ipa service mo nalang sya. Unless naka car kayo? Dami rin kasi oras nakakain if both of you make hatid sundo instead of doing something else

[wandergirl1980]

Actually sis naka-school service siya but we terminated the service last week lang na-bully kasi siya ng mga ibang gradeschool na kasabay niya at merun daw isang boy na tinatakot siya. Kinausap namin yung driver at nag-agree na na ihihiwalay yung boy then kinausap ko na din anak ko pero ayaw na niya sumakay everytime na susundo umiiyak kahit sumama ako sa school bus ayaw na niya. Kaya nag-decide kami wag na pilitin kasi baka ayawan na rin pumasok ng school.

Si hubby na ngayon hatid/sundo kasi sabi ko di ko na rin kaya na lahat pilitin ko gawin.

[j.adore]

Paano yung pag bully at ano yung pananakot na ginawa?

Hmmm just sharing observation here.. It seems you're raising your child to be too dependent and it's wearing both you and your husband out. For simple tasks and chores, you want to be hands on due to being OC unlike the samples by sis ri-anne.

Now the trip to and from your kid's school is taking time, money, and effort from both of you (eh medyo strained na kayo to start with).
Plus, it enabled the bullies and made your child even more dependent on you for protection. Both of you can't always be there to protect her. Paano kung nasa school naman yung bully? Di na lang papasok?

What I'm saying is, teach your child to be more independent and to defend herself (give her the opportunity to fight her own battles). This is not just for her growth but can also help address the tiring schedule you have right now.

[Girltalker2]

^ yup ganun talaga, at least he gets to spend time with your daughter. Also, dapat lang icharge mo Kay hubby lahat ng incremental bills for help kasi ayaw naman nya tumulong eh, so mag contribute nalang sya para sa tutor, hourly maid etc

[aquacharly]

If I were in your shoes, I would focus on my priorities:
     Raising my daughter well;
     Maintaining a good relationship with my hubby; &
     Taking good care of myself: stay sane, healthy & pretty.

Get a tutor for your daughter:  saves your relationship with her, & removes your guilt. 

Get a laundry service.  Or, Metropole may not be perfect, but it's more perfect to save your energy for more important stuff like excellent job performance, quality family time, etc.

Cook to freeze half:  you will find a week when all you do is defrost and heat.

Train your daughter to help out.  We are usually remiss in this aspect, but it will serve your daughter and you well in the future:  nothing like raiding an organized, independent adult.

If your husband is a laggard when it comes to housekeeping:  Do. Not. Nag.
Train him to take care of his own needs, that at least.  Hindi iyong Ikaw pa nagliligpit ng clean clothes nya sa closet, or clear the table after his snacks. 

Carve out at least 3 hrs per week for you to nourish your well-being: salon or home-service mani-pedi/massage; gym or lunch with friends/family.  That will cut back on feelings of getting overwhelmed:  less probability of meltdowns.

Have a strict policy of "Clean as you go".  You will spend less time on required general cleaning.  And you will always have a sanitary pretty home.

Look for shortcuts: paper napkins, paper plates/cups --  on the days your scheds are overloaded.
You will save in terms of water and detergent.

De-clutter.  Easier to maintain your home when you keep only things that are essential & spark joy in you.

Simplify what can be simplified.  Like your toilette. 

In short, look for time-consuming tasks that you can outsource or simplify. 

Do come back here & share how you solved your dilemma. All of us will learn from you.

[wandergirl1980]

Sorry mga sis ngayon lang ako nakabalik sa thread na ito...

Updates:

Got my daughter a tutor. Twice a week ang session nila. She is learning fast from the tutor. Wa epek talaga ako magturo hahaha. Pero at least pareho kaming di haggard. And then she recently told me nung tinanong ko if she likes her tutor sabi niya "I like her...but don't worry mommy I still love you annd you're still the best for me even if teacher is there." Awwww napa-emote na lang ako hahaha.

I also found a different school bus service provider for her at mas gusto daw niya ito kesa dun sa una niyang school bus. The first 3 days sinamahan ko siya para lang di matakot then after that tuloy-tuloy na. And nabanggit niya kasama daw niya sa school bus yung classmate niya na crush din niya...oh my golly hahaha.

And finally, we have found a new helper. This weekend mag-start the new manang. She's 40 from Albay at first time daw dito sa Manila. Sis paano ba sistema ninyo pagdating sa pagbale? Ako allergic ako sa salitang "bale" kasi our first helper from years ago though mabait mahilig bumale nakakainis. I don't the same problem with the new helper so I want to be upfront. Ano ba mga conditions to allow bale?

Thanks sa lahat ng mga advice mga sis

[aquacharly]

As far as I am concerned:  Strictly no advances/bale.

1st, it eliminates any panloloko sa iyo:  advance, then disappear.  It is not uncommon these days
2nd, it is but common human nature -- pag nakuha na money, tendency eh sloppy performance na.  Ikaw na takot enforce your standards.

[nicoletta]

When the maid is new, I don't normally allow bale.  I'm allergic to that too, and for a reason.  Normally other employers are more lenient pero that would not be a good idea kasi what if you are not happy with her performance?  You can't let her go kasi she already borrowed money from you.