You're too available?

[redhead69]

I started dating this guy 3 weeks ago. And I'm having a hard time kasi at first minsan lang kami magkita. Until napapadalas na. Whenever i want to go somewhere, gusto niya sumama. Whenever im craving something, Dinadalhan niya ko. I like that. Pero the fact na araw araw na kami nagkikita parang napaka unusual lang for me kasi i'm worried na baka magsawa siya sa akin kasi palagi kami nagkikita kahit sabihin pa niyang hinding hindi siya magsasawa sa akin. We always spend the whole day together. Minsan sinasabi ko na di ako pwede (palusot lang) para lang di kami magkita pero nageend up na siya yung pupunta sa house para dalhin ako somewhere for dinner. Am i the one who is too available kasi im letting him do that? Should i continue this set up? Gusto ko naman magpamiss pero its hard na baka maoffend ko siya or maisip niya na ayaw ko na sa kanya or whatever. I need your advice guys.

[Girltalker2]

Making yourself available is a way to let the guy know you're interested to pursue the friendship, interested to get to know him, at baka potentially puede maging mag BF/gf kayo.

If you have your own life/ own things to do, you can easily tell him you have some stuff to do but can meet him tomorrow instead.

Why are you afraid of offending him? Nasa sa kanya na yun kung balat sibuyas sya. But this stage is supposed to be the enjoyable getting to know stage. I don't think it is necessary to overthink. Kung magsawa man sya ng maaga, maybe you guys are just meant to be as friends, mabuti nang malaman mo early din para di ka pa masyadong invested.

[j.adore]

I think you're the one who is getting sawa over too much time together. Maybe you're still gauging how much you like him and right now, it's not yet very much.

Try mo na lang joke style na, uuy wag muna tayo mag kita para na miss kita bukas!

[simang]

You have to understand that you're dating him for 3 weeks.. Give him time, 3 to 4 months maybe, magla-lie low din yan lol. For now, enjoy your life, enjoy your time together, enjoy getting to know him... at higit sa lahat, don't overthink it.

[forumera]

Enjoy the moment. Hindi yan ganyan forever, kung may forever ah. Lol

[aquacharly]

Walang Forever, pero meron Renewals/ Extensions.

I like what the others said:  go with the flow, but mind your priorities too.  Don't let him wreck your orderly life.  Enforcing spaces gives you time to think things through objectively too.  Hindi basta sige, kilig kilig lang at hindi mo na maisip if this guy meets your checklist.

[LGV]

I understand how you feel pero if you like him too I dont think there should be a problem. Pag naglie low sya or medjo nbawasan yung ganyang gestures ang tanong, hindi mo kaya mamiss or manibago ka? Well it might create another story when that happens. Just my two cents Try to enjoy the moment.

[redhead69]

Update : we used to fight like normal couples rin recently. Inaask niya ako if mahal ko ba daw talaga siya or nagsasawa ba daw ako. Di ko masagot until one time medyo napuno ako nasabi ko na "Maybe di pa ko ready sa relationship ulit" then sabi niya "lumabas rin pala", moving on.. Naging okay rin kami. Pero maybe di pa talaga ako handa makipagrelationship, or baka naspoil lang talaga ako sa past relationship ko. I dont want to compare pero di ko mapigilan. May mga thoughts ako na pag kasama ko siya "hindi naman ako ginanito ni *ex*" or "di naman pinaramdam sakin ni *ex* yung ganito". Hindi sa di ako nakamove on sa ex ko, siguro may expectation ako. Then tumakbo na sa utak ko, maybe di niya ako deserve maging girlfriend kasi im expecting something na di niya magawa which di ko alam if tama ba mag expect.(or worst mag compare) iniisip ko rin na baka mahirapan lang siya sakin kasi moody ako. Masyado na ko nagooverthink no?


Bottomline is : may mga bagay na magkasama kami, nadidisappoint ako. Pero im trying my best to understand. Di ako yung tipo na humahabol sa lalaki pero i think he's trying to turn the wheel na ako humabol sakanya which is not very effective para sakin na gawin ko yun.(for example: good morning texts or long messages or if he's not texting im not texting then ccomplain siya pag di niya natiis na bakit di ako ttext.. so on and so forth parang di na for me yung ganon na parang im too old for cute sweet text messages na)

Should i still give this a try or mali lang talaga na pumasok ako sa relationship na to?(ive been single for 2 years and ngayon lang ulit, i told him na nangangapa pa ko ulit kung ano feeling ng ganito kasi di ko na alam maghandle)

[redhead69]

Update: We talked about this just now and told me that he respects my time and space (work/personal). He told me that he's willing to work things out between us even though matigas ulo ko at times. He told me na even if hindi ako handa he's going to wait and understand me (he's not talking about breaking up though, gusto niya talaga i work things between us). Maybe ako talaga ang naiilang about us, what should i do? Totoo bang in time mawawala rin yung ganitong feeling na gusto niyo makita isa't isa everyday? I'm just worried what if kami talaga in the end, natatakot ako magsawa siya sa akin? What to do?

[ri-anne]

You don't have to be in a relationship with him kung talagang hindi ka pa ready.
Kung talagang mahal ka nya he will respect your decision at hindi mamimilit.
Kung maghinhintay sya, edi maghintay sya.

[Raserei]

I totally feel you TS. nung bago pa lang kami ni bf, andami ko rin doubts na ganyan. Ansarap ng pakiramdam na inaalagaan ka pero at the same time eh nagda-doubt ka na baka sa ngayon lang yun. Lagi kong sinasabi sa kanya na wag nya akong sanayin sa mga bagay dahil baka pagawayan namin pag hindi na nya gawin after a few months/years together. Naiinis din ako pag medyo clingy sya sa text..."hmp di ka nagtext nasa bahay ka na pala..kelangan ko pa tanungin" or "ganyan ka naman, hindi mo naiisip na nagaalala ako sayo". Iniisip ko nun, I'm too old for this kind of drama. Na I don't wanna waste my time investing in this kind of relationship kung alam ko naman na eventually eh maghihiwalay din kami because of foreseen reasons.

Analyzing things, naisip ko kaya siguro masyado akong nagoverthink about our budding relationship ay dahil din sa last relationship ko. sa previous kase, ako yung nasa shoes ng bf ko, ako nagpapasensya, ako nageeffort, ako nagbibigay. Kaya hindi ako sanay na ako binibigyan (ng sobra sobra and more than what I think I deserved), ako ang hinahanapan na magtext, ako ang pinageeffortan.

The bf told me to stop thinking and just go with the flow. Kung gusto nya ako makasama hayaan ko lang daw sya. Kung feel ko daw na magtext sa kanya before sa kanya, do so. Don't hold back. True enough, his patience towards my inhibitions paid off and I could not be happier. 

[akosimaiatot]

just my 2 cents : Men are very persuasive in the beginning most especially during the courting stage , He will make time give gifts etc etc but time will come na mababawasan din yang mga ganyan kaya kung ako sayo enjoy it while it last

[ri-anne]

^lol...that's somewhat true. That's because guys like the thrill of the chase. Pag feeling nila wala ng challenge dun sila nagsstart magbago. Pero not all guys are like that naman at depende kung gano nila talaga kagusto yung girl.
Usually nagsstart magbago ang guy pag maagang bumibigay si babae, at hindi pa malalim enough ang relationship...

[Girltalker2]

just my 2 cents : Men and very persuasive in the beginning most especially during the courting stage , He will make time give gifts etc etc but time will come na mababawasan din yang mga ganyan kaya kung ako sayo enjoy it while it last

TS, prefer mo ba ganyang lalaki? Masigasig lang sa umpisa? If you don't like it, then just remain friends.

Make sure you meet other people. Kahit naka move on ka na from your ex, natural lang maghanap ng partner na BETTER than your ex. Kaya mo nga iniwan yung relationship because something wasn't right, Tapos imbes mag upgrade ka, nagdowngrade ka pa. Kung may hinahanap ka sa ideal guy mo na wala dyan sa lalaki na iyan, Tapos na t-turn off ka at lagi kang naiirita, considering Ilan weeks Lang kayo, better drop him. Hanap ka ng mas better.

[redhead69]

I guess this feeling is normal, Yung pagiging cautious and alert on what's going to happen next. I might over think too much pero gaya ng sabi ni Girltalker2 ayoko lang mag downgrade. We all deserve a better/best next (sa mga nakipagbreak/on process sa pag move on) na gusto ko maging best girlfriend for him and gusto ko siya rin. I discussed him about going out always, maybe you guys are right. As long as andon pa yung kilig factor and yung gustong gusto mo makita siya, just go with the flow.

Sa pag oover think ko naman : Pag palagi ko siya kasama iniisip ko kung ano sasabihin ng parents niya bakit wala siya palagi the whole day? Baka isipin nila inaagaw ko siya? (I visit his parents naman, pero iniiwasan ko mag overnight or mag stay ng late sa house nila dahil ayokong may sabihin parents niya) Iniisip ko rin na siguro best eto na i have all his time (he's even thinking on putting up a business na lang kesa daw mag work siya para may time siya sa akin and sa family niya.)


Pero nasa sa akin pa rin yung nagpapakipot konti, nagpapamiss and nagpapahabol. Baka pag ginawa ko naman to iwan niya ko. Tigas ng ulo ko no? Sorry.

[simang]

Sa pag oover think ko naman : Pag palagi ko siya kasama iniisip ko kung ano sasabihin ng parents niya bakit wala siya palagi the whole day? Baka isipin nila inaagaw ko siya? (I visit his parents naman, pero iniiwasan ko mag overnight or mag stay ng late sa house nila dahil ayokong may sabihin parents niya) Iniisip ko rin na siguro best eto na i have all his time (he's even thinking on putting up a business na lang kesa daw mag work siya para may time siya sa akin and sa family niya.)

Girl, you're thinking of a problem that's not even there (at least not yet). I may sound very selfish here, but if he makes you genuinely happy, then f*ck the police. Para sa akin kasi the only way to really "be in a relationship" and enjoy it is to completely let go of all the doubts. Be in the moment and let go of the what ifs. You're missing the fun eh. But of course, you can enjoy lang being with this guy if alam mo what you want for yourself. If you want more time to go out on your own or be with your friends and this guy isn't giving you that, then that might be an issue.

If you have your own life/ own things to do, you can easily tell him you have some stuff to do but can meet him tomorrow instead.

THIS too. Remember this. Baka kasi wala ka din masyado pinagkakaabalahan kaya ending sya na rin lagi mong kasama? Kasi if you have your own stuff going, it will be easy to make him understand na you can't be together ALL the time. Pero syempre, mahirap yan kung ginagawa mo lang yang excuse para magpakipot. Kung nagiimbento ka lang ng schedule mo para mamiss ka nya.

[redhead69]

Maybe you're right, maybe wala pa kasi ako pinagkakaabalahan ngayon. Kakastart lang ng classes maybe ngayon ko pa makikita kung may mga changes. I'm just too afraid na pag binigay ko ulit lahat i might got hurt ulit. Pero this time ttry ko na di pigilan sarili ko.

[baliwsayo]

Be careful with your thoughts sis. Kung ano iniisip natin, yun ang nangyayari eh. So don't dwell on negative thoughts. Just take your time and enjoy his company. Wag mo na lang sagutin agad. Dun mo kasi mage-gauge kung seryoso siya talaga, he will wait. Just tell him you're not ready yet but you do enjoy his company.

[purple.strawberry]

Same thing happened to me sis. Di naging kami eventually. Super pursigido naman si kuya but I felt na clingy na siya. One week pa lang kaming magkakilala sumama na siya in one of my out-of-town trips, na medyo pinagsisihan kong pumayag ako. Parang ang feeling ko nga e masyado kami madalas magkatext and magkasama, like things were moving too fast and I wan't them to slow down, enjoy getting to know each other lang. Also had a lot of questions and doubts about him. What if ganito ganyan, and there were things about him that irked me kahit na he was really pursuing me actively.

After several weeks met someone na enjoy akong kausap/kasama and di ako nag-ooverthink. Dun ko narealize maybe the guy just really isn't the one e kasi di ako at peace, yun nga lang kasi I wanted to give him a chance kasi parang wala namang concrete na mali akong maituro. Anyway I dumped the guy and itong bago yung naging boyfriend ko.

[simang]

^feel ko you're conclusion na maybe he's just not the one is legit. Kasi if you're with the right person, walang doubts dapat. Hindi ka praning, and everything is organic and spontaneous.

Share ko lang, kasi my partner and i, ganyan din kami nung nagkakilala kami. Everythinf went fast. Nagkakilala kami, it almost was an instant attraction. Out of town with my friends after a week, then the next week he slept over, may i love you na from him 2 weeks into dating. It was fast, nafeel ko yun, but I never worried. Kasi it felt like the best kind of fast. Inenjoy ko lang what we have, and how he treats me, and everything else followed. A year into dating he proposed and we're getting married in 4 months, which is 2 yrs and 9 months after namin magkakilala.