Dealing with Parents: Mood Swings

[remilicious]

Hi! Are you also dealing with your parents who gets angry or irritated easily? My mom is in her senior years and I noticed how her mood swings is now more often compared to when she was younger. She's 65 and retired from work. It started only this year when she easily snaps or becomes irritated for no major reason.

I'm an only child and it's just the two of us living together. Before I'm already used to her temper (which also runs in the family hahaha!) but it was tolerable and it wasn't that bad. But lately it seems to be becoming worse and it's bothering me for months now. It feels heavy because I don't know how to properly deal with it. I feel like I have to walk on egg shells just to make sure she doesn't suddenly have of those episodes. I feel scared to tell you the truth because she can be pretty scary when she gets mad.

For example, I come home tired from work then when I ask her about simple things, she gets annoyed at me easily. Sometimes if I do a housework and I ask her something about it she snaps at me or if I wasn't to do a certain errand and promised her to do it the next morning she gets angry at me even if I wake up early to buy for her, she will tell me not to anymore because it's already late (when in fact it's only 7am and the  stores aren't even open yet). There are times when I just woke up and scolds me all of a sudden.

I guess the worst was when I came home from an event I organized and the table I borrowed from her wasn't properly folded. She was putting it back to storage and I told her I'll help her. But she refused and when she couldn't put it back easily since there are other things inside, she suddenly threw it loudly beside her. I was surprised because it was so random and sudden! I ended up crying in my room (I didn't want her to see).

I usually cry after her episodes because I feel frustrated. Whenever I try to talk to her before about it, she refuses to admit it and says she's not. The weird thing is after these scenarios, she reverts back to being cool, calm and collected.

I talked to another friend of mine with parents who are in their senior years and she said it's normal. She said that talking to them and maybe they have problems they couldn't say or they feel confined in their daily activities since they're retired can be the causes. She also said that whenever her parents does that, she just ignores instead of adding more to the fuel by answering back.

I don't answer back or argue also with her because I don't want to amplify the situation. I don't reply anymore afterwards and continue to do what I was doing or leave the room instead. 

I hope you guys can help me because it's getting harder and harder everyday. I keep thinking maybe this is the start of how older people becomes as they aged so perhaps God wants me to already learn how to deal with it since once they hit their 70s or 80s it's going to be even tougher. I don't know if that's right since it's just what I observed when my grandparents were alive. My patience isn't my strongest suit and perhaps this is what I need to practice. But then sigh when you're the only one dealing with a parent, it's easily said than done.

[evilwoman]

^maybe your mom needs a hobby.zumba, ballroom dancing, bingo?wala ba kayong relative na kaclose nya?baka pwede sya dalawin at yayain sa mga activities.naiinip na siguro sa bahay plus hormones...

[ikaela]

This was exactly my mom about 10 years ago. My solution to it was to move out. Well, it wasn't THE reason why I moved out, but it was part of it.

Now that it's just her in the house, she asked me to move back in. Though she's older, she's a lot more mellow and agreeable unlike what your friends said about how senior citizens act in old age. Maybe it's because my mom knows that no one will stay with her if she continues to be difficult to live with.

TS, is it possible for you to move out?

[quinone]

i do not know kung magiging comfortable ka sa isasagot ko sayo pero...i think you have to speak to her gently about it. before my lola died, i was thinking na sana yung mga bad behavior niya hindi nila (my parents and my lolo) tinolerate sa bahay, sana pinagsabihan nila siya kasi di ba habang tumatanda tayo it is better kung nagi-improve tayo and not the other way around? mostly nga sa mga elderly diba mas nagiging active sa church activities.

[red_yesha]

Ganun ata talaga karamihan ay nagkakamood swings kapag matanda na.
-habaan mo lang ang pasensya mo. Wag mong sabayan ang galit nya. Mahirap pero wala kang choice.
-Tama din na iinvolve mo sya sa iba't ibang activities para may pagkaabalahan sya, baka nabuburyo sya kaya ganyan.
-Isipin mo kung gaano mo sya kamahal, makakayanan mo yang mga pagbabago sa kanya

[aquacharly]

Talk to her, maybe she is not aware her fuse is short or that the way she speaks to you eh harsh.

It will help if you will get her interested in activities that bring her out of the house.  Encourage her to go out with friends. Or regularly bring her out, on weekends, to watch a movie or dine out, or go to the salon together.  Find ways for her to connect with the outside world. 

She may not be enjoying good health, her aches make her cranky.  Get her a massage. 

Or, she may be feeling unappreciated by you. She keeps house for you -- that's tiring.  Make it a point to show appreciation, konting lambing like pandering to her simple likes (books/magazines -- buy her a Kindle.  Movies? Get her a blue ray gadget.).

[Msfi]

When was her last medical check-up? Minsan kasi din nagiging masungit kasi may sakit na pala. 

[hazelbrown_eyes27]

Ay, ako din. Nawawalan din ako ng pasensya sa kanya.  Actually, pasensya ko is short din. Very short. I have Hypothyroidism.. And kasama sa character ko ang moodiness, and short temper. Ayun. Nagkakainisan kami. Yung mga simpleng bagay.. Nagkaka lechehan kami.  Iniinis ko siya, naiinis ako sa kanya, naiinis siya sa akin.  Pero, eversince hindi kami magkasundo. Di pa siya senior citizen.. Logic eh... Made in China na.

Parang kahapon lang, galing kaming Pioneer Center, nag grocery. 1-3 hours kami nandoon. Tapos, pinakuha na sa akin kotse. Pagdating sa bahay..

Mama: pupunta kang Pioneer? May pabibili ako.
Me: Po?
Mama- PUPUNTA KA BANG PIONEER? Dapat ba ganyan ang boses ko? Dapat pasigaw? Bakit di mo maintindihan?
Me: kasi po kagagaling lang natin doon sa Pioneer.. Natural, di na ako babalik doon, kauuwi lang natin.( dito, naiinis na ako sa kanya)


Kanina naman tinanong ko lang kung bakit kumuha sila ng mag nininong sa binyag na wala naman sa Pinas. Kasi pagkaka alam ko dapat present yung  ninong or ninang pag bibinyagan ang bata. NAGALIT!

'Mama- bakit ba kinwe kwestyon mo desisyon namin? Sa edad mong yan, curious ka pa rin?

Talaga namang nakakapang gigil siya kausap. Kaya para di ako ma stress sa kanya, di ko siya sinasama pag umaalis ako. Naiinis lang ako sa kanya. Tapos magtataka pa at di niya daw maintindihan bakit di ko siya gusto isama sa mga lakad ko. NATURAL! kaaya aya ba siya kasama? Mga little things, pinalalaki. Pero eversince ganyan siya. Mahilig mag drama at umarte. Kaya minsan di ko na alam if umaarte lang at nag dradrama or totoo na.

I dont want to have this kind of patience. Pero, baka hormonal eh. Iam sure, those with thyroid problems.. Maiintindihan nila yan. Madali kaming ma tick off.

Mom and Me.= Apocalypse/ Armageddon!

[lovely_carrot]

I think your mom has a lot of pent up emotions na posibleng di nya nailalabas or easily nasasabi sa iba thats why she ends up taking it out on you. Di din siguro madali sa kanya na nasa bahay nalang sya ngayon, maybe bored or lonely. When she's calm, try to talk to her. Not easy but its the only way na magkakaintindihan kayo. Try your best not to answer back kasi lalong lalaki ang gulo. I grew up with my grandparents so I kinda have a soft spot for seniors kahit na makulit at intindihin sila.

Isipin mo na lang na what she needs is understanding, a lot of patience and love. It might help if magkakaron kayo ng bonding time once a week or twice a month. Make her feel that she is loved.

[hazelbrown_eyes27]

^ sis, it didnt work. I tried. Ganun talaga kami. Para kaming 2 bato na pinagkiskis.. Nag crecreate ng fire. Parang for her dapat laging iniintindi lang siya, pero siya.. Ayaw umintindi. Tigas ng ulo. Hindi talaga ako natutuwa kasama si mama. Kung ako lang si Drew Barrymore sa Fire starter.. Naka.. Ano na kaya nasunog ko.  Pero with Dad wala akong problem. Mas matanda Dad ko ah. As in mas matanda Dad ko than Mom. 40's Dad ko when he married Mom na 25 lang, pero mas sensible Dad ko.  Kung anong ikina sensible ni Dad, ganun ka nonsense Mom ko. Kainis! When my Dad died na 75 siya.. Super sensible pa rin.  Eversince mom ko.. Mapapakamot ka ng ulo pag kausap mo. Dadandruffin ka sa stress pag kausap siya. From THEN, till NOW. Walang pinagkaiba.

[remilicious]

Hi thanks for all the advices! Yes she has activities like sa church, going to dinner with friends, taking care of our pets at home, etc. Though siguro iba pa rin yung may work sya talaga like before since workaholic siya. She also travels sometimes. We're pretty close and siguro the fact na madalas kami magkasama kaya rin nagkakainisan. We talk about a lot of things pero yung feelings niya she's not as open as I am. True siguro talaga I have to be more patient since kami lang naman talaga dito. I love her so much but siguro di lang ako super sanay pa even if I also grew up with my grandparents noon na ganyan minsan. I mean di kasi ako yung directly na nakakaexperience since my mom was the one taking care of them most of the time while I was still in school and I got to spend more time with them more pag weekends or at night. Advice ko sa ating dalawa is to really pray that we get to have a lot of patience because in the long run they're still our parents. Moving out? Sometimes I think about it but I feel like it's not the solution as of now since I don't want to leave her alone. Thanks again for the advices! Sometimes nakakatulong talaga magunload dito and to know other people's perspectives in life.

[candacena]

yung parents ko din madaling uminit ang ulo. si papa at mama pa siguro dahil stressed sa business namin. silang dalawa kasi nag luluto at nagaasikaso ng ibang gawain sa kainan.. minsan iniisip ko kung ako ba ang may kasalanan bakit sila ganun. may nagawa ba ko sa kanila iniisip ko kung ayaw na ba nila sakin. minsan wala kang ginagawa bigla ka ng papansinin o bakit ka ganyan? Iniisip ko nag cacare sila pero iba yung pag kaka sabi eh. gusto ko na nga umalis kaso san naman ako pupunta. wala kasi ako work. natulong lang ako dito sa kainan namin. minsan pa pag kinausap ko hindi ako papansinin. tapos nung isang araw lang nag confess sakin. sabi nya ang hirap ko daw pakibagayan. pag tinanong daw ako nainit ang ulo. hindi naman eh. sinusunod ko naman mga utos nila. kahit sabay pa sila nag uutos, hay hirap.

medyo gumaan din loob ko nung nabasa ko to. kasi hindi naman ako sinisigawan madalas. pag lang gumastos ako, mahilig lang talaga sila mangutos tapos minsan walang care. tapos di ka pa pwedeng sumagot kasi ikaw magmumuka masama. gusto ko na nga umiyak minsan nag pray ako ng madaming madami pang pasensya para sa kanila.