Problems you encounter while preparing for your wedding (Part 7)

[sparklingjewel]

Me too ( My fiancé is Filipino-Chinese they're really into traditional Chinese wedding which for me is not applicable because I'm not Chinese. But I need to respect and conform. I said no to Ting Hun but I think the family is taking it against me because I want a small and intimate wedding.

Oh no Sad to hear this because I know how it is. Even Chinoys can be very traditional esp the elders, and yes mabilis ma-frown upon if they come to know na may nawawala sa traditions including tinghun.
I have known a few pure Chinese guys who wanted to marry Pinoy girls and were able to, but only because the girls agreed to be subject to tradition--in short nagka tinghun padin and grand wedding (800++ pax) which the husband's family will pay for anyway. Sa Chinese, hindi pa talaga kayo officially engaged until you have your tinghun. Its not the engagement ring that pronounces it, but the tinghun ceremony. Madami pang iba..dowries, ceremonyas and all. Impt din sa Chinese na madaming guests kasi pati business partners ng parents dapat invited, kahit di mo kilala. They just have a very different way of thinking kaya everything sounds weird and kakainis us. But do try to estimate the implications of not following. Baka sumama relationship mo sa family nya. Also you as a couple should talk about how to go about it together, kung ano kaya icompromise, ano hinde. Goodluck sis.

[j.adore]

Sakura, Family dynamics vary from one another. My husband also went through that phase.

My family showed more love to him and welcoming him etc. Yung di ma bigay ng family niya, they tried to give.

I was also very supportive. Trying to cheer him up and telling him it'll be ok. It did nga wedding went smoothly and his family did their part. Ok na din ngayon.

I think it's just the phase of acceptance. Lalo na you said he provides for them. Baka they think no more financial support ganon.

[karenmaechua]

hi sis! Have you talked to your husband about it? What did he say? Big deal kasi talaga sa Chinese ang traditions especially sa elders and usually ang mga newer generation, sumusunod lang out of respect.

Me too ( My fiancé is Filipino-Chinese they're really into traditional Chinese wedding which for me is not applicable because I'm not Chinese. But I need to respect and conform. I said no to Ting Hun but I think the family is taking it against me because I want a small and intimate wedding.

[sakura30]

^ You're right, family dynamics vary. We're lucky that our families can provide the enthusiasm that our partners' family can't. Hindi ko lang naimagine na may ganun palang family, alam mo yun.

We didn't think about the no more financial support angle. Pero baka part din yun. Although nagbibigay lang talaga siya sa mom niya.

We'll just keep on praying that everything will turn out well.

[msdianne]

Thank you for the advices GT angels....

Right now. Medyo magulo na nga kasi I don't want to follow Chinoy tradition. And yes they're all taking it against me. But above all else I'll be shouldering the expense for the wedding that I want naman wala na siguro sila masasabi. Si fiancé wants it small too because I want it like that but family wants their tradition siguro if they insists separate reception for them and gastos nila.

Im firm that I really want a small and intimate one. I'm ready naman na sa masasabi nila

[Purple_Power]

Mga Sis!

Pwedeng parant?
Our wedding preps were all in secret. Ayos na lahat so finally sinabi na namin sa relatives and family namin. Sa family ko okay naman excited sil and they respected kung anong klaseng wedding gusto namin.

Nababadtrip ako sa isa kong tita. Limited lang kase invited kong relatives, parang representative na lang per family. So etong tita ko, 2 seats ang allotted for her and one member of her family.

When I told her about the limited guests, ang sabi ba naman siguraduhin ko daw na walang magtatampo. At bakit daw limited ang guests ko. Kung pera daw ang problem, pwede naman gawan ng paraan.

Nainis ako kase instead na icongratulate muna kami o kaya magoffer ng help, yung limited guest ang napansin. Sabi ko almost doble ang guest ko sa h2b ko. Ayoko ng dagdagan kase ayokong maoverwhelm yung side ni h2b.

Kinompara niya yung wedding ng cousin ko. Sabi niya yung sa cousin ko nga daw triple ang guests para mainvite lang lahat.

Alam kong mababaw pero nainis ko, sabi ko na lang, yun na po ang plan namin. Set na lahat. At hindi ko naman kaclose lahat ng kamag- anak natin. Sagot niya, ah ganun ba. Tapos nagoffline. (sa FB chat lang kame nagusap)

Hay, kainis diba? Yun lang mga Sis. Happy preps!

  Taas kilay ko rito ah! Kung ako nga mababastusan ako sa sinabi niya eh! Kasi garapal na eh! Honestly I find it intrimitida already to think she is just Tita not even your mom. Kung pera lang ang kailangan nagagawan ng paraan? Sana nga madali lang gumawa ng paraan at napipitas lang sa puno ang pera para buong angkan kayang invite. Ako nga eh naka experience ako sa mga 2nd cousins ko na hindi ako invited kahit pa nga bro ko invited noon but I didn't give any fuss about it kasi understood naman kung bakit. Buti na nga lang now I am preparing a party too, hindi nakikialam masyado mom ko lalo na kung sino invited. Ni hindi pa nga niya ineexpect na invinvite ko Tito namin na kapatid niya na buong akala niya hindi ko iimbitahan. Nalaman pa sa iba ng mom ko na we are already planning event na.

Honestly wala na dapat pakialam ang tita mo kung sino ang gusto mong invite. Hindi rin maiiwasan na may magtatampo talaga, nangyayari yun. Pero in the end they should understand. Stick to your plans at hindi mo na dapat iniintindi ang Tita mo. Ako nga eh I have other relatives na can't invite due to budget issue too and meron talaga ayaw ko at all. Kaya may plans kami na we are very silent about it.

[sakura30]

Sis Purple_Power, oo nainis din talaga ko sa response niya kaya nagrant tuloy ako sa GT. Hindi ko na rin sinabi sa parents ko yung response niya kase baka lumaki pa yung issue. At agree din ako sa pera na hindi napupulot. Akala kase minsan ng ibang guest e pinaluto lang ang pagkain. Hindi naman na ganun ngayon ang weddings. May bayad per head.

Ni-ready na namin ni h2b kung may magtatampo man. Although sa totoo lang di ko maintindihan yung mga uninvited na magtatampo eh hindi namin kami close. Kahit di rin nila ako invited sa wedding nila, okay naman sakin. we'll just go ahead with our plans na nga. It's our wedding namin.

Thanks for the sympathies Sis!

[msdianne]

Brush it off my dear... Kaya natin to. Basta it's our day. What's important is the people closest to you both are there to witness your big day

[120515]

^ true, in one ear out the other, sissies! ^

i only received one negative so far, which is from my aunt and that's to send out a compulsory invitation to our family matriarch because she'll give us a nice gift...wahahahaha! so i ignored her comment.

[Maxim04]

^sis tama ba?? Compulsory? Yaiks! Hahaha. Wala naman ako masabi!! 
she thinks you are only after the material gift?! No way! Dun na ko sa very good friend ko mag iimbita,  kahit walang regalo!! tee hee!

[120515]

yup, it's really compulsory in our family. i was really planning to send her an invitation out of respect even though i know she will not make the trip home just for my wedding. but the insinuation that we only invite people for the gifts was pretty insulting, i had to take a day or two to calm down and then construct a respectful reply to my aunt explaining we're not even expecting gifts from the guests (which we have included in the invitation) because they'll already be spending a lot just to attend - my wedding will be in my province. oh well! such is the life of a bride

[sparklingjewel]

msdianne Just take a deep breath and evaluate the situation... kailangan din mag ingat sa mga ganyan. The traditions may not be applicable to you but they are to your husband-to-be. And for the Chinese, you are the one marrying into the family kaya usually pinay brides get absorbed to the culture.
My mom attended a wedding wherein medyo nagrebelde din yung non-Chinese bride during preps and didn't want to consider what the guy's family wanted... ayun come wedding day,nagkagulo. Although the groom's family still gave the dowries (millions daw in jewelries) as aligned with their tradition, the family of the bride didn't want to follow tradition na ididisplay yun and instead wanted to keep it all na agad... so the entire side of the groom got really offended na parang ang mukhang pera talaga nila and didnt even attend the reception. The couple was very sad with how things turned out pero i think to an extent they should have been more 'respectful' and maingat esp knowing na nga na may expectations yung family ng groom. The elders should have been managed better, sana compromise manlang. Umpisa palang yun, may post-wedding pa diba, so dont burn bridges.

[shygirlme]

yup, it's really compulsory in our family. i was really planning to send her an invitation out of respect even though i know she will not make the trip home just for my wedding. but the insinuation that we only invite people for the gifts was pretty insulting, i had to take a day or two to calm down and then construct a respectful reply to my aunt explaining we're not even expecting gifts from the guests (which we have included in the invitation) because they'll already be spending a lot just to attend - my wedding will be in my province. oh well! such is the life of a bride

sis super agree with what you did. buti pinakalma mo muna sarili mo before you talked to your aunt. my husband and I gusto talaga namin na ang wedding is for us not for the money or gifts na marereceive namin. hindi nga kami nag expect na malaki matatanggap namin monetary fund and lagi ko sinasabi sa friends ko pumunta lang sila ok na kasi effort din na magbihis sila at gumastos sa transpo for us. kaya touched ako sa mga nag abala pa ng gifts. my MOH and his bf gave us a gift kahit sabi namin kay MOH yung gown and make up nalang gift nya for us.

[j.adore]

I agree and advise you to tread carefully. May kilala ako the wedding got cancelled specifically because of not seeing eye to eye on wedding preps and also on ting hun. Groom side is Chinese then non Chinese yung bride side.

They were also labeled as mukhang pera then non Chinese marriages were banned in the clan.

[tan.denise54]

Wow ha! Yan ang masasabi ko kung sakin sinabi yan sis. Hahaha!

i only received one negative so far, which is from my aunt and that's to send out a compulsory invitation to our family matriarch because she'll give us a nice gift...wahahahaha! so i ignored her comment.

[120515]

shygirlme, true, just the effort guests put in to attend the wedding is already a gift in and of itself

tan.denise54, LOL  i just reminded myself that she didn't mean to be insulting. this aunt of mine is very sensitive about clan dynamics.

[sparklingjewel]

I agree and advise you to tread carefully. May kilala ako the wedding got cancelled specifically because of not seeing eye to eye on wedding preps and also on ting hun. Groom side is Chinese then non Chinese yung bride side.

They were also labeled as mukhang pera then non Chinese marriages were banned in the clan.

Yikes. Big issue talaga yung non-alignment sa mga Chinese families thats why they prefer to marry their own. Para walang kontra hehe preserving of culture is really important. It's also about protecting the family wealth of course, but it is primarily preservation of the culture, values, and traditions and how well you absorb it that matters. Of course in this day and age it cannot be helped that the young ones take a liking for Pinoys nadin kaya there are families who will allow pero usually they expect the bride to be 'absorbed' and be one of them.

[kateguerzon08]

hi mga sis! pano naman ang kaya ang mga relatives from province na after reception ay nanghihingi ng foods, or worse is bigla na lang magbabalot ng mga foods even without permission? ano kayang pwedeng gawin or sabihin? i remember nun wedding ng pinsan ko, there's this one aunt of ours na sabi nila nakita na lang nilang nagbabalot na ng mga foods, contest nga daw sila nun isa pa niyang aunt (from her father's side), then may dumating na isang guest which is boss nun husband ng pinsan ko, namroblema sila kase wala ng mai-serve na food so they ordered a plated meal..sabi ko nga naku mukang need ko pabantayan ang buffet table after the reception..kay coord and waiters ko ba to sasabihin? or beforehand kailangan ko na sabihin na sana avoid packing of foods kahit na tapos na ang reception? kase pano naman ang mga hahabol pa na dumating, or pwede din na food namen sa hotel di ba? 

[corpse_bride]

^ siguro sis ibilin mo nalang sa catering staff na wag silang bigyan ng take away containers. Pero kung may dala silang lalagyan (which is nakakaloka) papigilan nAlang sa catering staff & coords. Hope di naman mangyari sa wedding mo

[Purple_Power]

^^Inform the caterer staff na aside from pigilan na magbalot ask permission sa mga couples if they can take home the food. If they ask if they can take home, sabihin mo lang tingnan mo na ninyo kung may matetake home.