Something's Not Right

[jesusadusa]

Every year my youngest daughter and I would spend our summer vacation here in the Middle East where my husband is an OFW for seven years now.  Been married for almost thirty years.  This year I just felt that it would be nice if our profile picture in our facebook account would be the same, latest picture of us together.  Twice I asked, twice I sent pictures.  He would always have an excuse.  See, his profile and cover pics are with his late mother who passed away two years ago.  His first excuse was he wanted to honor his mother daw.  And his other siblings' profile pics are also with their mother daw.  Hmm, nagpalit na ng profile pic most of his siblings and I told him that.  At humirit pa na "bakit, yung mga kaibigan mo ba kasama asawa nila sa profile pic?"  Sorry na lang sya at most of the pictures of our married friends eh kasama asawa nila.

And all the pictures I tagged him, he never approved.  His last vacation in Manila was last January.  We went to Palawan and took lots of pictures.  Kumpleto ang pamilya, ang ganda gawing cover picture.  I did that, made the family pic my cover pic.   His excuse this time was he didn't want to flaunt daw.  People might think na nagyayabang daw sya.  The last pics he approved on his timeline was November of last year.  At heto are pictures of a birthday celebration ng anak ng one of his friends/co worker here.  The entire album ha, pictures galore!

So when I had chance to talk to him about this I told him that I feel like he doesn't want his friends to see me/his family on his timeline.  Kako kinakahiya mo ba kami?  Do you want them to think na we're no longer together?  Sagot nya eh why would he still post those pictures eh nakita naman na daw ng mga friends namin yun sa timeline ko.  I told him na some of his friends naman are not my friends.  Ano yun, ayaw nyang malaman ng friends nya na may pamilya't mga anak sya? 

I am leaving this Thursday, pasukan na nila bunso.  Tonight I tried to talk to him again about this.  Violent ending.  He deactivated his account.  May mahabang history itong pag aaway namin na ito.  Every summer na lang may malaking issue.  But the issue two years ago ang pinaka matindi.  Maybe that issue was unresolved kaya ganito ako ka praning. 

[may12]

I don't know, sis, pero praning din ako sa ganyan. Ganyan din kasi ginawa ng ex ko dati nung niloko niya alo. He never posted pictures of us. Sa pagkukuwento mo pa lang ng reasons niya, sumisikip dibdib ko. Masyado akong affected.

Siguro maiintindihan ko pa yung sap profile picture kasi mother niya yun. Pero yung di niya pag-accept ng tags at pag-refuse sa mga request mong pics, nakakapagtaka lang. At mas pinili niya pang mag-deactivate. :/

Pray na lang sis. Sana bigyan ka ng guidance ni God.

[Girltalker2]

I guess iba na talaga panahon ngayon. Facebook becomes an integral part of the couple's communication within the marriage and social life. Especially sa LDR.

Sabi nila iba kapag may 'kutob' ang wife. And TS, pag lumalabas kayo, kasama friends nya? Or pag may lakad sila, sinasama ka ba nya or your family? Natanong ko lang naman kasi baka tamad lang sya mag Fb like me. Ni wala nga ata akong inaccept na tag at di ko pa napalitan profile pic ko ever since I started the account.

Ultimate reklamo mo malamang is hindi kayo kasama sa social life ng asawa mo? Kanya kanya kayo ng na iniikutan, since LDR, point mo, ano ba naman yun kahit virtual man lang recognised ng friends nya na may family sya.

Now na LDR na ulit kayo, I guess there's nothing much you can do but just focus on yourself. If you have work, then focus ka career mo. Magpaganda ka, devote your time to kids, work and sa sarili mo kesa monitoring his Fb. Since ayaw nya, wala lang magagawa at lagi lang kayo mag aaway.

[super bratinella]

I agree na ang facebook na rin minsan ang basis kung proud ba ang partner mo sa iyo, ito na nga rin minsan ang ginagawa ng iba as their validation of their relationship, pero dapat sa totoong buhay hindi --- dapat actual at personal ang pagpapakita ng love since we are living in an era na social media parang tanggap na ito.

Sa case ng TS natin sa kalalakihan kasi napaka obvious nila minsan at isa ito sa kanilang mga signs not I am really saying na baka mas gusto niya mag mukhang binata sa tingin ng friends niya pero hiding is not their forte kaya we can easily read them, if you have the feeling then baka nga meron at kung walang facebook is to help na maayos kayo, mas ok na siguro ang ginawa ng hubby mo, but of course we were not born yesterday he can easily create a new account without you knowing.

[jesusadusa]

Sabi nila iba kapag may 'kutob' ang wife. And TS, pag lumalabas kayo, kasama friends nya? Or pag may lakad sila, sinasama ka ba nya or your family? Natanong ko lang naman kasi baka tamad lang sya mag Fb like me. Ni wala nga ata akong inaccept na tag at di ko pa napalitan profile pic ko ever since I started the account.

Now na LDR na ulit kayo, I guess there's nothing much you can do but just focus on yourself. If you have work, then focus ka career mo. Magpaganda ka, devote your time to kids, work and sa sarili mo kesa monitoring his Fb. Since ayaw nya, wala lang magagawa at lagi lang kayo mag aaway.

Nakakatawa nga nung minsan nasa mall kami.  He saw his officemate na Pinoy din.  Bumitaw sa akin at nilapitan si officemate.  Pagkatapos ng nila mag usap balik na sa akin.  Then another incident, sa mall din, he met the ex gf of his Pinoy officemate.  Konting chikahan sila tapos hiwalay na uli.  Weird lang kasi both instance di nya ako naisipang ipakilala dun sa mga na meet nya.  I brought that up nung pinag uusapan nga namin yung tungkol sa fb profile pic issue.  Kako talaga bang kinahihiya mo ako at bigla ka pang bumitaw sa pagkakahawak mo sa akin?

So anyway, medyo di ko pa talaga dinibdib yun.  Heto nasa fastfood ng mall nakaupo na kaming dalawa.  Lumapit ang isang officemate na naman nya, kasama ang wife.  Have never met them ha.  Kwentuhan uli sila sandali.  Nung nakaalis na si officemate sabi nya "ay hindi kita napakilala"  Nananadya na lang ba ito o talagang mahina social skills nya?

[jesusadusa]

I agree na ang facebook na rin minsan ang basis kung proud ba ang partner mo sa iyo, ito na nga rin minsan ang ginagawa ng iba as their validation of their relationship, pero dapat sa totoong buhay hindi --- dapat actual at personal ang pagpapakita ng love since we are living in an era na social media parang tanggap na ito.

Sa case ng TS natin sa kalalakihan kasi napaka obvious nila minsan at isa ito sa kanilang mga signs not I am really saying na baka mas gusto niya mag mukhang binata sa tingin ng friends niya pero hiding is not their forte kaya we can easily read them, if you have the feeling then baka nga meron at kung walang facebook is to help na maayos kayo, mas ok na siguro ang ginawa ng hubby mo, but of course we were not born yesterday he can easily create a new account without you knowing.

Alam nyo it really really hurts me to see profile pics na magkasama yung mag asawa tapos yung cover pic eh yung buong family pa nila or yung mga kids man lang.  Di nya talaga ma gets yung hurt na nararamdaman ko.   He keeps on saying na hayaan ko lang daw matapos yung 2nd death anniversary ng mother nya.  Madamot ba ako to ask him na maski profile pic man lang?  Di ko naman sinabi na pati cover pic nya eh palitan nya.

[jesusadusa]

Okay, a little history here.  Summer of 2012 I accidentally discovered private messages on his fb account.  He forgot to log out so parang pinag adya na lang siguro yun.  I saw offensive messages, he was chatting with his ex high school classmate.  The chat was summer of 2011 until December of that year.  My gosh, my SOC pa silang binabanggit.  Eh I traced it back, that time nandito rin kaming mag ina.  So ibig sabihin maski nandito pala ako eh he was still flirting with this woman.  At kamusta naman ang itsura nitong babaeng ito.  Mas mataba at losyang pa sa akin.  Panget. 

So I dug up more evidence.  Syempre screen capped all those I found.  Pati electronic SOA ng credit card nya inisa isa ko.  I found a Holiday Inn entry.  Nag check in.  Later during confrontation he said one of his officemates daw was getting married and stag party daw yun.  Credit card lang daw nya ginamit for that.  May niregalo daw silang babae. 

Heto pa dagdag ebidensya, I found pictures of him and another high school classmate who was on vacation here.  That was 2010.  Some pictures eh naka akbay pa sya kay babae.  The girl was here for less than a week.  Pero mukhang ilang araw nya pinapasyal.  He even took pictures and videos of this girl.  Eh ako nga ni hindi nya ma videohan when we had that Desert Safari tour!  Ang masaklap eh mas panget pa ito dun sa una kong na discover.  Seriously, I got more insulted with the fact that the women he was making patos were fat, ugly and losyang.  A friend commented nga na mukhang kumakain ng tao itong girl na ito!  Tapos one private message he said "you are more than a friend to me"  Kaloka sila ha!

I also found out na meron na naman syang pina utang na kaopisina.  Kesyo the guy daw was transferring to Qatar and the sweldo wasn't released yet.  Regarding the pautang issue, several times in the past this has already happened.  Ilang beses din syang di nabayaran.  One amount was more than P20k ha.  That time he couldn't even buy me a designer bag.  Isang Speedy na sana yun.

Fast forward:  Last year heto na naman, accidentally Western Union texted him.  It was the money he sent to his brother.  The daughter kasi was terminally ill.  What really irked me here was he did not even bother to tell me that he was sending money to his brother.  Ang hilig hilig magtago ng mga bagay bagay pagdating sa pera.  Well, hindi lang pala sa ka perahan.

I am so tired.  Minsan I wish na ma discover ko na lang na may kabit sya.  I am thinking kasi na if ever that happens I would have valid reason to leave him, to file for a legal separation.

Sorry, ranting was too long 

[Girltalker2]

^^ Yung friend na nag approach sa inyo with wife, pinakilala ba nya yung wife nya with your hubby? Baka hindi din.

^ sis, di ka ba napapagod sa pag monitor sa kanya?

May kabit man o wala, tingin ko if both are not happy with the marriage, reason to walk out is valid as it is your life and no one is answerable to how you want to live your life except you. Walang pumipigil sayo to walk out and find true happiness. Alangan naman lagi kayong ganyan na nagpapatintero with no resolution ever? Habang buhay kayo ganyan? That's Like living in purgatory.
Namomoblema ka sa kanya, Tapos sya naman, sa inaasta nya, parang namomoblema din sya sayo.

[AVIDGOLFER]

Naku kung sa akin yan na ganyan suggestion ng partner ko eh I'll be Proud to post family picture....sad to say still searching pa rin ako until now.

Pero may mga tao talagang hindi showy (correct me if I am wrong) at hindi lang talaga nila trip ang ganon or pwedeng meron "Others" LoL

[simpleemie]

Opinion lang about fb thing.. Ako kase Im not fond of posting our pics sa fb, most of the time me and my son lang ang profile pic ko. Cover photo ko usually mga quotes. LDR din pero no big deal naman. Siguro nga kase may pinaghuhugutan ka.

[jesusadusa]

he is in his 50s.  ewan ko ba kung bakit ang barkada nya eh yung mga bata, nasa 30s.  and ang mga pm nila puros kabastusan.  i think one of them eh nambababae talaga.  gusto ko na nga i grab yung mga pics at isumbong sa mga asawa nila.  kung may edad ka na dapat lang naman magpakatino ka na.  stay away from bad influences.  i know one of their barkada na ka edad nya eh humiwalay na sa kanila.  according to my husband this guy doesn't approve of the pambababae nung isa pang ka barkada nila.  why can't my husband be like him na straight at umiiwas na sa mga ganung klase ng tao?  maybe some people are really that way.  they find cheap thrills in doing those things maski makakasakit sa asawa nila.

[lovely_carrot]

Something is definitely not right sis. In my experience naman, Friendster days pa. Former partner puts my mails in trash, also no pics kami mag-ina sa page nya. Turned out the kulasisi was making pakialam to his Friendster account.

I'm not saying your husband's case is the same pero there is similarity. If a man is proud of his wife and kids, it will show, and you will feel it.

If you strongly feel na may iba, look for other 'clues'.

[jesusadusa]

Something is definitely not right sis. In my experience naman, Friendster days pa. Former partner puts my mails in trash, also no pics kami mag-ina sa page nya. Turned out the kulasisi was making pakialam to his Friendster account.

I'm not saying your husband's case is the same pero there is similarity. If a man is proud of his wife and kids, it will show, and you will feel it.

If you strongly feel na may iba, look for other 'clues'.

Yung nangyari two years ago, me finding out those lewd private messages with his ex high school classmate was purely accidental.  After that I really became praning na.  Talagang parang finding puzzle pieces ang putting them together.  Ang dami dami ko tuloy na diskubre. 

[yannuh]

I am leaving this Thursday, pasukan na nila bunso.  Tonight I tried to talk to him again about this.  Violent ending.  He deactivated his account.  May mahabang history itong pag aaway namin na ito.  Every summer na lang may malaking issue.  But the issue two years ago ang pinaka matindi.  Maybe that issue was unresolved kaya ganito ako ka praning. 

super super weird nyan sis. i think something's fishy kasi hindi sya big deal pero parang pinapalaki ni hubby mo. haii. need mo talaga syang kausapin and sya naman, maging honest sayo.

[Girltalker2]

Yung nangyari two years ago, me finding out those lewd private messages with his ex high school classmate was purely accidental.  After that I really became praning na.  Talagang parang finding puzzle pieces ang putting them together.  Ang dami dami ko tuloy na diskubre.

Pero TS, how long do you want to investigate, and always cling on to him, stalk his internet activities, etc?

Kung ayaw nya mag share sayo ng info and maintains a separate life abroad/in the internet, what can a wife do? Parang ang hirap kasi ng situation mo and best talaga to plan what your next move will be, how to have a more meaningful life rather than magbantay ng hubby.

[chinkywinky]

If your evidences are not enough, look for more. Don't show him that you're doubting him too much, tendency is for him to be more careful. Observe mo yung text messages and calls sa phone nya. I know it's not appropriate but times like that, be more aware on what's happening. Mahuhuli at mahuhuli mo yan 

[three8one]

if there is a scenario na accidentally makaka meet uli kayo ng friends nya try mo unahan husband mo pakilala mo sarili mo as your husbands wife. then observe mo ano magiging reaction ng both.

i think si husband when he was with his friends may mga negative na naishishare sya sa kanila about your relationship or maybe sayo. kaya by that time na nakakamit kayo ng one of his friends worried si husband mo na baka madulas yung friend nya.

definitely sis, kung mag bibase ko sa kwento mo lumalabas na kinakahiya ka ng husband mo sa mga friends nya. siguro kailangan mo pa ipagdikdikan sa husband mo yung concern mo sa kanya para marealize nya.


 

[princessrio]

30 years married and yet, it seems to me (based lang sa nabasa ko dito sa post mo sa thread na ito) eh parang hindi mo kilala ang husband mo. 

[j.adore]

TS, I think the concern on being proud of the family via FB/friends is just a side-effect of all the other problems.. You don't need to wait for something drastic like magkaroon ng kabit to address the issues.

Mahirap lang diyan eh parang matagal na yung mga problema tama ba? Mukhang naging habit na ng husband mo..

[jesusadusa]

If your evidences are not enough, look for more. Don't show him that you're doubting him too much, tendency is for him to be more careful. Observe mo yung text messages and calls sa phone nya. I know it's not appropriate but times like that, be more aware on what's happening. Mahuhuli at mahuhuli mo yan 

am back in Manila.  I told my daughter na naiwan dun with him na check na lang nya pa minsan minsan yung history sa laptop.  nag report na si daughter and she said history was erased na in the laptop.  so natuto na magbura ng history ang loko.