My life's tragedy: being a mom of 3 angels

[ejxtwo]

Last year was the worst year for me - I found out that I’m just my ex-husband’s second wife, my 13-year old daughter decided to take away her own life, and I lost my newborn baby. Some of the members here already know what I’ve been through.

For the past few months, I became really happy and contented with my life. I have my other son with me, I’m free from my ex-husband, I have a stable job, and I met someone who made me feel loved and cherished. But just when I thought that everything’s falling into place, my life became worse more than I could ever imagine. Meron pa pa lang mas sasakit pa sa mga nangyari sakin for the past year.

My 11-month old son Ezekiel would have turned one today (June 8, 2015), as well as his twin brother that we lost last year. But last May 20, 2015, my baby Kiel joined his twin brother Kito and ate Mikee in heaven. He died because of his in-born heart disease. Akala ko magiging okay na siya, he was really a happy baby, always smiling and he giggles a lot. But one day, bigla nalang siyang kinuha sa amin. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin matanggap. I blame myself every single day for what happened to my kids. Ano bang nagawa ko to deserve this? I just wanted a happy and simple life. Ayun lang naman talaga yung gusto ko. Few days after we lost Kiel, I attempted suicide but unfortunately, I’m still here. Back to zero. I’m left with nothing.

I’m sorry for sharing this tragic story of mine, GTs. Alam ko somehow sawang-sawa na rin kayo sa dilemmas ko but please bear with me. Gusto ko lang talagang malabas lahat and may makausap. Since the libing, hindi pa ako ulit nakakalabas ng bahay, parang wala na kasi akong mukhang ihaharap sa lahat. I just want to be with my kids. Sobrang sakit, hindi ko ma-explain yung sakit. I’m really sorry. 

[tamarind26]

Hi sis. Your life story is so heart wrenching. Please don't take your life away. A support group might help you, are your parents and siblings still living?

[bagaholic_chewy]

Sis, i have no words... i just want to give you a big, warm (virtual) hug... please stay strong...

[angelholics]

hi sis, everything happens for a reason. i may not know how painful and hurt you are in to right now but be assured that God is watching over us.

in your quiet moments, pray. ask strength and guidance.
I suggest to try to see it in a positive way. what positivity will this event will bring you.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Prov. 3:5&6

[120515]

ejxtwo, i can't say much but i would like to remind you that there are so many people who love you and care for you. your life is important, too!
hugs to you. please stay strong!

[ejxtwo]

Thank you for the sympathy and prayers. God bless you all.

Hi sis. Your life story is so heart wrenching. Please don't take your life away. A support group might help you, are your parents and siblings still living?

I'm living with my mother right now, even before nung naghiwalay kami ng ex-husband ko. Every weekend nandito rin brothers ko with their families, pero parang hindi ko pa rin kaya na makita sila with their kids. Especially yung two nephews ko same age with my kids. Can't help but to be inggit talaga. Sobrang sakit.

[cruxito]

sis pasensya ka na hindi ako magaling mag advise and hindi ako magaling sa ganitong sitwasyon... nabasa ko last time yung thread mo... and your updated story sa thread na to and talagang nalungkot ako...

nalungkot ako kasi nag tangka ka mag suicide.. i don't know para saan yun? you told us na you are a mom of 3 angels... sana wag mo biguin ang 3 angels mo... sino mag aalaga sa memories ng 3 angels mo if mawala ka?

stand up sis, start your life and pasayahin mo sila sa heaven...
God has a plan for all of us...

I hope update mo kami lagi sis andito lang kami for you... 

[angeleigh]

I want to hug you now!!!! Please dont attempt to take away your life again sis. Your 3 angels are watching over you and im sure lungkot na lungkot sila sa nangyayari sayo now. Be strong sis, always believe that God is good. Ang hirap makita niyan at mafeel niyan now, but keep your faith. He has grand plans for you, just hold on.

[chelgeneroso]

Sis ejxtwo, grieve, iiyak mo lang lahat. nasa madilim na tunnel ka ngayon. Sana huwag mawala ang faith mo kay God, keep praying for guidance. Stay strong.

If God Brings You To It, He will Bring you Through It.

[red_yesha]

Nabasa ko na dati yung post mo TS, nakakadurog ng puso, tapos lalo na ngayon.Akala ko patuloy na ang kasiyahan mo
Please wag mo na sanang ulitin na tapusin ang iyong buhay. Tatagan mo ang loob mo.Balang araw sasaya kang muli. Magtiwala ka lang. Kaya mo yan.
*hugs*

[ceejhei]

i can't say anything too.. HUGS lang sis. super tight hug talaga. and yes pray, minsan when i feel like i can't take it no more, nagpupunta ako ng church dun ako umiiyak. then pag labas mo you will feel energize. PRAY PRAY PRAY.

[ejxtwo]

Thank you everyone. Honestly right now, I'm losing hope and faith already. But I don't blame God for what happened, feeling ko pa rin ako yung may kasalanan that's why He decided to take my children from me this early. I'm considering to join a support group one day, kapag ready na talaga ako makipag-mingle. Ngayon I'm contented with my support system, my mom and partner.  Last Sunday pinakausap din ako ng mom ko sa friend niyang priest, medyo comfortable ako sa kanya. I miss my kids so much.

[Beng01]

hi sis ejxtwo, nasundan kita sa other thread mo, i thought being the husbands 2nd family is already a tragedy of your life, I cannot say enough words because i know there are no words to say to ease your pain. Parang hindi mo alam sa part ng puso mo kung saan at alin ang masakit, na parang di ka makahinga. I want to hug you, my prayers are for you right now sis.

[ejxtwo]

^ Exactly sis. No words din to explain the kind of pain I'm feeling right now. I don't even know how to start and go on with my life, parang impossible na...

[Beng01]

True, no words enough to describe your pain... I have a little 7 month old daughter that I love and adore so much,,,

I can only think your 3 angels were lucky enough because you are their mother and I believe they are forever thankful for that because they felt your love and care even for the shortest time. It is just too early that they left, even if they loved you so much, and you ask your heart why did they leave,,,

Naiiyak ako for you sis, because I am reminded again here in life there is nothing so permanent. But a mother's love is eternal and permanent, just hold on to that feeling sis, that you love your children.

Im so sorry sis, parang I feel i just need to say something

[oyie]

stay strong sis. i know words are not enough to comfort you.
sending my warmest hug! God bless you!

[lovemeagain30]

Hindi mo na siguro ako naalala. We used to exchange posts before nung buntis ka palang sa twins mo. naalala ko pa na ikaw lang ang nagda drive nun kasi you're husband was out of the country. Then came a thread where you found out that you're hubby have first family and your eldest having trouble dealing with this then came the news na nanganak ka ng maaga and your other son died. nanganak na kasi din ako and became busy with life. Nagulat ako to read your recent post now. I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your kids. Life has been very tough on you. I hope you find comfort in knowing that this too shall pass. You live now because you have purpose. In time you will discover what is it. Hold on to the faith that things will get better. Pray to God for guidance.

[mrsonthego]

I'm so sorry ejxtwo, I don't know what to say. Kala ko malala na problem ko.

[quennna]

sis... binabasa ko pa lang thread title..
napasigaw ako ng.. oh no.. wag naman sana..

sis... kapit lang.. in time.. masaket man pero God has better plan for you..
may darating sa yong partner in life.. soon!
yang nawala sa iyo.. ibabalik din yan, polished version...

cyber hugs to you, sis...

 

[sugardrop]

But I don't blame God for what happened, feeling ko pa rin ako yung may kasalanan that's why He decided to take my children from me this early.

Start healing by forgiving yourself for whatever it is you think you did if you can't help but blame yourself. Then raise everything up to Him. But you also need to help yourself. Forgive and love yourself more. Hugs.