Author Topic: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?  (Read 2905 times)

kinkytinch

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How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« on: May 30, 2015, 05:32:33 pm »
It's been a long time since I left the company and my boss. Pero tingin ko hanggang ngayon I still am very much affected with what happened sakin everyday sa last job ko.

I try my best to give words of encouragement sa sarili ko and to truly believe them pero I still feel down, useless and b*b*.

Yung bang almost everyday, parang naririnig ko pa rin lahat ng pangungutya nya sakin. Memorized ko pa lahat even how my boss said them to me.

Ewan ko, siguro there's still a part of me who doubts kung di totoo lahat ng sinabi nya sakin about me. Kasi kung totoo, why not use them to better myself, di ba? Pero paano ko malalaman kung totoo? Some may laugh it off and say that that's easy. I dont know. To me, it's not. Tama ba na iaccept ko na lang lahat ng sinabi nya about me?

Help please. How do I recover from that? From feeling so little?
« Last Edit: May 30, 2015, 05:34:43 pm by kinkytinch »

ohcmon

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #1 on: June 01, 2015, 02:32:13 pm »
Sis, I was once like you. Boss ko siya sa first job where I stayed for some time, 1.5 years ako dun. I like the job, my colleagues, and the pay is generous, pero ibang klase 'yung boss ko. As in walang araw na hindi sumama loob ko sa kanya at kinimkim ko 'yun for so long until one day my mom 'di na nakatiis and told me to just resign. Bakit ko daw tinotorture sarili ko when I could leave naman, sabi ko I don't wanna lose my job, and she was like "wala ka namang anak na pinapakain, bakit ba takot na takot ka mawalan ng work" so I quit kinabukasan.

Lumipat ako ng boss. Same office pa rin kami but different na boss ko at pag nakikita ko siya sa office, though civil kami, kumukulo pa rin ang dugo ko sa kanya dahil sa mga ginawa at sinabi niya sa'kin. Pero alam mo sis, dahil sa kanya tumibay talaga ang loob ko. I was never the sensitive-iyakin type pero ngayon x10 ang strength ko dahil sa kanya. Ang feeling ko ngayon, napagtiisan ko nga siya nang mahigit isang taon, kaya kahit anong criticism/pagalit ang ibato sa'kin, kaya kong tanggapin because napatunayan ko na sa sarili ko na kaya ko.

Hugs, sis. It's never easy to not let these words affect you, but once you realize that you're sooooo much better than what your boss proclaims you to be, you'd be so relieved na wala ka na sa kanya.

kinkytinch

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #2 on: June 02, 2015, 12:23:26 am »
Thanks sis ohcmon. Parehas din tyo na sinabihan na ng parents na magquit at wala naman akong pinapakain. But good for you sis you listened agad. Ako i waited of years before i got the courage to leave.

So what ways did you try to recover from it? Or did you just let time heal?

chelgeneroso

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #3 on: June 02, 2015, 07:42:55 am »
Been on that situation also last 2013, good thing 6 months lang ako nag-tiis sa verbal abuse nya. Yung sisigawan nya ako infront of all my officemates, dinuduro-duro. I feel really down that time, nagagalit na asawa ko at parents ko na gusto na nila pumunta sa office ko para sila na ang umaway sa boss ko. Ang mga officemates ko, naaawa na sa akin, ang sama-sama na rin ng tingin nila sa boss ko. Hindi sila sanay na malungkot ako at hindi maingay (i am a bubbly/ happy person). Mabuti nalang nangangailangan ng secretary yung kabilang boss, he talked to the higher boss at kinuha nya ako as soon as possible.

Yung mga mean words, dala ko sa bago ko na group. doon ko pinatunayan na hindi totoo yung mga mean words. pinakita ko sa bago ko na boss na hindi ako ganun ka-t*nga or ka-b*b* or ka-incompetent. nakatulong din ang mga kaibigan ko na totoong kilala ako, telling me na i am stronger than the mean boss, that the mean boss has the insecurities and she's the one na "walang alam sa trabaho" dahil sya yung bagong lipat sa group at ako 8 years na.

sa ngayon, meron parin traces at the back of my mind, tama si Sis Ohcmon, i became stronger. the mean boss, i ignore her. hindi ko sya binabati kapag nasasalubong ko. sinasabi ko nalang sa sarili ko, meron naman karma. babalik din sa kanya yung masasamang ginagawa nya.
A wish changes nothing. A decision changes everything.

Drax

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #4 on: October 29, 2015, 03:40:26 am »
My worst boss ever happened to be the president of the company, so hindi ko talaga pwedeng i-report o ireklamo ang mga abusive behaviors niya.  >:(

I left the company and moved on.  Several years later I happened to see him eating alone in a restaurant.  While I was conciliatory, he was still haughty & arrogant towards me.  At that point I just thought to myself that he can choose to still feel that way about me but he had no power over me now.  I refused to be affected by his boorishness and superiority complex.   8)

Postscript:  More years later, I heard he was out of a job and calling in some favors from his contacts, to wangle any opportunities for employment   Turns out his abusiveness had caught up with him and he was terminated.  And no one wanted to help him in his time of need because of the way he treated everybody before.   ::)  :P
« Last Edit: October 29, 2015, 03:44:03 am by Drax »

purple.strawberry

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #5 on: October 29, 2015, 01:08:50 pm »
Sa first job ko my trainer was a bully. Namamahiya and so and so. It traumatized me kasi first job, and I thought yung mga ganung stories are exaggerated. I didn't know I would experience it firsthand. I was depressed for months during my stay. I left the company immediately after my contract ended. Even then I still hated the memory of him for months.

(My trainer was not the only one na ganun; even now mataas ang rate ng turnover nila because of seniors and supervisors na may attitude problem and di marunong magmanage. As soon as employees finish their contract, umaalis na kaagad.)

How did I recover? I decided to forgive him. After all wala na ako dun. Whatever he said to me that reflected his personality not mine. If technical ang criticism, just do better. Do not dwell on these things dahil ikaw lang din ang mahihirapan. Don't let it affect your self-value or confidence. Aim higher, learn more, tingnan mo rin what went wrong on your part that you can improve.

Know that you're not the only one with that experience. Move on, yun lang.

naddie99

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #6 on: October 29, 2015, 07:44:23 pm »
Feeling ko sobrang grabe nung verbal abuse po sayo :( Pero, do you have another job na? Sa tingin ko kasi dapat makahanap ka na ng ibang trabaho na mas masaya ka especially sa mga kasama and sa boss mo. Siguro it would take time for you to heal pero dapat simulan mo na if not feeling ko madidiscourage ka to find a job.

piatos

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2016, 11:19:22 pm »
i'm weak pagdating sa ganyan.  nagtatanim ako ng galit

miss resilient

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #8 on: May 31, 2016, 01:20:10 am »
May supervisor akong ganyan. Nakakadiscourge magsalita. Very lashing.

For a year, inendure ko yung mga ginawa niya sa akin. Wala akong lakas na loob na iescalate siya kase mga team mates ko quiet naman so i felt wala akong kakampi. So nakaaffect yun sa performance ko and i got a low evaluation.

Until such time na nalipat ako ng team at nahandle niya yung isang new hire. Ive found out na may reklamo din sa kanya si new hire.

Nagusap kami ni newhire if icomplain namin si sup. Siya nag complain sa manager ng sup na yon.

Ako naman sa employee relations nagbigay ng incident report. That time nakabangon na rin ako sa effect ng low evaluation ko sa work performane.

Kaya now hiniwa hiwalay kame para di niya na kame madamage pa.

That's why i can say that i have survived because the fire inside of me is stronger than the fire outside that tried to consume me.
« Last Edit: May 31, 2016, 01:23:29 am by miss resilient »

pretty_in_white

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Re: How to recover from an emotional and verbal abusive boss?
« Reply #9 on: December 15, 2016, 04:58:19 pm »
What do you girls mean that your boss is being verbally abusive?  I can't imagine someone staying in a job if they are being abused regularly.

What would you do if you have a staff who can't even attach a file via e-mail?  And the reason?  They don't communicate via e-mail in her previous work.  She graduated mind you, and sounded like she knows more than she can handle.
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.  But every time we tell a lie, the thing that we fear grows stronger.  ~Tad Williams

 


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