Filipina Wives are being looked down by other races. So sad.

[shellenic]

Rant lang mga sis ha, almost lahat kase ng friends at relatives ng fiance ko are skeptical about us.

Nakakainis naman kasi, yung ibang mga Pinay na nagpapakasal sa mga foreigner na kahit uugod ugod na eh papatulan makalayas lang sa Pilipinas at makatikim ng konting ginhawa. Kahit bugbugin pa sila abroad, masabing nakapag"abroad" lang.

  Mejo affected ako ha, kasi ang iniisip sakin ng mga relatives ng fiance ko, is ginagamit ko lang siya para makaalis ako ng Pinas at makapaghanap ng trabaho sa Malaysia. What the heck? Eh nakalatag na nga ang career ko dito sa Pinas, nagkataon lang na Malaysian siya at ako Pinay. Di ko naman kasalanan na dito ako pinanganak. Nadamay pa ako sa mga kalokohan na pinaggagawa ng iba nating kababayan (because, stereotype). Alam ko na hindi ako dapat magpaapekto, pero nahurt ako ha, pero konti lang kasi alam ko naman sa sarili ko na hindi ako gold digger. At saka, buti nalang mas pinaniniwalaan ako ng fiance ko kesa sa kanila, at kaysa sa tatay niya.

Naiinis lang ako kasi, I know naman to myself that I'm gonna marry my man for love and not because it's convenient. Dami kasing gumagawa nito. Basta husband material at provider type yung guy, pakakasalan kahit hindi naman talaga nila mahal. No offense meant, pero yung mga babaeng ganito, cheapipay. Kailangan pang umasa sa lalaki magkaroon lang ng ginhawa sa buhay. Kung gusto nyo sumagana at mabili luho nyo, magtrabaho kayo. Wag niyo gamitin ang ekek nyo para makatikim ng kayo ng "convenience".

  sad and frustrated. 

[lonelymiss28]

Nakalagay sa title mo "Filipina Wives are being looked down by other races. So sad". but, by the sounds of it ikaw mismo ang naglo-look down sa kanila. You can't blame other filipinas by the way your boyfriends family is treating you. If your intention is pure...in time it will show but it is up to you to prove them wrong. But, putting other people down will not make you look better.

My in-laws don't like me (French-Canadian and German), but in time ( I will repeat.....IN TIME) nakilala rin nila ako and super nagustuhan na nila ako, tuwing birthday ko MIL ko nagluluto lahat ng favorite kong pagkain (vegetarian). [textspeak!] ko noong hindi pa ako nakakapag drive sya driver ko. Actually noong una na hindi nila ako gusto, never kong naisip or sinisi ibang tao, naisip ko lang noon dahil iba ang lahi ko yun lang. Hopefully, this helps.

[Girltalker2]

TS, sabi mo Malaysian ang hubby mo. By any chance Muslim na sila? At ikaw hindi and need to convert?

Baka naf feel mo lang di ka gusto because of religious differences. They are not even like the Muslims in our country, they are very dedicated and love their religion, therefore they prefer someone of their own kind, worse, talagang ayaw nila sa pork lovers like pinoys, kaya di masisisi sila if they initially dislike you.

I would think this is not an isolated incident for Filipinas. Ka hit Asians in general. I have a friend and she is not a Filipina but Asian, married a European. She felt she was treated like a maid samantalang is used to be the head teacher of the high school department ng isang good school.

Part narin ng dilemma mo ay poor talaga ang Pinas at marami will marry makaalis lang ng bansa natin. Tapos tradition pa talaga satin magpadala ng pera sa buong angkan which is unheard of sa kanila. Di mo maaalis iyang mentality na iyan.

[prettysummer]

Sa tingin ko mali ang title mo. When you say Filipina wives are looked down by other races, you're generalizing. My doctor is an american she have nothing to say about filipina wives but just good things.

Ikaw mismo ang naggeneralized sa mga Filipina. Tama si hindi lang naman ang Filipina ang pinagiisipan ng ganito. Almost all Asian countries.

I understand that you're hurt. You don't have to prove anything to them if your intentions are good and you really love your partner.

Wag mo silang gayahin. Wag mo ilook down ang sarili mo na kababayan.

[donzski_doinks]

Nakalagay sa title mo "Filipina Wives are being looked down by other races. So sad". but, by the sounds of it ikaw mismo ang naglo-look down sa kanila. You can't blame other filipinas by the way your boyfriends family is treating you. If your intention is pure...in time it will show but it is up to you to prove them wrong. But, putting other people down will not make you look better.

^agree. no offense TS pero parang ikaw mismo ang nag look down sa kapwa mo Pinay. as what sis lonelymiss28 said, its up to you to prove to your bf's relative that you are not a gold digger. hindi mo na kailangan mandamay at mangmaliit ng iba to prove your point. again, no offense TS.

[Shadow Angel]

Tama... Eto rin dati iniisip baka isipin oppurtunista ako pero good thing ganyan iniisip nya sa akin. Sa friends and relatives puro positive pa naririnig ko na supportive sa kanya kung sino gusto nya. Sana nga matanggap din nila ako once na ma meet ko na sila. Sa ngayon ang importante kami munang dalawa. Cool ka lang sis

[princessrio]

i don't think this just happens to Filipinas. some people just look down at some people. minsan nga, pilipino sa kapwa pilipino, mababa ang tingin e. and just because you are experiencing one, doesn't mean na ganon ang nangyayari sa lahat. let's not generalize it. i have lots of girlfriends na married to sa ibang nationality na hindi naman ganyan ang experience. or if they have encountered such, na-overcome nila.

maybe you may want to know kung bakit sila ganon sa yo. or learn ano ba differences ng culture nyo. or baka naman may gusto silang malaysian para sa fiance mo.

[izabelle]

as long as you know kung sino ka talaga and ano intentions mo for getting married then no need to get affected. More than anyone else, ikaw ang nakakakilala sa sarili mo.

[120515]

i agree with what everyone else said to not generalize. i'm married to an american but everyone i've met, from his family, friends, even bosses, have all been very welcoming to me and have treated me warmly and respectfully.
i think what you can do is to focus on your husband and your marriage and yourself. keep striving in your career. show his family that you are able to give your husband what he needs from you as his wife and partner in life. continue to be courteous and respectful to them. in time, your efforts will pay off.
also let's not judge our fellow countrymen, we do not know anything about their stories or their lives, the inner workings of their minds and hearts - an age gap doesn't automatically mean that one is already a gold digger.

[mooncake and leaves]

If your future in laws have a problem with your being a Filipina, that's their too bad. Don't blame it on other people who didn't have your good fortune to marry someone for love. Focus na lang on, like what was mentioned, getting them to be ok with you. If that doesn't work, learn to live with the fact that you can never please everyone. Basta respect them
and treat their son with love and respect. Tapos.

[hisana]

Yes, there's no denying that pinays have this reputation, but I think malaking factor din na baka judgmental lang din yung mga friends and relatives ni fiance. I think almost every country has negative stereotypes naman, but any worldly, broad-minded, thinking person knows that dealing with people is very much on a case-to-case basis pa rin. If they're able to see that you're a capable, intelligent woman and that you and your husband have a happy marriage, I'm sure they'll grow to love you eventually. (Pwera na lang talaga if they're really the overly critical/racist/snobbish types!)

[simang]

If your fiance's relatives think of you as a gold digger... then i guess that's their issue and not yours. Don't be too defensive about it, the more defensive you get, the more they'll feel your guilt (which you don't have naman). Just shrug it off, and let them realize eventually that they're wrong. Unless they have a personal grudge against you, it will pass once they get to know you.

And yes I guess you were too harsh on describing these women who marry foreigners for 'convenience'. Too judgmental, too stereotypical, just too much. You saying all those is unnecessary.

[Priceless]

Unless your fiance's family live in the Philippines, I doubt if they know a lot about you to make conclusions. They're making statements based on what they hear about you from your fiance, and of course, pag nakakasama mo sila when you go and visit them. Perhaps hindi ganun ka ganda ang build up ng fiance mo sayo? Perhaps hindi ganun ka ganda ang nakikita nila pag kasama ka nila?

Let me use your other thread as an example. You said that your fiance thinks that you might be getting married next year but you said maybe 3-4 years pa. And yet you're already thinking of how to change your name. Kung kapatid ko ang mapapangasawa mo at malaman ko na ganyan na ang iniisip mo, syempre I would ask why it seems you're such in a hurry to get married when my brother seems a bit vague pa. A year is still such a long time, what more yung 3-4 years, and a lot of things can happen.

Siguro instead of focusing on their dislike of you, you should focus on improving how you present yourself to them and winning their favour.

My in laws don't know many Filipinas, but based on what they see sa akin, the way I treat their son and their grand child, they like Filipinas kaagad. My husband always points out to them that I earn good money and even if he can afford to support our family with just his income, hindi barya ang kinikita ko for them to disregard me and my career or look down on me because my husband earns well. I'm sure hindi nila susubukan dahil hindi palalampasin ng asawa ko ang mga hirit nila.

[aquacharly]

SHELLENIC.   There is no reason for foreigner husband's families to look down on a Filipina wife -- even if they are wealthy.   My experience has been not so much a discriminatory mindset, but more of a critical mindset.

Kasi some women - alam na nga engaged to a foreigner, eh tamad to study the culture and/or customs of their future husbands.  Kelangan understand and make pakisama. Kelangan Best Foot Forward.

Find out how you can best fit into your new life abroad.  What is your husband's work/position? Mag tanong tanong/research.  Must you learn to drive? Cook? Sew?  Broaden your mind.  Let's face it, marriages work out better if it's A Fair Deal.  Excuse the French statement:  hindi puedeng magaling ka Lang sa Kama, ba yun Lang dala no to the bargaining table.  Filipinos are naturally smart and quick to learn, pero haynaku meron nga tamad. Ngerkz.

When foreigners come here, we judge:  marunong makisama📷? As in sua-ve??  Or weird? So ganon, hwag dapat stick out kasi "weird".  Stick out for the better traits Filipinas are known for:  caring/nurturing, with good hygiene, intelligent, fino - hindi palengkera, etc etc

Atchaka, por favor --  moderate the family demands. May mga families of foreign husbands -- even the husbands -  grrr kasi ga-Barangay extended family expect to be financially supported.   Some cultures look down on this dole-out mentality. Sure, they understand emergencies like medical ones, or even parents' old age. Pero kung every Pontio Pilato eh hingi ng  hingi -  nakaka pakla nga.

[brendzy]

Atchaka, por favor --  moderate the family demands. May mga families of foreign husbands -- even the husbands -  grrr kasi ga-Barangay extended family expect to be financially supported.   Some cultures look down on this dole-out mentality. Sure, they understand emergencies like medical ones, or even parents' old age. Pero kung every Pontio Pilato eh hingi ng  hingi -  nakaka pakla nga.

natawa ako dito sis aquacharly, actually this is very true, kahit hindi foreigner ang husband basta may datung, go lang ng go ang family pati extended.

On Topic: Sis, I believe it is also your shot para patunayan na hindi lahat ng Filipina ganuon nga. Blaming others will not help out. Try to stand out and prove them wrong. In the country where I am, mababa talaga tingin nila sa mga Filipina, but you need to work your a*s out to prove them that what they think is not entirely true. Make a difference. 

[phurple0515]

TS, actually it happened na rin to me coz I work and live here in KL with my hubby (who  is a pinoy din).  Me taxi driver (Indian) na nagsabi sa akin na yong iba daw kasi, pineperahan lang nila yong mga bf nila na Indian and he has lots of friends na 'nabiktima'.   Natanong niya din kasi kung ano line of work ko so sabi ko IT.  Then sabi niya, he admires those daw na di ganon ang pag-iisip (na peperahan lang mga kilala or bf nila na foreigners).  di lang naman dito sa KL e, kahit nga sa SG me mga ganon din. 

I think its still you who can prove them wrong.  Kaya nga ako din (and hubby, were both Pinoys), try our best in our fields para di nila lahatin ng mga Pinoy.  Malungkot lang kasi na we are being stereotyped by those kababayans natin na iba ginagawa.