Post Partum Anxiety or Depression

[daisy_duck]

Hi mga Mommies! Anyone experienced or is experiencing any of these? I think Im currently having post partum anxiety. I gave birth last January 15. Since I was on mat leave and this is my second baby, I thought kaya ko nang wala munang yaya. Lo and behold! Iba ang sleeping pattern ni baby, he was asleep the whole day and awake the entire night. For 2 mos ang tulog ko in a day is 3-4 hrs the most and hindi pa straight yan. Sabi nila, when the baby is asleep, dapat sleep din ako however, di naman ako makatulog sa umaga. Maybe because of lack of sleep nadevelop ang anxiety ko, which caused din the depletion of my milk production which caused more anxiety for me since I wanted to breastfeed my baby exclusively. Now, baby is almost 3 mos and Im back to work na din. Baby is formula fed and every now and then I would have the attack still. Positive point though is I lost weight rapidly than expected. hehe My symptoms are: rapid heartbeat, lack of appetite, had difficulty sleeping, clammy hands and feet but I feel warm sa neck area. Luckily, I have a very supportive husband who understands PPA. Share your experiences mga mommies and how you were able to get thru it so we can help each other.

[len_choi]

Suffered post partum depression with my 1st born also, due to lack of sleep.. 24/7 kasi ako nagbabantay so walang tulog din.  Light sleeper ako so konting ingay ni baby gising agad ako.  Went to a doctor to help me,  because light sleeper ako,  me and the baby can't be in the same room. So yaya na nagbantay sa kanya pag gabi. 

[momxfive]

Suffering from post partum anxiety/depression too. I gave birth to my twins last April 1, I'm home now but they're still in NICU because preemies sila (35 weeks) and yun siguro yung cause. Nakauwi ako 3 days after I give birth pero naiwan twins ko kaya sobrang paranoid ko lagi, I keep thinking about them of course. I go to the hospital everyday to breastfeed them, 8am-12nn then afternoon sa house ako for my 3 other kids and sakit sa ulo husband. Tapos babalik ako ng 6pm sa hospital until midnight na ako. Wala ring tulog kasi magkaiba ng sleeping pattern twins ko, pag tulog na yung, gising naman yung isa. May breathing problems pa sila. Buti nalang nandun yung doctors and nurses to support me, kung hindi mababaliw na talaga ako. Hopefully, last week na nila sa NICU para makauwi na. Kumuha na din ako ng yaya for them kasi hindi ko talaga kaya mag-isa.

[daisy_duck]

^Hopefully everything will be ok sis and makalabas na twins mo. Same here, super paranoid ako k bunso. This is all new to me since di ako na PPD/PPA sa panganay ko. Yes, you will need a yaya so you can rest and be the best for your babies.

[momxfive]

^ Hope you will better din sis. Mas maganda sana if lagi kang may kausap sa house. In my case kasi, yayas lang ng 3 other kids ko yung madalas nakakausap ko. Hubby ko naman hindi maasahan sa ganito.

[gwyne21]

^hi mga sis... @momxfive, hope your babies get better na.
@daisy_duck, I too experienced this. I gave birth last year. I had a relatively easy pregnancy and delivery but super hard recovery. I had to be hospitalized due to complications after I gave birth hence the cause of my depression. Because I was hospitalized, di ko pa agad maalagaan baby ko. Di rin ako nakapag-breastfeed agad because of all meds I took. Kaya mixed feeding baby ko eversince.
Physically I have recovered na pero mejo traumatic pa rin sa akin pag naaalala ko pinagdaanan ko sa post partum. May mga nagtatanong na sa amin kelan daw namin plan sundan baby namin... honestly di ko alam kung kakayanin ko ulit yung manganak... 

[design21]

Ako din gaya mo @momxfive twins din akin naiwan sa nicu ako one week nasa hospital so naaalagaan ko pa sila pero nung umuwi nako after several days (eclampsia kaya matagal ako sa hospital) naiwan din sila. Nakakadepress talaga pero mas mahirap for me kasi paguwi wala pa ako yaya plus first time mom twins pa!!! So clueless na sa pagaalaga sa premature pa ang dami protocol. Plus my bp did not go down until i reached six months. I was diagnosed pa nung una akala post partum cardiomyopathy so nakakamatay para na ako tinaningan sino ang hindi madedepress kapapanganak mo palang pwede kana mamatay? For some mirAcle from a healing priest nagnormalize na size ng heart ko.
Anyway linabanan. Ko depression by studying again. Kasi i was not permitted to work just yet

[momxfive]

^ Ako rin hindi pa stable BP ko until now. I had preeclampsia too before, I'm already in late 30s kaya madali nang ma-high blood plus the environment pa dito sa house namin... May yayas yung kids ko pero parang sakin pa rin lahat nakaasa, kaya pinilit ko talaga mag-recover ng mabilis since NSD naman ako. Pero iba talaga pag naiwan yung babies sa NICU, everyday paranoid na paranoid ako. Sana makauwi na sila.

[vain_kixie]

I experienced this pero short lang, like a week or 2 when my baby was just a newborn. I would cry ng walang dahilan tapos stress na stress ako kasi i barely get any sleep. So there i decided to feed by schedule and to sleep train kasi baka ako naman ang mabaliw mas kawawa baby ko. At 2 months he slept 8 hours straight without feedings because of sleep training. Till now na almost 9 months old siya 11-12 hours of sleep siya and my hubby and i can go out on dates while the helper makes him bantay just in case he wakes up while were out. Feeling ko kung puyat puyat ako baka tumagal yung post partum anxiety ko.

[baby_peanut]

I had this few days after I gave birth. Yung feeling na ang sakit sakit ng nipples mo, uncomfortable ka because of the operation (CS kasi ako), sleepless nights tapos feeling mo si hubby walang ginagawa hehe sabay pa ng iyak ni baby bigla nalang akong napaiyak. Nagulat nga si hubby bakit daw ako umiiyak sabi ko wala lang hehe. Narealize ko ganito pala kachallenging ang pagiging mommy. Pero after nun hindi na naulit, naka adjust na siguro ako sanay na din ako sa putol putol na tulog at puyatan at nakarecover na din ang nipples ko  Nag eenjoy na ko sa pagiging mommy. 

[lovelymaeve]

Hello mga sis. I gave birth last Nov 10. Then nagkaron ako ng post partum pre eclmpsia. Until now Hindi p din normal bp ko at tingin ko dahil din sa Hindi ako masyado nagtututulog. Minsan p nga as in 24 hrs ako gising. Sabi nila huwag daw ako mag isip. Pero wala naman talaga ako iniisip kundi pinupwersa ko pa nga matulog. Pero talagang ayaw. Tapos lagi ako may takot. Yung feeling na ayaw ko mag isa, ayaw ko walang kasama, kung makakatulog kaya ako mamayang gabi, kung makakarecover p b ko. Minsan makakatulog nga ako pero magigising ako na ang lakas lakas ng heartbeat ko.Sabi lang ng ob ko kailangan daw labanan ko [textspeak!] nararamdaman ko. Habang tumatagal ako ganito lalo ako natatakot. Sana may mga Alam kau na pwede ko gawin.

[airish_2]

^Why don't you try sis mag pamassage para marelax, I'm pregnant right now and recently nagpamassage ako sa The Spa I avail their package yung Mother's package, kahit papaano nakakatulong sya marelax and mas maganda kung lagi kang nagoopen sa mga kasama mo sa house and also don't forget to pray kasi kailangan mo tatagan loob mo.

[[-c-h-a-]]

I also had post partum anxiety. Lack of sleep, bubs sleeping in the same room plus super light sleeper, difficulties breastfeeding (and that WRETCHED BREASTFEEDING PINAYS FB GROUP) really took a toll on me. Plus, I had unrealistic expectations na I'll be independent even after I just gave birth.. eh yun pala, completely dependent ako talaga sa husband ko and my Mum! I really couldn't wrap my head around it! I wanted to cook, help ligpit, pick up something I dropped (!) but couldn't.

Another expectation - I'll be pain free and back to feeling normal after 1 week yeah right! I did feel a million times better 2 weeks PP though.

[skela96c]

Gave birth early December and two days after going home, i had an incident. Nagbreakdown talaga ko because my baby wouldnt latch and the more i force him, the more he wouldn't. I was crying like a baby and my husband was awang awa sa akin.

I was expecting too much from myself i guess. Dahil nga sa beeastfeeding na as if everybody's telling me na i'm a bad mom if I can't breastfeed or i am not doing my best.

Until now I'm still working on this angle at medyo sore subject pa din sya. Kasi whenever people see me w my baby ang unang tanong "breastfeed ka?".  When i say no, ang kadugtong "meron yan, latch lang nang latch".  Sorry naman I'm not as gifted with milk as you.

[[-c-h-a-]]

oo nga... ako rin, an aunt commented on a pic of my daughter bottle feeding with "di ka nagbreastfeed?". That bottle has my breastmilk and I would let her latch and latch naman but she's an impatient and hungry-now-you-should've-fed-me-yesterday kinda baby. So talagang iyakan kami everytime.

My hubby was the one who actually forced me to stop na and said my mental health is far more important. Ano naman mangyayari sa baby namin kung maloka loka ako. So I left that stupid fb group and I started mixed feeding. I chanced upon http://www.fearlessformulafeeder.com/ and lumakas loob ko. I'm not being a bad mother. Sorry if I don't have as much milk as you, or my baby wasn't born having read the breastfeeding manual like yours I tried but it didn't work out and that's that.

Ah because I would breastfeed and pump afterwards, sa gabi, I'd let her latch for 40 mins, then pump for 40 mins, by the time I fall back to sleep, gising na sya ulit. Mahirap kasi ako makatulog. My brain is hyperactive.

[o9kristin]

I gave birth June last year and experienced PPD too. I'm a first time mom, we had no yaya, and kami lang ni baby lagi sa bahay back then. It's so hard that we live on our own and away from our parents. Wala ako masyado alam sa pag aalaga and I only relied on "internet". Also, I'm a light sleeper so the "sleep while the baby is sleeping" doesn't really work for me. When the baby sleeps, that's the time when I do things (cook, wash bottles, eat, take a bath, pee, poop, etc).

Madalas nalilipasan ako ng gutom at walang tulog because iyakin si baby (morning 'til night) and he likes to be carried lagi. Aside from that, EBF kami dati so masaya na ko if makatulog ako ng 3-4 hours straight (2 hours na ang pinakamatagal ko na staright na tulog). First three months of his life puro dede, iyak, tulog lang ang alam ni baby so sobrang na drain ako. I would always cry pag di ko na kaya at minsan inaaway ko na si hubby pag na-late lang sya ng konti ng uwi from work. I'm lucky pa rin because my husband helps me in taking care of baby sa madaling araw kahit na may pasok sya sa morning.

Then one day, we decided na dun muna kami sa parents ko then lipat sa parents ni hubby dahil di ko na talaga kaya. I was so exhausted to the point na I feel like wala akong kwentang nanay dahil di ko maalagaan ng maayos si baby. Madalas din ako walang gana kumain before. I'm glad na na-overcome ko yung stage na yun.

[vanillaicecream]

I gave birth last November and experienced post partum as well... The main contributor was sleep deprivation and breastfeeding (the pain, insufficient milk, pumping 247) !  the first few weeks, pag nag gagabi na, nalulungkot na ako, kasi for me, it's another day na lahat tulog pero ako gising parin.   we stayed at my parents' house for the first 3 weeks and when we moved back to our house (with my MIL staying over to help out), I cried as well.  when my baby all of a sudden "forgot" how to latch on his 10th day, I got depressed.  I wanted to follow the ideal breastfeeding scenario where the bottle will be introduced on the 6th week pa until I realized that there's no difference cause when I go back to work, my baby will be bottle-fed, and so I started exclusively pumping.  I was physically exhausted and stressed because I couldn't meet the milk demands of my baby.  I'm grateful for friends who donated frozen breastmilk that I used to supplement my milk.  and after taking all the galactogogues I can buy, and my milk supply increased (at around the 5-week mark), I felt miserable for being attached to the pump 24/7 and couldn't take care of my baby.  I cried for my freedom, and not being able to go out because "I need to pump."  Christmas season pa naman nun so I missed most of the gatherings and parties.  I always googled "when will it get better" and happy to find blogs/forums with moms feeling the same way.  I was super nega, and everytime people congratulated me and asked me how I am, lumalabas yung stress and negativity ko about motherhood... how hard and nakakabaliw it is.

when my baby turned 2 months, I started getting into the groove.  we learned his favourite carrying position, how to soothe him when he cries; and since I have enough milk, lesser stress na din during his growth spurts.  I'm back to work now and baby is almost 3 months. I'm thankful for friends and my hubby who supported me during the hard times.  I dropped pumps na din so it's a little bit more manageable for me.

gumdrops26, that FB group!  I posted there once when baby all of a sudden forgot how to latch.  I'm thankful for friends and acquaintances who were also members of the group who sent personal messages of encouragement.  I didn't read the comments from the group 'cause they warned me na.  I ended up pumping at ~2 weeks pp until now and left the group as well.

[ayi0119]

Unfortunately, I experienced this as well. Sobrang depressed ako, I even thought of hurting my baby! I really felt tired, stressed, hurt, and helpless. Plus, I never felt so ugly in my entire life, dahil sa stretchmarks, pimples (grabe ang dami), big tummy.. haay

vanillaicecream and gumdrops I know that group. Sa tingin ko nga kung hindi ko pinilit magpabreastfeed, hindi ako madedepress.. Halos wala kasi akong milk, for 1 month, wala ako nakikitang milk na lumalabas sakin.. ang result, halos wala kaming tulugan ng baby ko. Breastfeeding is still best for baby IMHO, pero mas importante pa rin kung ano yun best na magwo-work for both mom and baby. Ang harsh kasi ng iba dun, and mejo nabrainwash ako na ang sama kong nanay kung hindi ako magpabreastfeed..

[super bratinella]

Mine, I think was the worse postpartum depression, with my eldest. When I gave birth to her, I was not in my happiest state, and I was in the darkest part of my life, then the first time I saw her I thought to myself why does she look like this? really I did not even find her the most beautiful inside the room (we were a lot in the room), then as the time goes by I really tried to find the heart of a mother in me but I can not really find it that time. I have no nobody to turn too and so I am really thinking of even doing something bad with my baby (yes, this is the most monster thing you can do in your life). I did not even know that I was having postpartum depression that time, but there were times I am ok and I enjoy my baby but most of the time I can not find myself. I am so lost.

That was 16years ago, fast forward. My eldest happens to be the most beautiful girl everywhere she goes and most admired by all because of her personality, she happens to be one of the sweetest and most thoughtful girl I know in my life, she is the smartest and a consistent awardee in her school and most of all we are super best friends that I know everything about what is inside her heart and mind.

My life lesson, is God will entrust us with an angel that are in disguise as our daughter or sons, there are here to give us real life lessons  that school or even our parents can not teach us.  So whatever sacrifices or depression we have along the way, we only got one choise that is to survive for them, and most of all we have to admit that we are having a depression so we know we need others to support and comfort us...

[millecent]

I am experiencing this takot mag isa feeling mawawala sa sarili.. did anyone seek professional help?