hubby wants out

[glamorosa_09]

Sis, I'm just offering you a possibility. In the past, yes, consistent syang magpadala. What I was saying is, look on the future pattern. Five months pa lang sya sa work nya. The first month nagkaproblem with padala, kung hindi na yun mauulit, rule out my hypothesis. Kung makailang beses maulit yun, why stay? Try maghanap ng better company. If despite that, he's keen to stay at may mga dahilan, I don't know, ako magtataka na.

Anyways, I hate to leave you in this thread with all those speculations floating in your head. I know you're confused, lost, and hurt. All of us who offered their POV have all made sense, but the answer really lies in your husband. Is it really you? May iba ba? Is it just the work? Maybe you can use all our speculations to your advantage, to re-invent yourself.

I can see that you still want this marriage to work. That you still want to give a good fight before you can really say it's over.

My suggestion, and I hope it's doable, be the most appreciative, sympathetic, and grateful wife that you are. When he calls you and start bombarding you with all his complains about work, you can say, "talaga dad? hirap na hirap ka na sa work mo, sobrang thank you nagtitiis ka para samen. Naappreciate ko lahat ng mga ginagawa mo." Tingnan mo, baka matameme sya. Assuming you haven't done that before.

Since you are now aware of your shortcomings with regards to handling finances, read financial books, learn from others. Become a good financial manager. Ang mga skills naman natututunan. Financial skill hindi naman inherent. My mom never worked in her entire life, but dami nya nang paupahan ngayon. Iwan man sya noon ng ofw father ko, eh may mga properties na sya. But then, you can work too if you want.

Palawakin mo rin yung skillset mo. Pursue other interests that are outside your family life. If you think it's necessary to work, then you could wait for your health na maging okay. Lalo na't kaya ng husband mong mag decision ng ganun kadali.

Since hindi ka naman controlling wife, I don't know. Mukha naman when there is money or major decision eh may say naman sya.

Also when he meets you, paganda ka. Sabi nga nila, be your husband's mistress. Stroke mo yung both his EGO and sa baba, dyan yata magaling mistresses eh. Kaya mabilis nilang makuha gusto nila.

Like I said, wala naman talagang nakakaalam kung anong meron sa husband mo. So gawin mo na lahat ng pwede mong gawin. There is hope, may communication pa kayo. Also pray pray  pray to God to give you strength and  wisdom. Right now walang nakakaalam sa family mo, you have no one to lean on, Sya lang yung makakapitan mo.

[Girltalker2]

In any relationship, one party owes it to the other to explain or at least face him/her kung decided na sya iwan ang relationship. Unfair iwan ka sa ere bahala ka kung ano gusto mo i-assume.

Nakaka worry nga ang actions ng hubby ni TS. Since ldr, ang hirap ayusin, TS, is there a possibility of meeting him, either he coming or Ikaw magpunta?
Definitely something is on with your hubby:
- may ibang babae? Sa mo hindi naman
- or may clinical depression? Delikado ito kasi people can be suicidal, the more you push them and demand to face the issue.
 Somehow someway kelangan may nag reach out sa kanya. Best person is you. If not, wala ka bang kausap na naka kausap din nya like your in laws or any office mate nya, at kung may napapansin ba sila sa kanya?

[glamorosa_09]

Hmm... kung clinical depression kasi, magiging dysfunctional na yan sa work nya gawa ng mga symptoms ng clinical depression. Wala nang gana yan sa buhay, kung baga purposeless na ang buhay nya. Malulungkutin sa lahat ng bagay. Basta pag may term na 'clinical' na ha.

[sum.mer]

I have no advice, just a hope that you and your husband can work things out eventually. Goodluck sis.

[glamorosa_09]

The problems of the thread starter are difficult, but thankfully hindi naman umaabot sa sobrang lalim and hopeless na problema.

I hope that is the case, and I hope the TS feels the same way too.

Kaya I came up with infidelity is because of the behavioral changes in the husband
- waning down of affection and endearments
- decreasing of time and communication
- ending the marriage without any effort to talk about it
- picking fights with the partner
- biglang nagsasabi ng mga ayaw nila just to justify the ending of marriage
- bawas pa yata form of communication nila: dati may video, ngayon wala na. Pwede naman, kasi nga sabi wala wifi.

These commonly happens to someone who's cheating. One can even research about these signs. For those na nakakabasa ng mga posts ko, it's not that I'm fond of signs or I deliberately look for it. Kaya lang pag nagbabasa ko, parang they just float in front of me. Siguro dahil na rin sa mga naencounter, nabasa, na-counsel ko about infidelity and abuse. Kaya nakikita ko na rin yung pattern. However, possible din he just got fed up and blew it one time big time (second hypothesis ko ito). As for burn-out and midlife crisis, wala ako alam sa developmental stage na yan. Mapag-aralan nga.

Also, the husband kasi is not bailing out on fatherhood. He said he'll be a good provider to his children. That's a heavy responsibility, but a responsibility he's willing to continue nonetheless. He's only bailing out on the marriage.

But as I said, it's just a hypothesis. Jindi dahil ganun yung nangyari sa iba, ganun din sa kanya. The hypothesis could be disproved and be proved.

I know my guess even added to TS' burden. But if you're in a war, at hindi mo alam kung sino talaga kalaban mo, paghahandaan mo lahat ng possibilities. Better to be over prepared than be sorry later on.

Pero, depende na rin kay TS yan kung lalaban sya o magpapaka-lugmok sya. Kung suntok sa buwan para sa kanya na magkaron ng iba ang husband, eh ganun talaga. Mahirap talagang isipin yun eh. At the end of the day, it's still her life.

Since hindi naman ito abuse, yes, there is hope.

[Girltalker2]

I hope that is the case, and I hope the TS feels the same way too.

Kaya I came up with infidelity is because of the behavioral changes in the husband
- waning down of affection and endearments
- decreasing of time and communication
- ending the marriage without any effort to talk about it
- picking fights with the partner
- biglang nagsasabi ng mga ayaw nila just to justify the ending of marriage
- bawas pa yata form of communication nila: dati may video, ngayon wala na. Pwede naman, kasi nga sabi wala wifi.

These commonly happens to someone who's cheating. One can even research about these signs. For those na nakakabasa ng mga posts ko, it's not that I'm fond of signs or I deliberately look for it. Kaya lang pag nagbabasa ko, parang they just float in front of me. Siguro dahil na rin sa mga naencounter, nabasa, na-counsel ko about infidelity and abuse. Kaya nakikita ko na rin yung pattern. However, possible din he just got fed up and blew it one time big time (second hypothesis ko ito). As for burn-out and midlife crisis, wala ako alam sa developmental stage na yan. Mapag-aralan nga.

Also, the husband kasi is not bailing out on fatherhood. He said he'll be a good provider to his children. That's a heavy responsibility, but a responsibility he's willing to continue nonetheless. He's only bailing out on the marriage.

But as I said, it's just a hypothesis. Jindi dahil ganun yung nangyari sa iba, ganun din sa kanya. The hypothesis could be disproved and be proved.

Oo nga. Been there and these are the signs indeed. Except for ending the marriage, Na experience ko din nga iyang mga signs. Dagdagan ko list mo - celfone din. Guilty minsan ang mga guys kaya may ganyang pa effect. I did remember one time din my ex hubby gave me a phone. Kala ko sweet sya pero in hindsight, naguilty lang pala.

Anyway, sana hindi iyan totoo kay TS.

[glamorosa_09]

^yes sis, hindi lahat ng may affair nakikipaghiwalay. Others lead a double life. Basing lang from few experiences of others na nakipaghiwalay eh gusto nang sumama ng husband sa iba o sumama na. Confirmed of cheating yung mga yan.

The things is kahit kasama mo sa bahay ang husband mo, nakakapagsinungaling pa rin kung kailangang may itago. What more kung ang layo nyo pa sa isa't isa. It's make lying easier and it's so difficult to confirm. But again thinking about this will make your knee wobble.

Sa celfone naman, hindi na ako nagcomment. But you added na rin.

As for TS saying wala syang woman's instinct, meron kang woman's instinct. That's why you started a thread here seeking for enlightenment. Despite knowing magulo sa company ng husband mo, something doesn't feel right, doesn't make sense. That's your instinct.

However, the instinct will not tell you exactly what's wrong, it will only signals you: there is danger, there is danger.

Parang nanay, something unusual with your kid for days: matamlay, walang gana, etc. Your instinct or gut feel will tell you something is wrong. But it will not tell you, "uy may primary complex anak mo,  uy may UTI yan, uy tonsilitis yan."

However kung may previous knowledge ka about their symptoms dahil yung anak ng kapitbahay mo nagkaron ng ganun, meron kang idea o haka-haka. So ipapadoctor mo ang anak mo in answer to your instinct.

And that's why you're here, you're here to understand, to make sense of what's happening. We offered you what we know. Kaya lang wala kaming bolang kristal dito. Puro opinions and hunches based from experiences.

Last post ko na siguro dito sa thread. Nakakarami na ko, hehe. Basta all I'm saying is hindi ako tama. Hula ko lang yung saken based from experiences.

Alam ko hindi to madali, the fact nag-iba na ang relasyon nyo is causing you too much heartache and sleepless nights. A relationship of 14 years have dramatically changed in less than a year, regardless of what's causing it or when will the rocks end.

But again, there's hope. There's God.

[ilbsiri]

Thank You mga sis sa advice nyo, I'm not taking it for granted iniisip ko mabuti at inaalayze ko rin. Yeah it's a 14 year relationship kaya ako ganito ka apektado sa 14 years na yun wala namang major problem, siguro nga may issue na pala siya hindi ko napapansin, insensitive nga siguro ako may mali din ako, pero tulad ng sabi ko hindi ko akalain. One thing is for sure a part of me died, sobrang bumaba self esteem ko and between me and him I will always make 2 step backwards  Things will never be the same again.

I'm still thankful at hindi niya iniiwan responsibilities nya as a father at pag dating naman sa mga bata nakikita kong masaya at interesado siya. We used to be a happy family, iniisip ko hindi kaya siya naiingit o nanghihinyang sa masayang family? Kung hindi lang sa mga anak namin umalis narin siguro pero kailangan kong mag stay at ipaglaban pa kasi may mga bata, ayoko ng broken family, kasi broken family din kame. Kung may babae nga siya, aalis ba ako? hahayaan ko bang manalo yung iba?

He keeps on pushing me away, napapagod din naman ang puso right? sana mapagod na sa akin, kung natuturuan lang sana sarili na wag na siyang mahalin o tigilan na matagal ko ng ginawa kasi awang awa narin ako sa sarili ko. Tinanong ko nga sarili ko, gaano ko ba siya kamahal bago niya binago ang lahat, mahal na mahal ko pala hubby ko kahit pag tanda willing akong alagaan siya at makasama siya habang buhay.

Again, if given an opportunity will choose happiness and what's best for my kids, hindi ko na itutuloy pagdadamot mga kids sa ILS ko, we have beautiful kids and they deserve a happy family. I'm praying 2 things one is sana magising nalang ako na bumalik na sa dati ang lahat 2nd sana magising nalang ako na naka move on na pala ako.

Is there any instances na nagsisisi mga lalake sa mga ginawa nilang desisyon? haayy...

And again, there's hope pinapagamot nya parin yung issue sa health ko, first thing in the morning binabati nya parin nya ako ng good morning and updated ako sa lahat ng plano nya. But then I'm not relying on that ayokong umasa baka lalo akong masaktan, Lahat ng gusto nya at kung saan siya ginagawa ko para kung sakali na suko na bataan at least nasabi ko na ginawa ko naman lahat.

Thank You ulit sa mga advice, pls include our family to your prayers.
I will give you updates mga sis. God Bless us all.