Need help with my delinquent niece

[momentum]

I don't know how to start this without bombarding this thread with so many disturbing details..

Let me start it with this question: Can anyone suggest a place, based on personal experience or word of mouth, where we could put our niece in the hands of professional people to look after her and help fix her behavior to avoid ruining her life further? Like a home for troubled teens?

Here's a background why we have come to consider this. Im so sorry if I can't keep it short

I have mentioned before that my half brother and SIL had separated some 2-3yrs ago. Why? Because he found himself a kabitch and they have now a kid, approx 3-4yrs old boy. My brother completely turned his back on his 3 kids and wife. Not giving a single cent ever since, not a shadow to show to the kids. My mom had spoken to my brother and the kabitch in person before all this abandonment had happened. Mom made it clear to him that he should still support the kids and visit them, making his presence felt even if separated na sila, so that the neighbors can still see that they can't take advantage of them (bad neighborhood kasi with addicts etc) and the kids still have a father figure.

Even before the separation had happened, my niece, the eldest among the 3, who's 16yo now, had started growing horns na as early as 11yo. She got used to lying, making up stories, stealing money from her mom's wallet, etc. Little by little it was escalating. Got even worse when my brother abandoned them. Wala na talaga siya kinakatakutan. Mga sermon ng mother niya doesn't affect her at all.. She doesn't give a sh!t. Then we found out she has been having sex since 11yo. Tried to do "therapy" with the DSWD a couple of sessions.. But that didn't work.

Then came to a point where her stealing became rampant, and wala ng pinipili kahit sino, kahit kapag when we take her home with us to spend a few days para her mom makapag pahinga from her behavior, wala, ninanakawan din kami (bottle of red wine, chocolates, necklace ni mama, even mama's phone! etc). Alam namin ninakaw because we always check her bags before she leaves. Then she would go off for days, hindi uuwi mga 2-3 days sa kanila then babalik, hindi sinasabi asan siya galing. Kahit anong paninigaw or pagalitan at paghahanap sa kanya hindi siya mahanap hanap saan siya tumatago when she runs away. She also tried to make takas here in our subdivision one time, buti naunahan namin tawagan the guard para ipaharang siya.

Hindi pa nagtatapos diyan.

Sis in law had 2 consecutive strokes this month, leaving her now invalid and can't communicate. As in parang lantang gulay. She's about 36yo. There are a lot of contributing factors why we think that happen but that's another long story. The thing is, imbes na tumigil na kakarebelde tong pamangkin ko, mas lumalala pa. Kahit na nakikita na niyang lantang gulay na ang natitira niyang magulang, wala, tuloy tuloy parin siya sa kalokohan niya. Like just this weekend, naglayas nanaman for 2-3 days. And then the other night , she came home midnight and brought 2 guys and 1 bakla upstairs in her room and they stayed there until early a.m, doing God knows what. At madami pang ibang disturbing stuff.

We have tried to locate my brother.. We got to find his FB but he is not that active. We found also his kabitch's fb and I messaged her and told her everything to relay to my brother, giving all our contact details even the landline of the kids' house so he can hear it from them straight. Told her to tell him they need help.. Lalo financially bcoz the person handling their money keeps saying wala ng pera, tapos sinisigawan din the kids and that iisa lang ulam niluluto for them for the whole day. Madami pang iba.

Monday pa yun na I messaged her and up to this day hindi pa kumokontak brother ko. And the b!tch even had the nerve to tell me na ayaw na niya ma-involve about this.. And that she already relayed the message to him and it is up to him whether he will do anything or not.. She is not stopping him DAW. Well, we gave her a piece of our mind, something that will make her seriously think of what kind of a man she chose to be with.The reason why we coursed it through her is because my brother did not answer our PMs and we don't have his current contact numbers. Well, it was worth the shot. We never bothered them all this time about his kid's financial and emotional problems. Kasi we couldn't find them rin in FB. Buti nalang my cousin became his officemate before, kaya nahanap namin (iba kasi name ginamit ni brother and we didn't know the name ni kabitch)

I tell you mga sis, ang dami pang problem na ngyayari that I cannot make it kwento all here na. All we want now is to correct this behavior of my niece para hindi masira further buhay niya. She is deeply disturbed and we know it is due to her family scene she was exposed to growing up. She needs to be in a place away from all the bad influence.. Not just going to sessions because hindi na talaga magwowork yun sa kanya

I have called DSWD and asked for advice. They recommended a private home to put her in. I called that place and inquired about their programs, locations, etc. But it will cost 20k per month and minimum 6mons stay we do not have that kind of money.. Nauubusan narin kami ng finances kakatulong sa kanila. We can't just take them all in because hindi rin namin kakayanin. The money of sis in law barely meets their everyday needs na especially now that she is invalid. Iba na naghahawak ng money rin niya (neighbor na inassign ng mother ni SIL). Mom ni SIL already went back sa U.S, matagal na siyang immigrant dun. Hindi rin sila magkasundo ni SIL and the kids don't like her as well because masama daw ugali (long story).Wala rin matinong relatives si SIL, puro mga addict at masama ugali.

Sorry for the long post..there's too much to take in. Right now ang priority is sana gumaling na si SIL and sana masolusyonan na si pamangkin before it's too late.. If it isn't already :_(

[rjroya]

That is some disturbing story. To be honest ang hirap maghanap sa atin ng Juvenile Homes/center, unlike sa US diba you can check-in yourself. But anyway, I tried to google and found this: http://www.bahaytuluyan.org/ - try contacting them sis.
I hope your niece is matauhan.

[sugardrop]

Better bring her to a psychiatrist. Not sure kung sa child pero minor pa naman sya. You'll be able to find out kung ano yung root cause. I am talking from experience - hindi naman ako kasing pasaway ng pamangkin mo na hindi na naawa sa mother nya (sorry) pero at some point in my life, I have done things I am not proud of. And I was able to finally pin point the reason why only last year when I was already 30. Admittedly, mahirap pero better to start at an early age. It won't hurt for her to see a professional, someone whom she can confide to without judging her (only assessing her) kasi she might not be willing to open up to someone na kilala or kapamilya nya. Not knowing what the problem is and not being able to deal with it will only make matters worse. I strongly urge you to seek professional help since you truly care about her and her family. And give her the support and care she needs. Minsan, hindi nakakatulong ang puro sermon ang maririnig, lalo lang magrerebelde yan kasi nakukulili na and probably, iniisip nya na puro salita lang naman walang ginagawa or umiiwas sya sa sermon kaya naglalayas.

Good luck, sis.

[freelancer_babe]

That's pretty disturbing sis! I do agree she needs a professional to look after her. Pero yun, yikes ang mahal no? But that's really the price to pay (do go with the suggestions above)... and unfortunately there's even no guarantees that this will work out. But at least you tried to help.

The other inexpensive option is to wait it out and let the kid experience life and suffer the consequences of bad decisions, and the joys of doing good decisions by herself too. Teenage years are often troubled years. There are stories of rebellion from famous personalities in their younger years, only to eventually want to clean up their act and move on to doing great things. Angelina Jolie's life story is an example. But again, this too, is not a guaranteed way to make things better.

So you are now faced with a dilemma...

Makes me remember some of my very troubled classmates way back in high school. We often had open forums during high school, as we are an all-girl's school at that time. Sa mga open forums na ito lumalabas ang kanya kanyang sama ng loob ng mga classmates ko against their own families.

I even had a close friend na nilayasan rin nya ang family nya at naging pasaway. Madalas nakikitulog sa bahay, but eventually she had to move out kaya sa mga kamag-anak naman siya nakikitulog.

As a parent of a teenage girl, I have that fear na baka maging pasaway rin ang anak ko, given that I live far away from her and that she never had the chance to know her father from the start. That fear stemmed from my high school experience from very troubled classmates who ran from home.

Try to understand sis. It's all part of growing up. It is part of their growing identity and their wanting for independence. As she slowly understands the reality, hindi na nga sila bata when we provider simple answers to everything. Unlike mature adults, teenagers have no idea how to deal with life's problems. That's why they still need the guidance of parents/guardians to help them understand the world - even if these teenagers feel they don't need to.

Sa case ng niece mo, she has weird friends - and most likely they have similar problems and are as troubled as your niece is. She has those friends kasi doon siya mas comfortable makapag-open ng problems. I am sure she has some gripes with you na hindi nya ma-open up. Unfortunately, most teenagers have this tendency to ask answers among their friends, not from a good adult. Parang blind leading the blind ang dating.

And yeah, there's a root cause to all the rebellion. Maybe she doesn't like the new second family of your brother? Maybe she wishes a "normal" family? Maybe she longs the love of her father? Or a combination of these things.

Yes, sermons will not work. The kid will not just listen. Or if fed up, will just run away. It is possible that she is already on the way to substance abuse (drugs and/or alcohol) to forget all the problems. And even sex abuse too.

And yes, malakas ang loob nya to go away... basta may pera. Or anything in the house that she could sell for money. Hindi na ako magugulat kung pati mga de-lata, plastic bottles at mga bakal ang ibebenta nya. I know, because I have a cousin (adult na nga lang siya) pero medyo similar ang situation nila...

You seem to be a good aunt sis. But I think that, since it's not immediate family, you are not supposed to forced yourself into this obligation as you have your own matters to attend to.

[17glut]

wala nang tumatalab kamo sa kanya so final option is palayasin nyo sya and let her fend for herself. di yan matatauhan hanggat hindi nakakaranas ng matindining pagsubok sa buhay, that is the only way people will learn their lesson - regardless of age or gender

[sugardrop]

^
Either she'd realize that she's gotten way over her head and be the prodigal daughter or she'd sink way deeper than she ready has. Whatever they decide to do, there's no guarantee that it will work but the feeling that everyone has turned against her might only make matters worse.

[momentum]

Thanks everyone for the advices.
My mom and I have been having sleepless nights these past few weeks ever since nung 2nd stroke nung SIL..Because hindi na talaga siya gumaling galing.. And talagang mas napabayaan pa the kids

I really am sure kaya pamangkin is like that is because all her life puro away sila brother and SIL. May point din that umabot sa physical abuse. I'd say parehas silang may fault why their marriage broke down and why nagkaganito na si pamangkin. Pero if my brother was still living with them maybe hindi pa ganito kalala. Sama rin kasi ni brother, he also used to steal from SIL. Binibigay kasi niya lahat ng sweldo niya sa kanya, then kapag kelangan niya ng money for whatever and SIL wala ng mabigay, kukupit siya.. He also would use the money for kalokohan (babae, drugs etc). So all these, naririnig ng mga magkakapatid. Fault yan ni SIL kasi grabe magdakdak.. Why would she have to tell the kids or make the kids hear their arguments as such a young age? Hindi siya careful.. Kaya thats one of the factors na their minds have heard and seen things that they are not suppose to be exposed to at such a young age.

Yes I told mama kelangan child psychologist. But you see, kelangan very consistent to. Kasi for one, we live far from them.. We have to really go out of our way to visit them .. And then kapag umalis na kami, back to kalokohan nanaman siya. Kumbaga it's just gonna be a few hours of "behaving" then after that resume na kalokohan. Kaya hindi rin nagwork yung sa DSWD. Pero we can try, malay natin baka nga mas ok yung child psychologist. Sana lang maafford namin

Another pasaway last week that she did. My mom visited them last Saturday to take care of SIL.. To give her a bath and so on. While this was happening, pamangkin stole the iphone of my mom from her bag. This was the only time my mom brought out her iphone from the house kasi she is paranoid na baka mawala, ilang beses na kasi siya na-snatch before. And it happened at that house pa, at si pamangkin pa ang suspect. Can u believe that? Mama kasi was suppose to take a pic of SIL para mapadala sa FB ni brother as evidence na talagang nagka stroke siya, and also take a pic of the kids. Umuwi na si mama and nahanap ni pamangkin #2, the middle child 15yo girl, yung iphone nakasiksik sa sofa. Pinatago ni mama sa kanya at binilin wag ipapakita kay pamangkin #1 san niya itatago, and that mama will just get it when she visits again.

1 day before mama visited, pamangkin #1 made kulit and probably threatened pamangkin #2 ibigay sa knya yung iphone. Ayun, binigay nga. Mama then visited and asked pamangkin #2 asan na yung phone and she said binigay niya kay pamangkin #1. Pinaikot ni pamangkin #1 si mama, telling her its with her friend a couple of blocks away etc,, pumunta si mama duon and wala naman sa friend. It came to a point na sinaktan na siya ni mama, kasi hindi na siya makapag pigil sa sama ng ugali ni pamangkin, na how can she do this while all of this is happening and my mom was just trying to help her mother and yet ito pa isusukli niya. Ayaw talaga umamin, and sinabi lang sinangla niya. The mama called the Bantay Bayan. Ayaw harapin ni pamangkin but eventually napa amin niya kanino niya sinangla and buti nalang sa kapitbahay na guy.

She got 4k from it. 4k that she blew in 1 night, nung nag layas siya for 2-3 days. Not a single cent she contributed man lang to her mom's medicine. Since harap na ng guy ang bantay bayan, he returned the iphone kay mama. Pinaharap din ni mama si pamangkin dun sa guy, telling him now harapin mo yung taong niloko mo and pagusapan ninyo paano mo babayaran ang 4k! Umalis nalang yung guy kasi napahiya narin for buying that iphone na alam niyang nakaw lang.. Kilala na kasi si pamangkin as nagnanakaw there sa neighborhood.

Then just last night, the woman who holds their money texted that pamangkin stole again another phone sa friend ni pamangkin #2. At galit na galit na the parents of that friend. Grabe, walang takot talaga. I suspect may malaki siyang utang from someone, not sure if its just from the guy na sinanglaan niya or maybe someone else pa, kaya desperado na talaga siya to earn. Pretty soon, if not yet, baka katawan niya bebenta narin niya. She is attractive, maputi, mestisa, payat, altho wala boobs pa.  Napakasayang talaga itong batang ito. Grabe, ayaw namin siya mapahamak but what can we do if she herself wants to ruin her life? We can only do so much . Kahit gusto namin pabayaan na siya sa kalokohan niya and tell her not to come back anymore kapag naglayas siya, we will feel bad about it and most probably regret it.. Then maybe one day she will just get pregnant and then what? Bibigay niya samin at sa mom niya yung problem na yun?

I have talked to her nicely before, many times. Told her what kind of life does she want to have ba. Does she want to have a life na mabuntis siya, hindi siya respetuhin kahit sino, maghirap etc? Or does she want to come out of this situation with a better life.. Earning a decent living after finishing her studies, letting her see the importance of education and be thankful with that because there are people out there who wish they could afford to study, helping her mom and sublings and eventually find a good partner in life. Wala eh, hindi na rin kasi siya pumapasok. We fear also that si pamangkin #2 might get influenced by her narin. Since magkalapit age nila. Sometimes I would call at home and find out wala rin siya sa bahay.. And nasa classmates daw siya.. At 8:30pm ha. Hay buhay! Nakaka overwhelm!! I have a daughter too kaya mas lalong napaparanoid ako. Ang hirap nito...

[Girltalker2]

TS, I heard before some of the deliquent teens were being sent to some province - not sure if Cebu or Davao or Iloilo. Try asking around. Dswd may only work kapag remote yung place and she doesn't have a mobile phone or money to escape the area. 

Is the eldest daughter on drugs? Have you tried filing blotter against her? Wala lang, naisip ko lang baka magising once she experience 'life' in prison.  If she is into drugs, puede din pa-rehab and make her experience confinement din. She won't learn kasi if hindi pa sya nakatikim ng takot.

I also worry about the 2 siblings, are they doing ok?

Yung mom ni SIL buti nalang tumutulong. But how come she trusts sil's neighbor more than you/your mom?

As for your brother, the best way is to file sa court to give support to the kids. You might need to care for the kids (at least yung dalawang bunso) due to abandonment of their father and obvious naman na the mom cannot do her duties na. Just wishing the other 2 younger siblings won't turn out the way their elder sister turned out. Nabanggit mo kasi bad environment.

[momentum]

^ hello sis. Not sure if she taking drugs, I won't be surprised if she does tho Inamin rin niya sa DSWD before that she got to taste some drugs.. I don't know what kind. Umiinom narin yan. Unopened Red wine nga sa bahay inubos niya mag-isa in a few days she stayed with us.

The other 2 siblings, girl aged 15yo and boy aged around mga 7 or 8yo, ayun kanya kanya din ginagawa, but I have not heard anything bad about them or kung may kababalaghan. The boy laging out in the streets daw at mukang gusgusin parati said the tindera nearby.

Sana talaga hindi maimpluwensyahan ng kalokohan lalo si 15yo niece. I did not mention pa pala, na SIL has a bf, the only one that really helped her take care of the kids. I think 2yrs na sila, not sure. According to mama that had talked to him in person several times during the time na okay pa si sis in law and while she is in this state now, okay na okay naman daw si bf.. He could have left her long time ago nung naeexperience niya the hardheadedness of pamangkin and the ugali ni SIL. He is just waiting for his US visa pero hindi rin niya maiwan iwan the kids at naawa narin siya kay SIL. Live in sila ni SIL. Siya ang halos nagbabantay na ng kids niya when SIL went into deep depression when her dad died last year. Eto yung mga times na nagkukulong nalang si SIL sa kwarto, walang pakialam where her kids are going and what they are doing.. Si bf nalang nagaasikaso sa kanila (he doesn't have work btw) at inaaway pa siya ni SIL na pinaghihinalaan pa siya. Basta may pagka psychotic talaga si SIL

He was banned by the mom of SIL to go their house after a few days palang she was here in the Philippines last end January. Nung unang days ok ok pa sila. Then when the mom started hearing stuff sa mga mapanirang neighbors about bf, duon niya pinalayas at pinablotter pa. Ito ang isa sa mga contributing factors bakit nagka stroke si SIL.. Sa sobrang stress at awayan nila ng mom niya. Imaginin mo nalang kasi na yung tao nalang nanatitirang nagtutulong sa kanya eh tinanggal pa. Nawalan na nga siya ng father, pati bf wala na.

Pero bf is nakikitira nearby lang sa house nila. Nagmamasid masid kahit papano. But he really can't go near. According to the 2 girls (pamangkins) mas maayos pa naging buhay nila with their mom and bf kesa nung pinalayas na si bf and itong mga neighbors and 'friends' ng mom ni SIL ang ginawang guardians sa kanila. One time pinalusot ng kids si bf sa house nila late at night habang walang nakakita so he could see si SIL. Niyakap niya ng matagal at parehas sila ni SIL nagiyakan

[sugardrop]

Ang sakit sa puso naman nyang story nila, sis.

Pero back to your niece - it seems malalim nga pinag-ugatan ng rebellion nya based on your story and it could have led to her self-destructive nature. The question is are you and your mom both ready to take on such a responsibility? Kasi tuloy tuloy dapat yang therapy should you decide to bring her to a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If I'm not mistaken, meron charity thingie yata sa sa ibang hospitals or institutions kasi medyo mahal nga talaga yung consultation.

Basta good luck and sana things turn out well for your niece and the rest of her family.

[Girltalker2]

The other 2 siblings, girl aged 15yo and boy aged around mga 7 or 8yo, ayun kanya kanya din ginagawa, but I have not heard anything bad about them or kung may kababalaghan. The boy laging out in the streets daw at mukang gusgusin parati said the tindera nearby.

Sana talaga hindi maimpluwensyahan ng kalokohan lalo si 15yo niece.

TS, it's me again.

I'm not sure if you're married na or have your own kids. But personally, I think you need to prioritise the 2 younger kids over the elder one and NOT wait na may 'marinig' kang masama na ginawa nila tsaka kayo mag iisip ng mom mo ng recourse how to address the issue.

I feel so sorry for the kids. They are very fragile beings as they are growing. Inabandon na sila ng dad nila, then at some point, didn't get enough love and attention from you SIL. Then iniwan lang ng ganun ganun ng mom ni SIL (wala syang plano to adopt them and bring them to the U.S.?)  Then sa posts mo, it seems your mom is not willing to take them also (

It is really heart breaking for them. All they need is someone stable to guide them and lead their way through life until they get independent enough. But sad to say, parang wala gusto umangkin ng responsibility na ito.

If you are having sleepless nights now about your eldest niece, and not do something about the welfare of the other two, chances are puede maging three ang sakit ng ulo nyo in the future.

[momentum]

^ sis, about sa taking the 2 kids in our care, kung talagang kaya namin gagawin namin. Eto ang mga tanong:

1. Kaya ba namin financially?: i am a single mom, I have 1 daughter going to school, mag gradeschool na this coming June and until now wala ako mahanap na school na kakasya sa budget ko. My mom had been retired from the corporate world eons ago, she works for a foundation with very minimal pay, mas mababa pa than minumum wage earners. She could ask for more as ang dami niyang hawak na departments, but she is already happy with what she earns as parang donation narin niya ito sa foundation. I have asked her to ask for a raise but she doesnt want so ayoko na siya pakialaman about it. Nakikitira ako sa mama ko, sharing in the bills and food payment of the house. I pay more bcoz of my kid and yaya. I have a yaya that I pay and she does lahat narin ng linis sa bahay , luto, market with us etc on top of being a yaya to my daughter and helping with her assignments mag-isa as my contribution narin for staying here
2. My mom and i want to take them in. Not sure where the idea came up na ayaw namin. Its just that we can't really afford right now. And if we can even pull it off on top of our daily jobs etc..With my mom's measly salary and me paying bills yaya and school. And those 2 kids go to school ha. So how will we send them to school? The money of SIL just goes to the needs.. Yung school nila alam ko libre., public kasi. Dito may public but very far.
3. The house we are living in is not my mom's only. It is also owned by her other 6 siblings. We can't just take them in just like that. Everyone has to agree if payag sila. All are abroad and 1 lang natira dito sa pinas aside from mama. Isa pa yun, sakto lang din money.
4. Will the 2 kids make payag? The last time pamangkin #2 and the boy visited here with eldest pamangkin, hindi pa natatapos ang araw iyak na sila ng iyak at gusto ng umuwi kasi namimiss na the mother. At the rate that is happening to SIL, we think being around her would help her heal.. At least nakikita pa niya the kids and the kids can still see her.. We don't know for how long will she live at the rate she is going. What if one day, knock on wood, mawala siya and the kids were not even there..
5. Who will make sure SIL is really being fed and taken cared of if everyone will leave her. Whoever is holding her money now baka magrejoice at tipirin pa lalo needs ni SIL and hindi na imonitor progress. In fact last time mama visited eh she had to be the one to bring SIL to the ER again because she looked dried up and weaker.. Naisip ba ng nag-aalaga sa kanya nun na dalhin na siya sa ER? Hindi. Kami rin nagbayad nun.

So there.. There's so much to take in. Kung mayaman lang kami kukunin namin sila, problema lang rin if papalag sila or ayaw nila iwanan mama nila.

[momentum]

Muka rin walang plano mom ni SIL iadopt the other 2 kids because she already adopted the 1st child of SIL, eto yung nadisgrasyada siya when she was a teen (gosh I hope history won't repeat). Because her husband recently died, she is now alone taking care of the eldest kid and working to put him to school etc. I don't know kung kakayanin pa niyang alagaan 2 more kids. Hindi narin siya bata. At ayaw ng kids sa kanya.. Masama ang ugali mukang pera at kung ano2 ang ginawa while she was here. Isa pa yang long story. SIL had properties under her name kasi that the dad transferred to her name and the mom got mad about this kaya never sila nagkasundo ng mom niya. Muka kasing pera mama niya. Basta bata palang si SIL eh di talaga sila magkasundo ni mom niya kaya siguro nagrebelde at nadisgrasyada nuon. Pero bilib ako inako niya yung 1st child ni SIL.

Si mama rin di narin bata.. Nasa 60+ na.

[momentum]

Mom of SIL assigned those neighbors and "friends" to be the kid's guardian coz well, she doesn't communicate with us. I guess she doesn't want to have anything to do with us maybe because we are a reminder of my brother. I don't know what she thinks of us. The money of SIL comes from the rentals ng rooms at the back of the house. That and the house of SIL is owned by the mom. So I guess ayaw niyang ipaubaya sa iba ang pera na yun kundi sa mga tao nearby that she "knows". Just wanted to clarify this part as to why she assigned those people to hold the money and be the guardians. I don't know too if SIL makes kwento to her if we help them or not. Ewan. Basta she doesn't talk to us. We don't want any friction with her kasi baka mamaya putulin niya ng tuluyan support kay SIL or something.

Sorry mga sis, talagang magulo ito. We are trying to keep our emotions in check and not do drastic things that might aggravate the situation. Have to plan things out very carefully. My mom and I along with the BF of SIL are planning of something that will help put back bf in that house. Kasi if the bf is there, at least mababantayan kahit papano the kids. Ang kalaban diyan is the mom of SIL. We gotta convince her but goodluck to that, masyado na siyang naniwala sa mga kasinungalingan ng neighbors para siraan sila ni SIL. If he is back in the house, We can get updates from him of what's happening. When we ask updates kasi from the guardians, we don't know if they are telling the truth or not. It's hard to trust them because this is the first time lang we met them. We trust the bf more than them based on what the kids experienced narin with him taking care of them and yung experience nila sa guardians. Wala na kaming validation kundi the kids..SIL cannot communicate anymore.

[aquacharly]

God bless you more MOMENTUM for caring for this broken family, though you have your own challenges.

Teens are not clueless nowadays, though they can be emotionally hardened.  The latter is for survival.  The ideal is for Somebody psychologically competent at communicating with kids --  reach out to them.  They have brains to snap out of their situation of having no goals, wasting time...  Somebody with no shared history with them, parang no emo baggage.

Sino ba pinakikinggan ng mga batang yan? The BF of your SIL?
Then let him talk to the 3 kids and lay-out the realities of their lives:  invalid mom, distant financier-grannie, limited funds...  Dead-end coming up soon if they do not shape up and help themselves.
If he does not have the capacity to inspire the kids, no choice but to bring either the 16 yo or the 15yo to a counsellor or psychologist.  Maybe the 15yo is the better bet  to lead this family?

At least the 15yo eh nakikinig pa. The 16yo is a full-fledged rebel. Heartbreaking as it may be -- she has chosen to ride that descending life spiral.  Even if you forcibly put her in some program -- if hindi nya feel to change, she will just escape and waste your money.  Hindi yan mag shape up hanggang hindi nasampal  ng buhay.  Heartbreaking nga. 

Bring the 15yo to Sophie Sim Bate. 

[momentum]

Hello sis Aquacharly.. Thank you for your advice.

As of now the situation is the 16yo is in the care of DSWD. Why? Kasi may nawala nanaman na stuff from her lola's house na ninakaw niya at barkada nyang mga bakla. The pinahuli siya ng kapitbahay ng lola and they brought her to the DSWD. May pending case na siya. And while its on the process eh duon muna siya. Oo nga pala, she is still 15 but turning 16yo soon in Oct. And she was told by the DSWD na that as soon as she turns 16 puwede na siya ikulong. Each time my mom visits her she cries at gusto na daw niya umuwi. But my mom told her nung hindi pa siya andun sa DSWD she doesn't care naman goin home e nor helping out at home, not even caring for her invalid mother.

Sa ngayon iniisip ni mama ipa-drop yung case para hindi magaka record si niece na nakulong. But she plans to not let niece know that na-drop yung case that easily. Para matauhan talaga. I dont know tho.. I prefer her in DSWD but problem nga is gumugulong nakaso niya.

Tapos the lola (mom of SIL) said ayaw na niya papasukin si niece sa pamamahay niya (where SIL is and the other kids etc). She is banned na daw and doesn't want anything to do with her anymore. Pinabilin na niya kay Mama. Hay paano ba to....


As for the 2 other pamangkins (14yo and 9yo) okay naman sila. Nasamahan ko si 14yo sa school to get her report card and okay naman grades niya, I ask her how she is pati brother niya and okay naman daw. Syempre they just say that out of hiya but kahit papano surviving and hopefully hindi maging pasaway...

[twenty5]

Hi sis momentum, nadurog ang puso ko at talagang binasa ko ang thread mo from the start.

Heartbreaking. I can feel you kasi I am a single mom and I have a brother na loko loko din as I am close to my SIL  and meron ako 1 niece and nephew as same age as yours (SIL)

So, reading it all naiimagine ko lahat. Hindi ko naman makukumpara ng bonggang bongga pero naniniwala talaga ako na iba iba ang kwento ng buhay.

Sakin naman, hindi naman pasaway ang mga pamangkin ko and Thankful talaga ako dun. Ang lokoloko e yung brother ko na dad nila.

I really talk to my nephew dahil siya ang panganay at unang apo. Nakaka intindi naman siya.
Hinahaert to heart talk ko talaga like barkada lang and sa SIL ko ganun din namin ituring... Well hindi nako magkkwento ng buhay ko it's just that try mo din ganun gawin mo sa ibang pamangkin mo.  Talk to them.

Bothered lang ako like what you've said na Ok naman ang BF ni SIL?
-Naicip ko lang, don't get me wrong. 2 babae kasi ang anak ni SIL mo and kahit alam mo na bf ni SIL yun... mas nakikiala nyo naman yun. Alam mo naman uso ang rape ngayon or molestya.. Don't get me wrong or don't think na ang nega ng naiisip ko , it's just that nangyayare talaga to. May anak din kasi babae so I'm thinking kasi na babae ang mga naiiwan sa bahay and yet naisip ko lang paano kumakain ang mga batang to?

Sorry talaga sis... Pero sana maging okay lahat. Parang grabe din ang pinagdaanan ng SIL mo. At ngayon salo salo mo din ang bigat kasi naiintindihan kita. Lalo na ganito ang sitwasyon.

[momentum]

^ hello sis. Thank you

Matagal ng wala yung bf ni SIL sa bahay where the kids are. Ever since pina blotter sya ng nanay ni SIL bcoz of the chismis ng mga kapitbahay sa kanya. Hindi narin ata sila nagkikita masyado ng kids. Pero when mama and I ask them they like him naman daw and mas maayos naging buhay nila nung sila sila palang sa bahay ni SIL. Pero now malabo na mangyari yun, dahil sa bawal na siya lumapit.

May 3 babaeng inasign mama ni SIL na taga bantay at alaga kay 14yo at 9yo pamangkins at kay SIL. Si 15yo andun sa DSWD.

[twenty5]

oooooohhhhhh. So paying c mom ni SIL sa taga bantay na ito...

Maybe it's about time na mag focus ka muna sa life nyo ni mama mo and your kid. You can now rest your mind and maybe sometime check check din your pamangkins.

Naiintindihan kita kasi nga hindi din natin maalis na maging burden ang mga pamangkin natin kung tamang path ang gusto natin. Though naliligaw ang ibang tao nakapaligid satin. I understand sis.

Kamusta na sa DSWD si girl? Okay naman ba? Sorry sis pero naka kulong ba or may house ang DSWD para sa mga teens na ganito?

[momentum]

^hello sis..no, ang pagkaka alam ko mother ni SIL does not pay these people to watch over the kids and SIL..pero alam ko kasama sila sa budget sa food.

si pamangkin na nasa DSWD, ilang beses na gusto umuwi whenever mama visits her. umiiyak. pero hindi naman puwede na umuwi siya and just go back to her old ways. mas mainam na andun muna siya. pero she can't stay there for long because gumugulong na kaso niya malapit na siya mag 16 sa October, puwede na talaga siya ikulong nun and I hope magbago siya before that happens.

The place is like a home daw..dormitory type..may mga kasamang girls siya per room. may t-shirt uniform sila..hay ewan ko ba..at least nawala muna siya circle of friends niya. Coz puro masasamang influence. I heard that she made kwento to a DSWD staff na yung isang gay friend niya pinipilit siyang ibugaw ..I cannot freaking believe these kids and what kind of mentality meron sila..I don't know if it is true na hindi pumayag si niece, I sure hope it is true na hindi siya pumayag mama talked to her masinsinan about this already