RANT or RAVE about your in-laws

[j.adore]

How do you feel about them?

I have a little of both pero yung negative feelings, naheighten nung bago kami ikasal ng husband ko. Inisip ko lang, yun yung way of coping nila sa "pagkawala" ng anak nila.

There were several times na nag-aaway sila. Normal naman yun kaso pati ako dinadamay. Ginawa kasi nilang retirement plan ang husband ko. Pagkatapos ng mga anak nila ng pag-aaral at nagttrabaho na, they just gave up. Nasa bahay lang sila doing god knows what waiting for their children to give them money.

Pag nag-aaway sila, I'm in the middle. Pinagbabati ko sila parang wala naman kasi ako makitang magandang kalalabasan kung may kampihan ako. In truth, I'm all for my husband and protecting his relationship with his parents. Tama ba ito o kailangan kampi ako sa husband ko ALL the time?

Nagpabili din sila ng bahay sa husband ko. Being the wife, the property and the bank loan are both under our names. Alam naman nila yun, kasama pa nga sila sa signing of documents. Pero may isang argument sila na, bakit daw kasali ako dapat daw siblings niya instead of me. What if my husband dies daw paano na. So it's like saying kontra bida ako at kukunin ko yung property. I only got involved to help out my husband and I have my own property that I love (di ko type yung kanila so I really don't care).

Yung hindi pa ako over hanggang ngayon eh yung nangyari before the wedding. Hindi ko alam kung mababaw pero sure ako it hurt me, my family, and my husband.
They did not come to meet and greet my family. Bakit daw mamamanhikan pa eh ikakasal naman na kami. It was just so they would get to know each other sana. My family was so disappointed with them and sympathetic with my husband.
Pag magkaaway sila, they were also threatening not to go to the wedding just to spite my husband. They didn't spend nor do anything for the wedding so parang yung family meet up lang sana pero waley.
Lahat kami naaawa sa husband ko kasi parang iniwan siya sa ere ng family niya so my family just showered him much love and showed him how it is in our family.

After that, wala na akong gana sa kanila. Pinupuntahan naman namin sila pag may special ocassions, give them gifts, kwentuhan, etc. We seem ok pero ako deep inside, I don't like them. I don't like how they treat my husband na ok kapag sila may kailangan pero pag husband ko, bahala siya sa buhay niya.
My husband knows this and he too doesn't like his parents pero still does his responsibility to them kasi inobliga siya. It's either this or masabihan siyang walang utang na loob na anak.

I'm sad that I can't be close with my in laws kasi ok talaga kami dati nung bf-gf pa lang sa husband ko. It's just so difficult to let it go and try to understand them lalo na my parents are their opposites.

What do you think? How to deal with this? Ako ba yung mali?

[April30]

I really love my MIL! Bait nya talaga. Even household chores na di ko maharap dahil busy, sya gumagawa. Like laba and linis ng house. Ako na nga ang nahihiya eh. :$

^Sis jadore, Bilib ako sa haba ng patience mo. Maybe, think this way, it's better to give than receive. And ang anak na mapagbigay, pinagpapala. Maybe, have your limits, wag ibigay lahat. And wag isipin ng husband mo na may utang na loob sya sa parents nya. In the first place responsibility sya ng parents nya. Ano akala ng parents nya sa husband mo? Pinag-aral nila as investment nila? E di wow!
And yung sa property? Hindi na nahiya sa'yo mga kapatid nya para sabihin nilang dapat sila ang kahati ng husband mo sa property na binili nya? Sila ba ang kahati sa bayaran? Di ba kayong 2 lang?
Walang mali sa'yo, I can see that you are a good person and lucky ang husband mo sa'yo.

[j.adore]

How nice sis April30 Ok naman MIL mo hindi napapagod masyado? Siguro treat her to spa massage every now and then? O kaya chores holiday pag free ka na hehe.
How about your [textspeak!]?

it's better to give than receive - Thanks a lot for reminding me!
ang anak na mapagbigay, pinagpapala - Spot on ka! My husband is doing well at work. Lagi promoted
wag ibigay lahat - Yes, we do. Pero as early as now, we're also preparing for emergency needs kasi matanda na sila at sure naman kami yung tutulong.
Ano akala ng parents nya sa husband mo? Pinag-aral nila as investment nila? - Oo eh.. Reason nila ay matanda na daw sila so di na kailangan magwork.
And yung sa property? - Parents nila nagsabi na ganun ang setup. Kami lang nagbabayad nung bahay pero supposedly, mga kapatid ang sa household expenses kaso minsan lang magbigay. Kung naipangalan din sa kanila, lugi kami kasi hindi sila tumutupad sa usapan..

I was so down when I wrote this at guilty sa mga nararamdaman at naiisip ko. Thank you sis for the input!

[aquacharly]

First, it's a great blessing to have in laws that don't need financial assistance.
I have the best MIL.  She understands me, my preferred lifestyle & general perspective -- and supports all. 
See,  I have a SIL who has made it a career to scrutinize and criticize everything I do.  The gall! - when we don't take a cent from her. I don't need her small badudah & baduy lifestyle at all.  When she starts to rant about whatever about me -- my MIL smiles at her daughter & says she can pick up a thing or two from what I do.   Lol.

j.ADORE. IMO, the best thing to do is to minimize interaction with them. 
Sometimes, one must really distance one's self from nega people. 

[khaleesiCersei]

I loathe them.. All of them haha

[hyder0926]

my MIL and [textspeak!] just came home from the US.

I'm thankful for all the gifts they brought for hubby, my son and me..
As expected there were "ninja moves" / secret stuff for my outlaws..
I dont see the need for the secrecy stuff but whatever floats their boat
should be ok. =)

2 lang naman kami na inlaws.. 2 din un outlaws.. i just wish the outlaws
know their place.. 

[AlphaFemale]

Hi j.adore! I am soon to be married but I consider the parents/family of my husband-to-be as my in laws. They are very kind and loving, matanda na sila both almost 70. Feeling ko nga lola ko sila. LOL. We have so much respect for each other and they help us as much as they can. We just treat them monthly with massages, movies and eating out. I can't say we are too close but I maintain certain distance so that they can only see the good in me. Maldita kasi ako.

You are a blessing to your in laws because you and your hubby are generous. Their reaction about the property that you bought for them is really funny. Ikaw pa ang pinag isipan na may ugali. LOL. In cases like this, you know yourself better, deadma ka na lang dahil ikaw ang mas nakakaintindi. Buti nga supportive ka of your husband supporting his family eh. Consider their family background and upbringing or siyempre may pinagdadaanan din sila na hindi natin alam kaya ganyan sila mag-isip. Continue to love them lang sis.

[lilstar]

I have the coolest in-laws. I thank God every single day for giving me wonderful ILs.

[j.adore]

AlphaFemale, that's nice to hear

I just recently asked my husband and yes, they are still saying stuff about the house and lot until now. Di na lang pinapansin ng husband ko.
Ok naman kami when together. They are warm too like they cook us so much food whenever we visit and have us bring home so we have stocks

[abiereyes]

i totally understand what you feel sis. Nakakaguilty man isipin kasi ina pa rin siya ng hubby mo at mabait siya pero minsan parang hindi na rin tama. Living with inlaws really has its pros and cons. Siguro nasa adjusting period pa lang kayo since 2 months pa lang and you have to set boundaries na rin para hindi na magiging grabe sa future. Best of luck sis!

[andreil_19]

Mabait naman mga ILs ko, there's one SIL na machicka kaya nakagaanan ko ng loob but we are not super close the rest SILs casual lang. But things changed recently, actually last year i distanced myself kay MIL. Nung naging ofw ang asawa ko panay na ang pabili at hingi nila without knowing na hindi naman ganun ka consistent ang sahod ng asawa ko. May month na malaki ang sahod nya meron din nman na kapos kasi maraming days na wala silang pasok. Nakakasama lang ng loob kasi kapag kami ang nangangailangan idadaan sa kwento ang mga gastusin nila kaya ang ending sa iba na lang humihiram ang asawa ko. Pero kapag may pinabibili sila mabilis pa sa alas kwatro kung ibigay ng asawa ko then nabalitaan ko na lang na naghihingi ng pang pocket money for their vacation to SG.huwat!?? Wala nga kaming family vacation this year dahil kapos tapos sa asawa ko pa talaga manghihingi. Asan ang hustisya??hashtag.To think sila etong mas nakaka angat ang estado ng buhay at alam nila yung situation namin.

[ayami]

I love my inlaws, all of them both mom and dad's side. When my dad died right after we got married, lahat sila nandon sa wake (titos, titas, lolas). They gave me all the emotional support I needed. Pansin ko, parang wala silang issues (or mas stable na nung nakilala ko sila hehe). Very harmonious sila kahit sa half sister nila they're so loving. My mom in law is the best. Emotional or financial support, sya unang tinatakbuhan namin. What's great about my inlaws e karamihan sa kanila from UP

Mas malapit na rin ako sa mga kapatid ni hubby dati very distant ako kasi ang personality ko di ako magaling makimingle lol.

And... recently, yung gf ni younger bro in law who's 2 years older than me and hubby, ok na sakin ngayon. Took me four years to finally understand why my in laws felt that way towards her. Feeling ko ako lang talaga di marunong makaunawa haha. Anyway, I'm doing my best to fix our relationship kasi who knows sa future baka kami pa magdamayan.

Yung mga bro-in-law ni hubby sa US na lang di ko pa gaanong nakakabonding and mga older pinsan na US and Canada based. Eldest bro in law naman nice rin family, sa kanila kami nagsspend ng New Year sa Baguio with his fam. Sarap ng food hahaha.

Ang mga pinsan ni hubby sa Manila kasundo ko, they're way younger than us (one is ka-age ng eldest namin!) but we all get along pag overnight kami sa farm. Di sila makukulit well behaved pa hehe.

I used to wonder bakit sobrang clingy ng inlaws ko. Ako kasi, I grew up in a nuclear family tapos only child pa ako--my dad and my mom lang lagi ko kasama sa holidays and special events. Kahit magulo pag undas or pag Pasko dalawa ang party na pupuntahan ko, sulit naman kasi maganda ang samahan. I wish di na to magbago sa future kasi I'm really loving the way we are now.

[MrsC]

RAVE! My parents-in-laws (mga ibang lahi) has been very supportive of us since day 1. Minsan nosy sila and sometimes they tend to get in our business but when we tell them to back off, they back off.

They have given us so much as well, sa kasal namin they shouldered half of the cost. When I gave birth, my MIL bought most of the baby stuff. She even volunteered to baby sit once a week.

They know their boundaries and they respect me and my husband.

I am so lucky to have them considering na hindi sila Filipinos and know basically nothing about our culture.

[love_alvarez]

RAVE!! I consider my [textspeak!] one of my bestfriend. As in super duper close kami. I know all his kalokohans and I can tell him all of mine..haha. He is living in the US and 1st time ko siya nameet is 2011 (live in pa lang kami sa house na pinagawa nya for my then BF). He stayed with us for 8 months and we grew super close. So yearly he goes back here and stay for several months tapos balik US ulit. As for MIL super close din namin though hindi sya nag stay dito sa Pinas ng matagal sobrang di na kasi siya sanay plus wala nagaalaga sa apo nila sa US from my SIL. SI MIL iba naman ang trip. Mga showbiz tsismis and other kababawan. As in nakakatuwa siya. Super devoted Christian and magkasundo kami sa lahat ng bagay siguro since parehas kami Gemini. Feeling ko nga parehas kami ng ugali. She's funny and sobrang kind-hearted. Wala ako masabi sa kanilang dalawa. Pero the best talaga si [textspeak!]. Kakaalis nya lang ulit last Sunday and ayun iyakan na naman kami.