Problems you encounter while preparing for your wedding (Part 6)

[belle_v2g]

Hi sis philpotts and caleeice..  Hopefully I didn't sound so tacky! Pero pinili ko din ang mga sinendan ko.. yung mga VIP na alam kong aattend na, I didn't include them. Will send you PMs girls.

[sparklingjewel]

Boiling point na the other day nung nagulat siya sa na-mention kong clause sa contract na we're responsible for the pick-up/drop-off of the photog during our prenup session, I mean come on, it was on the contract!  Ni hindi niya alam kung sino sino coord, photo and video team etc. When I pointed out to him na mahaba na ang 2-pages sa contract, nagsabi ba naman "I'm busy at the office!" Talk about seeing red talaga. I enumerated all the amount of research that goes into LOOKING for a supplier pa lang and then I had to stop speaking na lang dahil baka kung ano pa masabi ko. 

OMG sis! I dont know what to say. Sana naman tumulong sya sa preps mo. Ako din i always tell him how many hours and backache and puyat nights go into looking for suppliers and im just asking his help to choose among the last 3-4. Thankfully, he does know everyone we consider from that point on. Pa-guilty mo lang sya a bit more na super hirap din for you. Hahaha!

[caleeice]

I guess it's in their nature that they're not too interested in all these little details. My fiance would always tell everybody that he just lets me be because if makialam naman daw siya, wala rin siya mapapala (hahaha sort of true naman ) and it can just be a source of arguments. So I think that can be one reason for men's disinterest in wedding planning.

Although nakakainis talaga. Kami nga a little over a month to go na lang, naiinis pa rin ako sa seeming disinterest niya. I even got mad at him during the wedding seminar because he was sleeping while I was trying hard to stay awake to listen to valuable pieces of advice given by speakers with long-lasting marriages. Hahaha. I guess it never ends. Just talk to them, make them understand why you're disappointed and yeah, make them feel a bit guilty. Another approach that we can use is to tell them that we need their help in doing this. Sometimes, that worked for us when other options did not. Hehe.

[Chili1113]

Hi philpotts: take it easy lang sis!!! Me too I am having major problems in the sense that I am really close to returning my engagement ring. In a way its my bad that I let my pagkapikon about his disinterest affect other aspects of our relationship that have nothing to do with wedding planning.

Ive noticed that since the inital high of wedding planning wore off, Ive been super critical of my fiance. I always scrutinize his actions and think to myself  "Will this how it be forever after we are married?" So I dont know if I have some hidden trauma from a previously failed marriage that makes me that way. Or if maybe walang gana lang ako. Or maybe i just dont want to get married, period.

I wish you luck sis!! =)

 

[reese17]

Hey philpotts, Chili1113 -

First off, here's a big virtual hug. *hug!*

I really think [most] guys are poor planners and even my fiance told me that he would be happy to just marry me...period. I told him that weddings don't materialize just like that and his involvement would be super appreciated. I just noticed that men seem to have a very different concept of their roles/responsibilities. In my case, he believes his job is to provide for this wedding and our life after so the details matter very little to him. Personally, I don't think the lack of his involvement in the wedding preps means that he will be a bad husband. I'm trying to see it nalang as an area where he needs help so I compromise. This means I send him reminders or a task list every other week, I show him my supplier list and tell him that this is who I prefer and if he has any objections, raise them kaagad. (I don't wait for him to choose unless he specifically tells me he wants to choose.) As for our guest list, well, it's his fault that he didn't review his guests earlier and our wedding party suddenly ballooned by 70+ pax but at least we were able to catch the problem early on.

I don't know if this will help but one of my mentors gave me this advice when I was starting to feel critical about my fiance. She told me to lower my expectations and raise my appreciation instead (even if I felt like there isn't much to appreciate as of that moment, lol.) -- so when I applied it, I felt a little better.

I hope you'll find encouragement in going back to what made you love your husbands-to-be. I try to do the same when I'm ready to strangle mine, hehe. Marriage is really about 2 imperfect people working towards bringing out the best in each other

[imprincessfiona]

I am very lucky enough to have a husband who support me all throughout the wedding preps. Mas may artistic skills sya compared to me. Like yung save the date banner na ginamit namin nung prenup sya ang nag-DIY then sya yung naglagay ng accent sa cake topper namin. Little things like that made me realize na medyo swerte ako sa kanya since during preps he's on vacation (ex ofw si hubby) todo suporta talaga sya sa akin. Hands on kami pareho most esp nung nag-fi-finalize na kami ng guest list at yung table number.Just too lucky hehe.

[belle_v2g]

so far din, walang headaches na binibigay sakin si hubby. he's more on the technical side of things too. he's currently working on our growing up AVP and when he asks about something like for example, specs ng projector, sya na minsan ang kakausap na sa supplier.. simple things means so much kaya kahit ganung mga bagay lang, naaappreciate ko.. supplier wise, sabi naman nya, he'll leave everything to me when it comes to decision making.. everytime we pay naman dumadaan din naman sa kanya coz until now he's maintaning a philippine bank account which is very handy coz we use it to pay our suppliers via online transfers. kapag may problem din sa guests sa side nya, sya na rin ang umaayos. he is doing the rsvp too since 60% of guests kanya. sya naghanap ng dance instructor for their production number at nagaayos ng rehearsal dates..

i'm sure everything will fall into place. just be calm especially pag malayo pa ang wedding. guest list usually, a month or 2 before the event pa lang talaga nafa-finalise. and as the wedding date is near approaching, mas lalo pang madaming changes. mga biglaang di pupunta at mga may gustong isama.

wait nyo lang mga sis.. malay nyo kapag 4 weeks  before the wedding, mag participate na rin si fiance.. like us, 4 weeks na lang kaya medyo active na si hubby. haha! dati kasi medyo mahirap din syang pakilusin. minsan kasi the more we force them, mas lalo silang nagiinarts  feeling nila kasi madami pang time.. eh tayo naman, as much as possible, kahit matagal pa prepared na dapat lahat.

[edna_mode]

ola girls naka 'stealth mode' kami ni fiance ngayon... as in no online posting about the wedding... even sa GT! hehe but tumakas lang ako kase I really have to rant! Grabe na kase ang mga side comments ng mga relatives ni fiance... mostly his titas...

We're having an intimate wedding so limited lang talaga seats.  Fiance and I are doing all the planning. As in tag team kame in everything Everything is going well until ang mga atribidang tita wanted to invite a lot of people! Sinabihan na sila ng mom ni fiance na hindi pwede, kase bilang nga ang seats. Pero nagalit ang mga tita at kesyo bakit daw namin pinag dadamot ang kasal. Tapos pinagsabihan pa nila si MIL na wag daw OO ng oo saming dalawa... pangaralan daw kami tungkol sa pag imbita ng mga guests. Amazing! To think wala silang tinutulong sa kasal and doesn't even bother to offer any help.

Tapos ang pinaka kumulo talaga ang dugo ko sa isang tita ni fiance, who happens to be the mother of our junior bridesmaid. Since it's hard to coordinate the schedule for initial fitting, I've sent all my bridesmaids the list and instructions in gathering their own body measurements. Nasa akin na lahat ng measurements except for the jr. bridesmaid. it's been a month nung sinend ko, and hindi din naman ako nagkulang kay fiance sa paalala.  So finally sabi ko kay fiance kunin na yung measurements nung bata kase magpapatahi na kami. Nagkaroon ng issue, ayaw pasukatan ng nanay yung bata ... gusto nya mga 1 month before the wedding ibigay ang measurement. Baka daw kase lumaki pa yung bata, tutal matagal pa daw wedding namin. We're talking about a kid who's already in 4th yr highschool and payat ang build eversince! Ayaw nyang pasukatan kahit na anong pakiusap ni fiance. At nag mamatigas talaga. Bratinella talaga. Malas nya, im a bigger bratinella than she is.  I gave an ultimatum kay fiance, pag yang measurements wala pa sakin by tomorrow, Im dropping her as my bridesmaid. Ayokong umabot sa point na 1 month before the wedding na tapos pino-problema ko pa damit ng jr bridesmaid, when we should be focusing on more important areas for the wedding planning.  Ayun si fiance and MIL ang nag measure. Nung nakita nung nanay na sinusukatan na nila yung bata, nagmaktol.  Bakit naman daw sha yung gown nya nung wedding nya, 1 month lang daw nila pinagawa. Well, in summary, nasukatan pa din yung bata and nilagyan na lang nila ng  allowance.  Yes I know magkakaron ng long term effect itong mga issues na ito but im very anal with the timeline and sched ng wedding planning....so...sorry, m not sorry. 

[juwie]

^OMG! The Tita's! kumulo din dugo ko while reading your rant, edna_mode!

[edna_mode]

yes sis Juwie! ang daming OMG moments talaga with the titas pero yung iba manageable pa (tipong ayaw nila sumunod sa dress code at motif) pero etong mga issues na ito about guests and measurements, sobrang nakakaloka talaga!

pero at least si fiance knows how to handle the situation buti na lang talaga! kaya chillax mode na ulit 

[reese17]

^ edna_mode, it's great that your fiance's really supportive tag team talaga kayo.

Hay. Dear contrabidas who think that weddings are an excuse to powertrip, or an opportunity for a barangay fiesta and a free meal - please stop. The wedding is NOT about you. It is NOT your show.

^ minsan, ang sarap lang i-post sa FB. Haha.

[maukris]

What ifyour parents are not in good terms, how will you handle it?

[clairetez]

Suko na ko sa na isync ang damit ng pamilya.
Yung MIL , inoofer ko na patahi namin  para uniform at hindi sya under dressed.
Ayaw.

Sabi ko, puwede ba neutral colors or old rose ?
Ayaw.

Ganun din yung isang tita ko, pumayag na magpasukat dun sa modista, sabay pili ng ibang kulay.

haaaaaaaay

[imprincessfiona]

^Wala yata akong na-encounter na wedding preps na walang pasaway. Siguro nagiging training ground na din yun for the couple kung paano nila iha-handle yung situation. Sa wedding preps mas lalo kong nakilala si husband and vice versa. For sure as husband and wife mas marami pa kayong trials na pagdadaanan in the future at need nyo talagang i-workout yun and open communication is really important. I really missed the wedding preps. Lahat ng emotion lalabas. Lungkot, saya, inis etc. Enjoy nyo lang yan mga sis!

[reese17]

What ifyour parents are not in good terms, how will you handle it?

Sis, you mean your mom and dad aren't in good terms? Or your parents vs fiance's parents?

[120515]

hi edna_mode, i feel for you! hugs! glad you still achieved your goal though.

for those unwanted comments, in one ear, out the other

i don't hear any comments from any one since not a lot of people know about our wedding preparations and those who do know are all very supportive. but i wonder if i'll start hearing things come august when we go home to sort out the wedding planning with the suppliers. oh well, my side of the family know better than to try forcing me to do something.

[xsugar]

di naman ata talaga nawawala yung mga kontrabidang relatives pagdating sa wedding preps..minsan nga magtataka kasi kung sino pa yung wala naming tulong sa wedding preps sila pa yung demanding at hehe sorry may pinaghuhugutan din:) I have the same issue kasi with his relatives. Anyway, usapan namin ni h2b since kami gagastos kami masusunod kung may ico-consider man kami na suggestions or comments siguro yung parents namin lang, yung iba bahala na sila:)

[maukris]

Sis, you mean your mom and dad aren't in good terms? Or your parents vs fiance's parents?

Mom and dad. Di sila nag uusap simula ng nag hiwalay sila.
Parang hirap nila pag samahin sa same event.

[caleeice]

I thought we're going to have problems with our guests regarding the RSVPs. In all fairness to the guests on my side, after handing out the invites and sending messages for those who haven't responded, most have confirmed and there were a few who expressed their regrets for not coming. I don't feel bad at all because I appreciate the honesty.

My problem is with my fiancé! Hay. I've been requested him, asked nicely, reminded him and talked to him about this. Pero nada. Inaasa sa mommy niya ang RSVP because these are relatives and friends of his parents (Ako nag-text sa friends niya). Sabi ko get the number, I can text them. He then gives me these excuses na old school daw, so they have to call through landline and go to each house personally (seriously?!?). After nagging him today, he told me that they have a different way of doing their RSVP. Sabi ko, fine. But I don't believe that nobody declined from his side. NOT ONE! Sabi niya meron daw but not as much as I want to, but I'm annoyed that he doesn't even let me know!!! How can I fix our final guest list then?

Hay, what to do with these men. You do most of the leg work, then you assign them very few tasks, and they can't even do it properly? Hay. We're not even married yet. It's a bit scary when I think about what lies on the other side. 

[Chili1113]

caleeice: I feel you sis!! But take it easy and relax =) Let me just share that I regret letting the wedding issues affect my relationship with fiance. --- exagg din ako 1 year pa to go and I was super nagging and letting all my inner b@itch come out full force!!! And now we are sadly not in a good place =(
 
Just wanna share....At first it was me getting cold feet and doubts about getting married and I would really fight H2B every chance I got. It was like I was subconsciously testing his patience and pushing him to the limit. I would scream and belittle him constantly. And even when he started doing things for our wedding like fixing our photographer I would get mad even more for not handling it a certain way. I was pushing him up against the wall perhaps to test if him. To the point that we are on the brink of breaking our engagement and seeking counseling. It is more my fault really. =(

HAHA I must be the worst bridezilla ever. But anyway just wanna say that sometimes in the flurry of a million wedding details some forget that the most important thing is the two of you, and the relationship! In my case it was cold feet that got in the way... and now we're really not good. No one in our families know about our issues, except 2 close friends who think we will pull through. But I must say that in our almost 5 years together, this has been the single most trying time for us. We never fought this much, and my fiance never got this angry at me and this hurt. =( =(

Right now I am trying to relax and just wait and see what our cefam or Discovery Weekend will bring, and am leaving it all up to God. I know this will still can be fixed, but it is just so sad because this is not what any engaged couple want to go through.