Problems you encounter while preparing for your wedding (Part 6)

[120515]

hi chili1113, i can feel your frustration with your groom. i think that in your case, you probably need a serious discussion with him about how you feel. let me share what our solemnizer advised us for our wedding, he asked us to list down all the reasons why we wanted to marry each other and then this list is in the card that holds our marriage certiicate together with our vows. so we listed them down and talk about each reason one by one - just the two of us. this helped make everything clear for us. why don't you and your groom give it a try?
right now, you feel frustrated and angry because you feel your groom is not giving you enough support but a marriage is not just about the wedding but the life after the wedding. talk it out with him. i believe you both will be able to reach a compromise.

[j.adore]

What is he up to these days or what's the reason why he's not involved in the wedding preps? All these may be stemming from that feeling na you're the only one doing everything.

I don't think it's being smart using up all your budget but more of vengeance. You cited your reasons before why you're diligent at budgeting below target but they're going to be null all because of frustration from your fiancé.
Not sure how that would help your situation right now because he gave you that amount to work with in the first place so whether you use it up or not, it won't increase his involvement.

It's normal to have doubts because marriage is about 2 very different people becoming one in harmony. But no 1 person can have everything he or she wants. At the end of the day, it's really about love and commitment. That includes accepting the fact that men aren't naturally into weddings.

We had a similar moment so I get your frustration. There's this thinking "preps pa lang ganito na, what more during our marriage?"
But we talked and worked around it and we still wanted to spend the rest of our lives together so here we are..

Hope you can have a dialogue with your fiancé to sort this out.

Me naman... 1 year to go pa my wedding and im so sick and tired of planning a wedding and fixing the budget. The wedding is still a year pa naman. But I am so fed up doing all this supplier research only to talk to an uninterested groom at the end of the day. So I am officially on wedding planning STRIKE until H2B starts showing some cooperation and interest.

I also made up my mind to start being smart and USE ALL of the budget he gave me. Before kasi I wanted to share in the expenses, even if he never asked me to contribute. But it seems like he doesnt care or appreciate the gesture anyway.

Plus my fiance is getting on my nerves to the point that I have doubts about my decision to get married.

I dunno if this is normal, but my sis in law told me before she had cold feet too. I dunno... Does anyone here ever doubt their decision to get married while being engaged?

[yannuh]

Sis chili1113, nafeel ko talaga to yesterday. Sa akin naman, hands-on din naman si H2B kaya lang kahapon while we're discussing the guests' souvenirs, invites design, gift to sponsors e ako lang yung salita ng salita. Tapos all he did was reject my ideas. Ni walang contributions. Nastress ako sis, gusto ko magwalkout. Uwing-uwi na talaga ako, sabi ko wag na nya ko ihatid. Tapos sobra kong inisip agad kung eto ba talaga yung gusto kong makasama forever? Kaya ko ba syang samahan sa ganung attitude nya? Ayun sis. Pero at the end of the day, pinag usapan naming mabuti yung nangyari and nasettle naman din. Kaya sis i suggest na usap lang talaga kayong maayos, lahat ng gusto mong sabihin sa kanya, sabihin mo and listen to his side naman:)

[juwie]

Does anyone here ever doubt their decision to get married while being engaged?

Me. But it goes away din naman ☺

[simang]

Does anyone here ever doubt their decision to get married while being engaged?

I guess this is normal, pwede hindi doubts on the decision of marrying the person, but more of fear of the unknown haha. Getting married and the life that follows are major life events. We are never ready naman talaga of anything. And as our other sisses here have suggested, the only way to go about it is to communicate effectively. Our partners chose us over anyone, and wala silang ibang gusto other than to make us happy. If he knows what he can do to make you happy, he'll gladly do it.

So far, the only reason I was frustrated with my partner the was because it took us a while before we finally let my family know about our plans. Nakapagstart na kami ng preps and all pero i felt like wala pa syang planong magsabi sa parents ko. When I told him about my concern, kwinento nya sa akin how he's been constantly thinking about it, and even prepared a script for my parents. Sa preps namin however, walang wala akong complains sa kanya. He's very handson and he has nice ideas din na gusto nya iincorporate sa wedding. Even our first dance sya ang magkochoreograph. Haha. If he doesn't like a potential supplier he'll tell me right away.

[childstar]

Hello mga sis. I can greatly identify with your issues/woes. Sorry for the long post.

1st issue namin of course was budget and head count. Now that we've agreed na 150 pax max (pero I'm sure aabot ng 170 coz I think my father's side relatives will be coming home from US). As of last week 80 pax sakin, 60 pax for H2b. Although medyo unfair kasi sakin Naka lista ang common friends namin.

2nd issue - identifying venue which was dependent on budget. Took us 2 weekends of ocular's and meetings and decided na mag down payment. So check na yan

3rd issue - my wedding gown designer. So I went to Cecilio Abad and Niko Hernandez. Mind you they both said the gown they designed for me is wwaaayyy below their minimum / starting gown price which is 100 for Cecilio and  70k for Niko. Super simple lang kasi ng gown ko "cocktail gown" ang peg na pang star magic ball guest like that. At since 10k ang difference nila sa quote sakin. I'm so torn! Halos pareho sila ng design - simply elegant not too beaded and frilly But both long veil with beads kasi nga daw simple ang dress ko. 3 weeks na di pa rin ako Maka decide kanino ako mag down payment. Feeling ko premonition because of our 4th issue...

4th issue - just found out yesterday that I'm PREGNANT sa pag count ko based on LMP.   4 weeks palang. Nakakalokaaaa!!! I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy of course sa super unexpected blessing! Sad kasi ayun na eh, lalakad nako sa altAr next year na purnada pa :/

We can't afford to move the wedding to an earlier date this year due to budget. kaya malamang civil nalang kami. Wwaaahhhh but I guess what matters is I still get to marry and start a family with my dream guy

[shygirlme]

I just had a conversation with my husband yesterday at napunta na naman sa wedding namin. Narealize namin dapat ata inuuna yung RSVP or head count before finding the venue LOL of course malabong mangyari na ma figureout mo agad ilan ang pupunta. Estimated namin from 180 guest pero 150 lang pwede namin iinvite. Nagsisisi lang talaga kami na nakakainis. Kasi yung venue kami nahirapan. Kung alam lang namin na konti lang pupunta nag hotel na nga lang kami for reception. At naging intimate pa wedding namin. Well nasa huli pagsisisi pero ok na din wala naman naging problem ng wedding namin :-)

[juwie]

Whoa!! Congrats childstar! 😊

[childstar]

^ thanks sis

@ shygirlme - oo nga Kaka disappoint nga yun but at least ma dami ng food ü   kaya kami ang invited namin , mga sure na will do anything just to witness our being as one.  

[aNgelofThEMorning]

sis Chili1113, halos parehas tayo ng naging situation. Nag-strike din ako, hinde ko binabanggit yung kasal sa kanya, tapos hinde ako nagkikilos. Hinde umubra, na-realize ko mas mahihirapan lang ako sa huli. Kaya medyo nagahol kami sa preparation kase 2 months akong nag-strike hehe. Nag-doubt rin ako, ginawa ko tinanong ko sya direct to the point "gusto mo ba talaga ako pakasalan?" Nagulat sya, na-realize nya na umabot na sa ganun yung nararamdaman ko. After nun naging active na sya sa prep.

Pero na-realize ko tampo lang pala yung naramdaman ko. Tampo tapos haluaan mo ng problema sa prep at stress ganun kinalabasan.

Chill ka lang sis, may 1 year pa to prepare kaya siguro hinde pa msyado nabo-bother si h2b. It also helps minsan kung lumabas/date kayo ni h2b tapos wag nyo pag-usapan anything related sa kasal.

[caleeice]

Thank you for sharing ladies. I feel relieved that I'm not alone in having fears and doubts about getting married. When I get really annoyed with fiancé regarding preps, I sometimes think... Kakayanin ko ba a lifetime of like this? Haha. Honestly, there are times when I feel scared of the thought that we're not even married and yet ganito na, what more if we're already married for __ number of years? But when we're okay na and get to talk, I'm okay na rin. It certainly helps when he tells me na bakit naman siya matatakot, etc. Hehe.

Sis chili, like what the others said, it would probably be best for you and your fiancé to relax, step back from preps and tell him what you feel. I did that to fiancé. I was feeling stressed out na bakit parang puro ako na lang kumikilos and all. Later on, I realized ginagawa naman niya tasks niya. It's just that he needs me to remind and push him before he does things. So maybe you just need to discuss with your fiancé so both of you can understand where the other is coming from.

[Reynamargallo]

Hi girls! Regarding our fiancee not being too involved. I think most men are like that. Ayaw nila ng madetalye.  Tayong mga babae ang ma-OC. Konti lang ang mga guys na really involved in planning.  bilang na bilang lang.

In my case, when he proposed to me, tanggap ko na hindi siya gaano involved sa planning. We made an agreement na I will do all the planning pero pag decision making na, everything must come from him.  What i do is i give him 3 options sa suppliers na gusto ko. list the pros and cons tapos siya na mag decide. tutal siya naman magbabayad ng lahat.

So yun, for us girls, mahabang pasensya talaga.

[120515]

congratulations on your baby, childstar! 

[Chili1113]

WOW!!!! You girls are the best! Thanks so much lippiequeen, LingMVL, 120215, j.adore, yannuh, juwie, simang  for your replies and advice. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone in having doubts. OR that my reactions are also similar to some of yours, and that my fiance is also similar with a lot of the grooms out there. I really really appreciate all the insights here especially since I don't share these things with family and friends.

I am really taking all your comments into careful consideration because each one is very helpful.  I agree that communication is really the key. And also heheh there are apparently many of us here that have said to ourselves "Preps palang ganito na? Pano na pag married?" Heheh and I am sure fiance has had the same thoughts in his head too.

Thanks again everyone!! =)

[che_v]

sis che_v, can you name this supplier if pwede so we can be aware?

Stat Photobooth. I am not sure if we are an isolated case. As mentioned, the output naman was ok medyo sumablay lang sa timing on giving the revised layout.

[xsugar]

noted sis che_v!

[juwie]

I believe may bad review na rin before ang Stat Photobooth. tsk tsk!

[reese17]

Chili, I'm also annoyed with my fiance. Been asking him to review his guest list and run it by his parents so that we can estimate how many need to be invited (we're sending out save the dates next month) and also to check if we're still within budget. He's been postponing it for the longest time!

Finally, when I started to express my disappointment and worry, biglang he sent the email. Wow, from 280 guests we are now at 340 because certain family members took it upon themselves to invite their friends to our wedding without even telling us. In terms of budget, we are still OK but that's beside the point. I'm hurt that people assume it's okay to invite people without even informing the bride and groom. Forget the money - for me, I really wanted to celebrate our wedding with family and friends who we love and love us. I understand that there are unavoidable obligatory invites but I don't think this scenario falls under that category.

Bakit ba sa mga Pinoy, ang wedding ginagawang party ng bayan or reunion?

[belle_v2g]

reese17
i understand your disgust on that matter. sometimes we just couldn't say no especially if the one who requested a plus 1 (or even a plus 2) is one ofthe principal sponsors.. it annoys me a lot when you have someone around that you do not know personally! pero, just for the sake na umattend ang PS na may companion sya, we just agree diba. pero what happened to you is even more annoying. and your guest count has dramatically increased because they wouldn't even tell you perhaps that they've been dragging some guests to go to your event.. that's very disrespectful for the couple. i hope you can settle that.

[sparklingjewel]

^reese17 Aww, i feel for you We went from 200 to 250 attendees too (and from 200 to 320 invitees!) because of fiance too. Ganyan din, daming mandatory invites coming from his non-close relatives or friends ng parents. Kakainis. I want an intimate wedding so for me, sana yung di naman close samin wag nalang pumunta. Haha sana makatulong that out of town wedding ko, and right smack in the middle of the Christmas holidays!