I need space daw, ano gagawin nyo?

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

Yan na po ang latest development..now she talks..but she needs space na...
3years marriage, 10 years as couple..no more silent treatment...
Haaaaaayss. Buhay may asawa...now i need magpaampon kahit kanino
kasi need ko na umalis ng bahay...

[Girltalker2]

Sorry to hear about your predicament.

Are you sure walang third party?

Hindi na ba talaga kayo puede mag usap or mag counseling muna bago ka umalis?  I assume wala kayong anak, pero still, kasal kayo and I hope both of you can try to work it out muna before calling it quits. Ano ba kasi ang puno't dulo kung bakit kayo nagka ganyan. At the least man lang, alam ninyo na totoong hindi pagkakaintindihan ang nangyari.  So if mag workout, good. If ever naman di mag work out, at least alam nyo na how to handle it in your next relationship.

[tjmax]

Makipagdeal ka kaya? Sabihin nya sayo ang dahilan ng pananahimik nya at after nun saka mo sya kamo bibigyan ng space. Basing from your previous posts pinagdaanan ko din to. Baligtad nga lang. Ako yung nagsasilent treatment. Importanteng malaman mo muna bakit rather than just giving her the space na hinihingi nya ng ganun na lang. At least by then, alam mo kung me magagawa ka pa o wala na at hahayaan mo na lang syang magslip away.

[glamorosa_09]

I've read your previous posts. You mentioned na during weekends and weeknights, gumagawa ng sariling gimik yung wife mo. So when she goes home, matutulog na lang sya. Plus the fact na ayaw nyang pag-usapan ang problema sa marriage nyo - either she gives you the silent treatment o iwas topic. So like what girltalker2 asked, has it ever crossed your mind if there is a third party involved? Were there strange and new behaviors about her? Sa tagal nyong magkasama, 7 years as bf-gf plus 3 years as married couple, you surely would have noticed even the slight changes with her behaviors.

It's just one of the many possibilities lang naman. Ang hirap sa situation nyo is that your wife doesn't communicate on the serious matters; she does not cooperate in taking care of your marriage. Ngayon parang ikaw na lang mag-isang nakikipaglaban. You mentioned na nagawa mo na lahat ng mga panliligaw tactics na sinuggest dito, but to no avail. NR pa rin si wife. So you're left clueless, confused, rejected, frustrated, hurt, hopeless - lahat na yata ng emotions nararamdaman mo na.

Sa tinagal-tagal nyong magkasama, wala ba syang nasabing grievances or complaints about you? Sa more than 7 years, goodie good at happy happy talaga kayo sa isa't isa? Then biglang on the 9th or 10th year ng pagsasama nyo,  biglang BAM! She's suddenly acting out, suddenly silent and uncommunicative, suddenly asking for space. Baka noon pa man, meron na syang complaints, hindi mo lang napapansin, and ngayon napagod na sya?

[caterpillar-girl]

Sorry, but bakit ikaw ang aalis ng bahay? Is that your own choice? If she needs space, hindi ba dapat sya ang umalis? Hehe.

[erza0916]

Oh no!! First kitang nakita sa thread na sexless marriage, then silent treatment, ngayon dito na.. what the heck is going on? Please talk it out before you do something you might regret. Ask her why she needs space, hindi naman pwedeng sabihin nya "I need space" and expect you to just say OK no questions. Are you sure walang third party? Wala ka bang nagawang mali?

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

Id rather think na walang third party, sa tingin ko naman wala.
Eto exact words nya, "I NEED SPACE, I CANT WIN WITH YOUR PRIDE..."

Everytime kasi may pinagtatalunan kaming issue, feeling nya laging ako nanalo at lagi sya tingin nya sa sarili nya ang t**** nya. If i think kasi na tama ko pinaglalaban ko. Naipon pala ng naipon lahat sa kanya yun kaya sya biglang sumabog..

Ako ang kailangan umalis ng bahay kasi nandun nakatira sa bahay namin parents nya. So wala kong choice kundi ako na lang ang aalis. Problema ko wala kong matutuluyan pa. Hindi pwede sa mga parent ko naman kasi hindi ko pa kaya sabihin sa kanila may problema kami, may high blood kasi tatay ko...in time siguro ko na lang sasabihin sa kanila...

Baka meron dyan naghahanap personal driver, pwede ako kahit walang bayad, pero ex deal, stay-in ako. Hahahha. I still have my freelance job naman e. All i need now is a place to stay at night. With all the cold treatment and needing space nya, hindi ko na kaya magtagal sa bahay...

[twenty5]

Hi The Greatest Is LOVE,

I did not follow your thread but it's good that I was able to read some of the comments here.
Bilib din ako at sobrang bow ako sayo na nag voice out ka dito, maganda yung nagsasalita din ang guy.

Anyway, ask ko lang yung house na tinitirhan nyo ba e house nya? nirerent nyo? or what?

Gusto mo ba talaga na ikaw ang umalis or wala ka lang talagang choice? or gusto mo na ikaw na lag ang umalis rather na yung wife mo? For me ah kasi kung siya ang humihingi ng space, e di pabayaan mo pero huwag na huwag kang aalis sa bahay nyo KAHIT ANDON PA NAKATIRA PARENTS NYA, unless BAHAY Nila yun nyahahah...

Kidding aside, sa words na binitawan nya... Feeling ko yan yung words na parang FED up na si girl na sobrang nagka ipon ipon na...

Bigyan kita ng tip, check natin kung effective ah, syempre ikaw pa din naman nakaka kilala saknya...

1. If ever pwede mo pa siya nakausap, if umiiwas, text mo nalang sabihin mo "pwede ba tayo mag usap, yung walang sumbatan at walang galit, as in usap lang tayo"

2. Pag nagka usap kayo, let her speak, if not kaw ang magstart. Sabihin "Sorry, but let me do this word by word.... sa mga sinabe mo na you need space, and you cant win with my pride" pwede ba itanong kung ano yung nasa loobin mo.. etc etc.. Kaya mo na yan...

3. Better do this para wala naman sisihan. Hindi naman dahil sa nag eeffort ka, meaning nag hahabol ka, wag isipin yun, basta ang mahalaga makapag usap kayo ng maayos. Sa isang quiet place.

I hope makatulong

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

Anyway, ask ko lang yung house na tinitirhan nyo ba e house nya? nirerent nyo? or what?

Gusto mo ba talaga na ikaw ang umalis or wala ka lang talagang choice? or gusto mo na ikaw na lag ang umalis rather na yung wife mo? For me ah kasi kung siya ang humihingi ng space, e di pabayaan mo pero huwag na huwag kang aalis sa bahay nyo KAHIT ANDON PA NAKATIRA PARENTS NYA, unless BAHAY Nila yun nyahahah...

Bahay namin yun mag-asawa. Dun na namin pinatira parents nya para hindi na magrent pa...
Kaya wala ko choice na ako talaga ang aalis kasi, panu yun mahirap sa kanila ang lumipat ng bahay ulit. Kaya ako na lang ang aalis pag talagang hindi na kami magkasundo at sobrang tigas na ng puso nya.

Everytime kasi nakikita ko sya at magkasama kami, sobrang cold nya. Hindi ako kinakausap, very civil, isang tanong isang sagot sya. At yun mukha nya parang sobrang lungkot na nagsasabing "umalis ka na pls, hindi na kita kayang makita pa..."

Kaya as soon as possible makahanap na sana ko matutuluyan. Kahit nga personal driver, exdeal lang stay in...para lang may pagstayan ako every night....

[glamorosa_09]

I see, so she's been airing out her grievances before. And the common theme is about pride on your side, whereas on hers is feeling t****. And it looks like this wasn't addressed nor resolved, dahil dumating na kayo sa puntong ito.

Sayang naman. You're ready to throw in the towel na. Don't want to bring the old issue back and maybe start to address it on your own? Is there really nothing could be done to save your 10-year relationship?

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

I see, so she's been airing out her grievances before. And the common theme is about pride on your side, whereas on hers is feeling t****. And it looks like this wasn't addressed nor resolved, dahil dumating na kayo sa puntong ito.

Sayang naman. You're ready to throw in the towel na. Don't want to bring the old issue back and maybe start to address it on your own? Is there really nothing could be done to save your 10-year relationship?

I really am trying to win her back. We're still living together ha. Kaya lang yun treatment nya konting konti na lang bibigay na talaga ko. Hindi ko na kaya. A place to stay in lang talaga problema ko for now. I cant tell this to my parent kasi high blood tatay. Sa mga kaibigigan wala naman ako maisip na pwede...tsaka sobrang nakakahiya. And hindi ko pa kayang magrent..wala akong cash on hand..i have gadgets na pwede ko mabenta and some receivables sa client pero, in the next 2-3months pa ko makakasingil. And sa itsura kasi nya parang dapat wala na ko sa bahay. Naaawa na ko sa itsura nya, pagod na pagod na sa akin..

[Girltalker2]

^ sometimes hindi ko rin maintindihan bakit ka naawa sa itsura nya. hindi ba dapat siya ang maawa sayo since ume-effort ka, dedma naman sya. tapos ikaw pa ang nawalan ngayon ng house.

she owes you an explanation, bilang mag asawa, may commitment kayo sa isa't isa. if you want things to work out, dapat mag effort ka, hindi yung basta maghahanap nalang sya ng ayaw nya, then silent treatment, then walk out. anong klase yun.

well, kung ako ikaw, hindi ako aalis ng house, at kung talagang hindi na nyako matiis, sya ang umalis. tutal mas marami naman syang ipon kesa sayo di ba?  so hindi mo na sya problema, hindi mo narin problema parents nya. just think about it, kung may kalaguyo ang asawa mo, umalis ka, eh di sila pa ng kalaguyo nya nag enjoy ng house nyo. papayag ka?

speaking of her parents, have you tried talking to them din, ano ba nangyayari sa anak nila, baka sakali ma convince nila ang anak nila makinig sayo.

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

^ sometimes hindi ko rin maintindihan bakit ka naawa sa itsura nya. hindi ba dapat siya ang maawa sayo since ume-effort ka, dedma naman sya. tapos ikaw pa ang nawalan ngayon ng house.

well, kung ako ikaw, hindi ako aalis ng house, at kung talagang hindi na nyako matiis, sya ang umalis. tutal mas marami naman syang ipon kesa sayo di ba?  so hindi mo na sya problema, hindi mo narin problema parents nya.

speaking of her parents, have you tried talking to them din, ano ba nangyayari sa anak nila, baka sakali ma convince nila ang anak nila makinig sayo.

No! A big NO in the meantime na malaman ng lahat kahit pa parents nya kung ano ang meron sa amin. Tsaka ang bad and rude ko naman para sa parents nya kung silang lahat ang aalis against sa ako lang magisa...sa anak pa rin naman nila yun bahay e. Hati kami diba...so ang pinaka-okay talaga para sa akin e yun ako ang aalis. Ayokong madyahe sila...

Ang plano ko kung aalis man ako na may dalang mga gamit, meron akong work commitment ng matagal sa malayong lugar kunwari para hindi sila magisip ng kung anuman. Then eventually namin sasabihin sa kanila...ayokong mabother din sila emotionally, Both our parents. Sa amin na lang muna, baka malay natin mag-okay din kami diba. So walang naapektuhan emotionally...

I am the type kasi na as much as kaya pa, i will keep all the problems to myself. I dont want others to be affected emotionally. Hindi ko kayang mandamay pa baka makaapekto pa sa helath ng matatanda lalo na. I always keep it to myself...

[princessrio]

question is.. will that "space" save your marriage? and her explanation is she cannot win with your pride.. so, ang solution dyan ay space?

don't leave your house. if she needs space, sya ang gumawa ng paraan para magkaspace. she wants to go out every night, fine. if she wants na mag out of town for a week, fine. pero don't leave the house kasi sya ang may gusto nyan, hindi ikaw.

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

question is.. will that "space" save your marriage? and her explanation is she cannot win with your pride.. so, ang solution dyan ay space?

don't leave your house. if she needs space, sya ang gumawa ng paraan para magkaspace. she wants to go out every night, fine. if she wants na mag out of town for a week, fine. pero don't leave the house kasi sya ang may gusto nyan, hindi ikaw.

Thanks po sa mga suggestions ha. Pero hindi ko yata kaya na sila ang aalis ng bahay. Kumbaga its just me againts all. Mas dun ako sa isa lang ang magsakripisyo kesa sa mas nakararami.

 Or sya lang ang aalis at ako maiiwan with her parents, lalong ayoko naman nito. Magtataka parents nya syempre. Bakit wala sya. And hindi pa kami ready malaman ng lahat ang tungkol sa issue namin...

[glamorosa_09]

Ang question ko naman, since from your posts you've done everything even to the point na personalized yung binibigay mo sa kanya, is that, did the efforts you made address her sama ng loob?

The way I see it is that she was communicative before, but then napagod na sya maghintay, sabi mo nga sumabog na sya. Then saka ka nag-effort, kung kelan tuluyan nang nawala ang gana nya. Baka her efforts of going out is to be emotionally independent from you.

Kung tama yung impression ko of your situation, I think space will be helpful, if used meaningfully and productively. Pareho na kayong pagod. And I hope it's not the end in your marriage.

[j.adore]

I also think something's up with your wife and she's like that precisely because you let her be.

Demand for an explanation. She's your wife, she owes you that much.
After wedding bigla nag-iba siya, bakit? Pride mo kasi ayaw mo mapatalo sa arguments at napuno na siya kaya magNR/silent treatment/space? Parang di enough reason for the change and the treatment she gives you and now space as in umalis ka ng bahay.

Id rather think na walang third party, sa tingin ko naman wala.

When she goes out partying on weekends, how do you know she is really with her friends?

Everytime kasi may pinagtatalunan kaming issue, feeling nya laging ako nanalo at lagi sya tingin nya sa sarili nya ang t**** nya. If i think kasi na tama ko pinaglalaban ko. Naipon pala ng naipon lahat sa kanya yun kaya sya biglang sumabog..

Like what kind of issue? What if tama ka at mali naman siya talaga? Or it's the other way around pinagpipilitan mo pala yung point mo?
Kailangan ba talaga maghiwalay because of this?

Marriage is not a contest. Maybe she's not mentally and emotionally ready to be married if she thinks it's important for her (or anyone) to have the upper hand.
Siguro eto reason for the change in your relationship after getting married?

Ako ang kailangan umalis ng bahay kasi nandun nakatira sa bahay namin parents nya. So wala kong choice kundi ako na lang ang aalis.

Kawawa ka naman. There's always a choice. Kahit wala parents niya sa bahay, you'll still choose to leave (even if you're not financially capable to do so).

I really hope this will turn out well for the both of you. Kailangan lang siguro ng divine intervention kasi parang ikaw na lang nagttrabaho para magwork marriage niyo.

[glamorosa_09]

I would give your wife the benefit of the doubt. Dito kasi sa forum puro complaints against your wife yung na-ishare mo, the things that she fails to do and are not doing. Then yung posts mo about you, na puro sacrifices na ginagawa mo - winning her back, walang matirahan. Natural na pangit ang tingin ng mga makakabasa sa wife mo, and the sympathy will go to you.

Either wala talaga pakialam yung wife mo at isip-bata, incapable to handle marriage, or there is more to the story that wasn't shared here which could explain why she chooses to emotionally turn away from you.

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

I would give your wife the benefit of the doubt. Dito kasi sa forum puro complaints against your wife yung na-ishare mo, the things that she fails to do and are not doing. Then yung posts mo about you, na puro sacrifices na ginagawa mo - winning her back, walang matirahan. Natural na pangit ang tingin ng mga makakabasa sa wife mo, and the sympathy will go to you.

Either wala talaga pakialam yung wife mo at isip-bata, incapable to handle marriage, or there is more to the story that wasn't shared here which could explain why she chooses to emotionally turn away from you.

No i never complaint about her perse here. what im saying here, is, She got fed up daw.
Pagod na siya kakaintindi sa akin. Sabi nya, she never wins in our arguments,
lagi na lang daw ako tama sya mali, hindi raw ako marunong magsorry,
nagsosorry lang for the sake of matapos ang issue, wala sa puso ang pagsosorry.
Hindi na raw ako sweet unlike before. I never drag her out of town....
Pag nagyaya sya manuod ng sine, ako ayaw ko and she wont argue, uwi na kami.

Dahil freelance work ko, hindi ako nakakapagshare ng gastos sa bahay.
Pag sumusweldo sya, lagi dumaan lang yun pera sa kamay nya kasi nilaan na lahat sa expenses.
And eto ang super big deal sa nya, bakit daw hindi ako close sa pamilya nya?
Pag nasa amin naman sya at nakikita nya ko nakikibonding sa mga relatives ko, ibang-iba raw ako.
ang saya ko raw makipagusap sa lahat at laging ako bangka sa mga tawanan.
pag kaharap ko naman pamilya nya, sobrang tahimik daw ako at hindi nakikibonding sa kanila.
Lahat ng pagod na yan naipon and boom! She told me she needs space...

[The Greatest Is LOVE]

The way I see it is that she was communicative before, but then napagod na sya maghintay, sabi mo nga sumabog na sya. Then saka ka nag-effort, kung kelan tuluyan nang nawala ang gana nya. Baka her efforts of going out is to be emotionally independent from you.

Kung tama yung impression ko of your situation, I think space will be helpful, if used meaningfully and productively. Pareho na kayong pagod. And I hope it's not the end in your marriage.

Tama ka sis. Ganito ko na rin sya nababasa. Pero one thing i know about myself, I don't believe in SPACE. It never worked for me in my past relationship. Once you allow someone to be off your side, malabo nang magkasama kayo ulit.

Pag nasa Space ka, lulutang lutang na lang kami dun and sobrang lawak dun, maraming stars, opportunities. mahihirapan na kaming magkatagpo muli. Sayang. pero im preparing na myself from this...