Been there. May I share what I learned from that Dark Phase of our marriage -- you may gain more insights.
Summary: My charming husband turned out to be an emo and verbal abuser, a serial philanderer, who eventually got himself a kabitch.
He was always a very good provider,; came home every night. Also, a very competent liar & cheater. Hindi ko mahuli huli. Hindi rin nakita ever ng iba in a questionable situation. What an achievement! - as far as his mind went: no evidence, no transgression. We are and belong to very socially active circles and families ha.
I had a successful career, then joined him (he asked me to) in the business he set up. So I was no helpless housewife who got left behind. We built up the business together into a successful one.
He later admitted he would get intimidated by me & this, the emo & verbal abuse - typical stereotype -- meant to cut me down to a "small manageable size". Lol
Now, some say that the infidelity of 1 spouse is the fault of both spouses.
I beg to disagree. Kanya kanyang pananaw nga.
Just my beliefs, based on my, family, BFFs, colleagues experiences AS I perceived these:
1. A cheating man creates rationalizations. He always goes back to rationalize his rationalizations. He will not cease & desist until he decides to do so, kahit ihilera mo pa buong Barangay.
Even if he is convinced he is married to the Perfect Woman. When he decides to cheat, certified aswang na yang dati tingin nya Perfect Wife. He adds Another One to his The One.
2. Nobody is perfect. But everybody has A Choice.
My husband chose to dis-connect, to not work on our discrepancies.
I chose to not cheat (I had just as good opportunities to cheat). I chose to work harder to revive our connection.
So, I told him: IF you expect me to share the blame and guilt for your choice to cheat: wala tayong pag-uusapan, ever. I will never share blame for your Bad Choice. I am not perfect, but I did not choose to cheat though I was more unhappy than you.
So there, when I surrendered it all to God's Will, no more deals -- everything was revealed. I found out about his kab1tch, in a way he could not deny nor lie through.
Where was I then?
Well, months before that -- I started to disengage. Mahirap, masakit.
One can't decide: ayoko na and that's it. No, you go back & forth: ayoko na, sige sige hold on pa, ayoko na uli, sige sige uli. One goes back & forth. Until...
Until the heart grows tired.
See, the heart does not forget the love, but it can get tired one day. When? Only you can say.
But IMO, the heart gets tired when you can no longer see your real self. Eto ba ko?! Sino yan?!
Imagine, the things one can do, even to one's self, to try to mend a broken marriage -- ako ba yan?! Susko.
To cut my long playing sharing --
He asked for 1 Chance, isa lang. Swore over his mother's head.
He went into continuing, full-time True Remorse & Reform... So, our marriage even became better, much better. The day he stops is the day I walk away, wala ng usap usapan.
Some days, I find it in me to Forgive, because I cannot Forget the crap he brought to our marriage.
Some days I cannot Forgive, I thank God I Forget the pain he brought into my life.
Forgive or Forget, either 1 is good enough, IMO.
But I have Acceptance: Sh1t happens.
