What to do husband have mistress & they have baby, I have offer to work abroad.

[charmedwitch776]

We have to be friends for the kids. . We have two children and they want to see their dad and spend time with him. I don't think we can make it possible if magkaaway kami. Ayoko maramdaman ng children ko yun pain and hatred I felt before. I want my children to understand we can be family even if mama and papa is separated. Some people can't understand this but from a mother's perspective this is a necessity.

I have been in rock bottom situation because of what he did and I'm not sure if people can really understand what I have been through that it's so painful I almost killed myself. I've been through a process and acceptance and forgiveness is one of it. I already move on and that's why I'm able to be friends with him.

I'm not being defensive but when I said "friends" meaning we don't fight whenever we're in one room. I give him updates about the children and I can eat in same table with him. It takes time to happened. Kinailangan ko din na hindi sya totally makita or makausap and space out from him before it happened pero successful naman  after maghibernate ako from him and the world

[momentum]

^ i totally understand how you feel sis and knowing how it was not easy to arrive at that level na friends kayo..I know what it takes..mga taong napagdaanan na ang pinagdaanan mo or similar sa pinagdaanan mo could only understand it..actually, kahit nga hindi na "friends" talaga, more on being CIVIL for the sake of the kids. hindi mo naman totally talaga mabubura yung father nila sa buhay nila, unless nalang siyempre murderer, or sobrang bad person talaga yung ama that they have to be away from him. I admire your strength and actually ACHIEVEMENT na dumating ka sa level na yan..coz not all are able to reach that level..it takes a lot of maturity, acceptance (which is VERY hard by the way) and learning to let go of hatred and just focus on what is best for the kids na comfortable rin sayo.

[Girltalker2]

Parang may separate thread nga din - friends or not to be friends with the ex.

And admittedly since halos ganyan din napagdaanan ko like TS (except I pursued offer abroad), ang stand ko talaga is to be civil with ex kahit papano. Since first time ko nga magka ex, feeling ko ayaw ko ng galit at may kaaway lagi. Kaya mas mabuti naman talaga na di na kayo nag aaway in front of the kids.

Since this is a work-in-progress, nagbabago bago din ang stand ko dito. If I have everything in my power talaga, I just want him totally out of our lives. I talked to my kids (teens), ok lang sa kanila daw kahit huwag muna sila magkita ulit.

Point ko - ni singkong duling, walang maitulong and it is not because he doesn't have income, it is because he is just promising things na di nya ginagawa (I don't know if he spends his money sa mga anak nya sa labas, past kabits or current gf).
- he makes kids asa then mawawala na parang bula with some new excuse again pag naisipan nya (once in 4-6 months) magparamdam.
- Imagine I don't have work for some time now, pero 24/7 never ko binitawan ang role ko bilang mother/father ng mga bata. Pero sya, feeling ko nagpapanggap maging tatay kung kelan nya feel. Tapos kapal ng mukha humarap pa samin as if walang nangyari?
- never naman sya naging truly sorry sa kasalanan nya sa mahabang panahon but I just chose to move on and forgive him. Kaso pano mo nga naman hindi magalit if continue parin sya sa old ways and this time damay ang mga bata? I don't want the kids to see it as OK LANG ang lahat because it is NOT. And what their father did should never ever ever be acceptable to them once they become adults or parents or spouses.

[momentum]

^ganyan din malamang nanaisin ko if ganyan ex hubs ko na wala na ngang financial support, nagagawa pang mangako to my kids and not show up/make-up to them when he doesn't keep his promise. mas ok nga talagang burahin siya sa buhay namin

pero siguro if an ex husband naman financially supports the kids and is EAGER and WANTING to always keep in touch with them,taking action and hindi lang verbal lahat, no dramas with me or walang awayan, then kaya ko maging civil, for the sake of the kids. Pero let's face it, bihira nalang talaga ang mga lalakeng ganyan.

[charmedwitch776]

Thanks sis Momentum.

I will also do the same sis Girltalker2 if ganyan father ng mga anak ko. Sa ngayon kasi weekly tinatyaga nya yun mga bata puntahan dito sa laguna and he always texting me kumustahin ang kids and very vocal sya telling me na he wants us back. Pero for me kasi parang still early to say pa kasi if ano talaga  or hanggang kailan at ano kaya nya gawin for me and the kids since wala pa naman 1year kami separated diba.

Basta yun level of friendship namin okay na ako. Yun peace of mind na nachieve ko happy na ako. I don't know what's in the future for us pero one thing is for sure happy ako sa life ko ngayon