Problems with my BestFriend

[erza0916]

I don't know where to post this kasi wala naman akong makitang best friend thread. Anyway here it goes:

I've been bestfriends with her for almost a decade but we're not really that share-everything always-together type of BFFs. We were really close for a year when we started tapos kinda grew apart since she transferred highschools. We only got in touch again like 5 years ago when she had her first baby.

It was fine at first. I helped her with her baby since the dad's working abroad. We would go out and do normal bff stuff. Then I had to go abroad din to visit my bf in Japan, pagbalik ko nabusy na rin ako sa work. At that time she's pregnant na ulit with her second baby. It was so stressful kasi again wala nanaman ang partner nya and ako nanaman ang tumulong sa kanya. Ok lang sakin syempre she's my bestfriend. After nya manganak I had to leave nanaman for the US naman. I found out through our friends na parang nagbubuhay dalaga sya. Leaving her kids with our other friend tapos nagpaparty gimik inom hanggang madaling araw. Of course pinagsabihan ko pero hindi din naman nakinig. Plus I'm busy narin with my own problems.

After 2 years I went back to the Philippines to patch things up with my bf (that's a different story), I found out she's pregnant AGAIN pero this time sa ibang lalake at hindi alam nung father ng 2 kids nya. Yung pinapadala nung dad ng 2 kids eh yun pa bumubuhay sa kanila ng new bf nya. I was so disappointed dahil hindi sya nag wwise up even for her two kids. And talaga namang sa good-for-nothing guy pa sya sumama. Edi ok fine nandyan na eh. Ang mahirap pa nun is she got kicked out of her apartment cause she wasn't paying the rent kahit more than enough ang padala nung dad ng dalawa. I found out that she spent the rent money sa pag bubuhay dalaga nya and even gave twice the amount ng rent nila dun sa new bf kasi nasira daw ang car nun at kailangan ipaayos. Bakit kailangan sya pa magbayad? I doubt n sya ang nakasira dahil hindi naman yun marunong magdrive. Money that was supposed to go to the roof over her children's head eh napunta lang sa bf nya. Again wala nanaman akong nagawa.

She asked if she and her kids could stay sa house namin ng sister ko. Syempre pumayag ako. Rent free and may food na available. Ok naman although nagkakaaway sila ng maid namin dahil she would treat our maid as if yaya ng kids nya. To clean up after her kids saka to look ater them pag umaalis sya. Kinausap ko sya about it and told her that the maid is for maintaining the house not her kids pero lumala lang ang initan nila dahil nagkaka siraan na sila ng maid namin. My sister and I couldn't do anything about it kasi we can't kick one of them out. Mahirap humanap ng trusted maid and naaawa din naman ako kasi walang titirahan ang bestfriend ko. Her family couldn't take her since nabuntis sya ng iba.

Now eto na yung pinaka nag draw ng wedge sa friendship namin. Nawala ang DSLR ng sister ko sa house. No one else could've taken it since wala namang ibang tao samin kundi si bff and ang maid. The maid cleared her name kasi she's old na and she's technologically oblivious, doesn't even know how to use a cellphone and we checked her stuff. Wala din syang kilala sa lugar namin kasi she's from the province. Si bff ang natuturo. We confronted her and she said n she didn't do it naman. My sister asked me to handle it and to squeeze the truth out of her since nawalan na ng amor ang sister ko sa kanya. Convinced sya na si bff ang kumuha. Hindi naman umaamin si bff. Ako ang inaaasahan ni ate na mag judge dahil maskilala ko daw si bff. I honestly don't know what to think. It's like I don't know my supposed bff anymore. She may or may not have done it. I don't know.

Ang ending eh pinalayas na sya ng ate ko sa house. My family hates her. Bumalik na ako ng US to give birth, waiting pa ng 3 more months. Si bff naman eh kasama yung good for nothing guy. Her 2 kids got shipped off to her relatives sa province.

Omg ang haba na pala. Sorry. I'm thinking about her now and I just needed to vent out. I'm gonna give birth soon and syemre usapan ninang sya. Iinvite ko pa ba sya to see my baby? My husband hates her guts talaga na we would get into huge fights because of me still talking to her. I try to keep all my friends cause I have very few.haha I don't want to lose a friend lalo na we consider ourselves bffs. Have you expereinced anything like this? Like losing your best friend? Please feel free to share

Sorry for the long post.

[TysLolakins]

i don't think she's your bestfriend,  she's just somebody you know who's using you when it's convenient for her.  forget about her,  you cannot solve all her problems, plus it's her own doing that's why she's in deep sh*t.  and if she's putting a wedge in your relationship with your husband,  then she's not somebody that you should be associating with from now on.  cut off all the ties and donot make her a ninang. 

[erza0916]

^yun nga sis she's in very deep sh*t and right now what I feel for her is pity. Naaawa ako s dalawa nyang kids na nasang lupalop dahil hindi nya maalagaan. I don't know what my husband and my family would think pag nalaman nilang I still care for her. I don't think she's a bad person, she's just a person who makes very bad decisions. Malamang hindi ko na sya pwedeng gawing ninang and hindi na sya makakatungtong sa house namin. So pano yun completely stop talking to her na lang? Lately she's been PMing me saying na she's gonna give birth really soon and that she misses me and I'm her only friend. She's not asking for anything naman. Naaawa ako na naiinis sa kanya. Hay.

Thanks sa feeback though

[TysLolakins]

to make it easy for you,  choose between her and your husband.  so what's it gonna ba, ha?


unless you can take care and provide for her 2 older kids now and forever,  there isn't much you can do about them.


your so called 'best friend' is using your natural kindness to get you to do stuff for her.  and since you cannot give her tough love,  might as well cutoff ALL communications.  you've helped her twice already.  she's not learning her lesson because she knows your there to do her bidding.


sorry to be so harsh, i just don't cater to parasites like your friend.  and stop being so 'nice' kasi,   

[erza0916]

I'm afraid you might be right. We may have been best friends years ago but now she's somebody else. It's sad that those things happened to her. Like I said she just made very bad decisions, why, I don't know. Syempre husband ko pipiliin ko. I wish her well na lang and good luck sa pinili nyang life. Goodbye friend. (Drama? Haha)

[harley18]

She forgot about the father of her two kids, she easily abandoned her kids, so I guess, same with you. I think naiisip ka lang nya kasi she needs help. She's a changed person. As her best friend, nagawa mo na yun part mo. You helped her, pero sumosobra na sya! I don't think makakatulong pa kung mas tutulungan mo pa sya, kasi parang mas matotolerate yun kalokohan nya. Mahirap tumulong sa taong ayaw tulungan ang sarili nila, gets? Mas ok siguro kung pagsabihan mo lang sya na ayusin ang buhay nya, pagalitan mo ng bonggang bongga.

I feel sorry for her, ano kayang nangyari bakit parang napariwara sya?? Wawa yun asawa nya at 2 anak nya.... 

[lilvanity]

things have changed, I don't think she sees you the same way you see her as your bestfriend. yan mga tipo ng taong you have to let go or else they will drag you down with them. don't get her as ninang, hindi ba mga ninong or ninang, sila dapat mag guide sa mga anak mo or will serve as second parents to your child, kung sarili nga niyang anak napabayaan niya, anak mo pa kaya? I don't know your bestfriend pero she seems like a very selfish person.

[erza0916]

I feel sorry for her, ano kayang nangyari bakit parang napariwara sya?? Wawa yun asawa nya at 2 anak nya.... 

Hindi ko rin alam nangyari sa kanya. She wasn't like that with her first baby. Talagang alaga nya and mabait sya sa father nung baby. Umalis lang ako sandali para mag bakasyon abroad pag balik ko nagkanda sira sira na buhay nya. Worse is may rumor pang hindi sa father ng first baby yung second nya. Whose baby? I don't know. WORST is she neither confirmed or denied. Pinapagalitan ko naman sya and laging sinasabing matuto sya sa mali nya she just answers with "I know. Pero nanjan na eh" .

I guess I was just trying to be that one person she can rely on but now that it's causing arguments between me and my husband, I can't stick with her any longer. Kawawa lagay nya ngayon with her bf. Ni wala ngang pang paanak sa kanya yung guy baka kumuha pa sya s funds nung 2 older kids. I want to help her but I'm gonna have a family of my own very soon and I don't want any more stress from her. I'm just sad for her and her children.

[tomatostellar]

Nakakaloka si "BFF"! I think even if you have only few friends, you can survive losing one kung nagco-cause na sya ng stress sayo ~ ayan pa at preggy ka, pati sa relationship nyo ni husband.
She really has to get her act together. You've extended sobra sobrang help na for her and her kids. She can be a good friend to you by not dragging you down sa drama nya sa buhay - all the time.
ps. being Ninang dito satin usually is listahan of your closest friends - but really, would you consider someone who can't look after her own?

[ieiky]

Hindi yun BFF sis. You've done your part na as a friend. Minsan huwag tayong maguilty talikuran ang mga bagay na pabigat lang sa atin.

Don't be miserable and huwag mo pabayaan ang relationship mo sa asawa mo ang masira because of her. She's not worth it.

[glamorosa_09]

Okay lang hilahin mo yung kaibigan mo para hindi sya tuluyang mahulog sa kung anong bangin ng buhay nya.

But if she's not pulling herself up, she's putting on more weight, at isasama ka pa sa paghulog nya, then better to let go of the rope... kesa mahulog ka rin, think of your marriage as an example. Tama yung mga sinabi nila.

Brutal yata yung illustration ko. Hindi na lang bangin, kanal na lang. Yaan mo sya magpakahulog sa kanal, pinili naman nya yun eh.

[erza0916]

Thanks, you guys. So how do I go about this? Ignore ko na lang sya? I don't want to look like the bad guy who abandoned her friend. Hindi ko na lang sya pag bigyan pag may favor sya noh? Eventually I'm gonna move on from her. I'm her eldest son's ninang pero some times I get sick of her narin. I guess ang pinaka magandang nakuha ko sa kanya is yung lessons of what NOT to do to your life.

[j.adore]

Best friends kayo, tell her straight up everything. If she becomes a better person, say that will save your friendship. Otherwise, just stop communication.

[argento]

Mag alaga ka na lang ng aso 

[purple.strawberry]

You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.. Matigas ulo ni bff e, but remember those are her choices. Kahit naaawa ka pa sa mga anak niya and sa kanya, anong magagawa mo? Lessons niya yun to be learned.

If I were you I'll tell her na I'm still here as somebody to talk to and who gives moral support, but other than that -- meaning financial help or pagtulong sa pag-aalaga sa kids niya -- wala na. You've done your part already.

Now, if you feel that to constant communication is not good for you, naiistressed ka lang and namomroblema, then cut off the communication. If you feel that she brings too much negativity in your life, stop being friends with her.

[harley18]

Nakakaawa kasi kung abandon talaga. What friends are for?? I think tama si purple.strawberry.
Moral support na lang, pero yun bibigyan ng bahay/pera, enough na. Nagawa mo na yun part mo. Kung anong nangyayari sa kanya ngaun, ginusto nya yan. Dapat tulungan naman nya sarili nya na umayos. Sa kanya dapat magstart, hindi sayo...
Keep distance lang siguro, not to the point na mahihila ka nya pababa. Hindi mo rin naman maiwasan na hindi sya isipin e..

[red_yesha]

sorry ha, pero mukang hindi mutual ang feelings nyo, para kasing ikaw lang ang nag-iisip na bff kayo.
Wag mo na syang iinvite para makita baby mo ha kung ayaw mong mabadtrip yang asawa mo sa manggagamit mong "kaibigan"

Thanks, you guys. So how do I go about this? Ignore ko na lang sya? I don't want to look like the bad guy who abandoned her friend. Hindi ko na lang sya pag bigyan pag may favor sya noh

-prangkahin mo sya, make her realize na kailangan nyang magpakatino para sa sarili nya at para sa mga anak nya. Sapat na yung mga naitulong mo sakanya. Aanak anak sya dyan nagagawa pang mag buhay dalaga.

--Anyway, Happy New year! Wishing you a pain-free delivery and Healthy baby !

[erza0916]

Happy New Year everyone! I haven't talked to her since the 30th and last time sinabi nya na pupunta na sya sa hospital. Hindi ko na alam kung ano nangyari sa kanya.. I hope she's ok. Anyway thanks for everyone's input on this. Hindi na talaga siguro kami "best" friends. I've thought about it and parang yung friendship nga namin is all about her. About her kalokohan and me trying to help her fix it. Moral support na lang talaga mabibigay ko sa kanya. Hindi narin ako aasa na matulungan nya ako gaya ng pagtulong ko sa kanya. I did what I can for her and I'm not gonna ask for anything in return. Sana lang magtino na sya for the sake of her kids. Too bad she had to go through 3 pregnancies pa bago sya magbago. Thanks everyone. Have a blessed new year!:)

[tan.denise54]

For me, you can still reach out to her form time to time to know how she is and also her kids. But don't nag her, just keep praying for her and remind her from time to time. Be a friend, but let her know if she's doing something not good.

[MrsLuluyz]

i cut ties with my bestfriend, rather ex bestfriend not because she is a user and has a miserable life like yours but because i think that was the best na to do, since 2nd na to. (dont want to indulge the story here anymore) my hubby and i are godparents to her children to. the first one na nag cut ties ako, she said sorry and yes, she's back in my life and is then entered my new born son's life, kahit my hubby didnt want me to make friends with her anymore, more so let her be part of our son's life, hindi ko sya sinunod, my hubby naman understands kasi he knows mahal ko sya, and she's my bestfriend. pinatuloy ko ulit sya sa life ko, kahit nun una ayaw ni hubby, pumayag din sya maging ninang ng baby ko. alam ko naman wala kami problema. nun nag birthday na anak ko (10 months lang kami naging naging okay uli) hindi ko talaga alam ano problema niya, we chatted pa nun prior to that, sya pa unang una nag going sa event ko, i was busy with preparations and my business, then a few days before napansin kong naging "maybe going" the day ng birthday ng anak ko ni like sa pic ng anak ko kahit nakita ko namang online sya wala, walang kahit isang bati. of course nagtampo ako. being a bestfriend, i was straightforward to her, sinabi ko nakakatampo sya. party ng anak ko hindi na talaga sya nagparamdam. na hurt talaga ako, seenzone nya lang message ko. nanahimik na lang ako after. then me nakita akong pagpaparinig from her a few months after, why? what did i do? i know that was me, i dont remember anymore what she said eh. but that made me design to block her completely in everything especially my social media accounts and cut ties from her. sige that's best for us, toxic na din kasi diba? mag 1 year na since then my son's turning 2 sa march. i believe that was the best decision i ever made, minsan malungkot, what ever happened to her bakit ako ginanun, bakit dinamay yung anak ko na akala ko mahal na mahal niya,  but that's just life. i remembered her son on her birthday, super love ko yun, he turned 7, i wanted to give him something, pero hindi ko alam yung address ng bahay nila na nilipatan. i just prayed for him. pati yung daughter niya nun birthday nun. what ever happened they're still part of my life, 11 years na din kaming friends this year supposedly we met at teentalk pa. weird. but that's life eh. just pray for her, things happen we couldnt control lalo na kung hindi honest kayo honest sa isa't isa. if ever she'll be able to read this or anyone close to her, hey i hope you are fine!