Advice for depression and being single

[sprinkledust]

Girls, do you ever get sad about being single?

Please share your advice about how to not be sad about being single when everyone around you is in a relationship, engaged or getting married.

Thanks so much.

[pret_ty68]

Do not compare. We have unique blessings and burdens.

[Girltalker2]

TS, sorry ha, but I will be blunt about this.  Hanggang ngayon, same ka parin? I saw this exact same post 2 years ago from you. Matatapos na ang 2014, hindi ka pa rin maka move on? When I say "same", I am not referring "you being single", but referring to "you being sad/depressed about being single".

You might have serious issues, maybe you should consider seeing a doctor also?  I also saw a post you also started - depressed ka kasi hindi ka nakapag debut, that was like more than 10 years ago. Napasagot din ako tuloy. 

I also suggest you open your heart to God, and not think of yourself for once.  People who go through hardships in life - hindi yung walang BF/guy in her life ha - hardships I am referring to here - is surviving a war, cancer victim, rape victim, being kidnapped, walang makain, any crisis of that sort - can never think of a debut or worry about not having a BF in her life. 

Sis, my point is, count your blessings.  Enjoy life.  Look at the world around you. Yung mga taga Israel and Africa, or simply say mga typhoon victims, would you rather be in their shoes?  No, di ba?  Kaya be thankful of what you have and not be depressed on what you don't have.

Hindi ko naman sinasabi wala kang gawin. Of course if you are not happy, do something about it.  But please do not waste your precious years on the stuff about "ME".  There are far more better things to do in life.

So in summary, reach out to God, reflect on yourself and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT, and perhaps worth consulting a psychiatrist on this. Take care.


Tapos alam mo, kung ganyan ka lagi, kahit maka hanap ka ng BF, do you think you will have a fulfilling relationship?  You should first be happy alone, tsaka ka magiging lapitin, and mas lalo kang mac-complement ng future better half mo kung positive ang iyong disposition. So being happy is also to your benefit and to your future potential relationship. It is important. So you cannot allow yourself to also wallow on this and worry about this for decades.  Sayang oras sis.

[tomatostellar]

Nung kabataan ko (teenage years) di naman ako bothered na isa isa nang nagbboyprenan ang mga friends ko. Mabarkada kasi ako.

After ng first boyfriend ko, of course sad ako kasi break na kami kahit inlove pa kami sa isa't isa.
Simula nung naka move on ako medyo saglit lang  bago ako naging kami ni current boyfriend kaya siguro di ako na-depress sa pagiging single.
Nung time na yung malaki help ng friends - busy ako nun, dami kami rampa. Although marami din sa mga friends ko e single din.
Ngayon most of my friends din are getting married or having a baby - okay lang, mauna muna sila tutal I don't think bf and I are ready na.

Advice? - Siguro aim for self-improvement. Magpaganda ka; learn new things. Develop into being a "good catch". 
Also, travel - some say mahirap sya pag may family na.

[Girltalker2]

Oh, another thing. Naglipana ang inspriational books sa National Bookstore.  Get a copy of those books - Be Happy, meron pang mga iba e. Read them, I am sure somehow it can uplift your spirit. 

[quinone]

alam mo, may pagka negative rin ako. i cannot help it; i always see the glass half-empty. my husband always reminds me kapag nega ako. so alam ko you cannot help but think that way.

ang daming threads dito about females being single at malapit na mawala sa calendaryo pero you know we are not all called to live the married life. that fact may sound sad to you, but it is true. pwedeng called ka to be single or to serve the Lord. do you have a religion? if you are roman Catholic, read my next paragraph, otherwise, you can just skip  (in general, umiiwas ako magpost about religion)

kaming mga nagbabasa lang dito, malamang kulang sa empathy sa kalagayan ng loob mo pero God can give you the best answer. he is after all the best Father out there. Mama Mary is the 'comforter of the afflicted' pa-intercede ka sa kanya, pray the Express Memorare. it is effective and a very short prayer, hindi ka tatamarin. baka prayer life lang talaga ang hanap mo.

as for books, i would advice reading mga life ng saints kasi we can follow their examples, meditations, and teachings, marami online. yung iba kasing books, insipiring lang pero wala ka tlaga mai-apply sa buhay mo, feel good lang kapag nabasa mo yung story.

[sprinkledust]

Do not compare. We have unique blessings and burdens.

Hi prety_ty68, thanks for replying.

[sprinkledust]

I also suggest you open your heart to God, and not think of yourself for once.  People who go through hardships in life - hindi yung walang BF/guy in her life ha - hardships I am referring to here - is surviving a war, cancer victim, rape victim, being kidnapped, walang makain, any crisis of that sort - can never think of a debut or worry about not having a BF in her life. 

Tapos alam mo, kung ganyan ka lagi, kahit maka hanap ka ng BF, do you think you will have a fulfilling relationship?  You should first be happy alone, tsaka ka magiging lapitin, and mas lalo kang mac-complement ng future better half mo kung positive ang iyong disposition. So being happy is also to your benefit and to your future potential relationship. It is important. So you cannot allow yourself to also wallow on this and worry about this for decades.  Sayang oras sis.

Hi Girltalker2,

You're right, there's lot of things that are worse. Much much worse. There are lots of people I know that are single and I know they feel worried about ever finding the right relationship.

Thanks for your advice about having more faith, and counting your blessings. I think a lot of people compare themselves with their friends who are married already too, that's why they feel this way.

Everyone appreciates you taking the time to write your advice for all the girls out there who may be single and are still trying to find the right relationship.

Thank you so much Girltalker2.

[sprinkledust]

Nung kabataan ko (teenage years) di naman ako bothered na isa isa nang nagbboyprenan ang mga friends ko. Mabarkada kasi ako.

After ng first boyfriend ko, of course sad ako kasi break na kami kahit inlove pa kami sa isa't isa.
Simula nung naka move on ako medyo saglit lang  bago ako naging kami ni current boyfriend kaya siguro di ako na-depress sa pagiging single.
Nung time na yung malaki help ng friends - busy ako nun, dami kami rampa. Although marami din sa mga friends ko e single din.
Ngayon most of my friends din are getting married or having a baby - okay lang, mauna muna sila tutal I don't think bf and I are ready na.

Advice? - Siguro aim for self-improvement. Magpaganda ka; learn new things. Develop into being a "good catch". 
Also, travel - some say mahirap sya pag may family na.

Hi tomatostellar,

Thanks for sharing your story and your advice of improve your self first and learn new things.

[sprinkledust]

alam mo, may pagka negative rin ako. i cannot help it; i always see the glass half-empty. my husband always reminds me kapag nega ako. so alam ko you cannot help but think that way.

HI quinone,

Yup, there are lot of people I know that are still single and a lot of them are positive. I'm sure a lot pray about finding the right relationship too but maybe God has a plan in that the single ones just haven't met their boyfriends yet?

Thanks for your reply.

[killbill]

Honestly nararamdaman ko din to... 😢

[Girltalker2]

^ is it because of the Christmas spirit?

TS, I'm not saying I'm 100% perfectly happy all the time. We all have our own burdens. Ang sinasabi ko lang, 2 years or magt-three years ka nang ganyan. Ano ginawa mo on the last 3 years how come you still feel the same. Tapos with the posts you have, parang you have other concerns din like hindi nakapag debut over 10 yrs ago making you depressed. I'm serious about counseling, I think you badly need to move on.

It is not na I cannot relate. I was at that situation as well pero my issues were different.  When I was at the peak of my depression, ang naiisip ko lang e ang swerte ng mga singles because they got a chance to marry right and be with the right guy they want. Ako at that time was stuck in a marriage with a philandering hubby. Oo nagm mumukmuk ako, but during daytime I try to stay positive and fill my schedules to the brim para di ko maisip problema ko, not for my sake pero for my loved ones - kids, parents and friends.

Sis Killbill, naalala ko pa dati, ayaw ko mag mass. Kahit Christmas. Kasi I end up crying at church, as in hagulhol. Tapos every time I see families and married couples, I just look away, or part ng defensive mechanism kO is hanapan sila ng pintas. And I always believed somehow nangangaliwa din yung lalaki di lang alam ng wife. Oo sama sama ng thoughts ko rin dati. That's why nung na realize ko that is not me - Ayoko maging grouchy ng ganun, I had to do something. I stayed away, I just walked out.

[quinone]

hi sprinkledust, i am not telling you to ask God for a partner, but to cultivate a deeper spiritual/prayer life first because there you will find all the answers to your questions and comfort in all the sadness na ma-feel mo. baka malabo yung unang reply ko sayo

[purple.strawberry]

Ayan tiningnan ko din tuloy previous posts mo TS. :p

I think sis the problem is not that you're nbsb and you don't have a bf pa din but that you are fundamentally not happy within. Pag ganyan, kahit magkabf ka e hindi ka pa rin sasaya kasi negative lang mapapansin mo.

Count your blessings instead of focusing on the things you lack. Bakit parang napakadown mo naman? Go out with your friends and do the activities that you enjoy, whatever those are. Nobody falls in love with a mopey person. You have to love yourself and your life first before you can attract the right people. Learn also to let go of regrets lalo na if di naman malalim na bagay.

The right guy will come when you're ready.

[sprinkledust]

Ayan tiningnan ko din tuloy previous posts mo TS. :p

The right guy will come when you're ready.

Hi purple strawberry,

Thanks, lots of people I know that are nbsb are doing those things, doing hobbies and travelling. You're right, you have to love yourself first. Will try to count blessings and pray for strength.

[killbill]

^ is it because of the Christmas spirit?

TS, I'm not saying I'm 100% perfectly happy all the time. We all have our own burdens. Ang sinasabi ko lang, 2 years or magt-three years ka nang ganyan. Ano ginawa mo on the last 3 years how come you still feel the same. Tapos with the posts you have, parang you have other concerns din like hindi nakapag debut over 10 yrs ago making you depressed. I'm serious about counseling, I think you badly need to move on.

It is not na I cannot relate. I was at that situation as well pero my issues were different.  When I was at the peak of my depression, ang naiisip ko lang e ang swerte ng mga singles because they got a chance to marry right and be with the right guy they want. Ako at that time was stuck in a marriage with a philandering hubby. Oo nagm mumukmuk ako, but during daytime I try to stay positive and fill my schedules to the brim para di ko maisip problema ko, not for my sake pero for my loved ones - kids, parents and friends.

Sis Killbill, naalala ko pa dati, ayaw ko mag mass. Kahit Christmas. Kasi I end up crying at church, as in hagulhol. Tapos every time I see families and married couples, I just look away, or part ng defensive mechanism kO is hanapan sila ng pintas. And I always believed somehow nangangaliwa din yung lalaki di lang alam ng wife. Oo sama sama ng thoughts ko rin dati. That's why nung na realize ko that is not me - Ayoko maging grouchy ng ganun, I had to do something. I stayed away, I just walked out.

Yes. saka nung isang araw kasi family day sa school ng daughter ko and i can't help myself but compare. Na buti pa yung iba may mga daddy, tapos very sweet sa mga asawa nila. Sa mall andaming sweet couples. Naigiging bitter na nga din ako lately.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis you were there for your daughter. Kaya kapag ganun, try mo nalang huwag pansinin ibang tao and enjoy the games, take pics narin.

Naka attend narin ako ng family day ng wala asawa ko dati, madalas. Eventually naka adjust naman ako at di ko na pinapansin ang ibang insensitive na ma hilig pa magtanong kung asan asawa mo. Or kung ilan anak mo. Pati sa mga birthday parties ng mga bata, kasi di ba we want our kids to have games din and enjoy kiddie parties, so lagi din kami nag a attend na ako lang ang adult. I just mingke with the more understanding ones or alam kong hindi pinagkakayabang ang 'happy family' status (I'm sure you know what I mean - )

It is understandable na lahat tayo kahit papano sometimes we feel there's something lacking. Pero once you surrender everything to Him, to God nakakagaan din ng loob.

Then focus on others kesa sa sarili mo, you can somehow help yourself not to feel so depressed.  Yung focus on others - minsan mahirap lalo na kung di mo naman kaano ano. Start with your parents, your siblings, your kids/daughter/son. Isipin mo na they also want you to be happy, at kung happy ka, happy din sila.

[simang]

Napa backread din tuloy ako sa previous posts ni sis sprinkledust.

Anyway, having a boyfriend is NOT the culmination of life. Seriously, as our other sisses have already said, there are a lot of better, grander things to experience. Nung naging single ako,i knew myself better, i found my passion and pursued it, i travelled and met a lot of new people. Nung time na alam kong kumpleto ako on my own, that's when i met My current bf.

The best thing to do is to divert your attention to more productive experiences. Siguro wala ka ginagawa masyado, wala ka hobbies ma regular mong ginagawa, kaya puro yan ang nasa utak mo.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

^ actually it's not always fun fun din naman pag may boyfriend hehe. especially if your boyfriend is an assh*le. i remember before i was telling my friend na it's painful blah blah and i'd rather be sad than to not be with the guy tapos sabi niya but "but before him you're just your happy self and you dont have problems like this". hehe. just saying.

[nettai]

Sige share din ako.

Medyo naging bitter ako noon kasi I've been left for another, not just once, but twice. I've been given advices na maging busy, focus sa studies, magdiet, focus sa pag-iimprove but none of them seemed to work; every night umiiyak talaga ako kasi parang may kulang talaga; wala na akong kakulitan and stuff. Desperate na ako nun to the point of going to Quiapo every week para magsindi ng itim na kandila para makunsyensya yung mga guys na umiwan sa akin, and I even got convinced na sinabi ng isang mangkukulam na ginayuma ng mga pumalit sa akin yung mga exes ko (no seriously. LOL)

Then days, months, years came na nainggit ako sa mga friends and cousins ko na naging masaya sa mga BFs/GFs nila. Nagkaroon ako ng crushes pero di nila ako pinapansin. Then there came a time na ayaw ko talaga muna -- kumbaga nagsawa na ako na maghanap ng kakiligan. Dun ko rin narealize na nawalan ako ng friends and time sa sarili at sa pamilya kasi masyado kong prinioritize yung relationship namin ng exes ko, and masyado kong minadali sarili ko.

In other words, I was too impatient.

Well, just think of this na lang sis TS. Love isn't all that giddy giddy, happy, sappy "kakiligan" stuff -- maraming married at engaged persons (and even yung mga kaka-enter lang into a relationship) na kumakausap sa akin, hindi na nila ma-enjoy yung mga dati nilang gustong i-enjoy nung single pa sila, kesyo daw kailangan daw nila matutong magprioritize, kesyo daw seloso si partner, kesyo palaging mabigat ang problema ni partner, kesyo daw di na sya makapag-enjoy gaano kasama ng mga guy or girl friends nya, etc.. And like mine, well, nagbebreak din kasi hindi nagwowork ang relationship, or even falling short of expectations from the partner, etc.

I'm not saying this to discourage you from falling in love nor having crushes, but to savor whatever status you're having, savor whatever you have right now right now; like sis purple.strawberry mentioned, dadating din yan.

Have a good one, and God bless.