First time?

[mintpunk]

Hello po! Long time lurker but it's my first time posting here. I need advice/POV/just someone to talk to about this I guess...

NBSB ako but recently, a miracle happened may guy (a coworker) na nagkainterest sa akin at tinanong kung pwede ba daw manligaw. I honestly don't know what to say, mga sis. This is literally the first time in my life that this happened to me. To be honest, I've kinda accepted that I won't ever find a guy and I'll end up na matandang dalaga so I don't even bother thinking about these kinds of things. It's very flattering na he wants to court me, but at the same time, I'm having a mental breakdown of sorts because I'm just so darn clueless on how to go about this. Do I say yes? What exactly happens when he starts making ligaw?

The pressing question here is if I like him back... Frankly, I like the attention, but I'm not sure if I like HIM back. Isn't it kind of mean/unfair if I start liking him JUST BECAUSE he likes me? I'm worried na baka nadadala lang ako dahil this is my first time, kumbaga parang desperado na at kakapit nalang to any guy that shows me the tiniest bit of romantic attention.  I don't think I have the emotional maturity to even start dating someone, but something is pushing me to say yes. I don't know if it's mutual feelings, or me being desperate dahil this might be the first and last time a guy will ever court me...

I'm sorry mga sis if this is really confusing and pointless, I just needed a place to vent because I can't/don't want talk to my friends about this because the guy asked kung pwede wag ko munang ipagsabi (which I agreed to naman dahil ayokong matukso pa lalo haha). I'm just so darn clueless about this whole courting thing so any advice/pov/kahit random quote will be appreciated 

[iwannabeasupermodel]

Oh how old are you sis? All i can say is, there's nothing wrong with dating and if you're on the older side eh di isnt it waaay waaay overdue to finally experience dating for the first time? So go ahead and take the dive, enjoy your first plunge in the water and take life lessons you'll get from it. Darating din naman kasi nang darating ang "first time" you'll never learn about it without trying it out.

[aquacharly]

Yeah, how old are you?

Relax. Start out getting to know each other -- like friends.  Do not let him rush you into anything risqué. 
Trust your instincts. 

[Girltalker2]

TS, don't be pressured. Just enjoy the attention.

Pag nagtanong ang guy kung puede sya manligaw. you can always answer him frankly. Una una, are you interested to get to know him - not necessarily na magiging BF mo sya, just to get to know him. If your answer is yes, then, just tell him - you are interested to get to know him, and you guys can just take it from there. Kung magprogress ang relationship, good. if not, you can always be friends.

So know your limits. Go, date lang. Do not commit agad.  But do not close your doors, if there are other guys din who wants to ask you out, go go go.  Get to know this person. Mingle also with others. Just enjoy this time, it's supposed to be enjoyable, not stressful.

[silke]

get to know him. wala naman masama if you'll go out on dates with him. malay mo something might develop diba? you may learn things about him na magugustuhan mo. baka may chemistry pala kayo. give it a chance.

[fredprinz]

Hi MintPunk,

Walang problema kung maga-agree kang magpaligaw. Pero consider these factors BEFORE saying YES na pwede siya manligaw:

1) Do you like him/are you attracted to him physically and how he carries himself? - Malaking factor 'to, iba pag napilitan kang um-oo dahil first time kang niligawan. And ask yourself, should he display good qualities kahit na panget siya, would I be attracted to him? And kung gwapo nga pero may mga panget na ugali kang nahalata even before siya manligaw, ok pa ren ba sayo? Di baleng mag-NO kesa mapilitan.

2) Ang panliligaw for me is the guy only showing his best foot forward - That means majority or almost all the time, puro good qualities lang ng guy ang makikita pag niligawan ka. Natural lang na yun lang ipapakita namen, since gusto nga namen na bumilib kayo and say YES eventually.

3) Think if you're ready for this, kahit courtship stage pa lang - Kung hindi ka mentally or emotionally ready, huwag ka magYes. Kawawa lang yung lalake kung mai-ignore yung effort niya na ligawan ka.

4) What's in it for you? - Before you agree, you need to think long-term and what you'll get from it.


Pero kung OK naman sa'yo, try mo lang, it's added experience for you. Hindi naman porket manliligaw eh sasagutin mo agad.

I don't believe in courtship, by the way.

Good luck and hope you decide what's good for you.

[huggykaye]

I'm sorry mga sis if this is really confusing and pointless, I just needed a place to vent because I can't/don't want talk to my friends about this because the guy asked kung pwede wag ko munang ipagsabi (which I agreed to naman dahil ayokong matukso pa lalo haha). I'm just so darn clueless about this whole courting thing so any advice/pov/kahit random quote will be appreciated 

hhmmm, bakit daw wag muna ipagsabi? wag na lang din muna kaya magligawan... para pag hindi mo sya sinagot, wala makakaalam na busted sya... LOL...

[erza0916]

^kaya nga. Ok na sana eh biglang wag muna ipagsabi? Bakit naman? Something's off. IMO lang naman. TS wag kang mapraning ha. Haha

Tama, ok lang naman magpaligaw. Dyan naman nagsisimula ang lahat eh. What made you think na baka wala nang manligaw sayo grabe ka naman sis. Confidence is the key. Ligaw doesn't mean na dapat sagutin mo sya or maging kayo. Date date lang. Getting to know stage. If you're at the right age ok lang, pero kung bata ka pa wag ka magmadali ha. Goodluck!:)

[Girltalker2]

1) Do you like him/are you attracted to him physically and how he carries himself? - Malaking factor 'to, iba pag napilitan kang um-oo dahil first time kang niligawan. And ask yourself, should he display good qualities kahit na panget siya, would I be attracted to him? And kung gwapo nga pero may mga panget na ugali kang nahalata even before siya manligaw, ok pa ren ba sayo? Di baleng mag-NO kesa mapilitan.

There are times naman kasi hindi ka pa attracted sa guy. Pero the more you see him (at lalo na kung sya lang ang nakakasama mo) for some reason, gumagwapo sya.

Ang akin lang, kung gusto ng guy manligaw, e di manligaw sya.  Pero it does not guarantee nor should it guarantee na sasagutin sya.
 

3) Think if you're ready for this, kahit courtship stage pa lang - Kung hindi ka mentally or emotionally ready, huwag ka magYes. Kawawa lang yung lalake kung mai-ignore yung effort niya na ligawan ka.

Ito nga ang question ko. It questions the sincerity of the guy. Kasi kung wala syang pag asa, di na nya ipursue si girl?  Kasi masasayang pagod nya?  Eh bakit pa sya nagtanong kung puede sya manligaw?  Isn't it more of an indirect question - if you are available?

Pero kung OK naman sa'yo, try mo lang, it's added experience for you. Hindi naman porket manliligaw eh sasagutin mo agad.

so what do you mean about "agad"? 

Ibig ba sabihin pag nag oo ang girl sa tanong na "puede ba kita ligawan" - ibig sabihin, sasagutin ka ng girl, but it would just be a matter of time kung 1 week or 1 year?

[genaro]

Sagutin mo ng... Hindi puwede! Strict ang parents ko, e. Then give him a nice smile.