Am I thinking too much?

[linacheng]

Hi mga sis and bros, I need your POV on this one.

magte-10 months na kami ng boyfriend ko, although there are some misunderstandings, nawoworkout naman namin pareho. Nakilala ko na din yung family nya and one close friend while him, hindi ko pa siya napapakilala sa father ko kasi si papa is seaman. Officemates din kami kaya halos araw-araw magkasama na kami, pagpasok at pag-uwi sa office magkasabay din but the thing is, bakit ganon? When he make kwentos to his friend like kunwari nanood siya ng sine na kasama ako or may binili na something or may pinuntahan kaming dalawa na interesting na lugar, he would say 'me' instead na 'kasama ko si girlfriend', 'may pinanood kami ni girlfriend'. I mean siguro ang babaw ko pero why he would say that na parang mag-isa lang siya when in totoo kasama nya ako. Parang there's no us, only him and me. Masyado ko bang iniisip yung relationship namin? Do i need to tell him my observation? Also, last weekend pumunta ako sa house blessing ng ate nya kasi invited ako and I felt bad nung pinakilala ako ng dad nya 'as friend' dun sa lola nila. Narinig nya yun but he didn't do anything about it and when I brought it up the day after he said na wag ko daw masyadong isipin.

[Girltalker2]

^ sis, how old are you?   si BF? 
Is he your first BF?  How about BF, are you his first GF?

Para sakin ok lang naman kung pinakilala sa lola as kaibigan.  Hindi ba kaibigan din naman ang tawag sa Girl na friend?  Lalo na kung mga bata pa kayo, I suppose hindi pa naman siguro ninyo napapag usapan ang kasalan. So you are just getting to know stage parin naman? 

Ako personally, I prefer na ipakilala as friend kapag sa ganun scenarios.  Kasi what if hindi kami magkatuluyan, e di parang nakakahiya din di ba?  Unless sure na sure na sya ang papakasalan ko, gusto ko ako na matawag na GF. Pero this is just me. Baka may iba pang opinion dyan.

I think the fact na dinala ka sa houseblessing sa family nila, is a way to make your presence known to the family. Unless, lahat ng babae nyang kaibigan eh dinadala din nya sa mga family occasions nila, ibang usapan na iyon.

Tapos regarding naman sa concept ng 'us' vs 'you and me', di ko sya consciously naiisip. Baka nga hindi pa kayo masyadong entrenched with each other at naninibago pa si BF kung nagk-kwento.

For these 2 na ugali, hindi mo ba sila na observe nung hindi pa kayo? How was his kwentos nung dating stage palang kayo?  Pinapakilala ka ba nya sa friends nya and family nung nagd-date palang kayo?

[aquacharly]

Red flag yan, IMO.

Be mindful -- is he the very charming, very friendly type towards other women?
Is he proud of you? Or parang, quiet quiet lang kayo about your relationship, specially in the office?
When it's just the 2 of you --  does he criticize your opinions/preferences? Does he put you down?

If that is the way he makes cuento, I will not ignore my valid feelings of  not being acknowledged, of being excluded, of his being somewhat dis-connected.   

Just be mindful. Do not ignore what is bothering you. 

[maria helga]

Red flag nga yan. Tandaan mo na once you start playing detective on him is the time you actually have to reassess how he's treating you.

[linacheng]

Hi mga sis,
Thanks sa mga POV! I'm actually his third girlfriend and well, he's my first official boyfriend. First official means siya palang yung pinakilala ko sa mga friends and dun sa mama ko as boyfriend. Sa office alam na kami na kasi he's the one who said it to our close friends sa office wherein nung una ayaw ko pa. By the way, i'm 25 and he's 24. Also to answer aquacharly, may times na he puts me down in front of other people pa, yan yung nag-away kami na bakit he needs to do that. Like saying na wala daw akong talent. Ang sakit lang marinig na ganun yung tingin nya sa akin. Also, there is a time na nakita namin yung friend nya nung college sa terminal, he didn't even introduced me and just had a few talk with his friend. I was like smiling nalang that time. So hindi ko na alam mararamdaman ko then when I learned about his ex gf na tingin nya is perfect, woman of his life. Etc. I started to doubt his feelings for me. Yung girl kasi yung nakipagbreak at patay na patay yung bf ko dun sa ex nya na yun (according to his classmate na naging ka-officemate din namin). Nalaman ko lang yung mga yan kasi nagspy ako sa kanya (whicch i know is veryy badd).

[purple.strawberry]

Hmmm. For me sis you may view it as a red flag nga but certainly not a big sign na there's something wrong. Siguro at this point be watchful muna. Eto lang: your boyfriend should be proud of you, and I think merong mali sa pagkekwento niya na ineexclude niyang kasama ka niya. Why would he do that? Tsaka yung tinatalk down ka in front of other people.. Naku sis don't tolerate that. I repeat, your bf should be proud of you.

[quinone]

sa first post mo nagduda kagad ako, parang may mali sa ugali ng bf mo.

... may times na he puts me down in front of other people pa, yan yung nag-away kami na bakit he needs to do that. Like saying na wala daw akong talent. Ang sakit lang marinig na ganun yung tingin nya sa akin. Also, there is a time na nakita namin yung friend nya nung college sa terminal, he didn't even introduced me and just had a few talk with his friend. I was like smiling nalang that time.

sana hindi ako maka offend, pero if i were in your place, unang away pa lang namin na ganyan ang issue, makikipag break ako sa kanya agad-agad. for me kasi ang panget na ugali mahirap baguhin yan, so habang maaga pa at madali maka move on... in the first place, parang wala siyang respect for you.

[aquacharly]

KINACHENG,  yang additional cuento mo -- IMO, he is an emo abuser.  Mind the red flag.
You do not deserve to be belittled, treated shabbily...   Remember:  there is no abuser where is no victim. Hwag ka pa-api, pa diminish, pa demean. You do not deserve that at all.

Take good care of yourself.  Do that, and be guided accordingly.   

[Girltalker2]

Sis, medyo bata pa nga kayo. The guy is not yet at marrying age (for me this should be 30yo and above).

yung putting you down - Ugali nya hindi ok ah. 

Yung "friend" na pakilala, I won't mind. Umpisa lang naman. Then yung you and him vs kayo, benefit of the doubt. Pero itong putting you down in front of others - medyo insensitive sya. So nung nag usap kayo about him putting you down, anong sagot nya dun?

Sis, most men are not sensitive and even oblivious to such issues. Pero hindi lahat. May iba may EQ, kaya choose your men wisely. Pero ok lang iyan, first official BF mo palang naman.  Remember, BF mo lang sya, madali syang palitan, so you dont have to act like kelangan kang kumapit tuko sa kanya if you are not comfortable and know "something seems to be wrong". Tama ginagawa mo - question things if you are not comfy. Because it is in these things you will learn, and you will know, anong klaseng BF ang sunod mong hanapin para maging hubby mo na.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

^ well at least he knows it now sis. If he does it again well yun na yun.