delicadeza

[sumbongera]

friends, patulong naman please. i have a bf who came from a long-term live-in relationship. the girl had a hard time letting go. for a long time naghabol sya kay bf.

one time, bf was on his way to visit his sick brother. naki-hitch si ex sa car, knowing it's my car. i raised hell upon learning about this. i made it clear kay bf to stop doing favors for the ex kase it makes her believe that they actually have a chance to get back together.

and then recently, she asked bf to design the company logo of the ofc she works for. at that time, bf just finished making a shirt design for our college batch. when i saw the shirts, halos pareho design. i got so infuriated.   i told him if he wants to remain with the ex, by all means do so and end his relationship with me. sabi nya he doesn't want to be with his ex. for him, walang meaning yung pag design for the ex.

i accused bf of having no delicadeza. imagine, isakay sa car ko si ex. i'm not jealous that's why i got mad. kung looks ang pag uusapan, ex and i are extreme opposites. she's dark, obese and stands at 4'10" whereas i'm fair, slim, tall and have been complimented for my looks.

i just believe that bf and ex cannot be friends, at least for now. si ex is still bitter and hoping.

am i being unreasonable here?

[Girltalker2]

For me ha, opinion ko lang naman, your bf should distance himself not only to his ex but also from other girls, be it doing a favor or what.

Yes medyo possessive ako, but in the same way, careful din ako pag dating sa closeness ko sa opposite gender. Kasi ang motive ko/ namin is to protect the relationship, and not subject it to temptation nor to misconceptions by other people na puede maging hindi "kami".

Dun sa company logo, if it is a job that the company of his ex is paying him to do, then siguro puede palampasin, pero kung favor lang, he should learn how to say No to his ex and to other girls - again not because magagalit ka, but to protect your relationship. Now if he is not ready to do this, siguro mainam for him huwag muna maki pag relasyon.

Yung hitch ng ride, mali talaga yun. Kahit pa kotse nya or ng ibang tao, out of respect sayo, feeling ko hindi sya dapat pumapayag na may mag hitch na girl sa kanya more so ex pa nya, maliban nalang siguro kung kamag anak or someone you also know na minsan lang naman naki hitch (di araw araw or hindi naman tipong sa motorcycle na naka yapos pa sa kanya)

[j.adore]

Reasonable naman but the way you approach your BF is not (your verbatim: raise hell, infuriated, accused).

You need to have a talk with him to explain why the things he's doing for his ex is unacceptable given that he is in another relationship. Also let him explain why he's doing this to have some understanding about his actions.
If even after this tuloy pa din siya, then saka ka na magalit ng bongga.

Also, this is jealousy It's perfectly normal and you have the right as his current GF.

People should really stop being "friends" with their exes out of respect for their SOs. Doesn't matter if they're true friends. Kumbaga eh, sariling kusa dapat ang lumayo sa kahit na anong posibilidad na "magkamali" "mapagkamalan" etc.

[piao_liang]

No sis you're not being unreasonable after all you're fair, slim, tall and have been complimented for your looks. 

[TysLolakins]

^ you funny 
back on topic,  sis TS,  you are damn right to be mad at your bf and your bf's ex.  if your bf cares about you enough,  then he should not do anything that will make you feel jealous let alone mad.  hindi ako naniniwala na innocent yung gestures niya. 
and i hope that your bf is so worth it in looks and character to make up for the heartache he's causing your right now.     

[amethyst028]

@TS it's your right to get mad. kasi siyempre kapal naman niya para magsakay ng ibang babae sa car mo worst ex pa niya. leave him kung hindi niya kaya to stay away from his ex.

mali naman ata na hamakin mo itsura ng ex niya. it's not all about the looks, madaming average looking girls na nakaka bingwit ng hotties. but i get that you're mad kaya mo nasabi yan. it's human nature i guess.

[baliwsayo]

Ganyan din ex ko noon, mababa ang EQ.. di nag-iisip.. kaya ayun hiwalay na kami ngayon. Hehe. Nanawa ako kakaselos eh. Lahat na lang ng girlalu ina-accommodate. Sabi ko nga para siyang karinderya na bukas sa lahat ng gusto kumain. Mabuti pa pala sa yo at sa ex lang niya siya ganyan. Hehe

[insanelypurpleprincess]

I shall begin by skipping the part where you need affirmation and validation of your reaction towards the situation. People differ, so we also react to situations in different ways. Anyway, I want to go to the part wherein I would like to give your guy the benefit of the doubt, and say for example, think that he thinks there is nothing wrong with his actions or that he doesn't think that it affects you. The big question is, did you guys ever talk about boundaries, expectations and Dos and Don'ts in your relationship? I mean, since you know the prior history of your guy and the ex, then you probably must have discussed it somehow, right? All I am saying is, maybe, just maybe... what you lacked was a sit down to set clear expectations from the start. Some here I read say that you can't be friends with your ex - to some, it is an absolute rule, to others, it doesn't matter. In my case, I can say that I am friends with all my exes, but the question really is, how involved am I with these ex-bfs current life.. meaning, yes, we're friends.. we say hi when we run into each other and that's pretty much it. It's not like we're friends and we still go for coffee like we used to when we were still together. So, it really boils down to talking about these things and streamlining, what is acceptable versus what is not in this relationship. There are generic rules / conditions that apply to all, but again, it will all boil down to the dynamics of your relationship and what it is that you want to achieve from it. Good luck!

[aquacharly]

Are you being unreasonable:  that your bf & his ex should not be friends, for now?

No, it's to be expected -- since your relationship is relatively new.  And well, it's also to be expected: may slight hang-over pa sila sa isa't isa.  Well, they've been together for a long time -- the heart never forgets; habits are hard to break.   But it doesn't mean wala silang closure. 

Oo dapat your bf should not be as accommodating, to not complicate your relationship.
But -- this can be tricky, you gotta play your cards well.
When you talk to him, do not come across as making him to be insensitive/clueless (wala kang delicadeza.  What were you thinking of?!).   Or, you coming across as macuenta (that was my car!  Eh kahit na car nya, hindi ka matutuwa.  That was my car, you are my bf:  what, he's a possession too?).  Or, you are a dictator (clear everything with me 1st like that logo before you do anything)

Instead, appeal to his chivalrous side:  na he wouldn't want to hurt you unintentionally, nor  prolong his Ex's inability to move on.   The best thing is to cut & cut clean, tell him.  To protect your relationship, as GIRLTALKER2 explained. 

No sis you're not being unreasonable after all you're fair, slim, tall and have been complimented for your looks. 

^you are amusing.
As for TS:  Well, you probably latched onto this comparison in a fit of  naïveté.  See, if ang basehan nga ng success of relationships eh ganda:  yang mga Miss Universe natin shouldn't have encountered heartbreaks in their marriages.  Just saying, be mindful.

So, yes -- you were jealous there.  You say "no",  coz she rates lower than you in the looks department.  IMO, you are jealous: because of the long period they shared together. There is an intimacy level & familiarity level you 2 have not yet achieved since bago pa kayo.   Don't focus on The Past: it has nothing to give you.  Instead, focus on giving him a life/relationship that's  better than the one he left behind.   

[purple.strawberry]

No sis you're not being unreasonable after all you're fair, slim, tall and have been complimented for your looks. 

Natawa ako dito. Actually yun lang icocomment ko talaga haha.

[Red Rack 21]

yes talk it out with your boyfriend your relationship rules and if it doesn't work plan a strategy so they won't be able to see or contact each other again. let's say change the sim of your bf and if he visits his brother again...go with him.

[maria helga]

Ako ang suggestion ko try REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY. Kung ini-expect nya na magseselos ka, then gawin mo yung kabaliktaran para magtaka sya.

Wag na wag kang hahabol. Wag na wag mo ring ipafeel sa bf mo na intimidated ka sa ex nya kasi the more na mahalata ng bf mo na intimidated ka, the more na lalaki ulo nyan.

Sabihin mo lagi sa sarili mo, "Who is she anyway? Wala akong paki sa kanya." Isipin mo non-existent sya. Don't give her your power. Nakakastress lang yan at nakakapanget. Nakuuuu. Naiinis tuloy ako sa bf mo. Ang gwapo ha. Haba hair para pagselosin ka ng ganyan. Don't let him play mind games with you. Mind games yan eh.

Ganito:

Magpaganda ka pa lalo.
Be with your guy friends.
Be less available to your BF.
Don't let his ex drain you and make you overthink. Sino ba sya?? Duuuh.

And wag ka matatakot na iwan ka ng boyfriend mo. Pero I'm not saying na maghamon ka lagi ka ng breakup pag may mga ganyang instances ha. Just don't be afraid na iwan ka nya kasi when he knows na you're afraid, lalakas loob nyan na g*guhin ka.

Cheer up. Smile.