Husband is confirmed to be cheating

[marie_06]

Hi everyone. I'm new here. Just want to seek for your advice and opinions...

I'm married for 9 mos, no kid yet. On the 3rd month of our marriage, I found out that my husband is having an affair with his co-worker. We decided to separate for one month, got back together then everything went well. Actually, I thought we're even better than before. Nagingbok kami. Walang trace that he is still in thr affair. Until just recently (thank you sa women's instinct), I discovered that he's still with the girl. I was emptying his bag when I saw a letter. 7mos na yung relationship daw nila.

It hurts me so much. 7 out of 9 mos in our very young marriage, nagcheat si husband.. I'm so devastated now. I do not know how to pick myself up again. Di ko alam what to do. Wala pa kong sinasabihan nito. Even before di ko sinabi sa friends and family ko. When we separated for a month, ang script lang namin is nasa field work sya, as well as me dahil yun naman din ang nature ng mga work namin. Di ko alam ano gagawin ko ngayon.

I hope to get some advice from you guys. Thank you in advance.

[loveleah]

Hi Sis Marie.. sorry to hear that.. I can relate to your pain. nag cheat din si hubby after a year of being married , and we already got a kid back then so it was hard for me to make any decisions.. But after I considered asking him to leave, he came back and vowed not ever to do it again, thankfully, he's being good naman for years .. There's something to be worried of when he tells you it's over pero they're still having an affair behind your back.. And knowing you're still that early in your marriage, suppose to be in honeymoon phase pa dapat kayo nyan.. Count it as a blessing in disguise Sis that you found out about it this at this early stage, and wala pa kayong anak, that would have made things more complicated and difficult. Pray, sis.. Ask for strength and guidance that you will get through this. Don't let him get away with this, mahirap na masanay.. Talk to your Mom about it pra alam nya situation mo. hope everything turns out okay Sis.. Be strong po

[Girltalker2]

Same case as mine.  Sabi nya wala na sila ng mistress nya pero sila parin.

Ang hindi ko maintindihan is bakit ayaw nalang nila sabihin na gusto nila sa mistress, and just end the marriage. Bakit kelangan pa sila maglie or magcheat, eh sila din nahihirapan kung ganyan, damay pa ang wife.

Or gusto nila dalawa ang babae sa buhay nila?

For people like this kasi, hindi mo na sya makakausap ng matino. Kasi kahit anong sabihin nya, hindi mo alam kung totoo na ba o hindi pa. And to be honest, nakakaloka iyang situation na iyan, na parang feeling mo dine deny nya pero may bumubulong sayo na hindi totoo mga pinagsasabi nya. 

TS, I really do not know what to say but you need to think things through.  Tingin mo mahal ka pa ng asawa mo?  Kasi naniniwala ako kung mahal nyo pa ang isa't isa (hindi ikaw lang ang nagmamahal ha), puede mo pa ipatch ang marriage nyo.  That is, kung willing sya ayusin (bitawan ang mistress and focus on you).  Pero kung hindi ka na nya mahal, or mas mahal nga nya ang sarili nya kesa sayo, I think you should not stay in the marriage. Bata ka pa, you can always start anew and find a real man.

[glamorosa_09]

Hi Marie,

No matter how long you have been married, and whether you have a child or not, the effect of infidelity is too painful and too much to bear. In your case, unang panloloko pa lang is already a big blow. But then you reconciled, you trusted again. Pero wala pang isang taon, biglang may sumambulat sa mukha mo, hindi pala totoo yung reconciliation na nangyari sa inyo. You were deceived and blown once again. Your first deep wound is still fresh, when another cut was inflicted on it again. That's too painful.

You don't know what to do, you're completely at a loss, yes. Just nine months ago you were professing your love and loyalty to each other in front of your loved ones, and then now, this. 7 out of the first 9 months of your marriage, dalawa kayo sa buhay nya. I don't understand why at an early part of your marriage he cheated on you already, deceived you twice, and is maintaining an affair. Just like what loveleah mentioned, it is supposed to be a honeymoon stage for you and your hubby, yung tipong parang nagbabahay-bahayan lang kayo. The excitement of being with each other for good is finally here and it's a new exhilarating experience.

What kind of reconciliation that happened between you before ba? Did you ever asked him why he has ever done this? Binugahan mo sana sya ng apoy para natakot. Baka you let him get away with it easily.

It looks like you haven't talked about the letter with him yet. So kung kakausapin mo sya, there are different responses that you might get: he might admit it, he might ignore you, he might get angry at you for trespassing his privacy, pwedeng mag-drama ulit, or gas light you.

Ang tanong dyan, hanggang ilang panloloko ang kaya mong palampasin at tiisin? I suggest that you set your own limits and boundaries. Pero kung sa ngalan ng pagmamahal (este co-dependency pala) eh kaya mo syang paulit-ulit na tanggapin, then nothing will make you leave until you reach the point na hindi mo na talaga kaya. Since seven months na sila, kung kaya mo, papiliin mo sya.

But then, you've got to prepare, as what girltalker2 previously stated from the other thread:

a.) kung pipiliin ka nya at tuluyang hihiwalayan yung babae
b.) kung pipiliin ka nya at kunwaring hihiwalayan yung babae pero tuloy pa rin sila
c.) kung pipiliin nya yung babae

....... anong gagawin mo?

[The5thElement]

Two choices:
1. Leave him and find another man...
2. Stay with him and get even...

[momentum]

If I were in your shoes, hindi na ako magdadalawang isip na hiwalayan na siya. You gave him a chance and he blew it.

If 7months na sila and you have been married for 9months palang, ibig lang sabihin nito is nililigawan na niya ang babaeng yun even before you got married, during your bf/gf stage. Makes me think why did he marry you in the first place. Is he using you or something kaya? (Financial).

 Sis magpasalamat ka mg malaki na wala pa kayong anak, please take this opportunity now to leave. I will not even listen to what he has got to say. I will just leave the letter on the bed, pack my bags and leave.. And not be contactable.

How I wish ganyan nalang naging situation ko, mas madaling to walk away quickly.

God bless sis and hope you will get through this. He is no good. Not worth it

[donya_dyosa]

I adore you for being so calm about this..
siguro, wag na wag kang magiiskandalo, if you want to get even. hire an investigator to get evidence para makasuhan sila... then silently walk away. in your case be like th ex wife of derek ramsey. may mas karapatan kang maging ganun.. demand money or else kulong sila

[la_pinay]

i would suggest you talk it over but then again, he doesn't even deserve a word. respect yourself enough to walk away. wala pa kayong 1 year my dear, what more in the long run?

"you can give another chance,
or you can forgive, let go, and give yourself a better chance."

[aquacharly]

Keep the letter, in safekeeping.

Obviously, he isn't 1 to go into Remorse & Reform
While you 2 were apart -- apparently, he continued his relationship with that Harot.
I have bad news for you: IMO, the hardest affairs to break-up are office affairs. They have the opportunity & legitimate cover to be together daily. 

The writing on the wall is very clear:  file for an annulment.  He is psychologically incapacitated to enter into any marriage.   (Keep the letter in a safe place he won't find it -- sa office desk mo. Consult a lawyer, show the xerox. IF he says the letter is very clear the 2 are conducting an affair AND their identities are clear in the letter -- aha! You can send a xerox to their boss and their HR.  Sh1t can hit the fan & stick to them.)

You're lucky, as MOMENTUM cited -- you found out early enough what your future will look like with him, & you can still walk away.

That's my opinion, others' too:  Walk Away, Now.
However, we won't judge you if you decide to hold on to your marriage. It's only you who knows what will make you happy; how long you can hope; and how much you can suffer.

Pray for Divine Guidance.  Take care of yourself.

[la_pinay]

^ powerful. i'd do that if i were you.

[khaleesiCersei]

keep the letter.. you can use that as evidence if ever you decided to file a case against your husband and the mistress..

[momentum]

Tama ka pala Sis Aquacharly. Yes, keep the letter as evidence

[imbisibol_]

leave him.  no kids, not much of a history since the marriage is still short- you've been given a better fighting chance than most. 

[pretty_conservative]

sis IMO tama si donya_dyosa maghire ka ng investigator if kaya para pag comfrontation time na wala na kawala, kung kaya mo kumilos ka ng tahimik. dapat sa ganyan binibigla.yung tipong ang akala niya wala kang alam pero kumikilos ka na pala..tiyak akong mapapahiya sila.. at wag kang maawa sa kanila if there comes a time na makulong sila (if idedemanda mo) kasi hindi naman sila naawa sayo nung gag*hin ka nila eh..ewan ko lang sis pero sobrang naiinis talaga ako sa mga lalaking nanloloko ng asawa (well ibang usapan naman yung kaya nagloko dahilan may dahilan)..hindi ko pa naman naeexperience ito pero if in case mangyare man hay naku i will get even talaga in a different way..

[aquacharly]

^ pagka alam ko --  Para makulong  ang husband, you must have solid proof ibinabahay or he got married  again.  Even  if he effs around with a different  woman daily, or effs around with the same woman daily -- basta hindi binahay, no going to jail for him.   Same for the Harot. But the evidence of effing around can be used to prove psychological incapacity for annulment. 

The men say:  hwag ka magkaroon ng 2nd cucina.  Why? A 2nd cucina means ibinahay na the Harot (no cucina is just a motel/hotel/whatever transient effing site). & a 2nd cucina  means he eats there, then has to eat again at home (or else the wife will start to suspect something's going on).  Haha

[donya_dyosa]

so I guess consult ka na sa lawyer .. kung anong ebidensya ang kailangan mo para makasuhan sila..  yung letter sobrang hina nun pero itago mo parin.. mahirap ang annulment dito sa pinas but the fact na may kaso sila.. may iisipisipin sila hanggang hindi nadidismiss ang kaso. (lilitaw ba sa nbi yun? mga sis clearance yun, just curious?) anyway this time act like the ex wife of derek ramsey talaga.. hehe.. tahimik tapos biglang nambulaga... pero sis. you have to accept nasiguro na mapupunta nakayo sa hiwalayan bago ka gumawa ng advices namin..

[calovescaia]

It sounds like you're really hurting from what your husband did (and is still doing) to you. It might be helpful if you find some time for yourself first to think about what you really want:

a) Do you want to leave your husband, heal yourself and move on?
b) Do you want to stay with your husband and make things work regardless of the past and heal and move forward together?

Once you've decided on what you want, you can pick yourself up from there. 

[Girltalker2]

^ But the problem with b) is what if the husband does not want to make it work.  For things to work out, kelangan si TS and hubby nya ang magheal and move forward, di lang si TS.

so I guess consult ka na sa lawyer .. kung anong ebidensya ang kailangan mo para makasuhan sila..  yung letter sobrang hina nun pero itago mo parin.. mahirap ang annulment dito sa pinas but the fact na may kaso sila.. may iisipisipin sila hanggang hindi nadidismiss ang kaso. (lilitaw ba sa nbi yun? mga sis clearance yun, just curious?) anyway this time act like the ex wife of derek ramsey talaga.. hehe.. tahimik tapos biglang nambulaga... pero sis. you have to accept nasiguro na mapupunta nakayo sa hiwalayan bago ka gumawa ng advices namin..

Ang problema sa Pinas, kahit kaninong lawyer ka pa magpunta, sasabihin nila sayo is WALA pang lalaking nakulong dahil sa pambababae. Eh kung kada kanto nga may nangangaliwa sa Pinas eh. It's rampant. It's accepted in the society and laws in Phils even support this. 

^ pagka alam ko --  Para makulong  ang husband, you must have solid proof ibinabahay or he got married  again. 

This. I have to find out, kung meron na ba talaga nakulong sa bigamy.  Kasi when I consulted my lawyer some 4 years ago, wala pa.  Sabi nga sakin, if I want to minimize my lawyer's fees, better just file nalang an annulment. Kung mag criminal case ka pa, katakot takot na oras and money ang kelangan mo gugulin.  It is a lost case, if it is in the Phils because of its lousy laws and judicial system.

That's why I hate that country.  Kulang ang batas to protect women. Only recently nagkaron ng law against violence on women and children. Pero pag ganyan, talagang away na talaga.  Paano kung hindi ka palaban?  Hinang hina ka na nga emotionally and mentally sa nangyari, san ka kukuha pa ng lakas to recover from all this?   

[donya_dyosa]

.
Ang problema sa Pinas, kahit kaninong lawyer ka pa magpunta, sasabihin nila sayo is WALA pang lalaking nakulong dahil sa pambababae. Eh kung kada kanto nga may nangangaliwa sa Pinas eh. It's rampant. It's accepted in the society and laws in Phils even support this. 

This. I have to find out, kung meron na ba talaga nakulong sa bigamy.  Kasi when I consulted my lawyer some 4 years ago, wala pa.  Sabi nga sakin, if I want to minimize my lawyer's fees, better just file nalang an annulment. Kung mag criminal case ka pa, katakot takot na oras and money ang kelangan mo gugulin.  It is a lost case, if it is in the Phils because of its lousy laws and judicial system.

awww.. ang alam ko lang rin pag caught in the act.sila nagsesex dun talaga pwede ipakulong... pero sobra hirap na nun mahuli. kaya pala si exwife ni derek ebidensya yung paglivein nila ni angelica p. oh well, super unfair talaga dito sa pinas... basta ts.. wag mageeskandalo ha.. keep it cool and move on at perahan mo asawa mo kesa mapunta sa kabit

[Girltalker2]

^ yes, huwag mag iskandalo. Kaso pag nag iskandalo ka, mas meron pa sila ipataw na criminal case against you. Ikaw pa tuloy makulong later, imbis na sila.  Kaya don't stoop down to their level.

What I did?  I just waited until the time I was ready to take my revenge.  And my revenge was to just walk away GRACEFULLY.  So all that while, in my 10 years, may mistress ang asawa ko, I cried alone, I kept it to myself. I tried to figure it out and di ko alam anong gagawin ko.

Bitter and pathetic moments?  Yes meron din. When I'm alone. Or a few times with my ex when we discuss these things.  Nag marriage encounter pa kami ha. Pero kung hindi talaga sincere si lalaki, kahit anong magic gawin mo, di sya uubra.

So think of your self worth/reputation din in the long run. Now na I'm separated na, my inlaws still keep in touch with me. Kasi alam nila yung anak/kapatid nila ang may malaking sala at wala silang masasabi na masama against me.