Keeping Up with the Joneses

[Annie M.]

Most of us na nandito sa finance thread are interested in creating REAL WEALTH, and many of us siguro like are quite frugal with money. Siguro many of us live below our means in favor of saving and growing our funds for the future.

Pero mga sis, do you ever feel the need to keep up with the Joneses? To keep up with friends/relatives who buy nicer things than you?

My hubby and I live well below our means. This allows us to save for retirement and growing old. For example:

1. We live in a one-bedroom condo in a middle-class development
2. We share 1 car, which is a 4-year old SUV (bought cash and maintained well naman)
3. We only travel once a year.
4. We eat out once to twice a week lang.
5. We buy clothes once a year.

Though to some people, this might seem too frugal, sa amin hindi naman. We are quite comfortable, and we sleep well at night knowing we are saving for the future, whereas most people frittering their money away on senseless things.

Naiinis lang ako when CLOSE friends of mine say things like:

1. Uy bili ka na rin ng bagong phone or LV bag or whatever is new. Kayang-kaya mo naman!
2. Di pa kayo magpapalit ng kotse? Di pa ba sirain yan?  (Tapos sila naman they amortize their brand new cars)
3. Live a little, girl! Mag-business class ka naman!
4. Lipat ka na ng condo! Bakit ka ba nagta-tyaga sa Avida?

Hindi ko alam how to respond to them. 

And minsan, I feel bad -- sometimes I am tempted to keep up with them para na lang they'll stop.

Have you ever experienced this? Anong tips nyo para di ma-pressure to keep up with the Joneses?   

[j.adore]

Maybe you should change your set of friends?

Those who I'm close with have that lifestyle of traveling around the world and having branded things. But they never ever question anyone's lifestyle. We find a middle ground in case may nagtitipid, nagiipon or what.
I did know someone na puro shopping lang inatupag. We don't hang out anymore because 95% of the time with her is all about material things.

If you're comfortable with how you handle your finances, why bother trying to please other people who think otherwise? Don't let them get to you

[cussler]

Don't mind them, its your life. It is you that have the right to do whatever you want to happen in your life. I attended a personal financial management talks/seminars/training and join their club. I woke up from spending so much on things we do not need. Its been 3 years now since I'm living on what i have learned.

Naexpereience ko na rin yung pag sabihan ka na we can afford to buy those things. Living below our means will not kill us but will make us live long and enjoy life to the fullest when time comes.

I don't want to die rich but die wealthy.

[telekikay]

wow...you meet this kind of people everyday.  common profile are employees with white collar jobs, gaining higher position every year without getting promoted, because of "job jumping", or those who are just simply, COO - Child Of Owner/rich kids - they dont really need a job, they just need an audience to show what their parents got.

these people barely have savings in their accounts, some of them dont even have an account (CA/SA or investment) aside from the payroll account lolz!

stick to you financial plans. you will reap the rewards when the time comes.

nice thread though.

[chicafabulosa]

I know how you feel. But the bes thing you can do is just master the art of "deadma". I wuldnt let their comments affect me or stress me. As long as I know I am dojng the right thing for my family, I wouldnt mind their comments at all. Like what you said, you can sleep well without any worries about paying your bill.

[quinone]

Pero mga sis, do you ever feel the need to keep up with the Joneses? To keep up with friends/relatives who buy nicer things than you?

since close friends mo naman sila tell them honestly, and in a nice way, na nagbi-build kayo ng retirement savings.

pwede rin na out of concern lang nila nasasabi yung iba at close lang kayo kaya hindi na sila nag-iisip pa kung paano sabihin ng maganda. halimbawa, ako rin i know one should replace a car every 4-5 years. also, if you just travel once a year, then going business class might not be such a bad idea lalu na kung long flights. at baka may alam lang silang recurring issues about your house?

yung nga, just tell them kung anong priority ninyong mag-asawa and if they are really your friends, baka iwasan na nila magsabi ng ganyan. like j.adore wala rin akong issues like that with friends.

[la_pinay]

i like how you are grounded, and firm with your priorities. just shrug it off, don't get pressured. just because you don't purchase something doesn't mean you can't afford it. just tell them you don't find it necessary, whether its an LV bag or a business class trip. at end of the day, it's your life, and your future.

[Annie M.]

pwede rin na out of concern lang nila nasasabi yung iba at close lang kayo kaya hindi na sila nag-iisip pa kung paano sabihin ng maganda. halimbawa, ako rin i know one should replace a car every 4-5 years. also, if you just travel once a year, then going business class might not be such a bad idea lalu na kung long flights. at baka may alam lang silang recurring issues about your house?

siguro nga, close kasi kami -- as in yung isa, i've known her since high school, yung isa naman college friend ko. kaya siguro hindi nila ine-edit yung sinasabi nila.

these people barely have savings in their accounts, some of them dont even have an account (CA/SA or investment) aside from the payroll account lolz!

 

i know this for a fact, kasi they amortize everything -- car, house, trips, etc.). i know they live paycheck to paycheck. kahit mataas income, mataas din ang lifestyle. 

kahapon lang, nasabihan ako dito sa work ng fellow manager ko -- bakit daw di ko i-avail yung car plan?

when i said "mare, ayoko magkautang eh."

sabi nya "sus! benefit mo yun!"

hindi naman talaga benefit eh -- the amortization is still deducted from your salary. it's actually the company's way of trapping you so you are not able to resign easily. hindi yata ito naiisip ng ibang tao.

sometimes kasi i walk home from work pag di ako madadaanan ni hubby. malapit lang kasi condo namin. exercise ko na rin, tutal pauwi na kahit mapawisan okay lang. i put on my running shoes and i walk. siguro feeling nila "hindi bagay" kasi "boss ako."

haays. social pressures.



 

[telekikay]

^i think car plan is ok, sis. since benefit yan, you'll have a new car at discounted price because of the company's subsidy. win win yan if you dont have any plans of resigning soon.

i, myself have my own guilty pleasure. i used to spend a lot on guitars and cds (wala pa mp3 noon).  sabi nga ng friend ko noon, sana binili ko na lang ng sasakyan lolz! pero ngayon, as i grew older, i learned how to control my whims on everything.  it pays to grow old din pala hehe

[Annie M.]

^ayoko matali sa company. isa pang dahilan is i don't believe in amortizing anything that declines in value, like a car.  i actually considered buying a second hand x-trail a few weeks ago because i saw a good deal, kaso isa lang  ang parking namin sa condo,  so wala talaga akong paglalagyan. i'll have to buy another slot of ever -- which is almost 800k! or i can rent a slot, which costs 4 to 5k monthly. nawalan nako ng gana.

when i was younger, i wasn't good with money, either. 

i only developed financial maturity after reading "Your Money or Your Life" a few years ago.

[Annie M.]

I know how you feel. But the bes thing you can do is just master the art of "deadma". I wuldnt let their comments affect me or stress me. As long as I know I am dojng the right thing for my family, I wouldnt mind their comments at all. Like what you said, you can sleep well without any worries about paying your bill.

kailangan ko to matutunan, sis. i am bad with this deadma skill. kahit na i don't react or i just smile, deep inside nabo-bother ako.

i should learn how to stop caring what others think of me.

[chicafabulosa]

kailangan ko to matutunan, sis. i am bad with this deadma skill. kahit na i don't react or i just smile, deep inside nabo-bother ako.

i should learn how to stop caring what others think of me.

Yes it is about time. Befor i was like you, bothered with what other people will say but I realized if I will be in deep s***, these people wont even bother to help me out. At first of course medyo mahirap but come to think of it, kayo debt free kayo sila bago nga mga gamit pero puro mortgage naman sila. Kayo may savings for comfortable retirement nyo sila they may not even reach half or lucky they will only half of what you have saved na. So sila super tipid na life nila kayo you can enjoy it.

[det060403]

Pero mga sis, do you ever feel the need to keep up with the Joneses? To keep up with friends/relatives who buy nicer things than you?

With my relatives and friends, never ko nafeel that i needed to match up whatever lifestyle they have. They never made me feel that way. Iclear mo nalang sa friends mo kung anong priorities niyo ng husband mo. kung yung friends mo pareho ng friends ko, (medyo taklesa din---LOL) maiintindihan naman nila. hehe...

[telekikay]

^ayoko matali sa company. isa pang dahilan is i don't believe in amortizing anything that declines in value, like a car.  i actually considered buying a second hand x-trail a few weeks ago because i saw a good deal, kaso isa lang  ang parking namin sa condo,  so wala talaga akong paglalagyan. i'll have to buy another slot of ever -- which is almost 800k! or i can rent a slot, which costs 4 to 5k monthly. nawalan nako ng gana.

when i was younger, i wasn't good with money, either. 

i only developed financial maturity after reading "Your Money or Your Life" a few years ago.

actually yan din thinking ko. bukod sa hindi ko kaya bumili ng brand new car (P1M na ngayon ha) lolz!, ayaw ko din mag amortize ng depreciating asset. kasi pag fully paid na, ano na presyo? yun second hand car ko, pwede ko ibenta at palit every so often with minimum losses or sometimes, kita pa nga.

[ikaela]

Maybe you should change your set of friends?

Best advice on here.

The only people who ever cared about what I do and don't do with my money are my parents. And it's a given that parents meddle. Friends don't ever care.

I do have one group of friends who like to "keep up" with each other. They live very expensive lives on budgeted incomes for me, but I do the same -- I don't mess in their business. If that's where they find value, then let them be. Sabi nga, walang basagan ng trip.

[caterpillar-girl]

I think your friends don't mean anything by it. Maybe they're just saying all those things because they know you can afford it. You don't ask someone who can obviously afford only coach seats why they don't take business class. So when they say those things, I think you should even be flattered. And just take it with a grain of salt.

But maybe you should ask yourself also if there's a deeper thing to it. Are you feeling too deprived? Envy is perfectly natural as well as feeling that you might be losing out on some luxuries in life in favor of future comforts. But if this is a feeling that you can't seem to shake off, ask yourself if there are underlying reasons. Baka naman you're being a little too hard on yourself by not giving yourself the chance to really enjoy your hard earned money. We only live once, after all.

Personally, I only feel like I need to 'keep up' in my line of work, where appearances and first impressions matter. So I invested in nice things. That's life, and I'm just going to play with it. But with my friends, I know exactly who I am. I have rich friends and I have not so rich friends. My rich friends worked hard to be where they are now, and even if they were just born rich, they know what it takes to make- and keep- money. So they understand me when I say, we're saving up for something. It's absolutely no issue with them, and with me.

[toinkz]

this is one game i never played coz i know i will never win.  there will always be someone richer who can afford to buy nicer things than us and that's ok. do i got envious? Always! but just for a second or a minute or a day hahaha but never more than a day coz before i go to sleep i already convinced myself na di bale mas mayaman ako sa kanila nyenyenyenyenyenye  . minsan kahit na afford ko naman bumili, my deeply ingrained value of frugality always win.  siguro for me everything boil down to priorities. para sa kin having these things are luxuries, if its necessity for them then by all means go, sabi nga ng sis natin wlang basagan ng trip. i once attend a seminar in which the financial speaker said "if you really want to follow this route (living within your means) then share it with others, or let it be known so that "well meaning friends" will eventually minimize pressuring you. kaya ngaun pag may nagsasabi sa kin "uy may bonus na palitan mo na cellphone mo. i just say" ay meron na ba? di ko kc napansin kasi last year salary pa lang ginagastos ko e."  o db ako na ang mayaman este mayabang! daanin mo na lang sa biro sis, eventually you to get to live the life you want and still keep your friends. win-win db?

[Annie M.]

thanks mga sis. i appreciate all your input.

But maybe you should ask yourself also if there's a deeper thing to it. Are you feeling too deprived? Envy is perfectly natural as well as feeling that you might be losing out on some luxuries in life in favor of future comforts.

inisip ko din 'to. and i DO feel an initial knee-jerk reaction of envy. pero it quickly dissipates. hindi naman ako deprived, sis. i appreciate the nice things i have and can say i am deeply contented.

dati as a younger person, gastadora ako. of course back then wala akong ipon or concept of planning for the future.

but i've changed.

the issue is, i might be outgrowing some of these friends.  unlike them, hindi na ako mahilig mag-shopping. i no longer find happiness in a new designer handbag.

pero i feel like i have to keep up or i might lose them.

medyo alienated na nga ako eh, kasi we're planning a barkada trip to japan early next year, and the itinerary is puro shopping and eating. ako lang ang gusto mag-hiking day trips from tokyo / see the countryside. they would rather spend their money shopping/staying in nice hotels kesa gumastos sa cultural excursions.

sa work naman, i fear that my subordinates might think less of me if i don't keep up. eh mas bago pa phone ng mga tao ko kesa sakin.

[telekikay]

^ate, if you changed. you changed for a better reason. in your younger self, you might have a differemt way of handling that situation. you feel more in control now, that is a good sign. i dotn think you should change your set of friends since you are in control.

i agree with caterpillar-girl said. baka naman they were too excited to get that loan and bought those things they caouldnt buy before and they want you to do the same as well.  minsan kasi sa office, yun first time makabili  ng tag eh mas mayabang pa sa naka rolex. minsan you gotta think twice, you might understand them.

no need to lose em, basta umoo ka na lang. as long as you are in control, you dont have to worry about anything. parang pag aasawa lang yan, some are in a hurry, some take their time while others never had any plans of getting hitched. kanya kanyang trip lang yan.

[aquacharly]

Pero mga sis, do you ever feel the need to keep up with the Joneses? To keep up with friends/relatives who buy nicer things than you?

Do I ever feel the need to keep up with the Joneses?
If the Joneses are my business competitors  - YES.
The medium is the message --  we should project ourselves as more than financially capable, given our business is construction. Sino ba magtitiwala sa contractor na mukhang  hirap?

Keeping up with friends -- NO.  Basically, I am not a person who envies material things. But I will "keep up" when it comes to  education & achievements.   
Keeping up with relatives -- NO. We are a happy, noisy, huge extended family.  We show off new stuff like kids.  We are curious, we share the experience  of ownership or experience itself, & learn if it is worth investing in. 

How do I deal with friends who urge us to spend/own more?
I say:   Next time.  Or, next year.  Or: I am still thinking which color/model/size/whatever
Or:       Pagnanalo  ako ng lotto, pati ikaw bibilhan ko. Hahaha
There is the Desiderata to refer to:    someone will always have more or less than you. So, let it go.

Naiinis lang ako when CLOSE friends of mine say things like: ......   

And minsan, I feel bad -- sometimes I am tempted to keep up with them para na lang they'll stop.

 Anong tips nyo para di ma-pressure to keep up with the Joneses?   

Be true to yourself.  Maybe you are denying yourself too much?  No matter what they say, if you are truly convinced that you are on the right path, you will not be affected.