Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 6)

[slickchick]

my officemates had this discussion over lunch kanina, as one of my female officemate confided this to us.

this is the scenario - guy has a gf (my officemate) and they met via an internet dating site/mobile dating app. for some reason, the girl discovered that the guy still has his account activated on the internet dating site (she deactivated her account nung naging sila). and is still sending PMs to other girls.. simple "hi" message lang naman daw. and none of the girls whom he contacted replied, kasi wala naman photo si guy and di rin complete yung profile nya. my officemate was really upset/angry upon discovering this, and ni-confront nya talaga si guy. initially, the guy denied daw sending the PMs. inamin lang daw after my officemate took screen shots of the messages and sent it to the guy (magaling sa ninja moves si officemate eh! haha!).. na-tempt lang daw sya (the bf), and for him, it does not constitute cheating daw kasi wala naman nagreply sa girls na ni-message nya. due to her love for the guy, my officemate accepted the bf's apology (after nya daw awayin big time) and his promise na di na uulit, pero at the back of her mind daw, babantayan na daw nya lagi si guy. deactivated na ngayon yung account ni guy. si officemate mismo nag deactivate nung account and she even changed the password. sabi ni guy he was not the one DAW who created the account so hindi na daw possible na ma-access at makagawa pa sya ulit ng new account dun..

now my question mga sis and bros -- do you think what the bf did can be considered cheating na? my officemate loves the guy, but ngayon nahihirapan sya ibigay yung 100% trust nya. what could she do daw? thanks in advance sa feedback and insights! 

[simang]

^pag magpapatawad ang isang tao, dapat magpatawad ng buong buo. hindi yung nagpapatawad lang pero ang dami namang conditions. hindi totoong forgiveness yun. true forgiveness involves starting fresh, with a clean slate.

let the guy do his work to earn back her trust. for now, walang magandang maidudulot kung magpapatuloy sila na marami namang doubts at restrictions.

[pretty_B]

When a guy cheats, it isn't just about physical cheating na rin, kasama na rin emotional dun. Kasi kung physically attracted lang si guy sa isang girl pero emotionally masaya pa sya dun sa current partner at talagang mahal nya, he'll never going pursue it in the first place.

 

ooooh. thanks sa reply sis. but what i meant sa emotional cheating is yung feeling na may guilt.

[sugardrop]

^
I think you've already fallen for him. If you haven't, you wouldn't be asking such questions on this thread. And if talagang gusto mong lumayo, you'll do it without even batting an eyelash, whether or not you remain friends. You might say you want to save the friendship but what's going to happen is that you'll end up being on the losing end as the third wheel if you keep this thing going. But then again, you probably won't be on the losing end if talagang gusto mo sya and won't view it that way. We can give as much advice that you want and need but it's entirely up to you if you're going to heed all the advice you're getting. Good luck.

[dismembered]

Emotional Cheating?

Is this like falling in love to other party pero hindi naman ni-push pero deep inside mahal nya yung tao kahit committed sya sa iba?

If that is considered cheating, then we could also say na jerking off to a pornstar is considered cheating din?

Enlighten me!

[introvertpixie]

I hope this get approved because i can't open this up to anyone.


We started dating noong October. Met him thru Tinder. (Tinder pa lang ata dapat di na ko naniwala sa kanya)  okay naman, he was funny, sweet and everything, eventually kahit di pa kami bumigay ako

Dahil sa kalandian ko, I've got pregnant. He never left me pero he became evasive of me. I was pushing him away para di na ko masakatan na wala siya para sakin. He stayed. Lagi nga lang sasabihan ako na update ko na lang siya kung ano mangyayari sakin.

I'm not proud of this but i had an abortion
He never stopped me or di man lang sinabi na papanagutan nya ko kaya ako na nagdecide dahil alam ko na wala naman siya pakielam. Gusto nya pa ko magcytotec noon. Kahit di nya ko tinakbuhan. Alam ko wala siya pakielam sakin.

Nung papunta ako sa monumento, ako lang magisa. Gusto ko na umatras kaso alam ko di ko siya kaya buhayin at di rin naman siya tanggap. bawal naman talaga may kasama pero kahit ihatid nya di man lang nagawa. Kahit nga bigyan ako ng pera para suporta wala. Hindi naman ako nanghingi. Siya lang talaga yung kailangan ko nun.

Nagpakita siya pagkatapos. Sinundo nya ko sa pasay. Doon naging kami na exclusive. Kung kailan wala na.

Kaso isang beses dinugo ako ng sobra, hindi ko naman masabi kahit kanino kasi dalawa lang kami nakakaalam. Dinala ko sarili ko sa ospital sabi ko na lang niraspa ako. Sobrang sakit kasi sabi nya update ko na lang siya kung ano mangyayari. Puro ganun. Di ko alam kung busy lang ba talaga dahil sa family business nila at nagaaral siya or u***s lang talaga ako di ko pa makita..

Di ako natuloy sa confine kasi wala akong pera nun. Tumawag siya sakin nung gabi sabi nya sasamahan nya ko kasi "responsibilidad" nya daw yun. Kinabukasan, ayun magisa lang ako ulit. Busy nga naman kasi sa trabaho. Halos  himatayin ako kakaiyak sa hospital ng family mart.

Pasalamat ako at okay na ko ngayon. Hindi ako proud sa ginawa ko pero nagpapasalamat talaga ako kay Lord kasi kahit sobrang ga** ako.

Ngayon iniiwan ko na yung guy. As in Ilang beses na ko nagsasabi ng ayaw ko na. Hinahabol nya ko palagi kasi daw mahal nya ko. Ako naman si ga** syempre nananiniwala.

Guys, totoo bang mahal nya ko kahit di nya ko pinigilan na iabort yung bata? Ano yon, subconsciously avoiding the situation man lang? Okay naman kami ngayon, pero wala akong tiwala sa kanya kasi kahit paikutin natin lahat yun at yun, wala siya nung kailangan na kailangan na kailangan ko siya, how in the world would i expect him to be here for bigger ones.

And para makaiwas na sa kagagahan nagppills na ko..

[pretty_B]

^
I think you've already fallen for him. If you haven't, you wouldn't be asking such questions on this thread. And if talagang gusto mong lumayo, you'll do it without even batting an eyelash, whether or not you remain friends. You might say you want to save the friendship but what's going to happen is that you'll end up being on the losing end as the third wheel if you keep this thing going. But then again, you probably won't be on the losing end if talagang gusto mo sya and won't view it that way. We can give as much advice that you want and need but it's entirely up to you if you're going to heed all the advice you're getting. Good luck.

thanks for this sis sugardrop. i'll keep this in my mind.

Emotional Cheating?

Is this like falling in love to other party pero hindi naman ni-push pero deep inside mahal nya yung tao kahit committed sya sa iba?

yes, ganito yung ibig sabihin ko sa tanong ko which is related sa post ni sis Evolet027 not on my story.

--
to sis introvertpixie, im speechless! sorry.

[dismembered]

^^ @introvertpixie

 Sorry for your lost.

I wanted to speak based on a guy's perspective.

Ilang months na ba nung malaman na pregnant ka? Ilang taon na ba si guy? Graduate na ba? Nagaaral pa? May responsibility ba sya na dapat suportahan sa pamilya nya? Based sa kwento mo... Si guy, although hindi sya biglang nagdisappear, he looked like as if parang hindi sigurado at hindi alam ang gagawin nya. If lahat ng questions ko above ay mostly yes ang sagot, I want to tell you na normal yun for most guys. Wala sa plan kasi, and hindi alam ang gagawin at dadating sa point na kung ano ano ang maiisip nya, kung ano ang sasabihin ng pamilya nya, paano nya susuportahan ang bata etc. etc. Kahit yung guy need ng counselling, advice o ng mapagsasabihan nung time na yun. Meron ba sya? I guess he was trying to sort things out pero hindi ganun kabilis maayos lahat. Pressure yun eh.

Regarding sa pag-abort ng baby, I wouldn't say na hindi ka nya mahal dahil hindi ka nya pinigilan o dahil hindi sya firm sa decisions nya. Overwhelming lang talaga ang situation para makapagdecide ng maayos.  He's still trying to figure out what to do.

Kung ikaw man ay bothered dahil sa kung ano ang nangyari, you can't put all the blame dun sa guy. Yung baby... responsibility nyo parehas yan. Maraming single moms out there kahit biglaan at tuluyan iniwan ng lalake, ay itinuloy pa rin nila yung baby. During that time kayong dalawa lang ang pwede magtulungan at magsandalan sa isa't isa. Kung si guy hindi alam ang gagawin, nakadepende din sa decision mo kung ano gagawin.

[Girltalker2]

I hope this get approved because i can't open this up to anyone.


We started dating noong October. Met him thru Tinder. (Tinder pa lang ata dapat di na ko naniwala sa kanya)  okay naman, he was funny, sweet and everything, eventually kahit di pa kami bumigay ako

Dahil sa kalandian ko, I've got pregnant. He never left me pero he became evasive of me. I was pushing him away para di na ko masakatan na wala siya para sakin. He stayed. Lagi nga lang sasabihan ako na update ko na lang siya kung ano mangyayari sakin.

I'm not proud of this but i had an abortion
He never stopped me or di man lang sinabi na papanagutan nya ko kaya ako na nagdecide dahil alam ko na wala naman siya pakielam. Gusto nya pa ko magcytotec noon. Kahit di nya ko tinakbuhan. Alam ko wala siya pakielam sakin.

Nung papunta ako sa monumento, ako lang magisa. Gusto ko na umatras kaso alam ko di ko siya kaya buhayin at di rin naman siya tanggap. bawal naman talaga may kasama pero kahit ihatid nya di man lang nagawa. Kahit nga bigyan ako ng pera para suporta wala. Hindi naman ako nanghingi. Siya lang talaga yung kailangan ko nun.

Nagpakita siya pagkatapos. Sinundo nya ko sa pasay. Doon naging kami na exclusive. Kung kailan wala na.

Kaso isang beses dinugo ako ng sobra, hindi ko naman masabi kahit kanino kasi dalawa lang kami nakakaalam. Dinala ko sarili ko sa ospital sabi ko na lang niraspa ako. Sobrang sakit kasi sabi nya update ko na lang siya kung ano mangyayari. Puro ganun. Di ko alam kung busy lang ba talaga dahil sa family business nila at nagaaral siya or u***s lang talaga ako di ko pa makita..

Di ako natuloy sa confine kasi wala akong pera nun. Tumawag siya sakin nung gabi sabi nya sasamahan nya ko kasi "responsibilidad" nya daw yun. Kinabukasan, ayun magisa lang ako ulit. Busy nga naman kasi sa trabaho. Halos  himatayin ako kakaiyak sa hospital ng family mart.

Pasalamat ako at okay na ko ngayon. Hindi ako proud sa ginawa ko pero nagpapasalamat talaga ako kay Lord kasi kahit sobrang ga** ako.

Ngayon iniiwan ko na yung guy. As in Ilang beses na ko nagsasabi ng ayaw ko na. Hinahabol nya ko palagi kasi daw mahal nya ko. Ako naman si ga** syempre nananiniwala.

Guys, totoo bang mahal nya ko kahit di nya ko pinigilan na iabort yung bata? Ano yon, subconsciously avoiding the situation man lang? Okay naman kami ngayon, pero wala akong tiwala sa kanya kasi kahit paikutin natin lahat yun at yun, wala siya nung kailangan na kailangan na kailangan ko siya, how in the world would i expect him to be here for bigger ones.

And para makaiwas na sa kagagahan nagppills na ko..

introvertpixie, your life is really f*cked up. sana malinawan ka as soon as possible. kasi ang daming innocent na nadadamay pa if you will always live your life the way you just did.

sana maiwasan mo na muna yung guy. magsarili ka muna and pray for your baby's soul. I hope you realize the gravity of what you did (you killed), and just pray for God's guidance na malinawan ang utak mo.

Ayaw ko dito ipasok ang religion, pero sobra talaga akong bothered on what you did and how your reaction was/is. Parang ok lang, normal lang, walang nangyari and yet ang prinoproblema mo ever since (and even now) is kung mahal ka ng guy.

You never even fought for your baby tapos ngayon si guy ang sisisihin mo? How can you expect a guy to love you if you cannot even love yourself or your baby (your own flesh and blood). 

[dismembered]

^ Sis GT2, i believe alam naman nya lahat ng yan. We don't know what she's been through. Baka talagang bothered sya kaya sya nag post and she wants to blame the guy for peace of mind. May kasalanan naman talaga si guy, pero she still can't discount the fact na may kasalanan din sya.

[slickchick]

hi sis introvertpixie... condolence sis on losing your baby (though it was by your choice that you lost him/her).. i am speaking from a single mom's point of view ahh.. out of wedlock din ako nagkaron ng anak sis. sa amin naman ng ex ko (my son's biological dad), several irreconcilable differences (religion, upbringing, etc) plus yung physical abuse. but despite of the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy and considering my ex being a 100% a**hole that he wanted/insisted to have the baby aborted, i stood my ground and hindi ko pinalaglag si baby. i know mahirap magpalaki ng bata - the financial aspect, plus yung chismis sa kapitbahay, sa work, sa relatives na dalagang ina ako, kaya lang sis, i know walang kasalanan yung bata, so bakit sya yung dapat mag suffer? kaya binuhay ko sya. and no regrets. he's 8 years old right now, my lucky charm... babies are blessings, in case you don't know..

i agree with what bro dismembered and sis girltalker2 said -- you cannot put the blame on the guy. kahit pa dalawa kayong bumuo ng bata, you have your own mind naman to decide for yourself, and most especially for your baby. as a single mom who have been in your situation na nabuntis din ng biglaan, naaawa ako sa baby mo sis. sorry to be blunt ahh, pero napaka malas naman ni baby at hindi sya nakuhang ipaglaban ng sarili nyang ina. a mother should be the first and most formidable bastion of protection ng isang anak/bata, and unfortunately, you did not become one for your baby. at ngayon, una mo pang iniisip kung mahal ka nung guy (ergo - kalandian)? wow... again, sorry to be blunt.. sana sis, pag-isipan mo yung gravity ng ginawa mo sa baby mo, and pagsisihan mo nawa sincerely.. and i do hope, you will still be given a chance to be mom in the future to be able to rectify the mistakes and the wrongs you have done to your unborn child.. just my opinion sis..

[simang]

I was speechless while reading your story introvertpixie, especially sa abortion part.. But i was more shocked that your concern had so much to do with the guy and not with what you did, not with the baby. Nagdecide ka magpa-abort and your issue was hindi ka nya pinigilan? Or hindi ka nya sinamahan? Or hindi ka nya hinatid man lang? Really? Seriously? And now you're asking this forum if the guy loves you? Yun talaga ang concern mo? Anyway what's done is done, sana nakahingi ka na ng tawad sa baby mo, sa Diyos, sa parents mo, sa sarili mo... You need to fix yourself first. Fix yourself first, you badly need to do that. Of course hindi namin alam ang lahat ng pinagdaanan mo, why you resorted to that and all. you were probably scared, confused, tapos wala ka pa support system, pero nagawa mo na eh. The only way to go about it is be a good and responsible person for yourself. His love for you may be a big thing para sayo, but right now it shouldn't be your top priority. Focus on rebuilding yourself. Humingi ka ng tawad sa Kanya at sa baby mo, at sa sarili mo. God bless you sis. I can sense bata ka pa. Maraming panahon pa para bumawi sa mga nagawa mo.

[Evolet027]

Agree with sis simang.

I think, the guy is an a******. If he truly loves you, he will devote his time for you, lalo na sa pinagdaanan mo. Feeling ko he just likes you kasi nagagamit ka nya. and yeah, for that, i agree T**** ka. Sorry sis.

Mukhang bata ka pa, marami ka pang makikilalang lalake na mas worth it ng time and feelings mo.

[Girltalker2]

^ Sis GT2, i believe alam naman nya lahat ng yan. We don't know what she's been through. Baka talagang bothered sya kaya sya nag post and she wants to blame the guy for peace of mind. May kasalanan naman talaga si guy, pero she still can't discount the fact na may kasalanan din sya.

I don't think she knows.  Pills is not a solution to her problem and for her not to kill again.

The solution is tumino tino sya dapat by running as far away as possible from the guy, seek help/support from someone more credible instead of being too needy tapos mapapariwara ang buhay nya.

I can sense bata ka pa. Maraming panahon pa para bumawi sa mga nagawa mo.

I agree, I think she may only be 17yo. But I may be wrong, tinanggal ko nga ito sa original post ko kasi baka 25yo na sya pero utak teenager.

[mooncake and leaves]

You barely knew this guy when you got pregnant. Then you had to go through all these problems shortly thereafter. I just don't think it's realistic to expect someone to be in love under these circumstances. The situation is just not ripe for it. And yun nga, you only just met. Couples who have been together for far longer than you guys had at the time, would've had a difficult time facing the realities of unplanned pregnancy. I don't think either one of you acted wisely or thought everything through but to me, you acted predictably.

Having said that, count yourself lucky that despite the risky procedure you had, you're here, you're alive and you have a second chance to make better choices. The pills are a step in the right direction, if you ask me. Throw in a condom there. Better be very safe than sorry for the second time and for a different reason.

Last, I wish you the best. I wish you peace. What you had to do couldn't have been easy and from the sound of it, there's a lot of regret in there. You have a lot of work to do (knowing your priorities, for one) and I hope that eventually, you find the happiness you're looking for.

[sugardrop]

@introvertpixie -

I see that you need support from those you love and trust. You can get those not just from that guy. I'm sure there are other people who love you. I don't want to go all sermon-y here because all that needs to be said has already been said.

Honestly, I was stunned speechless when I first read your post. I just hope you have learned your lesson (the hard way though) and move on. Pray for forgiveness and ask for His guidance as I think that's what you need the most at this stage of your life. Good luck.

[may12]

@introvertpixie
Ako sis I'll just pray for your peace of mind and emotions.
I have no idea of the suffering you're going through right now, o kung 'numb' ka pa sa nagawa mong pag-abort. Nabasa ko somewhere na minsan after ilang months pa maghi-hit yung full realization ng mga nagpapa-abort. But I hope by that time, God's mercy will comfort you at sana you will have someone who would truly love and understand you.

[introvertpixie]

Hi.

He told me before he had girlfriend of four years na he got pregnant din. Apparently, Same outcome.
The reason why he wanted me to use cytotec kasi his previous girlfriend used it and it worked on her.
By that story, Alam ko na. The reason why it was too easy for him kasi nagawa nya na pala dati.
I feel very bad na naulit pa sakin. I know I'm stupid.

He's still studying while handling their family business. We knew I was pregnant mga less than a month pa lang. I told him I got a positive PT and he never believed it and have me tested again. The moment it returned two faint lines he suggested agad that he knows where to purchase cytotec. At that point, Wala.

I just started working and have no support from my family whatsoever. I know what's done is done. I can't get it back. Kahit lumuhod ako buong edsa nothing would change things.

I'm trying to end it with him. Yes he makes me happy pero when it all boils down to it dun parin mapupunta that he was never there. I randomly asked him before na what would happen if i decide to keep it (kung may pera lang ako for that) he said that would be okay. Pero nung nandun naman wala. Wala siya ginawa.  And since I'm trying to leave him, But he's not letting me. I keep asking myself if what do i get out of it. Am i just letting my subconscious take the wheel kasi wala nang tatanggap sakin

Pills was never a solution but I don't wanna commit the same mistake again.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I've came from destructive relationships and an unsupportive family that's why i can't handle things like that the way people rightfully should.
I know what I've done was fcked up. I'm trying to fix things myself baby steps.
By next year, I will be resigning on this Job and find my way out one by one.
At this point, I'm not sure if should i have this guy pa by then or wag na lang.

Thank you everyone for listening. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Even him. I don't know if he's too busy or I'm undeniably not one of hs

[Girltalker2]

I'm trying to end it with him. Yes he makes me happy pero when it all boils down to it dun parin mapupunta that he was never there. I randomly asked him before na what would happen if i decide to keep it (kung may pera lang ako for that) he said that would be okay. Pero nung nandun naman wala. Wala siya ginawa.  And since I'm trying to leave him, But he's not letting me. I keep asking myself if what do i get out of it. Am i just letting my subconscious take the wheel kasi wala nang tatanggap sakin

As of this point, you just have to be strong enough to leave him. Hindi ka na bata and you have your own mind, so "he-not-letting-you-leave" does not sound feasible.  hindi ka naman nya siguro kina-kadena or kinukulong. I hope not.

And please don't think na wala nang tatanggap sayo. Try to always improve yourself, bata ka pa and you have your whole life ahead of you.

Pills was never a solution but I don't wanna commit the same mistake again.

I guess it is a quick fix for the moment. But leaving the guy will be a good fix in the long run. If he cares about you, he would not have suggested abortion.  So why do you expect him to be there for you when you need him?  He simply does not care, that's what your kwento shows.

Thank you everyone for your prayers. I've came from destructive relationships and an unsupportive family that's why i can't handle things like that the way people rightfully should.

So sorry to hear about your family.  We all have our own burdens. And kadalasan pa nga, wala tayong kasalanan, but we have to bear them.  That makes life hard. Life is never easy to most of us, but that does not mean we can justify making our lives more miserable. So try to strive hard to do the right things for yourself.  Kasi magulo nanga ang buhay, guguluhin mo pa, eh di lalong mahirap di ba?  If maayos lahat gawin mo from now on, I am sure, aayos din ang buhay mo.

By next year, I will be resigning on this Job and find my way out one by one.

Just make sure you have a job or any source of income to support yourself before you resign.

At this point, I'm not sure if should i have this guy pa by then or wag na lang.

Sana ma convince ka namin, this is not the guy for you. Ang bata mo pa, ang daming lalaki a lot lot better dyan.  Kung yung mga late 20s, or mas may edad na nakakahanap nga ng matinong guy, ikaw pa kaya.

Thank you everyone for listening. I don't have anyone to talk to about this. Even him. I don't know if he's too busy or I'm undeniably not one of hs

may GT, may counseling sessions din sa mga churches. 

Try to turn to God din, he can help, a lot.

Good luck and sana ma enlighten ka talaga.

[honeybunny]

^^sis, the guy is a total a**hole. U know that in your heart. And u know din na u have to leave this guy pero it seems u cant, why? Are u afraid of being alone? U know it's better to be alone than be in a bad company and in misery.

Try to pick yourself up from this mess. Get help from your friends, support group, anyone who can understand your situation. Just stay away from the guy.