Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 6)

[17glut]

Is it possible na TOTOONG alam ng gf/fiance ng guy na may nilalandi syang iba? tipong sasabihin sayo..."alam naman ni gf na kasama kita, blah blah". totoo ba yung ganitong set-up para hindi lang masabihan yung guy na cheater sya?

sa tingin mo ba kung gagawa ng kalokohan si guy/girl eh magagawa nyang magpahuli ng buhay? syempre he's gonna lie about it para walang gulo...

sa kabilang banda, pwede ring alam ni legal jowa na may kasamang iba si guy na babae pero palalabasing boss nya yun or client para iwas suspetsa, pag sinabi kasing kaworkmate lang or dating friend magdududa na yun... 

[pretty_B]

^and ^^, thanks guys! hindi ko kasi alam kung ano maffeel ko. if magguilty ba ako or not. lagi naman kasing sinasabi ni guy na wala naman daw kaming ginagawang masama or alam ni gf nya na magkasama kami. saka he told me several times na open silang magbf-gf sa third wheel. waaa. so, naiisip ko. BAKA legal syang lumandi sa iba. so, keri lang dapat sakin. hahaha. i just dont know if it is the same with the girl's side.

[simang]

^kung okay sa couple ang third wheel, gusto mo ba talaga na ikaw yun? Regardless of their set up as a couple, try to assess want you want for yourself too. If okay sa yo maging third wheel, eh di good for everyone.

The fact that he told you about this third wheel thing means you are being the third wheel.

And the fact that you're being guilty about it means something isn't right.

[pretty_B]

^thanks sis simang. hays. i believe he's being so honest to me. kaya naniniwala din talaga ako kapag sinabi nya na alam ng gf nya na lumalabas kami, naglalandian and all. haha. and so far, he's being so patient naman kapag sinasabi kong di pa ako ready to go further. he respect my decision naman daw kaya ngayon, wala pang super intimate na nangyayari. i just dont know if ano mangyayari after this weekend. waaa.

[Girltalker2]

^ It is your choice kung gusto mo magpadala sa kanyang "gentlemanly" ways.  Kailangan kasi kapag ganyang guys, and you enjoy their company naman, you should be FIRM na friends (without benefits) lang talaga kayo.

So should I take it as, hindi kayo, may gf sya, pero you are starting to fall for him and want to go to bed with him?

You see, one time I dated this guy. He is a gentleman talaga, which is plus points. He respected my personal space - di malapit kung magsalita, he also never hold my hand in the few dates I was out with him.  Pero hindi swak, iba ang wavelength and interests, therefore yung interest/attraction ko sa kanya hindi umabot such that I want to be him again. So told him I think we are better off as friends as I do not see anything progressing between us. Then nalaman ko lo and behold, may nangyari pala sa kanila nung isang ka-date nya while we were dating.  So sabi ko sa sarili ko, how can that happen?  I think the girl na ka-date nya fell for him and syempre yun na nga may nangyari sa kanya. I found out the girl crying later, kasi si guy pala is an *sshole, after may nangyari sa kanila, he went on to the next.

You see, this guy I am telling you about was a perfect gentleman sa start. Buti nalang hindi nagwork ang gimik nya sakin, but unfortunately, may iba syang na-victim.  I am not saying all guys are like this, pero what I am saying is you should be wary that such things happen.

If you happen to want a relationship with this guy by having sex with him, you can certainly tell yourself na hindi ito mangyayari. However, if you just want to have sex with this guy and be friends after, you may just have it.

[dismembered]

Nasa huli ang pagsisisi...

Like what GT2 said, Maraming guys ang ganyan talaga. Kahit ako, as a guy, madami akong nakikitang ganyan na guy.

[Girltalker2]

^and ^^, thanks guys! hindi ko kasi alam kung ano maffeel ko. if magguilty ba ako or not. lagi naman kasing sinasabi ni guy na wala naman daw kaming ginagawang masama or alam ni gf nya na magkasama kami. saka he told me several times na open silang magbf-gf sa third wheel. waaa. so, naiisip ko. BAKA legal syang lumandi sa iba. so, keri lang dapat sakin. hahaha. i just dont know if it is the same with the girl's side.

It is not a matter of having "guilt" feelings. But it is more of what do you want? 

Ok lang ba sayo maging spare tire? Lalapitan kung kelan sya available, but he is committed to someone else, not to you.

He does not love you ever, but wants to have sex with you. Sex lang.  Parausan lang. Bola-bolahin lang ng konti, puede ka na bumigay. 
Ok lang ba iyan sayo to sleep with someone with no feelings/commitment/long term commitment at all for you?

Para sakin, iyang guy na iyan e napakawalang kwenta. May GF na, nanlalandi pa ng iba. Asan na ang respect nya for women, for you?  Worse, tingin nya sayo sex object lang (not even a human/individual with feelings, with your own mind and heart). Ok lang sayo?

[pretty_B]

hays. thanks for the reply sis Girltalker2. Grabe, mejo need ko talaga ng mga ganyang replies ngayon. haha.

^So should I take it as, hindi kayo, may gf sya, pero you are starting to fall for him and want to go to bed with him?

Partly yes. Yes, hindi kami at may gf (fiance) sya and im afraid i might fall for him but No I don’t want to go to bed with him. I have my own values regarding that matter and as much as possible, im sticking to it.

Natatakot lang ako na baka hindi ko mapanindigan yung values ko pag nafall na ako sakanya. Ayaw ko naman lumayo kasi nagjjive talaga kami sa halos lahat ng bagay -- sa mga kwentuhan, trip, hobbies, etc. same wavelength talaga considering the gap on our age (he's 10yrs my senior). Lagi din nya ako cinocompare sa gf nya na kaugali ko daw gf nya. He is praising us both, actually. Haha. and also, we both agreed na i am his mini-version. and nasabi nya once na up to this point in time, natatakot sya na may mameet na kaugali nya. (mejo magulo lang coz he's saying im partly him and partly like his girl).

I still want to be friends (without benefit) with him, kaya lang naiisip ko na one day, aayaw din ito kasi di ko maibigay gusto nya – which is ang bataan ko. Haha.

[17glut]

^as long as nagpapakita ka ng motibo or interes hindi ka tatantanan nyan. Only way to make him stop (if you really like him to stop) is to cut off all ties of communication with him. Dun lang sya hihinto talaga. Pero hanggat ineentertain mo sya, sooner or later, he might draw conclusions that could give him the wrong idea and dun sya gagawa ng move ...

[pretty_B]

^actually sis, hindi nya kailangan magdraw ng conclusions. he can ask me right away. and just like what we are used to. he can ask me and i can answer him right in his face. yes, ganun kami ka-honest. or at least ka comfortable sa isa't isa. we can talk everything under the sun. kaya nga he's very vocal din about sa third wheel plan nila ng gf nya. my prob regarding that lang is...i am not 100% sure na gusto din ng girl yung ganitong setup namin.

also, sabi ko nga ayaw ko naman lumayo. ang gusto ko lang mangyari is...wag ma-fall. hahaha. hindi naman ako clingy sa kanya. as in di ako mauunang magtetext or viber sakanya. sya palagi, siguro nga sometimes spare tire ang turing nya sakin. at times nalang kami nagkakausap virtually. mostly, personal din talaga.

[Evolet027]

Hi pretty B, as per back reading, we have the same guy sa buhay na ganyan haha. But I'm over him. I'm married now. But yeah, sya yung tao na nahirapan ako layuan kasi, nag ja jive din kame. The same situation with you. My gf sya, which he won't give up, pero he will always tell me na, ako ang gusto nya, that we are one, pero at the back of my mind, my gf pa rin sya kahit sabihin nya saken yun.

Nabalitaan ko he married his gf din. kahit married na ko, na feel ko pa rin na masaktan, i dont know why. Then, 2 yrs ago, he added me on fb, asked if I am still using my ym, yung dati naming means of communication. I said yes. I removed him from my fb kasi, naisip ko mababalewala yung hirap na pinag daanan ko na layuan sya. but then, i am still hoping na he will send me an IM sa ym. eversince, hindi nag fail yung isip ko, when I think na he will message me on YM, may dadating at dadating na message saken. Nung kame pa, mabilis kame na fall sa isat isa kahit mali kasi ganun kame, parang iisa ang takbo ng utak namin, iisa lang iniisip namin, pareho kame ng mga gusto sa lahat lahat. we both know when we lie to each other. kilala namin ugali ng isat isa kasi nga, we think we are one. this, i dont know. i was asking God, bakit ganun, hindi sya ang napangasawa ko, at iba. until now, he still message me sa ym, he keeps on asking if we can see each other. wala pa kame parehong anak. there is this joy whenever i see messages from him. how he wants to see me, tumambay  and talk to each other. I keep on refusing to see him. im afraid kasi na gang ngayon, may epekto sya saken, and we are both married. currently, inalis ko sya sa list ng ym ko. so no messages from him since last week.

and nilalabanan ko yung urge na mag send ng message sa kanya. because i know, wala naman mangyayari. we are married. yung samen dati, hanggang dun na lang yun. ayoko na mag sayang pa ng oras for him. ayoko na rin na isipin pa sya.

[pretty_B]

^grabe sis! until now? huhu. ang hirap nyan. married na kayo both. hmmm. question sis...naging kayo ba noon while may bf ka at may gf sya?

[Evolet027]

yes.

isa pa sa reason kung bakit nilayuan ko na sya, ayaw ko ng hindi 24/7 ang time nya saken. naisip ko lang nun, hindi ko deserve yung lalake na di kaya ibigay saken lahat ng oras nya, at may kahati pa ko.
oo mahirap talaga yung situation. years na, hindi pa rin sya nawawala sa sistema ko. minsan, nag da doubt na ko if this is emotional cheating. :/

[simang]

^actually sis, hindi nya kailangan magdraw ng conclusions. he can ask me right away. and just like what we are used to. he can ask me and i can answer him right in his face. yes, ganun kami ka-honest. or at least ka comfortable sa isa't isa. we can talk everything under the sun. kaya nga he's very vocal din about sa third wheel plan nila ng gf nya. my prob regarding that lang is...i am not 100% sure na gusto din ng girl yung ganitong setup namin.

also, sabi ko nga ayaw ko naman lumayo. ang gusto ko lang mangyari is...wag ma-fall. hahaha. hindi naman ako clingy sa kanya. as in di ako mauunang magtetext or viber sakanya. sya palagi, siguro nga sometimes spare tire ang turing nya sakin. at times nalang kami nagkakausap virtually. mostly, personal din talaga.

You know what sis, he doesn't have to ask you, kase you're already giving him all the amswers that he wants. He will assume that you'll be up for anything, kase hindi ka naman nagreresist. You're giving away all the clues freely. Hindi sya nagdodraw ng conclusions, he's taking everything face value. Hindi ka naman umaayaw, iisipin pa na nyang hindi mo sya gusto? Or himdi mo gusto yung set up nyo?

Sige given na nagkakasundo kayo sa mga bagay bagay. It dooesn't change the fact na may girlfriend pa din sya, and he's still making you the other woman. Sis, believe me, YOU WILL FIND A MAN NA MAKAKASUNDO MO SA LAHAT NG BAGAY, AT HIGIT SA LAHAT WALA SYANG SABIT. That guy will make you his priority, and you won't have to not want to fall for him. You will fall without limits, you will love that guy right, because he is right, the circumstances are right, the timing is right. It will happen.

[pretty_B]

sis Evolet027, saang yes yan? so, you mean..yes you both cheated on your partners before? naku sis, emotional cheating na nga ata yan. sorry.

sis simang, huhu. tama ka sis. tagos yun. sana malayuan ko sya. for now kasi we have reasons na magkita every weekend pero by May siguro pag wala ng reason para magkita, inisiip ko...mawawala na din yung ganitong connection namin. waaa. idk.

[Evolet027]

sis pretty B, yes naging kame. single ako nun.

nag ka bf ako after him, sya naging asawa ko.

yeah. guilty naman ako sa emotional cheating. pero I tried my best na wag na balikan yung samen nung guy na yun. we're both married. sayang oras na lang yun.

[simang]

Sis pretty_B, one clue that you're doing something wrong is when you're spending a lot of time trying to convince yourself that what you're doing is right.

[pretty_B]

sis simang, huhu. oo nga ata sis. pero di ako makalayo.

sis Evolet027, grabe sis. iwas na sakanya. :*

ON TOPIC: nagkakaroon din ba ng emotional cheating ang guys o panay physical cheating? (no offense) haha.

[Evolet027]

I think yes.

[17glut]

ON TOPIC: nagkakaroon din ba ng emotional cheating ang guys o panay physical cheating? (no offense) haha.

When a guy cheats, it isn't just about physical cheating na rin, kasama na rin emotional dun. Kasi kung physically attracted lang si guy sa isang girl pero emotionally masaya pa sya dun sa current partner at talagang mahal nya, he'll never going pursue it in the first place.