Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 6)

[pretty_B]

here's what happened...we had our little fight last december, days before christmas. that time sabi ko sa sarili ko...if this time ayaw NA NAMAN nya, i'll give him what he wants and break up with him. so, sabi ko sya na ang magdecide kung ano mangyayari sa relp namin. kaso 2 days after he texted me and said na sana kami pa din. so, syempre naging kami pa ulit. Christmas passed and New Year passed na okay kami. okay lang. nothing spectacular that time, LDR eh. nasa kanya kanyang family namin kami. after the holidays, nagaway na naman kami. reason is feeling ko wala na syang effort na ginagawa for me. nahurt sya sa sinabi ko na wala akong nararamdamang effort na ginagawa nya para sakin. so, di kami nagusap for a week - this time mejo nararamdaman ko na na magbbreak na talaga kami. sinabi na nya na if magbbreak kami gusto nya personal. so, last weekend lang nagusap kami in person. kalmadong usapan naman. sabi nya, pinagisipan naman nya yung mga nangyari and for him, "wala na ito". meaning, wala na talagang chance kahit ano sabihin ko. so, being me. pumayag ako sa breakup just to give him what he wants but it does not necessarily mean na gusto ko talagang magbreak kami. and now, eto ako ngayon. hoping pa din na marealize nyang sana kami pa din. hays. :<

Reason of breakup (for him): LDR (though 2+yrs na din kaming LDR at half a year from now hindi naman na kami LDR), di kami magkaparehas sa ugali at sa mga gusto, gustong magfocus sa work and aral, di na daw nya nagagampanan role nya as bf for me and yung ugali ko (nahuhurt ko daw sya though he said di sya galit sakin).

we said we'll stay friends but hindi agad agad na balik sa dati. and im okay with his family, i still catch up with his lil sister.

HAYS.

[dismembered]

bro, paano naman kung physically or verbally or emotionally abusive yung tao, hindi ba enough reason naman yun para makipag-break yung other partner? siguro depende rin sa cause kung bakit nakikipag-break.. just my opinion ah..

Exception naman yata itong case na ito. Baka nga ang mga ganitong cases hindi yata deserve ang proper breakup.

Pero yung cases ng parang wala ng time, wala ng love, or nagbago na ng choice. whatever. I don't think may ibang reason behind that maliban sa Hindi na sapat ang pagmamahal nya para ibigay ang mga bagay na yun. Love is directly proportional to time and effort given. The more you love someone, the more time and effort you'll be going to spend with him/her. Bilang lalake, pag papasok ka sa commitment/relationship, dapat alam mo yung risks. Nakakainis lang yung iba na after ng lahat, saka papasok yung "Priority ko pala ang work and studies" o di ba? Therefore, pumasok sya sa relationship/commitment na hindi pala sya handa. As a guy, the fault is on him.

Reason of breakup (for him): LDR (though 2+yrs na din kaming LDR at half a year from now hindi naman na kami LDR), di kami magkaparehas sa ugali at sa mga gusto, gustong magfocus sa work and aral, di na daw nya nagagampanan role nya as bf for me and yung ugali ko (nahuhurt ko daw sya though he said di sya galit sakin).

we said we'll stay friends but hindi agad agad na balik sa dati. and im okay with his family, i still catch up with his lil sister.

HAYS.

Sorry sis, for me, unreasonable yan. Nagawa nga ng 2+ years, tapos saka mag quit? The fact na LDR, let's say, hindi naman oras oras na need magreport sayo di ba? At tanggap mo naman na busy sya di ba?

Who should be blamed when a leaf falls from a tree?
*Is it the wind that blew it away?
*The tree that let it go?
*Or is it the leaf who grew tired holding on?

[pretty_B]

^yes sis, hindi ko naman hinihingi na magreport sya sakin maya't maya. actually, last quarter of last year, since alam kong busy sya. binibigay ko naman lahat ng time sakanya. ako, andito lang naghihintay pag di na sya busy. kaya lang may mga times talaga na alam mo yun, mapupuno ka and magaaway kayo. hays. idk kung bakit after 2+yrs kinaya/kinakaya namin tapos ngayon pang onti nalang magkasama na kami, ngayon pa sya umayaw.

[slickchick]

sis pretty_B, sorry sis ah.. pero i think your bf was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship. sabi mo, sa tingin nya wala na talagang chance kahit ano pa sabihin or gawin mo. thing is, did he actually give you a chance to correct whatever is wrong (assuming may complaints sya about you) before he actually broke up with you? second, 2 years na pala kayo sis, ngayon lang nya na-figure out na yung differences nyo sa ugali at gusto is causing some problems sa relationship?? to think na in 6 months di na kayo LDR, so you'll have more opportunities to settle yung differences ninyo... sayang naman.. besides sis, normal naman talaga na may differences between 2 persons in a relationship. kami nga ng bf ko, we have the same birthdays na, pero may mga differences pa rin kami sa outlook and yung stand namin on things, which sometimes result to petty misunderstandings. ang important naman is respecting the differences, and konting compromise at give-and-take from both parties. third, yung pag prioritize ng work/studies. I agree with what bro dismembered said, nung pumasok kayo sa relationship, both of you know naman na may work/studies yung isa't isa di ba? why is it that only after 2 years, saka naisip ni bf mo yun? besides, if both of you are really into/committed dun sa relationship, gagawa kayo ng way to keep the love (and communication) going. kung gusto may paraan, kung ayaw may dahilan.. just my opinion sis.. 

[pretty_B]

sis pretty_B, sorry sis ah.. pero i think your bf was just looking for an excuse to get out of the relationship.

ito yung masakit sis eh. im speechless.

so ano ito? ibigay ko gusto nya and wag nalang ipaglaban yung naffeel ko?

[slickchick]

^ personally sis, i think you should give him a piece of your mind.. tell him kung ano naiisip at nafi-feel mo - whether it is for or against the breakup. explain to him bakit ganun yung naisip at nafi-feel mo. it may not end as you've wanted it (i.e. pwede pa rin sya makipag-break), pero at least nailabas mo yung whatever na gusto mo sabihin sa kanya. you have taken a big burden off your chest. mas mahirap yung may regrets or what-ifs ka - tipong "bakit hindi ko sinabi" or "bakit hindi ko pinaglaban", etc. again, this is just my opinion sis.. 

[iwannabeasupermodel]

@sis pretty B
i think nagkabalikan lang kayo nung around christmas time is because it's christmas and it's kinda lonely sporting a broken heart during the holidays.

[Girltalker2]

Bakit ba kailangan may SCORE at RATINGS?

Bakit hindi na lang pwede na ABSOLUTE fail ang kung sino ang makipag-break. Dahil kung sya ang bumitaw at kahit anong reason eh ibig sabihin hindi nya kinaya panindigan ang commitment na pinasok nya? Kahit anong pagandahin pa ang reason or what, naghiwalay pa din eh. Masakit pa rin sa naiwan.

Well, that's just my opinion naman. Since sinabi ni Pretty B kaya nanghihinayang siya sa relationship nila kasi this guy had the guts to face her for the breakup. But I did quite agree with that. So, it is just to emphasize the point na ok yung humarap ang guy sayo for formal breakup, pero disappointing parin na wala silang "let's try to do this and that" para maayos muna before the final breakup.  Sa pov ko lang naman ito.

Reason of breakup (for him): LDR (though 2+yrs na din kaming LDR at half a year from now hindi naman na kami LDR), di kami magkaparehas sa ugali at sa mga gusto, gustong magfocus sa work and aral, di na daw nya nagagampanan role nya as bf for me and yung ugali ko (nahuhurt ko daw sya though he said di sya galit sakin).

Sis, when I first read about your story (nasa school ka and meron nagpapakilig sayo other than your BF), I initially thought you are better off single muna. Kasi you are young.  You need to mingle and not be tied to one person na LDR pa. 

Ewan ko ha, kasi when I was at your age, I did not date any man except one and nagsisisi ako ngayon. I should have dated around and got to know more about them.

[pretty_B]

sis slickchick, i did that already. nagusap na kami. mahinahon. pero alam mo yun, meron at meron ka talagang maiisip one day na "ai teka, nasabi ko ba sakanya yun?" yung ganung thinking.

sis iwannabeasupermodel, sad truth but yes, naisip ko din yan.

sis Girltalker2, yes sis. nanghihinayang lang ako sa lahat ng pinagsamahan namin. pero ienjoy ko nalang din maging single. minsan, ayaw ko nalang din talaga isipin eh, kaya lang pag napapagisa ako. ayun, naaalala ko lahat. >_<

BTW, birthday nya ngayon. my officemates asked me out. ihohold daw nila ako until midnight para mapigilan kong pumunta at isurprise sya. haha. very supportive.

[dismembered]

^yes sis, hindi ko naman hinihingi na magreport sya sakin maya't maya. actually, last quarter of last year, since alam kong busy sya. binibigay ko naman lahat ng time sakanya. ako, andito lang naghihintay pag di na sya busy. kaya lang may mga times talaga na alam mo yun, mapupuno ka and magaaway kayo. hays. idk kung bakit after 2+yrs kinaya/kinakaya namin tapos ngayon pang onti nalang magkasama na kami, ngayon pa sya umayaw.

Nakaka relate ako sayo don't worry. I don't know. Mahirap talaga ang LDR. Minsan nakakairita na laging magreport, pero yun actually yung nagpapa work sa LDR. Doble effort lagi kasi ang kailangan pag LDR. Ang hirap mag express ng love lalo na if hindi kayo physically close.

As for his reason, maybe he just gave you up. Felt tired of the relationship na LDR. In simple words, baka hindi lang naging sapat na yung pagmamahal nya sayo para mag hold on pa. Ang hirap nyan. May gusto kang gawin, gusto mong ayusin pero hindi mo magawa dahil nga LDR. Ni hindi mo alam yung acutal condition ng isa't isa, at hindi mo rin alam ang totoong reason. Sigh

But I know, half a year from now, magkikita pa rin kayo for sure. Kailangan ng closure nyan eh at hindi pwdeng hindi. At pag nangyari yun, feeling heaven pustahan tayo! Parang "Starting Over Again" ni Piolo at Toni! Imagine super miss mo, at kahit sinaktan ka ng tao, finally magkakasama na kayo. At kung hindi man taken ang isa't isa sa inyo, may malaking chance na magkabalikan kayo. Pero wag ka umasa ha.

[pretty_B]

In simple words, baka hindi lang naging sapat na yung pagmamahal nya sayo para mag hold on pa.

another sad truth. thanks bro. ganun siguro talaga. may closure naman kami. sabi ko nga no hard feelings, hurt feelings lang.

anyway, ittry kong ibigay as birthday gift sakanya yung kakalimutan ko na sya. move on! haha.

Thanks everyone! 

[j.adore]

Ang quote dito: just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they haven't loved you with everything they have.

So ang tanong, ano ba yung effort na ginagawa niya versus expected mo?
Sa 2 years niyo, eto ba usually reason for fights?
Kasi kung lagi isip break up eh baka nga ang tagal na ng issue tapos nagtry naman to work on it pero ngayon lang na finalize na hindi kaya ayusin?

Nung mag bf kami, ganyan ako na may time feeling ko kulang sa effort tapos nung nag usap kami major effort na pala sa kanya yun.
We're from very different backgrounds so ang normal sa isa ay hindi normal dun sa isa pa.
We worked on it, compromised, met halfway etc and we're happily married now.

I'm trying to look at it from another pov why he did what he did (and your actions too) kasi parang masyado na siya naging contrabida hehe

reason is feeling ko wala na syang effort na ginagawa for me. nahurt sya sa sinabi ko na wala akong nararamdamang effort na ginagawa nya para sakin.

[pretty_B]

Ang quote dito: just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, it doesn't mean they haven't loved you with everything they have.

nice quote.

anyway guys and girls, mejo OT na kasi ako. kaya sorry. hindi ko gustong lumabas na kontrabida bf ko dito. actually, di ko nga makuha magalit sakanya eh. ang blame ko is palaging nasa sarili ko. i know i know na hindi dapat. im still in the process of moving on naman.

[argento]

Nakulangan lang sa effort fault na ni guy. Tama lang na makipag break siya

[pretty_B]

^oo, tama lang na nakipagbreak sya. in time, makikita nya kung gaano kahalaga yung nawala sakanya. gggr.

from what happened last night, i think dapat lang na nasa Anger Stage na ako kahit ayaw ko magalit sakanya. i think kailangan madaanan yung stage na yun to move on. hays.

[dismembered]

from what happened last night, i think dapat lang na nasa Anger Stage na ako kahit ayaw ko magalit sakanya. i think kailangan madaanan yung stage na yun to move on. hays.

Stages of grief. Sa ngayon medyo nasa in denial state ka pa. Or let's say hindi pa fully nag sinked in lahat. Don't worry, normal lang yan. In a way, you can use anger to move on. Think of the things and opportunities you've missed ng dahil sa time mo sa kanya, then mag-give up lang din pala sya sa huli. It'll take time wag mo madaliin.

[hansel13]

Guys, ano take niyo dito. Si exbf for 4 years ayaw na makipagbalikan sakin. I dumped him first. Aminado ako hindi ako naging mabuting gf mean ako sa words ganun. Pero after 2 weeks nakikipagbalikan ako pero ayaw na niya then i learned may thing na siya sa online friend niya na hindi niya pa nakikita. 2 weeks pa lang sila magkakilala ha at may i love you na at baby agad. Ganun ba kabilis mawala ang feelings. Nakita niya daw dun sa girl ang sweetness na hindi niya naramdaman sakin. May pag asa pa kaya.

[fredprinz]

^He's your ex; it doesn't matter if you've been with him 4 years or 4 months. For some guys, hindi applicable ang "moving on stage", may mga lalake na mabilis maka-move on, merong hindi. Merong tumatagal ng taon bago mawala ang feelings, merong iba na days lang,  kayang mawala since may nakilalang ibang babae na higit pa sa ex nila.

You initiated the breakup, it's natural that the guy was hurt based on what you stated about you being mean with words. I don't know your boyfriend so I can't say he's denying the getting back together part because of his pride - he was dumped nga di ba?

But one thing is for sure, he saw/noticed/felt something with that online friend of his that made him feel something more than mere infatuation.

May pag-asa? I'm not sure. But if I was your ex and you were mean to me, no chance in hell, my dear. Honest lang..

[dismembered]

Guys, ano take niyo dito. Si exbf for 4 years ayaw na makipagbalikan sakin. I dumped him first. Aminado ako hindi ako naging mabuting gf mean ako sa words ganun. Pero after 2 weeks nakikipagbalikan ako pero ayaw na niya then i learned may thing na siya sa online friend niya na hindi niya pa nakikita. 2 weeks pa lang sila magkakilala ha at may i love you na at baby agad. Ganun ba kabilis mawala ang feelings. Nakita niya daw dun sa girl ang sweetness na hindi niya naramdaman sakin. May pag asa pa kaya.

^ Very possible.

Possibilities,

1. Baka hindi totoo ang online girl na yun, o if ever man totoo, plan nya pa rin ang mga nangyayari at balak nya lang na turuan ka ng lesson pero ikaw pa din ang mahal nya at may gusto lang syang iparating sayo.

2. Totoo man o hindi si online girl, napapagod na syang mahalin ka dahil mean ka, at narelieved na sya sa mga nangyayari sa ngayon. Possible na hindi pa sya fully moved on, pero, nagiging happy na din sya na wala ka na sa buhay nya. 2 weeks, I would say na hindi ito sapat na time para sabihin na naka moved on na. Pero it is enough para ma-conceive nya yung thoughs at magdecide na mag-move on. 2weeks is enough, lalo na pag alone o merong company na nag-comfort para magisip isip, para balikan ang mga painful moments para magdecide na mag move on.


But
Habang hindi pa married. may pag-asa! So yes, may pagasa ka pa kahit ano pa ang mangyari sa dalawa.

[Moran]

Guys, ano take niyo dito. Si exbf for 4 years ayaw na makipagbalikan sakin. I dumped him first. Aminado ako hindi ako naging mabuting gf mean ako sa words ganun. Pero after 2 weeks nakikipagbalikan ako pero ayaw na niya then i learned may thing na siya sa online friend niya na hindi niya pa nakikita. 2 weeks pa lang sila magkakilala ha at may i love you na at baby agad. Ganun ba kabilis mawala ang feelings. Nakita niya daw dun sa girl ang sweetness na hindi niya naramdaman sakin. May pag asa pa kaya.

I think your ex did the right thing. You had your time, but di kasi naging fruitful in a sense ang relationship.
Alam naman natin na ang tao, natututo yan. Tulad ng sabi mo, nakita niya sa iba ang di mo naipakita sa kanya.
Okay lang yan. Ganyan talaga ang buhay. Ika nga, "You'll never miss the water until its gone"

Move on nalang.