Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 6)

[sugardrop]

Ang mga lalaki ba  talaga pag may problema pinapatagal pa?

It depends on how much time he needs to sort it out and fix it for himself and the intensity of the problem.

[Girltalker2]

sis gharz, tama si simang. kahit pa dikit sya ng dikit, e ano ngayon. having a happy marriage and sustaining it is not dependent on kung dumikit sayo yung mister mo in 1 date.

marriage is all about the personality and the willingness of both parties to make it work, to love, cherish and respect each other. atbp. hindi sa pagdikit ng balikat yun    joke lang, pinapatawa lang kita.

kasi ano ba ang problem kung gusto nya gawin t**** ang sarili nya? bakit ka affected.

hay oo nga eh, sobrang mahal ko lang ata talaga asawa ko   even I cannot really understand myself. Indenial ba ako or what??

tingin ko kasi it's the idea of having a complete family na nasa psyche ng typical Pinay. na kelangan mabuo ang family kahit sino pa sya. pero hindi kasi ganun sis, kung hindi naman sya karapat dapat at di responsible, di paano ba yun?

first step kasi in moving on, you have to accept na wala na syang pag asa magbago. baka within you, gusto mo pa umasa. you can do it naman - asa ka, baka sakali. pero may hangganan iyan, pag nag antay ka at never dumating yung pagbabago, parang nasayang lang oras mo.

so sabi nga nila, use your head. not ano ang naf-feel mo right at that moment. nanay ka na, be rationale.  mag isip ka, huwag sobrang maging emotional.

[tisaygirl123]

Bakit ka naguguluhan? Eh alam mo naman ang sagot? Sinagot mo naman na hindi kayo magkaano ano.

If you dont want a boyfriend, baka naman unfair for him na you two like each other pero cant be exclusve? Like girls, men want security too. Madalas, sila yung hini maghahang-on sa mga bagay na walang assurance. 3-4 yrs of liking each other without commitment... tama ka, baka nga di ka na nya gusto, or maybe nagsawa sya sa setup ninyo.

Hi sis, Thanks for the advice. We're exclusive but no commitment and it's clear to both of us. Secured naman kami parehas na hindi kami makikipag date sa iba or flirt kasi usapan namin yun and lagi naman kaming magkasama. even Saturdays. Malinaw din naman na ayaw ko na muna talagang mag bf but we're like bf and gf na but no commitment.
Medyo magulo, at naguguluhan nadin ako. gusto ko na siyang bigyan ng ultimatum pero alam ko naman ako may kasalanan eh.
Do I have the rights to do that?

[sacred cow]

@tisaygirl

then ask him to be your boyfriend, anong mahirap dun?

[tisaygirl123]

@tisaygirl

then ask him to be your boyfriend, anong mahirap dun?

Eh, ayaw ko nga. I can't be committed to him, hindi ako ready for commitment. So ayaw ko talaga.
Take it or leave it I decided to give him an ultimatum until Saturday. hindi kasi ako yung tipo ng girl na nagiintay or dapat mag intay or maging considerate ng sobra we're in fact pwede naman ayusin agad at pagusapan. 

[slickchick]

Hi sis, Thanks for the advice. We're exclusive but no commitment and it's clear to both of us. Secured naman kami parehas na hindi kami makikipag date sa iba or flirt kasi usapan namin yun and lagi naman kaming magkasama. even Saturdays. Malinaw din naman na ayaw ko na muna talagang mag bf but we're like bf and gf na but no commitment.
Medyo magulo, at naguguluhan nadin ako. gusto ko na siyang bigyan ng ultimatum pero alam ko naman ako may kasalanan eh.
Do I have the rights to do that?

sana sis crystal clear and 100% ok din dun sa guy na exclusive kayo pero no commitment. mahirap din yung situation nyo (even for the guy) na hindi officially kayo, pero gusto mo and tingin mo exclusive kayo. i agree with what sis simang said, na guys want security too.. if i may ask sis, for what ba yung ultimatum na hinihingi mo? is it related sa status ng relationship nyo?

[fredprinz]

If I'm the guy you're dating, at kung gusto mo na exclusive tayo, dapat label-an mo if we're "exclusively dating" OR if we are "in a relationship."

Pwede naman sa ameng guys na lumabas labas lang kasama kayo, but at the end of the day, most of us want a relationship. Kaya we need to feel secured.

Kung gusto mong exclusive and you're afraid of commitment, kino-confuse mo lang yung lalake.

Kahit ako nalalabuan na sa pagbasa pa lang nito eh. =P

[j.adore]

Kawawa naman yung guy you said ikaw may kasalanan pero gusto mo mag set ng ultimatum para ayusin niya?

Maybe he's tired of the set up or doesn't see the value of fixing the problem if in the end you'll say hindi kayo magka-anoano.

[simang]

Isnt being exclusive a commitment already? Ang labo, gusto mong exclusive kayo pero gusto mo by label eh single ka. You're having and enjoying the perks of being with him pero ayaw mo syang maging boyfriend. The heck?

If you dont want to commit to him, why bother fixing things? Let him be. Hindi naman kayo eh.

[tisaygirl123]

Exclusive = No dating with other boys/girls, No flirting.
We're both claiming na single kami parehas but parehas yung nafifieel namin sa isa't isa.
Exclusively dating, no commitment. parehas naman kaming nag eenjoy. Wala kaming selos selos. but lately parang selos siya that's why 'he needs time to think'
MEDYO MAGULO. pero commitment nalang ang kulang samin.

Sabi niya. aayusin namin, Just give him time to think.. 1 week.
Yun. mag iisang buwan na wala pa din.
naisip ko nga since we're not commited naman, mag ultamatum talaga ako para hindi na kami nag iintayan. Formality kung ano ba talaga eto eh.
I already asked him pero wala akong nakukuhang anything na sagot sa lahat ng questions ko.
Hindi nga ako makatulog ng dahil dyan. Ayaw ko naman ng hanging ending.

[fredprinz]

Sige, what if the guy you're "dating" said na dapat magboyfriend-girlfriend na kayo. Papayag ka ba?

Kung nagseselos, aba'y sabihan mo na hindi naman kayo, susmarya, napakadaling bagay.

Tisay, this is one thing you shouldn't lose sleep over. Wala naman siya dapat ikaselos dahil hindi naman kayo.

And again, pag ang ultimatum niya eh MAGING KAYO, better be ready. 

[slickchick]

@ tisaygirl - similar question as fredprinz, what if the guy says na he wants a relationship na committed kayo sa isa't isa, are you ready for it? sabi mo like mo sya and para na rin kayo mag-bf/gf.. since this is the case, are you ready to let him go dahil lang sa hindi ka pa kamo ready sa commitment (and dun sa label na hindi ka na single)??  to be honest sis, malabo ahhh.. just my opinion...

[simang]

Exclusive = No dating with other boys/girls, No flirting.
We're both claiming na single kami parehas but parehas yung nafifieel namin sa isa't isa.
Exclusively dating, no commitment. parehas naman kaming nag eenjoy. Wala kaming selos selos. but lately parang selos siya that's why 'he needs time to think'
MEDYO MAGULO. pero commitment nalang ang kulang samin.

Sabi niya. aayusin namin, Just give him time to think.. 1 week.
Yun. mag iisang buwan na wala pa din.
naisip ko nga since we're not commited naman, mag ultamatum talaga ako para hindi na kami nag iintayan. Formality kung ano ba talaga eto eh.
I already asked him pero wala akong nakukuhang anything na sagot sa lahat ng questions ko.
Hindi nga ako makatulog ng dahil dyan. Ayaw ko naman ng hanging ending.

Ano ba ang commitment for you? Eto ba yung magbf-gf kayo by label? Eto ba yung pwede ng magselos ang isa? Eto ba yung pwede ng magign demanding sa partner?

Bakit kelangan ng formality? Di mo naman sya boyfriend. In fact, he has all the right to not fix things with you as per his convenience. He's not commited to you, and you're not to him either.

Ultimatum for me is not the answer. The moment you give an ultimatum to him, you're letting have the power. You're giving him the power over your relationship (or whatever it is that you have). You're letting him decide for the two of you. Why not make up your mind on what you really want for yourself -- gusto mo ba sya maging boyfriend? Gusto mo ba chill lang kayo? Or ayaw mo na ba sa kanya? -- and then tell him that straight. Then saka mo sya hayaan magdecide whether he wants to follow through or not.

[fredprinz]

AMEN, simang!!

Again, this is not something to think about or lose sleep over, dahil hindi kayo. You're NOT saving anything.

[tisaygirl123]

Sige, what if the guy you're "dating" said na dapat magboyfriend-girlfriend na kayo. Papayag ka ba?

Kung nagseselos, aba'y sabihan mo na hindi naman kayo, susmarya, napakadaling bagay.

Tisay, this is one thing you shouldn't lose sleep over. Wala naman siya dapat ikaselos dahil hindi naman kayo.

And again, pag ang ultimatum niya eh MAGING KAYO, better be ready.

No, hindi ako papayag.  in denial kasi yata ang selos. maonti lang kasi siya mag salita that's why medyo nahihirapan din kami magusap.

@ tisaygirl - similar question as fredprinz, what if the guy says na he wants a relationship na committed kayo sa isa't isa, are you ready for it? sabi mo like mo sya and para na rin kayo mag-bf/gf.. since this is the case, are you ready to let him go dahil lang sa hindi ka pa kamo ready sa commitment (and dun sa label na hindi ka na single)??  to be honest sis, malabo ahhh.. just my opinion...

Like ko siya, like niya ako. Pero naka mindset kasi ako na iset ko muna lahat ng goals ko for 2-3 years pa. I'm ready to let him go kung napagusapan na namin. Inaantay ko lang naman siya for the decisions.

Ano ba ang commitment for you? Eto ba yung magbf-gf kayo by label? Eto ba yung pwede ng magselos ang isa? Eto ba yung pwede ng magign demanding sa partner?

Bakit kelangan ng formality? Di mo naman sya boyfriend. In fact, he has all the right to not fix things with you as per his convenience. He's not commited to you, and you're not to him either.

Ultimatum for me is not the answer. The moment you give an ultimatum to him, you're letting have the power. You're giving him the power over your relationship (or whatever it is that you have). You're letting him decide for the two of you. Why not make up your mind on what you really want for yourself -- gusto mo ba sya maging boyfriend? Gusto mo ba chill lang kayo? Or ayaw mo na ba sa kanya? -- and then tell him that straight. Then saka mo sya hayaan magdecide whether he wants to follow through or not.

- Yes. exactly, mag boyfriend and girlfriend. pwede kang maghigpit, mag selos, and etc.
 Formality I think is the one think he's asking for. Maybe, just maybe may gusto siya sabihin saakin in a correct way na parehas kaming hindi masasaktan we're in fact madali lang naman talagang magpaka totoo sa mga sasabihin kung hindi ka mag seset ng mga grounds.
Yung mga magulong usapan like ganito saamin is dapat pagusapan I think, ayoko kasi one day when we met in the future, may pag sisisihan kami at pag sisisihan namin yung mga araw na lumipas at taon na dumaan dahil hindi namin na settle ng maayos.

Atleast, kahit magulo yung usapan namin parehas naging maayos at malinaw ang ending for both of us.

Yes, I let him have the power. May problema kasi saakin, Alam ko naman. lahat na ng pwede kong sabihin sakaniya. nasabi ko na.

but still, I didn't get any answers.
 

[simang]

^ah, siguro kaya ako naguguluhan kase iba ang iniisip kong commitment. i'm in a committed relationship myself, and i don't think paghihigpit is a must just to say i'm committed to my partner.

anyway, maybe that's your answer -- no answer.

[fredprinz]

I think I'm good. 

[sugardrop]

Exhausting. Either you commit or you don't. If you don't, don't drag someone else into it.

[tisaygirl123]

^^ kaya naman pala, pero single naman ako as a label, may ganitong issue lang talaga.
paghihigpit - sort of giving limitations sa partner.

I have answers na, but he never brought up naman about the commitment. ako na nag open.
and wala padin.
 

[Girltalker2]

Isnt being exclusive a commitment already? Ang labo, gusto mong exclusive kayo pero gusto mo by label eh single ka. You're having and enjoying the perks of being with him pero ayaw mo syang maging boyfriend. The heck?

If you dont want to commit to him, why bother fixing things? Let him be. Hindi naman kayo eh.

Since exclusive kayo at laging magkasama sis tisaygirl, hindi ba BF narin yun?  Ano ang pagkakaiba ng bf at sa relationship ninyo (may  nalalaman ka parin na ultimatum  ) except for the formal labeling lang?

maonti lang kasi siya mag salita that's why medyo nahihirapan din kami magusap.

Typical Pinoy guy who has low IQ/EQ or paano mo ba sabihin yun, hindi sya marunong mag isip at i-digest ang naiisip at nararamdaman nya, kaya di nya ma express.

Ang hirap magkaron ng ganyang kausap - kahit sa personal relationship, sa trabaho man or sa mga ka-deal mo sa labas. Lagi kang nanghuhula, sya naman clueless din.

^^ kaya naman pala, pero single naman ako as a label, may ganitong issue lang talaga.

labels can be deceiving. Ang daming lalaki dyan label single pero may MGA asawa (more than 1 pa) at mga anak din. 


Anyway, sya malabo. sis medyo magulo din ang gusto mo. So puede nga kayo magjive together. Joke lang. hehe     But really, this is not the way to go to handle your relationships, unless you have all the time in the world and doing nothing, just thinking about this. Ang sakit sa ulo.