Sociopathic Relationship Abuse

[hedonista]

I have read a lot of threads about infidelity and queridas.

I have been reading lately about sociopath and codependency and to increase awareness, I want to learn if some of you know about sociopathic relationships and possibly determine if some of us is in one. I discovered this through pinterest and a lot of women are suffering abuse from this type of relationship, it is just that these women are not aware. Some were in this kind of relationship for 37 years. If you search keyword "sociopath" you can see a lot of signs.

So, my question is --- do you have idea, knowledge or thoughts about this?

If I am allowed please see this link i got from googling sociopath relationship abuse, (if not pls delete or edit)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/23/11-signs-dating-a-sociopath_n_3780417.html

[hedonista]

Some men are sociopath --- one of the reasons they cheat or be with numerous women, be womanizer, sex addicts, etc

[aquacharly]

My husband has 2 of the traits, now 1 na lang.   

Like, basta hindi ko nakita  -- hindi philandering.  Hello?! Sabi ko everytime you do that, you know it's wrong, and the vibes you give off -- I sense. 

He also does not get attached to friends.  Kaya hindi ko problem yung bumabarkada na hubby.  He prefers to stay around me. To control me, listen to every conversation I make, evaluate every big and small thing I decide to do ...  I need space!  But after much conflict and discussions -- that is his language of love, to take care of all my needs.   Sige.   It's hard coz I am very independent;  and if I can afford something, I see no need to get his approval. 

He was once an  emo abuser. He is, must be in his DNA (though my father in law is like a big teddy bear,  no mean bone).   But now, he has it very well under control. If he doesn't --  I will be elsewhere enjoying a Beautiful Life. Kung baga, once ang stup1d stup1d ko in-love. Then I got my brains out of the freezer, found my lost self -- and here I am, happy and spoiled & at times b1tchy.  Ubos na quota nya of my patience. 

You ask if I have an idea, etc about sociopaths.
Idea - yes; experience no.   
My limited knowledge of sociopaths -- what I have watched on tv from documented crimes. The serial killers, or drug-free murderers who kill for the thrill of it.  Killing is just a game.   
I have a funny feeling, if may sociopath man akong relative/friend -- ako inuna nya murder.

[hedonista]

Thank you aquacharly for sharing.

Not all sociopaths are the killer type and murderers - those who commit crimes. I am reading a book The Sociopath Nextdoor by Martha Stout. They walk among us.

I am in suspicion that my husband is one. Or at least has some traits. I believe I am still getting my brains thawed. And finally mustered the courage to have a gift of an hour (to myself) with Dr. Rose few days from now.

Cheating and Infidelity, multiple women, silent treatment - those type - symptoms ng sociopath abuse.

Thinking of my past and reviewing some of the thread I started medyo nag improve na si hubby. No more silent treatment.

I hope ma-increase awareness for all women for them to identify what they are going through and not wait 7 years. Para madali ma-remedy or prevent totally destruction of oneself.

[bebepink]

be grateful if you have nothing of this kind.  if you experienced this kind of people, you will be depressed likewise, you need a support system to overcome this.

[hedonista]

Yes bebepink I still would suggest professional help for the receiver of the abuse.
These are some traits I gathered while researching

glib and superficial charm
grandiose sense of self-worth
pathological lying
cunning and manipulative
lack of remorse or guilt
shallow affect — emotional reactions are short-lived.
callousness and lack of empathy
failure to accept responsibility
need for stimulation, prone to boredom
sexual promiscuity
many short-term marital relationships

[kaiz]

pano kung tayo pala ang sociopath? naisip ko lang

[hedonista]

Naisip ko rin yan sis Kaiz

We will know if we get ourselved educated about the topic and we found out we are, we can take steps to change. and if we cant do it ourselves, we seek professional help and support so as not to damage other people.

One more common thing about sociopath:

They do not have conscience.
THey lack empathy. They cannot feel for another human being.
there are also study in the corporate world that most managers or people at the top are sociopaths. well as per statistics. I am still reading about it though.

Sana naman d tayo sociopaths.

[hedonista]

This one is a good source: http://www.lovefraud.com/2010/11/25/resource-perspectives-how-sociopaths-mess-with-your-head/#comment-95387


"The sociopath will use many different techniques—gaslighting, emotional blackmail, manipulation, creating confusion, lying and creating fear.

Gaslighting, for example, is the type of abuse whereby an abuser uses an increasing frequency of systematically withholding factual information from the victim, and/or providing false information. This has the gradual effect of making victims anxious, confused, and less able to trust their own memory and perception. When it’s done for a long enough period, you will literally start losing your mind and feel like your head has been in a washing machine for most of the time you have been in relationship."

[kaiz]

^from that definition, ay hindi naman pala ako sociopath. LOL. actually yang mga ganyang gaslighting, emotional blackmail and the likes ay capable naman siguro tayo lahat maisip. maisip ang ha.. ako naiisip ko yan paggalit ako. talagang may plano. pero di ko rin nagagawa kasi nakakapagod may mga ganyang heavy emotions whatsover. mas masarap pa rin tumawa na talagang from the heart

[hedonista]

meron din women na sociopath talaga.

yes mas masarap tumawa from the heart. and maging happy genuinely. it often is the effect of sociopath to the innocent codependent that they make of their targets and conquests - the most trusting and those who have overgrown conscience.

[aquacharly]

Hubby used to (and will, still, if  hindi lang yan takot sa galit ko now) exhibit the abusive tendencies and philandering.  But he was never irresponsible, lying/withholding on facts,  never had  that grandiose ego,  has a  conscience (except for  the philandering before), , &  has empathy for others (kaya pati for pokpokz may empathy - poohcha. Lol)

If not all on the checklist is present, sociopath pa ba?  Or with sociopathic tendency lang?  Lol

It is good sis HEDONISTA that you bring this checklist up. Tama ka, some women are  unhappy, tense & unaware they are living with a sociopath.   They think  they are unhappy and tense kasi they do not perform well enough. Hello. Typical abused thinking.   I know! - I was a hamster running in a wheel too for a couple of years. . 

Tama ka, Sis:   The 1st Step to  self advancement/liberation is Awareness.   Open your eyes.
Ako, lol, came across a similar 10 point checklist while reading some old medical mag, waiting for my turn in a doc's office.
Sige:  check...check...check... Sh1t! Abused ako?!  Perfect 10! Para kong binuhusan nang malamig na tubig.   
See, when one gets to put a Label on the indefinite  aggregate sadness:  Boink!  Very good 1st Small Step.

KAIZ, how discerning: to consider we may be the sociopaths. Hahaha
Based on the checklist of Sis HEDONISTA: I am not. Though yes, I can be manipulative & secretive --  but it isn't that way, nor for the end of controlling another.  Or, hahaha -- am I a sociopath in denial?   

[scents01]

whats the next step mga sis?
after knowing you're living with a sociopath?
is there a cure?
do you stay or do you leave?

[hedonista]

aquacharly hi sis (with highest regards) thank you for acknowledging and responding to my thread. If I may share, live in partners pa lang kami few years back, hubby (now) was already displaying some behaviors na nasa list. I remembered you asking me to go see rose that time. Now it got me thinking kung nagpunta na ko that time so wala siguro ko son or maybe d ako nakasal. lol. But still appreciative of everything.  I am happy that i will meet her 3 days from now. 

I have not yet confirmed but I do feel that I am in an sociopath relationship abuse cycle.


scents01 - sis i cannot tell you what the next step is. case to case basis. but at least you are starting to have awareness I believe. Cure? Only professional can assess. Stay or leave - isang malaking desisyon na dapat pag isipang mabuti.

Hope the info i share here will help or at least increase awareness. Don't be abused. Do not waste the pretty.

May nabasa ako isang article pero forgot to save the link just the excerpt for offline reading.

"1.  The cycle begins with a loud verbal explosion, yelling, screaming, accusations, verbal harassment, needling, or threats of abandonment
2. Next, a period of remorse, rationalizations and/or excuses follow
3.The calm before the next storm. Things go back to “normal”–for a time. This is referred to as the “honeymoon phase.” No overt abuse is taking place. He/She appears sincere in his/her efforts to be kind and loving, but what she/he's actually doing is lulling you into a false sense of security that the worst is over. It’s not.
4.  Tension begins to build again, replacing the all too fleeting honeymoon period. Irritability surfaces. Communication deteriorates. She makes veiled accusations, blaming you for her unhappiness, frustration and anything else she can think of. She emotionally withdraws and gives you the cold shoulder. Eventually, this escalates into another full-blown rage episode, verbal attack, humiliation party or completely shuts you out."

[hedonista]

maybe this is it:

http://www.livestrong.com/article/100480-four-stages-abusive-relationship/

[kaiz]

^based on that, confirmed nga na i used to sleep with the enemy. LOL.

i think it was 2009 or 2010 when i flew to manila to see Ms Rose upon the recommendation of aquacharly din (thank you sis sobra). 

[hedonista]

Kaiz - sis at least "used to" di ba haha i think i am still sleeping with the enemy? lol
how did you overcome the relationship and how did you end it?

I am in the cycle again. I believe today is the "calm before the storm"
He wooed me weekend and made promises blah blah blah.

every week is a new issue.

argh.

[kaiz]

^napagod na din kasi talaga ako sis. lagi ko naiisip na ayokong tumanda na unhappy. plus ayoko yung kailangan hindi ko gagalingan ang work ko kasi hindi pwedeng mas magaling ako sa kanya. yung kailangan hinaan my pace when it comes to career.

everyday na hindi ako happy and/or walang peace of mind ay moment wasted. sayang naman! ang ganda ko kaya para magsuffer and lagi na lang maliitin self ko. LOL!

[kaiz]

add o din pala sis, sobrang depressed na ako dati lagi. may suicidal thoughts na nga ako eh. tapos everytime i wake up parang "haaaayy.. another day na naman na ewan". eh may anak kaya kami sis. ayokong kalakihan nya is ganayan na mom. gusto ko masayahin my kids. eh pano ko sila mapapalaki na masayahin kung ako mismo lagi depressed. kaya yun, napagod ako and natauhan.
 
actually, meron din time na i resorted to drinking muna. kahit ako lang mag isa.

[aquacharly]

My goodness, if I can only just hug you all mga Sisses na going through abuse and/or betrayals.   
But with prayers and self-help, we will  triumph  over our heartbreaks.