FWB with coworker - UPDATED Nov.17

[precieux]

I've been a longtime lurker dito sa GT, and I've seen how you girls and guys talk sense into people having their dilemmas. I guess I need those for myself so I signed up.

I've been in a no-strings-attached relationship with my colleague for about 10 months now. We go out on dates, sleep together, nagpupunta na rin siya sa bahay... As in pseudo-relationship na. Stupid move to sht where I eat, I know, but it's too late to turn things back now. What's worse is that he's in a 10-year relationship with another woman. I knew this all along, so I'm not putting the blame on anyone else but myself kasi ginusto ko rin naman ito.

The problem is that I'm falling for him. Hard. Sinubukan ko nang lumayo pero sinasabi  niya lagi napakahirap at awkward ng sitwasyon namin sa opisina kung hindi na kami magiging okay. Pinapili ko siya, but he says hindi siya makapili. Bakit nga naman siya pipili, when he can have us both with no fuss 'di ba?

2 weeks ago, nag-cool off sila ng gf niya. 'Di ko tinanong kung bakit, basta hinayaan ko lang siya, though I can really feel na miserable siya dahil 'di sila okay ni gf. Last week, nakita ko sa Facebook may photo sila ni gf with their other friends, so meaning okay na ulit sila. Dun ako parang natauhan. Na sinasabi niya, 'di siya makapili, but he had the chance to walk away from their relationship, pero inaayos pa rin nila.

I'm in no position to demand anything dahil alam ko naman sitwasyon niya nung una pa lang. Sa nakikita ko kasi sa kanya, bukod sa feelings niya for his gf since given naman na 'yun, 'di niya maiwan 'yung pinagsamahan nila. Comfort zone niya 'yun eh, isang dekada ba naman. Parang 'di niya ma-take 'yung aftermath ng breakup nila if ever, reaksyon ng families and friends, kaya reason din bat niya maiwan. More reason for me to let them be 'di ba, kasi in a way, duwag siya.

Paki-untog naman ulo ko mga sis. I just need more validation na tama talaga 'tong gagawin kong pag-iwas sa kanya kahit super hirap because we see each other everyday.

--
I can't seem to post a reply so I'm updating this na lang.

After I started this thread, I gradually stopped seeing him, though feeling niya siguro wala masyadong difference. I opened up the topic of him choosing again, tapos a few weeks after, he told me he loved me. Parang nawala lahat ng inipon kong strength para lumayo sa kanya.

Parang bf-gf na kami ngayon. Halos 24/7 kami magkasama, and on the rare times na hindi, magkatext at magkatawagan kami lagi. Masaya naman ako, pero parang hindi pa rin ako panatag knowing na hindi pa rin sila nagbbreak kahit sa akin na lahat ng oras at atensyon niya.

He said hindi raw kasi ganun kadali na maghiwalay sila. I believe him naman, pero I'm not sure until when I can hold on and wait for him to decide. 

--
Nov. 17

I quit my job a month ago. Not because of him, so super pigil siya sa'kin umalis. I took the advice of one sis here na layo muna ako so he can think.

(Un)fortunately, nothing changed between us, mas nag-improve pa nga. He's currently looking for a place to move in, nangako siya sa akin na aayusin niya na 'yung status nila ng girlfriend niya within this year. Sobrang laking improvement ng relationship namin at treatment niya sa akin simula nung pinost ko itong thread.

I'm sorry, ang titino ng advice niyo sa akin pero ang tigas ng ulo ko. :s

[kaiz]

sa dati kong office, i had officemates who were fubus. same situation mo sis. yung guy may gf din. yung gf din ang bukambibig ng guy. kawawa si girl officemate everytime nagkukwento ang guy about gaano nya kamahal his gf. ending, inayawan lang bigla ni guy si girl officemate. actually si guy kinukwento nya saakin details ng sexcapades nila. si girl di alam na madami na din akong alam

[hisana]

^
He goes on and on how he loves his gf very much, yet he still has another girl on the side? That's so depressing to hear. Hindi lang yung fubu na girl ang kawawa, pati yung gf.

[Girltalker2]

TS and kaiz, dun sa coworker na girl, swerte sya kung matauhan like you TS.  That means you are to walk out, kahit anong mangyari.  Kahit ba sabihin mo iwanan nya ang GF nya for you, tingin mo makakampante ka kung magkaiba na kayo ng job.  How sure are you di sya aaligid sa ibang babae din? 

^ hisana, oo, mga ganyang klaseng lalaki dapat hindi pinapatulan, tama ang pag-iwas mo TS.

[eyak]

good thing na may realization ka na ngayon, thats a good start!..

why stay? kung sya nga nag moveon with her gf na..
nangyare nadin sakin to, when i was in college pa. seriously kinakahiya ko yung part na yun, hahaha

you deserve better.,

[zeroone]

I've been a longtime lurker dito sa GT, and I've seen how you girls and guys talk sense into people having their dilemmas. I guess I need those for myself so I signed up.

I've been in a no-strings-attached relationship with my colleague for about 10 months now. We go out on dates, sleep together, nagpupunta na rin siya sa bahay... As in pseudo-relationship na. Stupid move to sht where I eat, I know, but it's too late to turn things back now. What's worse is that he's in a 10-year relationship with another woman. I knew this all along, so I'm not putting the blame on anyone else but myself kasi ginusto ko rin naman ito.

The problem is that I'm falling for him. Hard. Sinubukan ko nang lumayo pero sinasabi  niya lagi napakahirap at awkward ng sitwasyon namin sa opisina kung hindi na kami magiging okay. Pinapili ko siya, but he says hindi siya makapili. Bakit nga naman siya pipili, when he can have us both with no fuss 'di ba?

2 weeks ago, nag-cool off sila ng gf niya. 'Di ko tinanong kung bakit, basta hinayaan ko lang siya, though I can really feel na miserable siya dahil 'di sila okay ni gf. Last week, nakita ko sa Facebook may photo sila ni gf with their other friends, so meaning okay na ulit sila. Dun ako parang natauhan. Na sinasabi niya, 'di siya makapili, but he had the chance to walk away from their relationship, pero inaayos pa rin nila.

I'm in no position to demand anything dahil alam ko naman sitwasyon niya nung una pa lang. Sa nakikita ko kasi sa kanya, bukod sa feelings niya for his gf since given naman na 'yun, 'di niya maiwan 'yung pinagsamahan nila. Comfort zone niya 'yun eh, isang dekada ba naman. Parang 'di niya ma-take 'yung aftermath ng breakup nila if ever, reaksyon ng families and friends, kaya reason din bat niya maiwan. More reason for me to let them be 'di ba, kasi in a way, duwag siya.

Paki-untog naman ulo ko mga sis. I just need more validation na tama talaga 'tong gagawin kong pag-iwas sa kanya kahit super hirap because we see each other everyday.

dear, you don't need to tell anyone what to do. i think it's quite obvious. what's more obvious though is you're hoping to stay and needed some validation that it's okay to stay. sorry for being blunt but you need to be honest, what your real reason? sobrang pogi nya ba? good sex? malambing?

unless you find out the reason why you keep on going out with him, you'll never find a reason to leave. in the end, nanjan pa din yung gusto mo sa kanya which will keep on pulling you back to him. as long as you stick wth him, you;ll never give yourself the chance to find someone new.

and what's FWB, anyone? sorry...

[whitelady17]

FWB - friends with benefit/s sis

Sis TS alam mo na ang gagawin mo, tama yan walang pupuntahan ang iniisip mong relasyon kumalas ka na habang maaga mas magandang ikaw na ang unang kumalas kesa iwanan ka, masakit pero buo pa rin pride mo. Iyan na lang ang meron ka as of now kaya move on na sis

[Mr.Punch]

To the threadstarter.  Huwag mo silang pakinggan.  Magfo-fall din sa iyo yung guy, promise!    He just needs more time para iwanan niya gf niya.  More sex = the more chances of winning!  lol

=====

Seriously, you already know what to do.  Di mo na kailangan ma-untog.  Ikaw na rin may sabi na matagal ka nang lurker dito.  Malamang alam mo na ang mga usual na payo.

[jtansanco]

So, you're trying to stay away but he keeps on chasing you? Are you sure you've decided 100% not to give him access to the treasure behind your legs? If so, do something that will make him not like you anymore. Find a gay officemate or anyone you're close to who could "role play" with you and tell the guy that you're in a relationship with that person so you can't go to bed with him anymore. Just do something that will have him avoid you instead of you avoiding him. Maybe it's karma? I don't know but the guy has a 10-year girlfriend and sooner or later, that girlfriend will find out about you. And if they do break up, can your conscience handle the guilt? But, assuming you're cold-blood and you guys become a couple if they happen to break up, what are the chances that he could find someone who could do a similar set up as what you're doing right now but in this case, you're the girlfriend?

Enjoy the bed activities but don't do it with someone committed.

[Girltalker2]

dear, you don't need to tell anyone what to do. i think it's quite obvious. what's more obvious though is you're hoping to stay and needed some validation that it's okay to stay. sorry for being blunt but you need to be honest, what your real reason? sobrang pogi nya ba? good sex? malambing?

Some women stay in this kind of relationship since they think they can not have anyone else anyway so might as well stick around.  Iniisip kasi nila sometimes it is either to be with this assh*le or no guy at all. Sana huwag ganun TS.  Marami naman lalaki sa mundo na walang GF and won't treat you like sh*t.
 
The problem is these kinds of relationships is that it makes it worse pa for their self-esteem. Lalong nakakababa ng tingin sa sarili.  The best way really is to walk out and try to salvage whatever you still have, kesa kainin ka ng buhay ng mga ganyang klaseng relasyon. 

[purplegravity]

I'm a newbie here and i just signed up to get feedback about marriage.  Anyway, my point of view is i think its rarely for FWB na nagkakatuluyan.  The whole foundation of relationship is not there.  Its merely just sex which is just one of the many aspects of relationship.  I talked with my guy friends since i dont have idea that this FWB thing really exist in reality, i thought its just in movies.  Anyway, they just go with it kasi para sa kanila, its a bonus.  They got something satisfying to them without paying. Its free. If a girl goes with it, wala naman mawawala daw sa kanila.  Though i know its unfair but that's life, you make your own decision. Ang sa akin lang, always put yourself in the shoes of their girlfriend or wife.  Will it hurt you? If you are the girlfriend or wife and you discovered that your better half is having an affair with someone, what will you feel?

In the end, it is still feels good that you have not done anything bad with other people. 

Its a challenge for you to end that relationship but you have to do it. By ending it, im sure, you can sleep well every night. 

[ystariray]

Kahit ba sabihin mo iwanan nya ang GF nya for you, tingin mo makakampante ka kung magkaiba na kayo ng job.  How sure are you di sya aaligid sa ibang babae din? 

I could not agree more! Eto na siguro TS ang greatest motivation mo to stay away. Warning sign na yung he's fooling around kahit committed na siya. Sabi nga nila, be warned if he's cheating with you, kasi if in case man na maging kayo nga talaga, it is likely na he will cheat on you too.

Alam ko mahirap, pero panindigan mo na yung paglayo mo ngayon, naka one step ka na palayo eh, ituloy tuloy mo na sis.. don't look back! one day you'll find someone na sayo talaga, at hindi ka lang "nakikihati".

[alice_alice]

Please get out while you still can, swerte ka pa nga sis at di ka nabuntis that will make things more complicated. If you can resign if you can afford to get a new job do so. That way there's no looking back. Burn bridges na talaga.

Also isipin mo na lang babae ka rin at may masasaktan ka na kapwa babae, the gf.

You deserve so much more, yung di ka gagawing parausan yung ibibigay sayo yung pagmamahal na nararapat para sayo ng walang kahati at ikaw lang talaga.

[imyourangel]

Stay stay awayyy! Ikaw ang talo sis. He's committed, tapos maf-fall ka na. Isipin mo ikaw ang talo pag pinagpatuloy mo to.

[Pink_Sugar]

Agree ako sa mga comments above. Nakakainis pag iisipin mo na naging parausan lang ng lalaki tapos sayo eh parang na fafall ka na.

[iamlili]

With that kind of setup, best thing to do is to CUT it and STOP! Lalo nafa-fall ka na. Hindi mo na kailangan iuntog sis. You know what's the right thing to do and hindi mo na din kailangan ng confirmation from us here. I know mahirap to end it right away, pero if you really want to save yourself from being hurt, dapat talaga END it! Hindi mo na din kailangan mag hintay ng time for them to break up and choose you. Tama sisses dito, kung committed na sya and yet nagagawa nya pa yan, even if he pursues you after they break up, wala ka pa rin magiging peace of mind dahil andyan yung thought na baka gawin nya din sayo yan.

[argento]

Nakakainis pag iisipin mo na naging parausan lang ng lalaki tapos sayo eh parang na fafall ka na.

Paano naging parausan? Guy lang ba may gusto.

[baliwsayo]

Okey lang yan, enjoy naman yata yun sex part eh. Lol! Yun mindset mo na lang baguhin mo kung di mo kaya stop yun set-up na yan.. mindset mo dapat sex lang talaga ang kailangan mo sa kanya.. nothing more.. so stop being emo about his gf na. 

[Girltalker2]

Paano naging parausan? Guy lang ba may gusto.

Naging parausan kasi ang guy sex lang ang gusto. Pero yung babae, hindi sex lang, pagmamahal ang gusto nya, kaya evern after sex, lagi pa gusto ng girl kasama si guy. Pero si guy, kahit ni ha  ni ho at di nya makausap na yung babae, ok lang.

[zeroone]

kamusta na kaya si TS??
mukhang malilgaya na sa piling ni friend... lol. joke lang.