Friend(s) na sobrang at home na sayo!

[mishmish]

I have a slight problem right now. Maybe some of the sisses here can put some insights.

I've been tutoring my friend's kids for the past several years na dito sa house ko. During our first year, medyo may hiya-hiya pa siya, pero come the second year ayan na... Dito na kumakain ng lunch yung mga kids niya although may dala sila baon pero siyempre tubig, kuryente charge sakin. Nako pati na drinking water nila, dito din sakin kasi hindi sila nagdadala ng extra, at may parefill-refill pa kahit pauwi na. Minsan sa hapon nakikitulog sila kung wala sila matambayan kung nagkataong early dismissal mga kids. Dito din nila hinuhugasan ang mga baunan, nakiki-microwave ng food nila sa gabi. Basta ang dami pa na hinayaan ko lang, kasi ayoko din sabihin na mabilang ako. Last year nag-request pa yung friend ko kung pwede dito na maliligo mga kids kasi super late na sila nakakauwi sa kanila. Di ko na pinayagan!

This year sinabihan ko na yung drinking water ng mga kids better na magdala na lang sila ng sarili nila pati na tissue paper kasi di ko na kaya i-supply pa yun kasi may mga bago akong tutees baka akalain nila free lahat dito sa house

Kaso dito pa din sila nakikihugas ng baunan nila at at nagmi-microwave ng food nila at samin kumakain ng dinner time. Okay lang sakin kung paminsan-minsan kaso Monday-Friday ito. At eto pa malupet Pataas-taas ang paa sa sala namin while waiting for her kids to finish.  Kayo anong gagawin niyo kung ganoon ang situation? TIA!

[kaiz]

wag mo na itutor kids nya sis

[ikaela]

Ang hirap, friends mo kasi. Maybe you can designate a part of your house just for tutoring, and then the rest of your house is off-limits. You can also raise your rates to  include the costs incurred. When announcing your new rates, pwede mo na din sabihin "on the side" sa parents na tumataas bills mo because of the kids overstaying at your house and using your resources, baka makaramdam. Ginawa ka nang daycare center instead of a tutor. You could also do it professionally -- call a meeting and discuss maintaining rates but keeping tutoring/business hours vs. raising rates and keeping things the way they are. Let's see what they'll vote for.

[mishmish]

^^ Oo nga eh... I wish mabilis lang ang tumanggi

^ May designated area naman ako for tutor. May isang time pa nga gusto niya mag-work out sa second floor namin while waiting for her kids, patay malisya na lang ako, kunwari wala ako narinig. Ang hirap kasi minsan nagiging "garapalan" na. Actually nag-increase ako ng tutor rate this year, pero dahil higher levels na ang mga bata. Malinaw sakin yun, ewan ko lang dito sa friend ko, ma pagka-dense pa man din yun.

Tingin niyo okay lang ba if mag charge ako ng miscellaneous fees sa kanya for the water and electricity since I have other tutees worry ko baka they will all follow suit. Mahirap na. Plus nako yung microwave ko mamaya masira or what. Ang awkward din kayang sabihing o nasira mo bayaran mo.

[aquacharly]

Mag post ka nang RULES

To maintain a conducive atmosphere for maximum learning, please be informed of the following Rules:

1.  Only the child scheduled for tutoring may enter the Study Room.
2.  All other children and companions may wait outside on chairs.
     We will not be responsible for the safety of the child when he/she is not in the Study Room.
3.  The rest of the house is off-limits, in the interest of maintaining our privacy & safety.

Thank you for your cooperation.


Something like that.

Parang hindi mag feel at home --  do not make them enter the house na.
Just make them wait sa garage.  Provide a bench.
I bet you, como hindi comfy, sa nearby mall na lang yan mag palipas  oras.

If you have parents staying with you, use them as your excuse -- they want privacy. 

[mishmish]

^ Nice guidelines sis Aquacharly Thank you!

Ang hirap lang talaga kung friend kasi parang ikaw pa yung mahihiya imbes na sila!

[mishmish]

Naisip ko lang -- gagawa ako ng letter (circular) indicating my house rules then bibigay ko sa kanila,aside from posting them in the house para mas clear. Hirap ng word of mouth nakakalimutan. Like, just last Friday, late nasundo mga kids, si yaya nila ayun nakatambay sa kitchen namin imbes kasama mga alaga niya. Na-mention ko ko na last year sa mommy na kitchen is off limits, waiting area yung sala, pero this year, pasaway na naman. Hay

[juni]

Mahirap nga yan sis pag pasaway, masakit sa ulo, kailangan talagang tiyagain and maging firm sa pagreremind and pag-eenforce ng rules.  Swerte nga sila na sa sala pa yung waiting area mo e, yung ibang tutors walang ganun, hanggang gate lang ang bantay or sundo, ni hindi sila nakakatapak sa loob ng bahay.  Sa garage or driveway mo na lang ilagay yung waiting area para wala na silang access sa loob ng house and hindi na sila gagala.  Over na ang pagiging comfortable nila, kaya you need to be strict about boundaries na.

[simpleemie]

i agree may mga friends na ganyan. if di makaramdam, sabihan mo na sis. like text mo na you wont allow na na gamitin kuryente and other stuff sa bahay mo, sabihin mo kasi nagtitipid ka na Minsan kasi ang friends, you need to remind them pa, pag nagbigay ka ng rule, minsan may nasasabi pa

[aquacharly]

Naisip ko lang -- gagawa ako ng letter (circular) indicating my house rules then bibigay ko sa kanila,aside from posting them in the house para mas clear. Hirap ng word of mouth nakakalimutan. Like, just last Friday, late nasundo mga kids, si yaya nila ayun nakatambay sa kitchen namin imbes kasama mga alaga niya. Na-mention ko ko na last year sa mommy na kitchen is off limits, waiting area yung sala, pero this year, pasaway na naman. Hay

Limit them to your garage or garden. Put out chairs.
Post your rules.  (The Circular is a good idea)
Lock  the door.  Allow in only the kids.  Tell your mom to follow the rules too.

You are tutoring the kids. That doesn't entitle them to invade your family's privacy.
Really, be cost effective too.   Use of your utilities cuts into your fees.   

[juni]

Idiscourage mo na din sis yung late na pagsundo sa kids.  Dapat they should fetch the kids on time, kasi lugi ka, tutor ka and not their babysitter.  You deserve na makapagpahinga after hours of teaching the kids, you deserve to have peace and quiet and privacy in your own home.  Paano mo yun maeenjoy kung ginagawang tambayan yung house mo diba?  Be firm and direct pag pinagsasabihan mo yung kids, parents and mga bantay para they know you're serious and para mabawasan na rin yung pagiging overly familiar nila sayo.

[mishmish]

Thank you sa mga suggestions niyo sisses. We have talked about it na at kahit papaano naliwanagan na siya. Sad to say pero meron pala talagang mga tao na ganyan --- para sa sarili nilang convenience wala sila paki-paki kahit makaabala na ng todo-todo. Mabilis kasi ako kausap, kung pwedeng pagbigyan -- pagbibigyan ko naman, basta hindi yung parati, kaso ayun na nga umaabuso!

Before pa nga, may mga instances na chop-chop yung tutor, isa lang ipapa-tutor niya sa friday night,kesyo pagod na yung isa, then isasabay niya ulit ipapatutor sa saturday morning, para productive kuno mga kids, tapos after ng aral makikipaglaro yung mga kids niya sa anak ko, so siyempre once tapos na sila, nakataas na buhok ko sa sobrang stressed sa ingay at kalat! Di ko na siya pinayagan after!

[aquacharly]

Susko ginawa ka pang baby sitter or your house a play center.  Wise sya

[juni]

^^ Unfortunately sis may mga tao talagang ganyan, sariling benefit ang iniisip.  Mahirap maging mabait sa mga ganyan, kasi give them an inch and they'll take a yard.  Pagbigyan mo lang kahit once e magiging abusado na.  Kaya kung ako sayo sis e wag ka na maging mapagbigay sa kanya, kasi nakita mo na na ganyan ang ugali niya, ikaw lang ang kawawa in the end.

[mishmish]

Tumpak sis Aquacharly and sis Juni. Ginawa niya akong one stop shop niya! Kaya this time I told her na off limits na lahat. Ganon siya eh, once na na-corner na siya, ang hirit niya agad willing to pay siya sa mga costs (she's rich by the way) pero sabi ko it's not about the money. Worry ko dyan once na I allow her nako sky is the limit siyempre iisipin nun binabayaran niya eh. Nako ha baka magulat na lang ako magdala na siya ng laundry niya dito sa bahay!! At for sure she'll insist na mag double pay or triple pay makaligo lang mga kids niya samin.

[juni]

From what you've told us, I get the sense na she's trying na itambak yung kids sayo.  Eating dinner, pagligo, paghugas ng pinagkainan--that's stuff that they should be doing at their house, not yours.  Kaya nga sila may bahay e, so that they could do the stuff they need on their own turf, so they wouldn't have to bother other people.  It's one thing kung minsan lang yun nangyari, pero iba na kasi ginawa na niyang habit e.

She's rich, so I assume may maayos na shower, lutuan, ref, etc. sila sa sarili nilang house.  So the availability of appliances and running water are not the reasons why pinapatambay niya yung kids niya sa house mo even after tapos na yung tutoring.  Maybe she's doing it to have peace and quiet in her house, maybe she's doing it so she could be free to do errands or whatever it is she wants, I don't know.  Bottomline is she shouldn't be doing that.  If she doesn't want the inconvenience of dealing with her kids, of making sure they're showered, fed, etc., then tough luck.  Nandiyan na yung kids e, she should just suck it up and deal with them, not dump them in someone else's lap.  You are their tutor, not their nanny or a substitute for their mother.  Inaabuso ka na sis, and I'm so glad na you had the talk with her na, I really hope she doesn't overstep the boundaries ulit.  Sana marealize din niya na she can't always throw money at a problem to make it go away or to make things right.

[mishmish]

^ Sis Juni -- Super like what you've just said. Yan na yan ang mga sentiments ko. Sabi ko nga sa kanya the other day na sinong ayaw ng convenience, lahat naman tayo ayaw natin ma-stress pero responsibilities natin mga anak natin eh, hindi natin pwede iasa sa iba yung dapat na obligation natin. Sabi ko nga din sa kanya, tutor teacher ako ng mga kids niya nothing more, nothing less. My husband allowed me to open our house for tutoring coz malinaw samin na as tutor teacher, all other domestic/personal issues ng clients are not my concerns anymore.