My daughter committed suicide..

[ejxtwo]

Gusto ko lang malabas lahat ng nasa loob ko. Please bear with me sissies

Two months ago, my husband left us for his first family. Noon ko lang nalaman na aside from us, meron pala syang nauna. I was 29 weeks pregnant back then. A month after that, I gave birth to my twins, and just a few weeks after that, I lost my other twin while the surviving one has a hole in his heart, still in the NICU, very weak but still fighting.

And just 2 weeks ago, my daughter took her life away.. She's just 13,  I didn't even know she can think of something like that. She's a very happy girl, bubly, thoughtful, selfless, very sweet, very smart, lovely, caring.. I know our situation right now is beyond difficult, ni hindi sya maka-pasok sa school nun, hindi sya naging open but whenever I talk to her she would always say, "I'm fine, mommy. Don't worry about me. I love you..." laging may "I love you". Before she passed away, everything about her seemed to be back to normal.. I feel so terrible that I didn't able to reach out my hand to her, she should've told me kung ano talaga yung mga nararamdaman nya... Our last conversation was like "Good night mommy. I love you so much. Thank you for being strong for us. I'm always here, everything will be okay. I love you, I love you, I love you." and then she left me a sorry letter... Wala ako sa bahay nung nangyari. I feel so guilty. For the last time, hindi ko man lang nabigay yung full attention ko sa kanya Lagi nyang sinasabi na okay lang, naiintindihan nya, pero hindi pala.. She fake her smiles so I won't see her pain

I still can't believe it... I don't want to believe that she's gone, feeling ko panaginip lang lahat.. I'm so helpless.. I miss her so much.. I'd do anything para lang bumalik sya sakin... Feeling ko kasalanan ko lahat... I made her feel na nagiging pabigat sya sa mga nangyayari samin... Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag-sisimula ulit..  I don't know anymore... Everything happened too fast..

[KrabbyPatty!]

This is really sad

[lisse]

OMG Sis! I'm really really sorry to hear that!  I have read all your posts from before and from another thread and you always had my sympathies, support and prayers. This is so sad. My prayers are with you. I don't have a kid yet pero I know your pain somehow. We're just here for you, if you need to let it out. I wish I can help you more.

[jhaz]

Sis im so sorry to hear that..im a mother too and sumasakit kalooban ko upon reading your post.i know mahirap ang pinagdadaanan mo ngayon but please be strong para sa isa mo pang baby.

[MrsKolca]

Hi sis ejxtwo! I really don't know the exact words to say to comfort you, but I hope you stay strong and focused. The fact that you are able to share this thing here in GT shows how brave you are.

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter and one of your twins passing away. I pray that your other twin recovers. Will also pray that you get enough support from your family and friends and be able to get through this. Hugs*

[artegirl]

sis, I'm so sorry you have to go through this.  Please stay strong, for your baby and for yourself.

[packsmom]

I am sorry and sad that it had happen to you and your child.

Go ahead, cry. Let all your feelings out sis. We're here to listen.

[iwannabeasupermodel]

sis condolence sayo. parang sobrang hirap ng pinagdadaanan mo.

I made her feel na nagiging pabigat sya sa mga nangyayari samin... Hindi ko alam kung paano ako mag-sisimula ulit..  I don't know anymore... Everything happened too fast..

in what way did you make her feel na nagiging pabigat siya sayo?

i was thinking you move out of your house and maybe be with your parents muna.

[killbill]

I am so sorry to hear that. I've read your post sa ibang thread. I can't imagine yung mga pinagdadaanan mo. Be strong sis, we are praying for you...

[Miss.Pancake]

Sis, my condolences. This is alarming. Kasi broken family kami and somehow i got worried about my daughter though she's only 4 years old and doesn't understand pa yun mga nangyayari.

[ejxtwo]

in what way did you make her feel na nagiging pabigat siya sayo?

Naka state dun sa letter nya, she's saying sorry because she wants attention from me, too. Since lagi akong nasa hospital with her brothers. I remember one time, napagsabihan ko sya because she's being too makulit (na naglalambing pala) and I'm really really tired. But nakabawi naman na ako nun. Maybe she assumed na hindi ko sila kayang i-handle tatlo, especially when we lost her baby brother, it was really difficult for me. As much as possible naman I give her attention, I'm trying my best to balance everything but according to her (sa letter), ayaw na nyang nakikita akong nahihirapan. Sobrang laki ng pagsisisi ko...

[cristina]

my condolences sis...i don't know what word could comfort you just be strong for your little boy remember God only gives you trials that you can conquer Trust him and Pray

[aquacharly]

My heart goes out to you.
I will pray for you.

You must talk to a competent and non-judgmental psychologist.
Do not keep it all locked up in you.

PM you someone you can talk with.   

[cristina]

Do not keep it all locked up in you.

I definitely agree

[kvandenhaak]

Being a mom myself, I can not imagine this happening to me. I wish we at least make it easier for you to deal with this situation. I am praying for you to have courage and peace of mind.

[luckymommy88]

Praying for you sis...

[iwannabeasupermodel]

Naka state dun sa letter nya, she's saying sorry because she wants attention from me, too. Since lagi akong nasa hospital with her brothers. I remember one time, napagsabihan ko sya because she's being too makulit (na naglalambing pala) and I'm really really tired. But nakabawi naman na ako nun. Maybe she assumed na hindi ko sila kayang i-handle tatlo, especially when we lost her baby brother, it was really difficult for me. As much as possible naman I give her attention, I'm trying my best to balance everything but according to her (sa letter), ayaw na nyang nakikita akong nahihirapan. Sobrang laki ng pagsisisi ko...

1. kanino siya naiiwan nung lagi ka asa hospital sis?

2. do you think you got too focused on your sorrow na you neglected her?

3. whom do you blame with her death?

[ikaela]

Gusto ko lang malabas lahat ng nasa loob ko. Please bear with me sissies

Oh my gosh, no, please just let it all out here if this is one of your avenues for venting out. Ilabas mo na ang kailangan mo ilabas. This is what we are here for, what GT is for. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but please know that we are here to listen.

[momentum]

Sis ejxtwo my heart goes out to you..keep your faith in God..I am so devastated with everything that has happened to you..but please don't lose hope..

sent you a PM

[mrscardenas2011]

Sis if only i could hug you now... Im so sorry... Please be strong... I really dont know what to say... Im praying for you and your family...