What if your trust decreased.

[imyourangel]

After a major lie by my boyfriend, nahirapan na ulit ako magtrust sa kanya. Trust in the sense na, ayaw ko na siyang pasamahin sa mga lakad niya with his friends.

Pero ako yung nahihirapan. Feeling ko masasakal ko naman siya pag pinagpatuloy ko to. How do I bring back the trust?...

[Miss.Pancake]

I don't think trust is something you can impose to yourself and it's something you can fix overnight pag nasira. Trust is like a seed. In order for it to grow kailangan mong umeffort. Kailangan mong paarawan at tubigan constatly. And pag naging plant na siya may sumira let's say bagyo o tsunami syempre kailangan mo ulit mag umpisa sa umpisa ng pagtatanim mo. Hindi naman yun mabubuhay agad agad.

Kailangan niyang umeffort to win your trust back and as for you, you need to forgive. Yun lang ang kailangan sa part mo. Yun genuine forgiveness tapos yun trust na yan it will just come to you naturally. Only time will tell din.

[simang]

let him win your trust back, but never ever impose things on him. show him instead what he's missing dahil sa ginawa nya. as for you, if you really want things to work out, forgive and forget. the forgetting part is as important as forgiving kase you have to start with a clean slate. you can never use that against him.

[romantico]

Don't blame yourself. He was the one who did something to comprise your trust. He should be the one EARNING your trust again and he should be the one having problem about it and not you. Once a trust is jeopardize it is almost impossible to restore because the fear, doubt and paranoia is there. If he was apologetic on what he did and he seem sincere then why not give him a chance but if it involves a 3rd party then try to observe him first.

[Girltalker2]

After a major lie by my boyfriend, nahirapan na ulit ako magtrust sa kanya. Trust in the sense na, ayaw ko na siyang pasamahin sa mga lakad niya with his friends.

Pero ako yung nahihirapan. Feeling ko masasakal ko naman siya pag pinagpatuloy ko to. How do I bring back the trust?...

Tama sabi nila, the ball is not in your court. Wala kang magagawa kung sinungaling ang BF mo, totally cannot trust a liar.

All you can do is make him understand na you prefer him not to be with his friends because of certain reasons as you want to protect your relationship, as you want your relationship to grow and flourish. Pero kung sige parin sya sa gawa nya, at binabalewala ang preferences mo without explaining to you why, or without coming up with a compromise, ibig sabihin di nya maintindihan kung bakit nya kelangan lumayo sa friends nya or di nya magets ang gravity ng pagsisinungaling nya. IMO, guys like this are not yet ready for relationships. 

[aquacharly]

"Trust is like an eraser, it gets smaller after every mistake."

It is your BF's responsibility to earn back your trust.
But it is your responsibility to take care of your mental & emotional health.

Being tense, keeping him on a short leash --  means you are not taking care of yourself.
Hindi naman ok, for your relationship, for you to control his social life.

[imyourangel]

Thank you for all your advice.

I agree, it's not good for me to be too controlling naman. Pero thank God, because everything is okay now. Unti unti, yung pasensya ko sakanya humahaba na ulit. Kaso ilang beses muna kami nag away at nagkaiyakan bago humantong sa ganito haha. I hope magtuloy tuloy at wag na siya mag lie ulit. Again thank you everyone.

[Yamski]

I'm happy for you sis. Good thing you guys are getting there. Kami, parang palabo ng palabo. Magkaiba kami ng approach sa pag move on from his cheating. He hates it whenever I demand him to tell me everything about her, e.g., pag nagusap sila, or nagtext yung babae. Ayoko talagang tinatago niya sa'kin. Kaso for him daw, talking about her will not help me daw from moving on. He knows naman na daw what he's doing and learned a lot from his mistakes. I know that I shouldn't trust him pero hindi ko talaga siya kayang tiisin. He would always say din na kaya daw siya na-in love dun sa babae kasi laging nandyan para kausapin siya sa phone. Samantalang ako, either busy or pagod kaya tinatamad siyang kausapin.

[imyourangel]

^He hates it sis? In the first place kasalanan naman niya bakit ka nagkaganiyan. Ganyan yung sinabi ko kag bf, na don't blame me because I'm like this.. It's all your fault. Kung ganyan lang sya, nakuuu parang ang hirap ngang tiisin nyan. Dapat nga maging mas open siya sayo kesa itatago nalang para "maka-move on"  ka.. That's just BS.

[simang]

I'm happy for you sis. Good thing you guys are getting there. Kami, parang palabo ng palabo. Magkaiba kami ng approach sa pag move on from his cheating. He hates it whenever I demand him to tell me everything about her, e.g., pag nagusap sila, or nagtext yung babae. Ayoko talagang tinatago niya sa'kin. Kaso for him daw, talking about her will not help me daw from moving on. He knows naman na daw what he's doing and learned a lot from his mistakes. I know that I shouldn't trust him pero hindi ko talaga siya kayang tiisin. He would always say din na kaya daw siya na-in love dun sa babae kasi laging nandyan para kausapin siya sa phone. Samantalang ako, either busy or pagod kaya tinatamad siyang kausapin.

When we impose things like these to our partners, the more they feel smothered, and the more they feel smothered, the more they pull away. The more they pull away, the more you'll feel sad and angry at him, the more you feel this way the more you will want to push him to do what you want, and the more you do that, the more he'll feel smothered, and the cycle goes on.

Our partners want us to be happy. Believe me, if a guy has a girlfriend, the one thing that he wants is to make her happy. If you impose things like these to him, the more he will feel he's not doing a good job at making you happy, he might even feel he's failing at being a boyfriend. When he feels he's failing at being a boyfriend to you, mas lalo nya maiisip na maybe, he's not the one or that he's not worth to be with you because he's not making you happy. Yes, guys are that insecure.

What works for me is that when I forgive, I forget. When I forgive someone, I start fresh with that someone. So everytime I forgive, I let go of the hurt, the grudges, the negativity -- not for the other person to feel guilty, or to feel good that they are forgiven, but for myself. I just don't want to dwell on things that make me unhappy and miserable. Ako na nga ang nagawan ng masama, ako pa ba ang magpapalugmok sa kalungkutan? Ako pa ba ang magpapakapraning sa nega feelings ko? Definitely no. My life is so awesome for those.

Here's something I do if my partner (or anyone for that matter) does something not nice to me. I don't normally tell them to be sorry for me or do this and that so I can trust them again. As what I've said in my previous reply, if they did me something bad, it's their job to win me back. If they don't, it's no longer my problem. What I do is I tell them how their actions made me feel. One time, my boyfriend and I were talking about cheating. I didn't tell him not to cheat. What I told him was "if ever you cheat, it will really make me sad". I didn't impose that he be faithful to me, but maybe, that way he will rethink a thousand times before he does it.

[killbill]

^ I will definitely try that approach sis.