single for 5 years

[young_maiden]

Hi. I'm 24 years old and 5 years na single. Nagbreak kami ng ex ko because of a third party on his side. After the break-up, hindi na ako nagka-bf ulit. Nung una ok lang. Masakit pa din sa akin noon yung break-up namin. Pero nung tumagal, namiss ko na yung feeling na magkabf ulit. Napatawad ko na ang ex ko at naka-move on na ako. I just want to love again and this time sana yung seryoso at pangmatagalan na. Never ako nangarap na magpapalit-palit ng bf.

Ang problema lang hindi kasi ako ligawin. Sa 5 years na single ako, 2 lang yata yung masasabi kong may interest mahalin ako. Yung isang guy di ko pinatulan kasi hindi ko matanggap yung mga nega traits niya. May BO at laging wrong spelling kung mag english. Sorry pero turn-off traits talaga for me yun. Saka hindi rin siya attractive for me. Hindi ko naman nirerequire na gwapo dapat ang bf. Ang akin lang kahit presentable sa paningin ko ok na. Pero hindi rin siya presentable. Ayun iniwasan ko hanggang sa tumigil na din siya.

Yung other guy di ko pinatulan kasi kaibigan ng ex ko. Big no-no kasi for me ang pumatol sa friend ng ex. Saka kung pinatulan ko siya, magiging LDR kami. I made it clear na hindi ako interested sa kanya kaya ayun tumigil na din siya. Ayoko sa LDR. Ganun ang set-up namin ng ex ko na niloko lang ako. Sorry ulit sa mga sis natin na LDR ngayon ang lovelife pero nawala talaga faith ko sa LDR dahil sa panloloko sa akin ng ex ko. Ang gusto ko yung next bf ko yung lagi kong makikita at makakasama.

Yung ibang mga guys na na-encounter ko ang gusto friends with benefits lang. May iba gusto third party lang ako. May gf sila tapos gusto ako ang kabit. Syempre ayaw ko naman na hanggang dun lang ako.

I have guy friends na matitino naman ang ugali. Faithful naman. One of the boys ako sa school namin. Kaso most of my guys friends puro taken na. Konti lang ang single. May single guy friend nga ako na nagconfess sa akin na crush niya ako pero hanggang dun lang. Di niya ako pinursue. Yung ibang friends ko na guys parang lalaki lang din ang tingin sa akin. Pakiramdam ko hindi ako gf-material sa paningin nila. Lagi na lang ako yung friend na pinagkukwentuhan nila ng anything under the sun. Kahit sex life nga binabanggit sa akin. Pero yun nga hanggang friend lang ang role ko.

Pag nagkakacrush naman ako sa isang guy, never mutual yung feelings.

Heto pa. 4th yr law student na ako. Dami ko na naririnig na payo na dapat daw before ako maging lawyer magkabf na ako. Mahihirapan daw ako makahanap ng bf pag lawyer na daw ako. Nakakapressure lang. Pero kahit ako ayoko din na kung kailan lawyer o magrereview na ako for the bar, single pa din ako. Sana when that time comes, stable na lovelife ko. Hindi naman kailangan engaged o married na ako. Pero sana may significant other na ako na may intensyon tumagal sa buhay ko.

I have guy friends who flirt with me. I flirt back. Pero as usual hanggang dun lang. Wala na effort on their part.

When it comes to looks, di naman siguro ako kapangitan. Petite and morena ako. I try my best to be presentable everyday. Pero parang kulang pa din. Sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng girl na di naman kagandahan pero may bf, nakakaramdam ako ng inggit.

On the other hand, ayaw ko naman maging desperate ang dating ko. How do I prove to guys that I'm worth the effort too without looking so desperate? Hindi ko masabi sa mga friends ko ang dilemma kong ito. Lagi ko na lang sinasabi na ok lang ako kahit single, na happy pa din ako. Pero di naman maiwasan makaramdam ako ng loneliness di ba. So dito ko na lang sa girltalk ilalabas lahat. I really need advice. Thank you.

[Girltalker2]

^ Sis, ang bata mo pa    Marami ka pang ma-m meet.  Pero I like your attitude - alam mo na kung anong AYAW mo, at hindi ka papatol to someone just for the sake.

Ang masasabi ko lang, is just live life as it is. Join clubs/events, mingle mingle - huwag lang sa circle of friends mo but also outside.

Sasabihin ko pa nga sana na buti nalang nagbreak kayo ng BF mo, kasi hindi rin ok na magBF ng maaga.  Now that you are young and single, just enjoy your singlehood. Mahirap ata magreview kung may BF, distracted ka. Kaya focus na muna on your studies. Then start earning narin right after.  I am sure your guy will come along at the least expected moment. Huwag mo hanapin, I am sure he will find you.  For the meantime, just be at your best and do your best at all times.

Good luck!

[young_maiden]

salamat sa payo, sis. i agree. i just go on with my life. madami ako naging friends sa law school at mas madami pa ako naging friends na guys kaysa sa girls. minsan lang kasi nakakaramdam ako ng lungkot. sa tuwing nakakakita ako ng girl na so-so lang ang looks, nainggit ako. natatanong ko minsan sa sarili ko kung ano meron sa kanya na wala sa akin at bakit siya nagkabf at ako wala.

pero syempre di ko hinahayaan mag wallow ako sa self-pity all the time. i keep myself busy. heto 4th yr na ako. sobrang daming binabasang law books and cases. nagfofocus na lang ako sa studies ko para di ko maisip madalas ang dilemma ko about my lovelife.  salamat ulit.    

[killbill]

^^ ako naman sis ang tagal ko din naging single, sabihin na lang natin na simula nang gumawa ako ng fb account never ko pa sya na update sa in a relationship status.

Pansin ko kasi nung mga times na wala na ako ibang bukambibig kundi gusto ko na magka bf, saka siya mailap. Kagaya ng sayo yung mga lumalapit eh hindi naman maganda ang intentions.

What i did is nagpaka busy ako. Nag start ako mag take ng aerial silk class, pole dancing class, pati boxing ginawa ko na. Tapos mas naging open ako makipag meet sa ibang tao, habang tumatanda kasi tayo parang mas nagiging mahirap magkaron ng new set of friends / potential partners.

Nag try lang ako mag wechat, no expectations talaga kasi alam ko naman majority ng mga nandun easy lay lang ang gusto. Ayun chat chat, pag mga ilang weeks mo na kausap at mukhang matino, saka lang ako papayag makipag meet, puro coffee dates lang no alcoholic drinks involved. Hanggang sa ayun, one guy proved me wrong when i least expected it, too think na zero expectations talaga ako sa wechat na yan. Magkachat since march, started dating april, officially gf / bf june.

[Girltalker2]

TS, maaga ako nagka BF. I would say isa ako sa mga kinaiinggitan ng friends ko before, kasi ours was a long relationship, over 10 years pa.  Then we got married with a nice wedding. Pero you see, I missed dating/mingling, being single. In fact, feeling ko hindi ko nakilala nang husto ang sarili ko kasi during my teen and growing years, at 20s, sya lagi ang kasama ko. Parang hindi ko na kilala sarili ko kapag wala sya. So the day came when I learned he cheated on me. Ni hindi ko alam san ako pupulutin.

So hindi ba it just says, sometimes yung mga kinaiinggitan mo akala mo lang masaya, pero not necessarily 100% sa kanila masaya. There is no point in being envious with anyone.  Basta you are happy ON YOUR OWN, and you will find your guy.

What i did is nagpaka busy ako. Nag start ako mag take ng aerial silk class, pole dancing class, pati boxing ginawa ko na. Tapos mas naging open ako makipag meet sa ibang tao, habang tumatanda kasi tayo parang mas nagiging mahirap magkaron ng new set of friends / potential partners.

Ya, exactly. Ako din nagpakabusy on myself, kikay, gym, reading kids, other activities, etc.  Pero the key is being open.  I did not have any flings or whatsoever when I was struggling with my marriage for 10 years.  Because all I wanted at that time was to fix my marriage.  Kahit alam kong may nag aaligid, I was not open to the idea of having another guy in my life.

Pero nung tuluyan nanga kami naghiwalay, I struggled pa telling people that I am "separated". Ang sama kasi pakinggan. Hanggang sa nasanay nako (nagpractice ako with salesladies, taxi drivers na di ko kilala).  Then nung naging normal na sakin to introduce myself as "separated", at mas naging open ako to mingle, that is the time I met guys who were willing to date me.  Though online is not my kind of thing (wala ngakong FB eh), through personal na pakilala (since everyone knows I am separated), and office, etc.  So just be open but have a minimum criteria din naman in meeting men.

[aquacharly]

YOUNG MAIDEN:  24 & in 4th year Law  -- your being a whiz kid may intimidate the guys in your age bracket.  It may be  that the interested ones are baffled as to how to keep pace with you.

Do not buy into that crap you gotta snag a commitment from a guy before you feather  your cap with passing of the Bar, and a good career  start up.  That trivializes your accomplishments to-date; and insinuates that there are no men capable of matching up to you. Hello, didn't they grasp this:  Water seeks it's own level. 

Persist with your current focus, you're up for a couple of tough years.  With the Bar ahead, and career start-up thereafter, you don't exactly have time, nor priority, for a romantic relationship. Prudence thus dictates you don't over strain your currently effective life balance with an active search for "The One". 

What's the rush?  Take note:  Haste makes waste.  Do not waste yourself on what you deserve now, coz you deserve much better after you pass the Bar.  Really, let's be realistic & pragmatic, not humble nor romantic here.

But there are a couple of "tweaks" you can incorporate in your current life:

1.  Join a positive organized group where accomplished individuals volunteer.  Where like meets like.

2.  Get into a sport like diving, triathlons, serious biking.   Again, where like meets like. Where ambitious people like a 24yo 4th Law student gets challenged by like-minded achievers.   (No, not jogging around the Welcome Circle.  Not silk yoga too.  You get the drift....)

3.  Cosmetic enhancements are an option.  (Better hair style/make-up,  less poundage, nose lift, bigger eyes, chin enhancement, teeth by Tripon, etc etc).  Whatever will better frame the beauty of your intelligent mind.   Mantra:  Be witty & pretty, and sparkle!

4.  Polish your social graces.  There is always room for improvement. 

5.  Psychological upgrade:  appreciate your worth more.  It's not that you lack luster to attract, but that you may not have leveled up yet & thus, you persist in searching for "The One" in the pond you've outgrown.

6.  Paradigm Shift:  do not look at your old blueprints.   You may have outgrown these.  Consider other "male configurations" that may be more on your level. Be open to possibilities. 

7.  Stop searching. Stop yearning. It all projects an aura of neediness that can turn off any interest.  Just focus on advancing yourself, and bringing out The Best in you.  It will come, in due time, the man you deserve.

Chill. 

[young_maiden]

thanks to all the pieces of advice. tama kayo. sa ngayon heto tuloy ako sa pag-aaral ko. 4th yr is not easy. yung mga subjects na inaaral ko ng isang sem noon, ngayon isang o dalawang linggo ko na lang inaaral. i am also a member of two organizations where I have gained so many friends (guys and girls). when someone flirts with me, sinasakyan ko lang. sana dumating din siya at sana siya na din [textspeak!] last. kung pwede siya na din yung future hubby ko. sayang naman yung 5 years na pagiging single ko kung mapunta na naman ako sa maling lalaki.

i admit may self-esteem issues din ako. nahihiya ako magsabi sa iba na pretty ako kahit in a humorous way. baka may mag react ng nega at sabihin feelingera ako. kung i-observe ko naman sarili ko sa salamin, ang tingin ko hindi naman ako pangit pero hindi rin drop-dead gorgeous. sa tingin ko plain lang.

i rarely get compliments na pretty ako. most of the time laging sexy. feeling ko tuloy hipon ako. pero pag may nag comment na pretty ako, i just smile and say thank you.

[simang]

Sis you are very young! It's good na you know your standards well pero reading through your post it comes a little desperate to me kahit na ayaw mo na yun ang maperceive ng tao.

I was in a relationship for 7 yrs maaga din ako nagka bf (16y/o) and like sis Girltalker2 kinainggitan din ako ng mga friends ko because of that. And same with her, i lost myself in the relationship. On-off kame hanggang sa nawala na tuluyan. I was single for two years and believe me, those were the best years of my life. I learned a lot about myself and just enjoyed being with myself. Same with our other sisses here, i opened myself to every opportunity -- for meeting new people, for professional advancement, for personal development. Dami kong naacchieve within those 2 yrs. nakikipagdate din ako pero nothing serious until i met my current partner. Even nung naging kami na, never ko ni let go yung nga ginagawa ko nung single pa ako. Nagaral pa din ako, nagtravel pa din ako solo, i still go out with my friends, i still meet new people. I guess my point is do whatever makes you a better person, pero never neglect the people you're going to meet. Nung single ako (well even now naman), kahit yung guard sa school, or yung katapat ko sa jeep, or yung nakasalubong ko sa overpass, halos lahat ng taong makita ko, nginingitian ko coyly kase in my head, everyday is an opportunity to meet a new friend, even a potential partner. With that i came off as very approachable kaya mas madaming 'nanligaw' or nagparamdam sa akin, and isa na nga dun yung current partner ko. Siguro to put simply, naging 'ligawin' ako because of that aura.

Maybe you can try that. Especially some guys might be intimated since you're a law student. Basta be the better version of yourself na lang, and you will attract the right man.

[nixiquita]

Tapos sis lets find ways to look prettier and more 'blooming'. Maybe put more effort sa makeup or skincare or sa health para may certain glow. Para you wouldnt look, as you said, plain lang. Kasi hindi naman necessary na you have to be drop dead gorgeous or yung typical na sobrang ganda, basta mukhang fresh, glowing at blooming, super attractive. Parang ang ganda ganda ng aura. Swerte mo na nga sexy ka So konting push na lang, para mas maging confident ka na rin sa sarili mo

[young_maiden]

@simang and nixquita: hi sissies! maraming salamat sa tips.

aside sa studies ko, i'm also busy with my 2 law organizations sa school. i've made friends with so many people. pero aminado ako i'm not the type of person who opens up easily. pag kakasimula pa lang ng sem, nagiging loner muna ako. kasi sa 4 years ko sa law school, lagi paiba-iba ang section ko so lagi ako nag adjust sa mga new classmates. hindi ako yung unang bumabati sa kanila kasi nahihiya ako. i just smile coyly and move on. i let other people initiate the friendship. may trust issues din kasi ako sa ibang tao. sa simula feeling ko sisiraan nila ako so ako naman todo iwas. saka lang ako magiging comfortable pag napatunayan na nilang genuine friends sila.  dito nagsimula naman yung pagiging one of the boys ko. pansin ko kasi sa mga boys less drama sila at hindi uso sa kanila yung siraan. unlike sa mga girls na madami backstabbers.

i have a guy friend who teased me na hindi daw ako magkakalovelife kung ganun ang approach ko.

so yeah maybe i have to have a positive aura. baka nga ang napapansin ng ibang tao yung nega aura ko.


lately, nagdecide ako magmake-up pero minimal lang. foundation, pink lipstick and blush on lang. ayun mga may nagcompliment naman.

[nixiquita]

^youre welcome! and maybe a new haicut or haircolor wont hurt hehe

[mimiku]

As I was reading your post, I found myself chuckling my amazement - you are like a younger me except that I never got to continue my Law studies. I too, will be turning single for 5 years this September and guess what? I am turning 30 this October.

Sweetie, of all the people who could understand you most, I guess that would be me. I graduated with honors,   and somehow I intimidate guys with the way I speak. My friends say if I ever got to finish my Law studies I would have won a ticket to spinsterdom. Don't buy that crap. I am not that drop-dead gorgeous but I still get attention from guys... for some strange reason. I guess it is true what they say, intelligence is really sexy.

Now going back, my ex cheated on me in 2009. Left me broken hearted and devastated. It took me years to heal myself up. Like I said, I am not that pretty although a lot say I'm so cute. I am petite, slim and morena like you. I look so young for a 29 and turning 30 woman. For the past years, a number of men were drawn to me, young, old and mostly unfaithful and jerk guys. For 5 years, I can say super dami kong pinalampas but honestly I could say I don't feel a tad bit of regret because they turned out to be a mismatch for me. Although sometimes, I think about what could have been if I put down my walls and accepted them (I am talking about those single ones and unattached guys of course). I know, a bit chunk of it was because fear got the best of me. May makita lang akong isang flaw sa character ng guy, I drop him right away. Like you I am not the paasa type of a girl. Once I don't feel any chemistry, I let go right away.

After 4 years, I took another shot. Nagtry akong makipagdate. There was someone I used to like so much but he proved to be a first class player and a heel. So again, my trip to supposedly an end of my hiatus became another heartache but I got over him after a few months.

But you know what? I am no less happy of what I am today. For the past years that I am single I have learned so much of myself - my capabilities and strengths. Thus I somehow master my thoughts and weaknesses. In short I have accepted and loved myself more. I am 29 years old and I have accomplished a lot. My single years became my Renaissance Period. I enjoyed my life more than when I was attached with my ex.

What I would like you to understand is never ever base your happiness to having a boyfriend. Sure you would not want to be on my shoes right now... 30 and still single. But that makes it all brighter for you.  Your heart was broken while you were 20, mine when I was 25. You still have a long way to go. Concentrate on your studies and love your life. I tell you there are so many things you need to be grateful for. You got the world in your hands. I work in recruitment and I can say you will have a bright career ahead of you. Sweetie have fun and forget chasing that guy. He will come in time.

Right now I am just enjoying my life. Dating and lots of travels. I am not in a hurry to settle down. Life is an adventure waiting to happen and I would not want to waste it by fretting and worrying on something. Be positive sweetie! I am sure you will find your next bf soon. But please oh please stop getting all so bent out about it. Appreciate what you have now and look forward to a beautiful life and career.

Hope this helps.

All the best.

Goodluck with your studies!

[young_maiden]

@ salamat sis mimiku...

yes. i'll continue with my own life. hopefully Mr. Right comes along

[aquacharly]

All I can say, after perusing all herein --

You are positioned to attract men similarly tracked for not-average/mediocre  lives. 
"Like attracts like."  "Water seeks it's own level."
STEP UP to the challenge, as you will step up to the challenge of being  a lawyer in the near future.

"The medium is the message."  Start from there, it is but logical.
So package yourself  in the way you arrange your facial expressions, stand and dress, AND converse &/or express yourself -- to REFLECT what you are now: a 4th year law student  (looking forward to bigger things). 

Note:  "Like attracts like." So BE and ACT as what you say you are: a 4th year law student. Don't be shy, own it.  You deserve to own it.

[marose17]

@young_maiden, I had NO boyfriend in law school too although I dated a few guys (Med and Law students, sila kasi ang medyo compatible sa sked ko).  I was focused on doing well in law school and passing the Bar on my first take (hindi ko kinonsider umulit).  To be honest, marami akong friniend zone na guys in law school.    Well, I had to make sacrifices to pursue my dream.

It is hard to be a female law student and more so pag nakapasa ka na ng Bar because guys are intimidated.  But do not let that stop you from enjoying life.  Go out on dates because it will expose you to different types of guys.  Mas madali mong ma-narrow down ang qualities that you are looking for in a man once you have dated all sorts (e.g., the jerk, the jock, the nerd, the idealist, even the closet gay hahaha).  Pray to God to lead you to the man He has chosen for you and things will fall into place.  In the meantime, mag-aral ka, magpaganda, maki-mingle sa mga tao.  Be friendly and pro-active in your social life.  You gotta like having people around you so that THEY will like to be with you. 

Lastly, saka mo na problemahin ang love life.  What if may boyfriend ka nga di ka naman pumasa ng Bar (*knock on wood)?  Mas depressing ang prospect na iyon.

[simang]

one tip: for the guys to not be intimidated by you, don't think that you are going to intimidate them. DON'T! kase most guys naman are not intimidate by strong independent intelligent women. kapag gusto ka ng lalaki, magiging proud pa nga sya dapat sayo. some of these women lang sometimes they tend to have this aura ng 'i don't need a man in my life' so they come off arogante, and syempre, sinong lalaki naman ang magtatyagang makipagdate sa babaeng pinaparamdam sa kanya na hindi sya significant sa buhay ni girl diba? i mean you can be strong independent and intelligent but still be mellow, feminine, delicate, and most of all, happy and optimistic. minsan kase the overachieving women tend to be a little grumpy siguro dahil sa stress or whatever. again, i'm saying 'some' women, and i'm not at all generalizing.

[young_maiden]

thanks again sa mga bagong payo mga sis. you're all appreciated. gumagaaan ang loob ko. thanks ulit!

[estelle21]

^sis young_maiden, kilala ba kita through a common friend? haha! maiksi ba hair mo?

i have a friend in law school kasi. 4th yr na rin at single sya pero sya naman NBSB. same kayo ng sinabi na kapag maging lawyer na, it would be more difficult for you to find bfs because most guys would be intimidated by your achievements....

may nabasa naman ako sa isang thread na hindi naman daw talaga turn off sa guys yung achiever GF nila. in fact, bonus pa nga raw yon kasi proud sila. sabi naman ng isa ko friend, confidence talaga is really attractive to men. magpabibo lang raw sa klase.

pag confident ka kasi (hindi mayabang)  parang nag eexude ka ng aura na you really love yourself. gusto ng maraming boys ang mga babaeng inaalagaan mga sarili nila.

my ex keeps telling me that. mahalin ko naman daw sarili ko.

[young_maiden]

^ hi sis. long hair po ako.

OT: saan nag aaral yung friend mo sis?

back to topic, madami nga nagsasabi na intimidating daw mga female lawyers kaya lumalayo mga guys. kaya yun nga nakakapressure sa mga law students na single pa. inaamin ko may nararamdaman akong pressure. di ko lang syempre pinapahalata sa iba lalong lalo na sa mga guys. iniisip ko na lang kung mahal talaga ako ng isang guy, dapat maging proud pa siya sa akin. kung ma-intimidate man siya, ibig sabihin lang nun hind niya ako masyado mahal o gusto.

inaamin ko din na kulang nga ako sa self-confidence pero unti-unti na ako gumagawa ng ways para tumaas confidence ko like applying on make-up and dressing properly. i get flattered sa mga compliments. i smile and say thank u pag nakakarinig ako ng compliment:)

[marose17]

^ Guys who are intimidated by women achievers are not worth your while.  Believe me, there are several men out there who are not, and will never be, intimidated by a female lawyer.  :)You just have to look in the right places.  Never apologize for what you are now and what you will become a few years from now.  If a guy is intimidated by that, then move on.  There are plenty of fish in the sea.