My husband or my lover

[khaleesiCersei]

Whatever you do dont tell your husband about the affair and dont tell lover that the baby might be his. Some secrets should be carried to the grave. People make mistakes.. The best thing to do is to accept that you made a mistake and move on from that mistake. Be a good wife to your husband and a good  mother to your children. At the risk of looking like a cold hearted b*tch, yes, but its the only way to keep your sanity and eveybody else's.

[bing80]

Now this is why the penalties for a cheating wife are more harsh... Married men can't pass off their illegitimate kids to their wives as legit while married women can do that unless the kid's look is so obviously different (like a different race).

Take a dna test discreetly, if the kid is the husband's then keep the secret to the grave. But if the kid isn't, i think TS should come clean and let the husband decide whatever. He sounds like a good man which is rare these days, its bad enough you've been cheating on him but to dupe him into supporting a kid that isn't his is too much.

[momentum]

EDIT: Too bad I can't reply to my post But my husband found out that I'm pregnant, of course hindi ako nag-deny. He's very happy about it even my 17-year old daughter na nandito for her vacation. I'm still undecided whether to tell him about my infidelity or not, right now I'm 70% sure that the other guy is the father of my baby. Hindi lang once may nangyari samin. But still, ipapa-DNA test ko pa din yung baby because I want to be 100% sure pa din. Nag resign na din ako sa work ko by the way. Thank you for the replies, everyone.

Sis ask ko lang, may communication parin ba kayo ng workmate mo? do you still go out and see him? is he still interested in you?

sana maayos na yan..kinakabahan ako sa situation mo..lalo if the kid is from the other guy and kapag lumaki hindi magiging kamukha ng husband mo..baka dun na magstart duda niya

[langley]

kinakabahan ako sa situation mo..lalo if the kid is from the other guy and kapag lumaki hindi magiging kamukha ng husband mo..baka dun na magstart duda niya

kaya nga dapat ngayon pa lang sabihin na sa asawa ang kalokohan na ginawa niya. Grabe hindi lang once may nangyari sa kanila? Tsk tsk

Walang sikeretong hindi nabubunyag.

Nakakalungkot lang na pag ang lalaki nag-cheat sa asawang babae ang payo ng mga sisters dito eh hiwalayan agad. Pero pag babae naman ang nag-cheat ipapayo pa na wag sabihin sa asawa.


I remember what Jesus said to the woman caught in the act of adultery,

First He said to the accusers: "Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”-

And then back to the woman He said "Go and sin no more."

Sister wag mo na gagdagan pa ang kasalanan mo. Pag hindi mo ipinagtapat yan sa asawa mo then you will be lying hanggang kelan? forever? Imagine hindi lang ang asawa mo ang sasaktan mo, your daughter and your unborn baby too.

Please pray to God for enlightenment. Also, ask for forgiveness. And then confess everything to your husband and to your daughter. They deserve to know the truth.

[mrscardenas2011]

My vote is not to tell the husband.  But hey, maghanda ka lang, kasi sabi nga, walang sikretong hindi nabubunyag.

[swtgrl_bee]

Your husband sis, choose him 100%.

[Girltalker2]

It is just not right NOT to tell the husband.  Iniisip ko kasi, kung mahal talaga ni TS ang asawa nya, hindi nya ito pagmumukhang t**** forever and ever. Tama na yung naloko nya ito once, nagkataon lang nabuntis si TS. 

Yung sinabi ni sis langley, very valid iyan. Kung iba ang mukha. Pero what if, hindi nga halata, but later, pagdating sa blood type or something magkaiba?  Paano na?  Tsaka, kung ikaw TS, matatahimik ka ba panghabang buhay? 

Ang hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan at ma comprehend - how did it happen that TS spent intimate moments with 2 people simultaneously within the same month.  Eh according to TS, sya naman lagi nag-i-initiate with hubby. So bakit nya kelangan mag initiate with hubby, if she is really fully satisfied na with her lover?  So confusing lang...


 

[Janelc]

Ang hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan at ma comprehend - how did it happen that TS spent intimate moments with 2 people simultaneously within the same month.  Eh according to TS, sya naman lagi nag-i-initiate with hubby. So bakit nya kelangan mag initiate with hubby, if she is really fully satisfied na with her lover?  So confusing lang...

[/quote]

Baka naguilty si TS baka kasi makahalata si hubby na may ginagawa siyang kalokohan kung dati siya and nag iinitiate tapos biglang kuntento na siya kahit wala.  Just my two cents.

[marose17]

Nakakalungkot lang na pag ang lalaki nag-cheat sa asawang babae ang payo ng mga sisters dito eh hiwalayan agad. Pero pag babae naman ang nag-cheat ipapayo pa na wag sabihin sa asawa.

This is another case of double standard.  If a woman bears a child who is not her husband's offspring, she has committed a crime: adultery, which carries a more severe punishment than concubinage (when the husband lives in scandalous circumstances with a woman not his wife).  The reason for this is paternity.  There is something morally wrong in making a man father a child that is not his.  And doing it when the husband is around?  Unforgivable.  As a woman, this makes me cringe.

TS, confess to your husband.  Yes, he and your daughter will be devastated.  But the time for thinking of the consequences is over.  You should have thought of that before letting lust get the better of you.  Heck, you should have thought of this before you engaged in emotional cheating for a year (yes, your unusually "close" relationship with your friend/lover is cheating even before you have actually had sex with him).

For once, do the right thing.  The other choice is to live a lie and you wouldn't want your daughter and your baby to be in that situation.

[shenshen8080]

If you plan to tell your husband, you have to be very careful and think things through on the manner you will tell him. Some people can "tick" with this kind of news. Even those who are normally very calm and kind can go off. There's no telling what can happen or how they can react so thread carefully.

[j.adore]

Agree
Kakashock pag yung lalaki nangaliwa hinuhuli at pinapaamin tapos hiwalayan.
Pag babae secret lang?

[Girltalker2]

For once, do the right thing.  The other choice is to live a lie and you wouldn't want your daughter and your baby to be in that situation.

This, I have to agree.  Kung may respect at pagmamahal pa si TS na natitira para sa asawa nya, she ought to tell the truth.  Ginawa mo nanga syang t**** for a year, gagawin mo pa ulit for the rest of his life?

I think for me, I have always been consistent - the truth should always prevail - that is, if you still value your relationship with your spouse, if you still have respect in your marriage, you should disclose the truth, no matter how much it hurts.


As to HOW TS will tell her hubby is another story. Gaya ng sinabi ni shenshen8080, importante kung paano nya sasabihin. Kung ako si TS, lalayo ako at baka nga makagawa ng something pa hubby ko - depende sa personality nga ng asawa.  Pero I will definitely let him know - what I did, how sorry I am, how much I still love him, I am willing to live on my own to just raise the child and suffer the consequences, and I want to make my marriage work if he is still willing to accept me.

[imbisibol_]

tell your husband.  you already lost him that first night you slept with your lover anyway.  and who made any of us gods here that we get to decide the husband's right to know if the child is his or not?  or the child's right to know who its real father is?  no one gave you that right, TS.  the two need to know.

[izabelle]

Minsan mo na pinagmukhang t@ng@ asawa mo nung niloko mo sya with this other guy, Sana sabihin mo sa kanya totoo kasi for the 2nd time around, magmumukha nanaman syang t@ng@ KUNG TALAGANG hindi nya anak yung baby.

Walang tao na gustong magmukhang t@ng@ for the rest of their life. 

I think ang pinaka magandang pambawi sa kasalanan na yan ay maging totoo ka sa sarili mo at sa asawa mo.

Mahirap yung tumanda at mawala sa mundo na alam mong meron kang tao na patuloy na niloloko.

just my 2 cents.

[aquacharly]

Yes, it sure smacks of a double standard for cheaters:  We demand The Truth from men who philander. But for women who cheat, we say:  Teka, weigh your options.  Heck, we may even advise bringing the secret to her grave.

Why so?

1.  Women and men react differently to being cheated on.   A clear example is, as we got entertained on tv and by diarios:    Chavit colored his ex common law wife Che  black & blue, though they had separated already. And, though he was cheating on her for so many years with a minor, Josephine (who confirmed this  years-long cheating to Kris A. during an interview).

IMO, the general public reacts double-standard too to philanderers (eh, lalaki) and cheating wives (susko, ma-kati).  Just saying.

2.  "We are free to make choices, but we are not free from the consequences of our choices." 
BUT  the consequences ALSO impact The Innocent/The Undeserving. 
I try not to  judge people caught in hard places.  Give the benefit of the doubt:  For surely, at the time of decision-making of Secret vs Reveal:  the person weighed principles/conscience vs the fall-out; and decided that keeping all the sh1t a secret was The Best Possible or The Most Prudent Decision for all whose lives would be  impacted. 

3.  "Ignorance is bliss."  True, at times.   
What do we know? Maybe the husband of TS "knows", but does not want to rock their boat.  Just don't slap his face with harsh facts.  Who knows? 

4.  Resources are required to keep body & soul together.  IMO.  Otherwise, San ka pupulutin???

IF I were faced with the Dilemma of TS, sure, sure, sure -- I'd take the high road, listen to my conscience, redeem my integrity -- and confess to my husband. 
BUT see, by the grace of  God, I can on my own continue to give my kids plus 1 bastard a Good Life, not just a life.   
Plus, I can take measures to protect myself so I don't get plastered on the  diarios/tv appearing with unflattering black & blue polka dots.
I can afford to do The Great Reveal & be penitent for the sh1t hitting the fan.  More important, after The Reveal -- I can move on, and minimize  the negative fall-out on my children, & the bastard.   There will surely be trauma for the Collateral Damage children. 
(Besides, speaking for myself who went through a lot with a philanderer now into Remorse & Reform --  I did not cheat, ever, inspite of many temptations -- so, if I find myself in the shoes of TS -- Aba, kasi I have lost love & respect for him, and want to rush him out of my life.  So yes, what the heck, slap his face with my cheating.)

I agree:  do The Reveal, TS.  It is the RIGHT thing to do, by all that is principled within us.
However,  I  do not mean to underestimate you, BUT: if you cannot be as financially confident, do what you deem is best.  Our circumstances may be different, so OPEN YOUR EYES well, think, then decide.

Sabi ng darling Lola ko: walang secreto na hindi nabubunyag.
Yup, she continues:    Some release the secret while at the Departure Area of their lives; or bring it to their graves, & those left behind discover the secret.   
So, the value of keeping a secret must lie in the advantageous (to the secret keeper) timing of The Reveal.  Just saying, but what do I know anyway?

Sa mata ng Diyos, ang mali ay mali.  But, he is an always all-Forgiving God.
A burdened conscience and compromised integrity is enough punishment to bear, extremely heavy surely.
It is the price one can pay for not destroying others' lives.  That is 1 way of looking at it.

So, yes, I agree:  the High Road requires The Confession to pinendejong husband.
What do I know anyway, to suggest to TS to keep her cheating under wraps. To protect her soon to come bastard (since her lover can't/won't commit for anything), and to not destroy her 17yo's life as it is now.
Tanong ko lang Kay TS: CAN YOU AFFORD the consequences of a confession?

[zandystar]

ako I will choose the husband of course but I will tell him all the stories..

Probably I will tell him after a years? (2 years) para at least medyo malaki na si baby at hinde gaano makaka affect sa pregnancy.

Face the consequences kung ano decision ni husband but then wag na ulitin.

try to check out "horny family" its a comedy movie with a few sex scenes.. parang ganun yung nangyari sayo.

[patriciaheart]

I say no, baka mag dilim paningin nyan at patayin kayong 2 ng baby mo ni husband. It happened before and it can happen again. Hinde ko sinasabing killer asawa mo pero nangyayari yan.

Wag tayo padalos dalos, oo pag inamin mo gagaan pakiramdam mo dahil inamin mo.

PERO tingen mo ba kaya yan I take ng asawa mo? Is he mentally stable enough?
Buti kung iwan ka lang eh, if you think that is the worse that he can do then you are kidding yourself. Keep the child, keep the secret (for the sake of your husband's and daughter's sanity) , confess to a priest. Sis you deserve to feel the guilt and that piercing heavy block in your chest, it may also drive you crazy. But I think it will drive all of you crazy pag sinabi mo, you may end up dead too since there is a motive. Morbid as it may sound but its reality. Protect your baby.

I am not justifying your bad behavior dahil ba hinde magaling sa kama si mister eh sige gora ala Catherine The Great, Marie Antoinette na ang peg na kumuha ng string of lovers to satisfy our worldly urges,,pero need natin yan lalo na at kasal kayo. Cut ties with lover boy PLS LANG, concentrate on the baby and your family, be forever grateful to your poor husband (HE DESERVES IT) and confess to a priest or do the like whatever religion mo.

[aikenmendoza97]

mas mahirap kung malalaman pa ng  husband mo sa ibang tao. sure ka ba na hindi mag kwekwento ang lover mo sa friends nya? pag nag iinuman sila. minsan nag yayabangan sila pag lasing na. so i think better to confes with hubby.