If I were in your shoes, I will try my best to put my emotions aside. I try never to make Life-Changing Decisions based on Emotions.
1st: I will not tell that lover the baby may be his. What for? It was an affair driven by lust, that was it. Sure there was attraction, but what else? It's not like he made overtures for the 2 of you to go run away & start a new life. Sis, it was just a Fck, no commitment for him. Should he become curious -- I would insist it's my husband's.
2nd. DNA the baby versus your hubby, do it secretly. Easy for you to acquire a sample. IMO, better not stir matters by getting a sample from your lover. IF the DNA results do not match your hubby's, pwes, si lover ang biological father. In which case, I still wouldn't tell the lover. Secret!
3rd. Starting now, until the DNA results settle your question -- assess yourself thoroughly.
After 17 years, with a daughter you love much -- can you start a new life? On your own, worst case scenario? This lover must have his own commitments -- do not bank on his throwing it all away for you based on an affair. An itch that was scratched -- does that constitute sufficient grounds for you to start a new life that will most probably include strong negative emotions for you from your daughter and husband? Trading a few hot minutes now and then, o sige kahit everyday -- for what seems to be a stable life now? Isipin mo yan
Think it over very well. You may be paying too high a price for a little pork. Specially if your lover won't buy the cow coz he was only after some milk. Excuse the picturesque statements, but well, it is what it is.
4th. The Wise say: Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst. Expect a nasty backlash. Our cultural blueprint to this day works against us, it is unfair to us. You have heard betrayed women's angst in various threads: How hard to forgive! Hardest to trust again! Why couldn't he resist the temptation?! All that, plus more will be thrown at you, most probably. Or worse, most possibly.
What am I trying to say? Some secrets deserve to be brought to the grave. IMO, pandering to the sinner's urge to get it off the chest just isn't worth the nuclear fall-out. You will wound so many people, not just your husband & daughter. What's to be gained, if you consider a confession to your husband from a practical -- and kind/loving -- point of view? Living with the guilt is good enough penance/repentance.
I fully agree with this, sino man ang true biological father:
kapag sinabi mo yan sa hubby mo magiging kalbaryo yan para sa inyong dalawa, pasanin mo na lang magisa yang guilt .
edit: if you feel truly guilty, mag-confess ka sa priest pero huwag sa husband mo!
5th: Some pointed out that your priority is to your new baby, not your lover, not the itch, not your sexually boring husband. IMO, that baby couldn't care less about it's paternity. But as the mom, your responsibility is to give it food, clothing, shelter, education & a stable and loving home life.
Your husband has been tested on these, yang lover mo -- will he deliver? Will he even be around for the long-run? I don't mean to be crass, but we are adults here: scratching your itch is enough reason to put a child's requirements at risk??? Isipin mo yan.
PLUS: your daughter will be devastated. Your 1 occasion when you had a grave lapse of good judgment -- and your not keeping the secret to yourself -- you will damage, if not destroy, your daughter's life as she knows it. Di ba, when they are babies -- we do everything -- ayaw natin ma dapuan ng langaw, makagat ng lamok, malapitan ng ipis. So, if you spill the beans, sh1t hits the fan & touches her. So, don't, IMO best to forever keep your secret. (If you decide on bringing the secret to your grave -- hwag mo nang pa DNA. Curiosity kills the cat, ika nga. ).
But that's just my opinion, about what I would do if in your uncomfortable shoes.
What do I know anyway?
Pray for Divine Guidance, clear thinking & courage to do what you deem is right for you all.
Take care, Sis MISCDC
