Do I need to ask help from my MIL?

[gharz412]

I don't know how to start my story...Anyhow, I'll just focus with my concern right now... This has something to do with the documents that I needed. Me and hubby are legally married but unfortunately it's been a month since we were physically separated  I went home kase (bahay ng parents ko) and naiwan lahat sa asawa ko yung mga important documents namen. Before pa kame nagkaproblema inaasikaso ko yung changing of status ko at the same time yung sa SSS benifits ko. I even changed my number since I really decided not to open any communication sa asawa ko and sa mga in-laws ko but I can't help it kase my 8month old baby kame and nag iisang apo na lalaki kaya hinahabol ng mga inlaws ko yung apo nila. Kanina tnxt ng mother ko yung mother inlaw ko hinihingi nya yung records ni baby kase ililipat namen siya ng pedia closer samen since wala na akong balak mkipag ayos sa asawa ko. Naghinanakit pla yung MIL ko kase tntwagan daw nila ako kaso d ako mcontact feeling nila nilalayo ko yung apo nila. Sa totoo lang tinuturuan ko ng leksiyon yung asawa ko dahil nga sa parang hindi siya tatay kong magturing dahil 1 month na siyang wlang bnbgay at kaya niyang d mkita anak namen yan ang rason bakit ayokong mkipag usap sa kahit sino sa knila.  Galing ako sa HR knina as usual kelangan ko yung mga documents for filing SSS maternity benifit. So ang question ko is okay lang ba na idaan ko sa MIL ko yung concern ko? I tried so many times na kunin or hiramin sa asawa ko yung mga documents kaso ayaw niyang ibigay kung naman kukunin ko pa lahat ng yun like NSO birth certificate ni hubby and Marriage contract bukod sa mgastos na wala din akong panahon para asikasuhin ng weekend dahil nga working mom ako.... hay ang hirap pag ang asawa mo bitter sau. Sa totoo lang ayoko tlaga sila lhat kausapin. Any suggestion? TIA! 
 

[langley]

hay ang hirap pag ang asawa mo bitter sau. Sa totoo lang ayoko tlaga sila lhat kausapin. Any suggestion? TIA! 
 

Ikaw din naman bitter. Kung hindi ka bitter dapat pinapakita mo ang baby mo sa asawa mo.

Ikaw ang umalis sa asawa mo pero ayaw mo mag-suffer ng consequences ng ginawa mo?
Sa tingin mo pagkatapos ng ginawa mo everytime na may kailangan ka sa asawa mo eh gagawin niya agad agad? Sa tingin mo hindi apektado ang asawa mo?

Pinaparusahan mo asawa mo eh baka pinaparusahan ka din niya. Hindi niya binibigay ang gusto mo. Well bakit nga naman niya ibibigay ang gusto mo eh ikaw nga ang umalis. Ano ka sinuswerte?

Tapos you will ask help from your inlaws? Di ba ikaw na nagsabi ayaw mo makipag usap sa kanila, sa kahit sino sa kanila. Tapos hihingi ka ng tulong sa inlaws mo? Sorry sister but you cannot have it all. Sometimes sister you will and you need to suffer the consequences of your actions. Or if you want you go back to your husband.

[gharz412]

Ikaw din naman bitter. Kung hindi ka bitter dapat pinapakita mo ang baby mo sa asawa mo.

Ikaw ang umalis sa asawa mo pero ayaw mo mag-suffer ng consequences ng ginawa mo?
Sa tingin mo pagkatapos ng ginawa mo everytime na may kailangan ka sa asawa mo eh gagawin niya agad agad? Sa tingin mo hindi apektado ang asawa mo?

Pinaparusahan mo asawa mo eh baka pinaparusahan ka din niya. Hindi niya binibigay ang gusto mo. Well bakit nga naman niya ibibigay ang gusto mo eh ikaw nga ang umalis. Ano ka sinuswerte?

Tapos you will ask help from your inlaws? Di ba ikaw na nagsabi ayaw mo makipag usap sa kanila, sa kahit sino sa kanila. Tapos hihingi ka ng tulong sa inlaws mo? Sorry sister but you cannot have it all. Sometimes sister you will and you need to suffer the consequences of your actions. Or if you want you go back to your husband.

I'm sorry sis but you just don't know the real story cause if you do baka you will end up with tama ginawa ko. I'm not saying that i'm perfect but if only I can share it! You will know the see the big picture...

[Msfi]

Sis gharz412, why not go back to where your previous house & get the document yourself? Pwede naman na itaon mo na wala sa bahay yung husband mo.  And if yun din ang  house in-laws, at least nadalaw mo din sila.  If wala naman kayong away ng in-laws mo, wag mo nga naman sila idamay sa galit mo sa asawa mo.   You can invite them to come visit their apo anytime.

[gharz412]

Ikaw din naman bitter. Kung hindi ka bitter dapat pinapakita mo ang baby mo sa asawa mo.

Ikaw ang umalis sa asawa mo pero ayaw mo mag-suffer ng consequences ng ginawa mo?
Sa tingin mo pagkatapos ng ginawa mo everytime na may kailangan ka sa asawa mo eh gagawin niya agad agad? Sa tingin mo hindi apektado ang asawa mo?

Pinaparusahan mo asawa mo eh baka pinaparusahan ka din niya. Hindi niya binibigay ang gusto mo. Well bakit nga naman niya ibibigay ang gusto mo eh ikaw nga ang umalis. Ano ka sinuswerte?

Tapos you will ask help from your inlaws? Di ba ikaw na nagsabi ayaw mo makipag usap sa kanila, sa kahit sino sa kanila. Tapos hihingi ka ng tulong sa inlaws mo? Sorry sister but you cannot have it all. Sometimes sister you will and you need to suffer the consequences of your actions. Or if you want you go back to your husband.

I'm sorry sis but you just don't know the real story cause if you do baka you will end up with tama ginawa ko. I'm not saying that i'm perfect but if only I can share it! You will know the see the big picture...

In the first place hindi ko tinatago ang anak ko sa asawa ko! The thing here that's the only way I think it's right ang asawa ko pinilit ako ipaabort ang 2nd baby namen I know na with my knowledge but for him to force me? You think he will do no harm to our baby?

2nd, the reason why I didn't want to talk to my inlaws dahil tinotolerate nila yung anak nila! Now, all i'm asking is the documents that I needed not for me but for my son dhil gusto ko siyang ilagay as dependents and also makuha yung maternity benifit ko dhil pwd kong panustus sa aming mag ina dahil ang ama niya irresponsable!

Don't be overjudgemental next time, ndi niyo alam pinagddaanan ko. I'm not here to get sympathy I just need a better suggestions. Thank you!

[gharz412]

Sis gharz412, why not go back to where your previous house & get the document yourself? Pwede naman na itaon mo na wala sa bahay yung husband mo.  And if yun din ang  house in-laws, at least nadalaw mo din sila.  If wala naman kayong away ng in-laws mo, wag mo nga naman sila idamay sa galit mo sa asawa mo.   You can invite them to come visit their apo anytime.

My mom did, dhil during those time na ginawa ko yun pinamukha sken ng asawa ko na gngamit ko yung anak ko, thank you sis! peru sa totoo lang hindi ko alam saan lulugar...

[Msfi]

^Employed ka ba ngayon, if yes, you can ask your HR to have copy of all the documents you submitted to them.  If not, then I think you have no other choice but to produce all the documents you need again if ayaw mo na talagang magkaron ng communication sa family ng husband mo. If sabi mo na konsitidor  yung in-laws, i don't think na tutulungan ka nila.

[gharz412]

^Employed ka ba ngayon, if yes, you can ask your HR to have copy of all the documents you submitted to them.  If not, then I think you have no other choice but to produce all the documents you need again if ayaw mo na talagang magkaron ng communication sa family ng husband mo. If sabi mo na konsitidor  yung in-laws, i don't think na tutulungan ka nila.

I think so, wnwork out ko kase sis para sana sa 1st birthday ng baby ko...

[bagaholic_chewy]

TS, if NSO docs kelangan mo, pwede ka na mag-request online or over the phone kung di ka talaga makapag-leave ng one day to get them yourself. At least yun, idedeliver sa yo. Mas mahal nga lang.

[gharz412]

TS, if NSO docs kelangan mo, pwede ka na mag-request online or over the phone kung di ka talaga makapag-leave ng one day to get them yourself. At least yun, idedeliver sa yo. Mas mahal nga lang.

naisip ko na yan sis pwd din nga kaso tipid modes ako now saken lahat ng gastos kase kaya every cents counts. Thank you anyway!

[bagaholic_chewy]

^ at least less stress na. di ka na mamumroblema kung pano mo kukunin ang docs. Or leave ka ng halfday, agahan mo punta sa NSO. 4hrs lang, released na ang docs. Pwede ka pa pumasok sa hapon.

[Girltalker2]

TS, ikaw lang ang nakakakilala sa MIL mo. And with the help of your mom, tingin ko kayo makakapagdecide if your mil will cooperate with you.

I think this is one of the lesson learned for separation.  When I left my marriage, hindi ko iniwan ang ties with the in laws. Kahit nga helper nila, in contact pako. Though syempre hindi naman close na chummy chummy.  Pero somehow, during special occasions like birthdays, or Christmas, etc. May greetings sila sakin.  I know your husband made your life hell, pero leave other people out of it, if possible. The less enemies you make in this lifetime, the better.

Tsaka di mo nga masabi ang panahon, gaya nyan, ikaw ang may kailangan, di mo sila malapitan. Wala din naman silang kinalaman sa hiwalayan ninyo. Oo, kunsintidor na kung ganun, pag iniisip ko yun, naiinis din ako sa MIL ko dati. Pero ganun sya eh. Wala nakong magagawa, basta ang alam ko lahat ng pinaka kakaya ko ginawa ko to salvage the marriage, to be a good daughter in law and to be a good family member sa side nila. Kaya wala silang masasabi sakin, kahit na umalis ako.  In fact, before I filed for my annulment, I still called up my MIL. Pinapaalam ko sa kanya na I did my best na, sorry talaga at hindi nag work out, at hindi ko ginusto yun.

[gwyne21]

NSO birth certificate and marriage contract pwede ipalakad thru SM business services. May konting service charge but I think it is cheaper kesa sa NSO online. Yun nga lang, you have to get your docs sa sm (di siya delivery)

[langley]

Don't be overjudgemental next time, ndi niyo alam pinagddaanan ko. I'm not here to get sympathy I just need a better suggestions. Thank you!

I'm sorry sister if I may come up as overjudgemental to you. What could be more better suggestion than to go back to your husband and patch things up. Makipag ayos ka sa asawa mo at sigurado maayos ang buhay mo.

dahil ang ama niya irresponsable!

Now sister please don't be too judgemental to your husband. Before you say your husband is irresponsible eh ikaw responsable ba? Kung responsable kang nanay at asawa di ka aalis sa poder ng asawa mo. Di mo hahayaan masira ang pamilya mo. Hindi porket may trabaho ka responsable ka na. Kung aalis ka sa poder ng asawa mo isipin mo lalaking walang ama ang anak mo.

So sister magpalamig ka muna. And then makipag ayos ka asawa mo. Kung anuman ang maling nagawa niya sa'yo patawarin mo. Kung ikaw may work at siya wala pwede siguro tumigil ka muna sa work mo para mapursige ang asawa mo.

[gharz412]

TS, ikaw lang ang nakakakilala sa MIL mo. And with the help of your mom, tingin ko kayo makakapagdecide if your mil will cooperate with you.

I think this is one of the lesson learned for separation.  When I left my marriage, hindi ko iniwan ang ties with the in laws. Kahit nga helper nila, in contact pako. Though syempre hindi naman close na chummy chummy.  Pero somehow, during special occasions like birthdays, or Christmas, etc. May greetings sila sakin.  I know your husband made your life hell, pero leave other people out of it, if possible. The less enemies you make in this lifetime, the better.

Tsaka di mo nga masabi ang panahon, gaya nyan, ikaw ang may kailangan, di mo sila malapitan. Wala din naman silang kinalaman sa hiwalayan ninyo. Oo, kunsintidor na kung ganun, pag iniisip ko yun, naiinis din ako sa MIL ko dati. Pero ganun sya eh. Wala nakong magagawa, basta ang alam ko lahat ng pinaka kakaya ko ginawa ko to salvage the marriage, to be a good daughter in law and to be a good family member sa side nila. Kaya wala silang masasabi sakin, kahit na umalis ako.  In fact, before I filed for my annulment, I still called up my MIL. Pinapaalam ko sa kanya na I did my best na, sorry talaga at hindi nag work out, at hindi ko ginusto yun.

thank you sis, I will just get my documents through online, Ayoko ndin kase [textspeak!] ng another issue nnman with them. My husband's family are from politics here sa lugar namen kaya kung ku2nin ko sa city hall gu2lo nnman...

[gharz412]

NSO birth certificate and marriage contract pwede ipalakad thru SM business services. May konting service charge but I think it is cheaper kesa sa NSO online. Yun nga lang, you have to get your docs sa sm (di siya delivery)

oo girl nasabe ndin sken ng friend ko just this morning yan kaso yun nga [textspeak!] tlagang time. So siya na nag offer na online nlang pra ideliver nalang sa house.

[gharz412]

Now sister please don't be too judgemental to your husband. Before you say your husband is irresponsible eh ikaw responsable ba? Kung responsable kang nanay at asawa di ka aalis sa poder ng asawa mo. Di mo hahayaan masira ang pamilya mo. Hindi porket may trabaho ka responsable ka na. Kung aalis ka sa poder ng asawa mo isipin mo lalaking walang ama ang anak mo.

wala akong hindi ginawa para sa pamilya ko dumating nalang ako sa point ng sukdulan. One of the sissies here know about my story and she even said "na hindi mabuting tao napangasawa ko" sa totoo lang yung abortion issue ang nagpagising saken. until now hindi ko lubos maisip na ganun ang solusyon niya. May responsable bang ama na kayang ipahamak anak niya?

So sister magpalamig ka muna. And then makipag ayos ka asawa mo. Kung anuman ang maling nagawa niya sa'yo patawarin mo. Kung ikaw may work at siya wala pwede siguro tumigil ka muna sa work mo para mapursige ang asawa mo.
[/quote]

madaling sabihin na tumigil, para ano? magpabuhay sa in-laws ko at sa mga magulang ko?  hindi ko pinangarap magbigay pa ng obligasyon sa kanila dahil marunong akong manindigan...

[langley]

Sister parang kelan lang puro positive ang mga pinopost mo dito about sa asawa mo.

Magpalamig ka muna at makipagbalikan ka sa asawa mo.

Ibaba mo ang pride mo.

Hindi solusyon ang paghihiwalay sa problema mo.

Siguro basahin mo yun mga good things na pinopost mo about sa asawa mo at baka sakali mahimasmasan ka.

[imbisibol_]

TS, glad to know you're going to get your documents online.  at least, that will relieve you of one headache. 

I can say that I'm one of the luckiest wives to have my Hubby,..why? simple because he loves me and the people that i love. His a good provider. He doesn't smoke, he drinks alcohol but very rare (tanduay ice only), no casino and bar with friends... Siya lang hindi swerte saken..^_^

guess what?  you're ALLOWED to feel the way you do now despite your old posting above.  don't let other people get you down.  it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders.  you sound like you're a strong, competent, and independent woman.  stay that way.  having said that-

i would not deprive my child his grandparents from his/her father's side.  it might seem like you're getting even with your husband by punishing his parents, but you're really not.  it's your child who's getting the raw end of the deal.  it's not about you.  it's about the child needing to maintain ties with the other side of its family.

in time, the baby will also need to see/know/spend time with his father.  again, it's not about you.  don't use the baby as a bartering tool.  even if you no longer need a husband, the child still needs a father.  once you get all your i's dotted and your t's crossed with your new situation, you can start dealing with your child's father. 

[gharz412]

TS, glad to know you're going to get your documents online.  at least, that will relieve you of one headache. 

guess what?  you're ALLOWED to feel the way you do now despite your old posting above.  don't let other people get you down.  it seems like you have a good head on your shoulders.  you sound like you're a strong, competent, and independent woman.  stay that way.  having said that-

i would not deprive my child his grandparents from his/her father's side.  it might seem like you're getting even with your husband by punishing his parents, but you're really not.  it's your child who's getting the raw end of the deal.  it's not about you.  it's about the child needing to maintain ties with the other side of its family.

in time, the baby will also need to see/know/spend time with his father.  again, it's not about you.  don't use the baby as a bartering tool.  even if you no longer need a husband, the child still needs a father.  once you get all your i's dotted and your t's crossed with your new situation, you can start dealing with your child's father. 

Thank you sis! the reason why because I have to moved on and make our life better that before. Anyway as i've said I really tried my very best to reach out to my hubby but seems to me that he doesn't care but my in-laws are the one who takes the initiative to reach out to me that's why just this morning they visited their apo his not fine (teething with cough) and they asked me not to take away their apo from them but after my son's birthday I'm planning of going to Taiwan and in the next 2 years pag nag pension na si father ko we will be staying for good in Cebu. Am i selfish that way? I just want to have a stable life but not here in our place but in Cebu where we are really from.