Your husband cheated. What made him do it?

[bonita111809]

Mga unang tanong ng babae:


1. Baket?
2. Anong mali ko?
3. Anong kulang sa akin?
4. Maganda ba sya?
5. Hindi nya na ba ako mahal?


Gusto ko lang mahimay ng maigi yung mga rason nila. This is in the hopes that women, despite of the pain, would be able to understand why men do it.

[kaiz]

have not experienced pa naman being cheated on. pero based on my observation lang naman, nasa guy talaga yun, nasa situation or sa stage ng relationship.

[smoothie]

Sis. Sa akin, ito lang ang sagot. Selfishness. Selfish lang yung tao na nag-cheat. Hindi niya iniisip yung value ng relationship niyo.

Kahit ano pang rason yan. Besides, I'm sure yung partner mo din may mga angal ka pero would resort to cheating?

[bonita111809]

Sis. Sa akin, ito lang ang sagot. Selfishness. Selfish lang yung tao na nag-cheat. Hindi niya iniisip yung value ng relationship niyo.

Kahit ano pang rason yan. Besides, I'm sure yung partner mo din may mga angal ka pero would resort to cheating?

hindi kasi pareho ang babae at lalake sis. kahit ilang libong taon pa ang lumipas, boys will be boys. at magkaiba ang pangangailangan ng babae at lalake pati tolerance sa temptation.

[smoothie]

Sorry sis but that's not an excuse for me. So kung tempted ang guy and mahina yung willpower niya valid na ang reason mag-cheat?

If you the guy is not happy or madami na siyang nakikitang hindi gusto sa asawa niya, hiwalayan niya tsaka siya sumama sa iba. Hindi yung maghahanap siya ng good time.

[bonita111809]

Sorry sis but that's not an excuse for me. So kung tempted ang guy and mahina yung willpower niya valid na ang reason mag-cheat?

If you the guy is not happy or madami na siyang nakikitang hindi gusto sa asawa niya, hiwalayan niya tsaka siya sumama sa iba. Hindi yung maghahanap siya ng good time.

kahit kelan sis hindi naman magiging valid ang rason nila at alam nila yun. they're humans, not gods and they are most vulnerable to the sins of the flesh especially when there's something wrong going on inside the house. they classify it as true reasons that most women don't want to accept. so si misis goes on with her old ways; nagging, tamang hinala, mahigpit, whiny, moody, discontented, at inaapak apakan ang pagkalalake ng asawa nya and until these traits are not corrected, magiging cycle lang ang lahat. men will never change but us women can bring out the best in them.

it's not easy for men to leave their families kasi pwedeng mahal pa nila ang mga asawa nila or they know that once they leave the house, they will never see their kids again. ganun kasi dito sa pilipinas. kapag hiwalay, si mister hindi na makikita ang mga bata. sa western countries mas open-minded sila. I just hope ma-acquire ng ibang mga pilipina ang ganung trait if ever umabot sa hiwalayan.

[hot_chili]

As per my hubby who cheated on me once, peer pressure. I was like, ano sya high school?! Di makatanggi sa friends?!
I guess since we grew up hearing things like "men are all polygamous, lalake kasi..., walang mawawala sa kanila..., its in their nature..." kaya siguro ganyan ang thinking ng guys that its ok to cheat. And of course being the mothers and wives that we are its always up to us to try and fix the relationship. We are always ready to give a second chance, make it work for the kids, baguhin yung ugali na dahilan ng pambababae ni mister, or worst magtanga-tangahan

Example is isang barkadahan na nambababae behind their wives back and may kaisa isang lalake na faithful in that group - yung faithful pa ang makakantyawan lagi and sasabihang weak or under da sayaor KJ eventhough he is the one doing the right thing.

[bonita111809]

As per my hubby who cheated on me once, peer pressure. I was like, ano sya high school?! Di makatanggi sa friends?!
I guess since we grew up hearing things like "men are all polygamous, lalake kasi..., walang mawawala sa kanila..., its in their nature..." kaya siguro ganyan ang thinking ng guys that its ok to cheat. And of course being the mothers and wives that we are its always up to us to try and fix the relationship. We are always ready to give a second chance, make it work for the kids, baguhin yung ugali na dahilan ng pambababae ni mister, or worst magtanga-tangahan

Example is isang barkadahan na nambababae behind their wives back and may kaisa isang lalake na faithful in that group - yung faithful pa ang makakantyawan lagi and sasabihang weak or under da sayaor KJ eventhough he is the one doing the right thing.

true. that's one of the reasons why a man cheats. but it is also true that they are polygamous. they will stare at someone else and will try to look longer. they're visual human beings. also, he can certainly cheat and he thinks he can get away with it. pero wala lang yun sa kanya. it's just a casual sex. yun eh kung sex lang naman ang kulang sa bahay.

nasa babae naman kung patatawarin nya yung asawa nya o hindi. para saken we can forgive once, but we should make sure that we also make renovations on ourselves. their are things that men are not telling us so we have to do a self-assessment and make ourselves better, kahit hindi nila sinabing may kulang sa atin. what we don't know won't hurt us. so we shouldn't just rely on what they're saying minsan.

[smoothie]

So paano mo explain sis yung after getting back together, wife makes improvement with herself but the hubby still cheats again?

[chiqmom]

ako I dont like to give an emphasis as to why he cheated. He cheated because he wants to, its his choice.

[smoothie]

^True yan sis.

[bonita111809]

So paano mo explain sis yung after getting back together, wife makes improvement with herself but the hubby still cheats again?

question is, did she really improve? the thing in marriages is, only the husband can truly tell if his wife really changed for the better. and I say its very rare that the husband cheats again after the wife improved her attitude towards her husband and their relationship.

[bonita111809]

ako I dont like to give an emphasis as to why he cheated. He cheated because he wants to, its his choice.

minsan kasi sis, cheating isn't planned. basta nalang nangyayare. how would you know kung nagiging mabuting asawa ka ba sa kanya kung hindi mo hihimayin yung rason nya kung baket nya nagawa yun? we have to look into the wider spectrum. let's not focus on a tunnel vision because there are things that we'll surely miss.

[chiqmom]

^yes you are right, i also agree that cheating could also be a way for the wife to improve herself.  but then again, there's no such thing as "accidental cheating". even on cases of one night stand, its not as if the man don't have a choice. its the beauty of being human, we all have our choices. i can be the worst or the best wife but if he chose to cheat then i would like to spare myself the trouble of thinking that i am not enough and that i should be the one to blame because these only lead to self-doubt.

[hisana]

^
True. No wife is perfect. So kung nasa personality ng guy to cheat, he WILL cheat. Hahanapin nya yung katiting na flaw ng asawa nya to justify his affair. If he strongly believes in the value of marriage, then he will avoid doing things that might endanger the relationship. Pwede naman gamitin ang time and energy that he plans to spend on the kabit on his wife instead and strengthen their bond. Sounds simple enough 'no, but the reality is some choose the other woman because it's easier, it's more macho, it's more exciting, or whatever reason na gusto nya. Sure, pwedeng kasi daw pumangit na asawa nya or she's simply not the person he thought he married, but meron ding mga times na the problem is with the guy. I wholeheartedly agree that taking care of ourselves/keeping the passion alive/creating a harmonious home atmosphere are things we have to strive for, ladies, but sadly it's not a guarantee that he won't stray. Kung nangaliwa pa sya, nasa kanya na ang problema. He does not value you enough.

[snix]

I have always, always hated cheaters ever since we all found out my dad was having an affair. I saw the hell my mom went through and i went from being a papa's girl to a daughter who lost respect for him. In my field, i work with guys and they alao talk about cheating. My curiosity as to why guys cheated on women was sparked when i, myself, was cheated on.

This post will be long but please do allow me to share with you what zi read from the book "Act like a lady, think like a man" by Steve Harvey. In one chapter titled, "why men cheat" he explained some reasons behind the most curious question.

1. Men cheat because they can. Men and women view sex differently. Where as for women it is sacred, sex for men is physical. Men who feel emasculated, may also turn to affairs to boost their ego. This is true for one of my office mates. Ander da saya siya kay kumander kaya naghanap ng iba kasi parang walang wala na daw pagkalalaki niya.

2. They think they can get away with it. Even if it means they have a lot to lose. Kahit nahuli mo na't lahat pagtatakpan pa rin. They can go to great lengths to cover up their affair.Though I wish them hell, I personally admire cheaters who admit that they had an affair. Lalo na pag napigilan.

3. He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants. Every man has his own priorities. It could be he wants a better job muna before he settles down or a promotion before he gets married. This does not only apply to single men, even the msrried men kahit may asawa at anak na, baka hindi pa nila naseset yung priorities nila. If he still wants to party all night and go out with girls even if he is married then nothing can change that. Mental maturity, ika nga nila. My friend who has a very beautiful girlfriend still keeps on going out and seeing other women. Reason niya? Bata pa siya so Yolo lang. Dito rin yung mga peer pressure kuno like what one sis mentioned here. Man who has his priorities right will never be swayed with peer pressure or temptation.

4. What's happening at home, isn't happening like it used to. When a couple gets married, they become comfortable. There comes a point where you don't make an effort to look good anymore. Nalessen na rin yung sexy times. Baka hindi mo na rin siya naappreciate and all the effort he does. This is why I get the advice that you must never stop looking good for your man and always find time to date amidst the business in your household. And always keep talking. I think this happened to me. We got too comfortable and nagkakalabuan kami kaya ayun naghanap ng iba.

5. There is always a woman out there willing to cheat on him. Eh kun lahat ba ng kabit tumatanggi dahil alam nilang may asawa at pamilya na yung gustong lumandi sa kanila edi wala ng affair at baka okay pa si Adrian at Monica. Lol. This is the biggest reason of all. My friend that ai mentioned in number 3, the girls he has sex with, are all willing to go out with him. Minsan sila pa naghahabol kahit alam nilang in a relationship si guy.

Sorry, My post is long but I hope you girls will take the time to understand this. Automatic kasi, we will find fault sa sarili natin kapag nagcheat si partner. When i read the book, mas naclear na sakin kung balit andaming lalakeng nagchcheat at ,as alam ko na rin pano ihahandle the next time it happens to me

[bonita111809]

^yes you are right, i also agree that cheating could also be a way for the wife to improve herself.  but then again, there's no such thing as "accidental cheating". even on cases of one night stand, its not as if the man don't have a choice. its the beauty of being human, we all have our choices. i can be the worst or the best wife but if he chose to cheat then i would like to spare myself the trouble of thinking that i am not enough and that i should be the one to blame because these only lead to self-doubt.

that can be true to women, but I tell you it's different for men. you see, men and women have different tolerance to sexual urges. it may be easy for you to dodge sexual offers but for men, hell it takes a lot of balls to do it, especially if the wife lacks that department.

it's not like we're blaming wives here because I am a wife, too. but I call wives who has driven their husbands to cheat as "mediums". they have paved the way to husband's cheating.

[bonita111809]

^
True. No wife is perfect. So kung nasa personality ng guy to cheat, he WILL cheat. Hahanapin nya yung katiting na flaw ng asawa nya to justify his affair. If he strongly believes in the value of marriage, then he will avoid doing things that might endanger the relationship. Pwede naman gamitin ang time and energy that he plans to spend on the kabit on his wife instead and strengthen their bond. Sounds simple enough 'no, but the reality is some choose the other woman because it's easier, it's more macho, it's more exciting, or whatever reason na gusto nya. Sure, pwedeng kasi daw pumangit na asawa nya or she's simply not the person he thought he married, but meron ding mga times na the problem is with the guy. I wholeheartedly agree that taking care of ourselves/keeping the passion alive/creating a harmonious home atmosphere are things we have to strive for, ladies, but sadly it's not a guarantee that he won't stray. Kung nangaliwa pa sya, nasa kanya na ang problema. He does not value you enough.

it doesn't take a perfect woman to be a good wife, does it? kung katiting lang naman yung flaw ni misis and especially if she was like that ever since they met, that won't be a problem. please know that some men cheat for larger reasons like mapang-mata si misis, nagger, walang time para sa mister nya, hindi kuntento sa kung anong kayang ibigay ni mister, mahigpit.. you know things like that.. sinusuka ng mga lalake yan. pwede ring sa simula pa lang eh wala nang pagmamahal yung dalawa at napilitan lang magpakasal because of certain circumstances (eg. nabuntis, arranged marriage, etc).

they have different reasons that will never be valid but at some point, they are true.

how would a man spend time with a wife who is not receptive and very cold? hell, they would go out because they know that they will get the affection and admiration from someone else.

I strongly believe that when a woman is a good wife and someone who prays, the husband will not fall astray. I have seen it and I am living by it. the woman holds the key to a happy marriage.

[bonita111809]

I have always, always hated cheaters ever since we all found out my dad was having an affair. I saw the hell my mom went through and i went from being a papa's girl to a daughter who lost respect for him. In my field, i work with guys and they alao talk about cheating. My curiosity as to why guys cheated on women was sparked when i, myself, was cheated on.

This post will be long but please do allow me to share with you what zi read from the book "Act like a lady, think like a man" by Steve Harvey. In one chapter titled, "why men cheat" he explained some reasons behind the most curious question.

1. Men cheat because they can. Men and women view sex differently. Where as for women it is sacred, sex for men is physical. Men who feel emasculated, may also turn to affairs to boost their ego. This is true for one of my office mates. Ander da saya siya kay kumander kaya naghanap ng iba kasi parang walang wala na daw pagkalalaki niya.

2. They think they can get away with it. Even if it means they have a lot to lose. Kahit nahuli mo na't lahat pagtatakpan pa rin. They can go to great lengths to cover up their affair.Though I wish them hell, I personally admire cheaters who admit that they had an affair. Lalo na pag napigilan.

3. He hasn't become who he wants and needs to be or found who he truly wants. Every man has his own priorities. It could be he wants a better job muna before he settles down or a promotion before he gets married. This does not only apply to single men, even the msrried men kahit may asawa at anak na, baka hindi pa nila naseset yung priorities nila. If he still wants to party all night and go out with girls even if he is married then nothing can change that. Mental maturity, ika nga nila. My friend who has a very beautiful girlfriend still keeps on going out and seeing other women. Reason niya? Bata pa siya so Yolo lang. Dito rin yung mga peer pressure kuno like what one sis mentioned here. Man who has his priorities right will never be swayed with peer pressure or temptation.

4. What's happening at home, isn't happening like it used to. When a couple gets married, they become comfortable. There comes a point where you don't make an effort to look good anymore. Nalessen na rin yung sexy times. Baka hindi mo na rin siya naappreciate and all the effort he does. This is why I get the advice that you must never stop looking good for your man and always find time to date amidst the business in your household. And always keep talking. I think this happened to me. We got too comfortable and nagkakalabuan kami kaya ayun naghanap ng iba.

5. There is always a woman out there willing to cheat on him. Eh kun lahat ba ng kabit tumatanggi dahil alam nilang may asawa at pamilya na yung gustong lumandi sa kanila edi wala ng affair at baka okay pa si Adrian at Monica. Lol. This is the biggest reason of all. My friend that ai mentioned in number 3, the girls he has sex with, are all willing to go out with him. Minsan sila pa naghahabol kahit alam nilang in a relationship si guy.

Sorry, My post is long but I hope you girls will take the time to understand this. Automatic kasi, we will find fault sa sarili natin kapag nagcheat si partner. When i read the book, mas naclear na sakin kung balit andaming lalakeng nagchcheat at ,as alam ko na rin pano ihahandle the next time it happens to me

I've read that book and it's very inspirational. try reading his second book Straight Talk, No Chaser. it's a good read as well.

I just wanna add dun sa reason #3, yung mga nagpakasal ng agaran kasi nakabuntis, arranged marriage or nagpakasal dahil sa pera, pasok sa rason na yan.

reason #5 is certainly true however, you can't control every woman out there. you can only control your man. sabi ng dad ko, kapag ang lalake daw busog na, hindi na kakain kahit ano pang ihanda mo sa kanya. it made a lot of sense to me ngayong may asawa din ako.

I hear some women saying "kahit ano pang gawin mo at kahit ano pang hirap ang ituon mo sa asawa mo, kung mangangaliwa sya, talagang mangangaliwa yan." I disagree with this phrase. it prevents wives to perform their wifely duties kasi sa isip nila, ba't pa sila magpapakahirap kung ganun din naman, mangangaliwa din naman pala yung mister nila. and in effect, kasi nga hindi sila nag-perform bilang mabuting asawa, nangaliwa nga si mister so sa isip nila, tama sila. ang pag-aasawa kasi parang trabaho yan. you have to give your 101% para hindi maagaw ng iba ang posisyon mo.

[langley]

Give a man space and he is yours forever. (By space means not controlling him)

Just do your wifely duties.

Now you're doing your wifely duties and he still cheats that is his fault. He is human after all.

Forgive him.

Then continue doing your wifely duties.

Always remember nakikita ni Lord at si Lord lang ang may kontrol ng lahat.

Pray without ceasing.

At hayaan mo na si Lord ang gumanti sa'yo.

Then just continue doing your wifely duties.