Re: Got questions regarding men? Post it here! (Thread 5)

[Girltalker2]

sis slickchick, I am sorry to say na it is not all about love. I am also a single mom. We are here to protect our kids, kasi kung hindi natin gagawin iyan, sino pa?  As single moms, tayo (referring to your cousin, me atbp) nalang ang inaasahan ng mga anak nati --- the last thing we cannot afford is make another major mistake, not only to our detriment but also pati ang bata madamay sa problema natin sa lovelife.

I believe single moms should be careful (go to the single moms thread).  It is not all about finding another love in your life. It is all about living a BETTER life than you had with your ex --- and that does not mean finding love LANG, kundi, you should be financially, mentally, emotionally stable ALWAYS for your kid/s.  And dapat kung makahanap ka ng partner, hindi sya ang hihila sayo pababa, kundi dapat sya ang susuporta sayo for you to be a better mom.

Sabi nila single moms cannot be choosy kasi may added baggage na.  On the contrary, the more you have to be decerning kasi buhay ng mga bata din nakasalalay. One mistake you make, hindi lang ikaw ang may consequence, pati mga innocenteng buhay.

Bata pa naman cousin mo, she can still afford to make mistakes. Kung ayaw mo magsalita, let her be and commit the mistake so she can realize.  But I would really suggest na iwasan na nya yung guy, kung wala syang future dyan. Sayang lang oras/pera nya imbis na gugulin nya sa anak nya.

[slickchick]

thanks sa mga insights sisses simang, Pink_Sugar, and Girltalker2.

@sis simang - sis, follow up question lang.. what if sensitive si guy and he takes the comment negatively? i know ang kapal nman ng face nya if he would take it na offensive, pero what if lang..

@sis Girltaker - i'm also a single mom sis. thanks much for explaining it from a single mom's POV. i'm really trying my best to understand their situation - striking a balance between the love aspect and being practical. naaawa ako sa cousin ko and even sa nephew ko. i think nahihirapan yung cousin ko na i-dump si guy kasi mabait at loving naman talaga si guy (waaay much better than my nephew's biological dad), sablay lang talaga pagdating sa aspect na yun (relatives and the financial aspect).

keep your insights coming mga sis. hope to hear too from our bros here.. TIA again! 

[j.adore]

Not sure if it was in this thread where it was said "Love won't pay the bills"

Your cousin also became his sugar mommy na and he thinks this is OK because she's paying for their dates and travels at inaabuutan pa siya. Sarap naman ng buhay!

I'm sorry but she should be looking for financial stability from her partner if she wants a better future for her child.

Kausapin na lang niya at sabihin hirap na financially to the point na nangutang pa. If the guy doesn't strive to provide from then on, she should move on.

[simang]

^^well to begin with wala syang karapatang magreact negatively dahil naghihingi lang sya. Ako naniniwala ako na if a guy is serious about a girl, mas ma-ego sila. Hindi nya hahayaang babae ang gagastos for everything, and he will want to provide his girl her needs and some wants. Gagawan nya yan ng paraan. With my partner, i suggested we have a civil wedding lang para less gastos. Ang sinagot nya lang sa akin was, hindi pwede kase in reality hindi yun ang gusto ko, at the same time ayaw nya mapahiya sa family ko lalo na youngest ako. I mean, guys who are serious about a relationship will want to make themselves look like a knight in shining armor, hindi lang sa girl but to other people as well.

Pero for me pa din, that man might never understand what's wrong kase hindi sinasabi ng cousin mo na there's something wrong. Siguro your cousin doesn't have the right to complain din naman kase she allows it to happen eh, unless pinipilit sya or sinasaktan or what para lang makabili or kung ano man.

[Girltalker2]

Kausapin na lang niya at sabihin hirap na financially to the point na nangutang pa. If the guy doesn't strive to provide from then on, she should move on.

I think to be fair to the guy, a single mom cannot expect the guy to provide.  The guy, at the minimum, kung talagang loving sya at mapagmahal, at least man lang, buhayin nya ang sarili nya at hindi maging parasite.  That's the least I expect from a guy that would want to commit to a single mom.  Kasi di rin naman fair sa guy na buhayin ang partner AND kids ng partner nya.  It should be a joing effort when it comes to financial arrangements pagdating sa second marriages.  Just to be fair lang sa kids at sa walang anak na partner.

With my partner, i suggested we have a civil wedding lang para less gastos. Ang sinagot nya lang sa akin was, hindi pwede kase in reality hindi yun ang gusto ko, at the same time ayaw nya mapahiya sa family ko lalo na youngest ako. I mean, guys who are serious about a relationship will want to make themselves look like a knight in shining armor, hindi lang sa girl but to other people as well.

Sis, off topic ha, pero believe talaga ako sa maturity mo when it comes to relationships. When I was your age, iba talaga perspective ko. 

Pero for me pa din, that man might never understand what's wrong kase hindi sinasabi ng cousin mo na there's something wrong. Siguro your cousin doesn't have the right to complain din naman kase she allows it to happen eh, unless pinipilit sya or sinasaktan or what para lang makabili or kung ano man.

you have a point. That is one way to look at it - have the cousin talk to the guy about her issues. Kung talagang loving yung guy, maiintindihan nya.
Puede din nga hindi makapal mukha ng guy, talagang nakasanayan nya iyan, in which case if he has the money, he would not hesitate to do the same things for her.  But personally, this might be a bigger problem - kasi values na ang kalaban mo dito. Pano mo ichange ang value ng isang tao? Buti sana kung teenagers pa kayo, pero hindi eh. You are all consenting adults. Si cousin, may anak pa na kelangan alagaan.

[baliwsayo]

Makikisabat na din maski di ako guy ha, never ako nagkarespeto sa lalakeng free loader sa tutuo lang. Hindi okey ang ganyan. Tell your cousin not to tolerate at next time wag na niya ililibre. Magkakaalaman kung magiging mabait pa din yan sa anak ng cousin mo.

Girltalker2, sadyang may mga babae din na psycho talaga. Selos ng selos ng wala sa ayos. Yun asawa ng barkada ko isa na dun. Pinagselosan at iniway ako eh pangit pangit ng barkada ko na yun haha! Naman di ba? Insulto sa kin yun kasi para niya na din sinabing pangit din ako. Lol! Oops sorry kung harsh.

[estelle21]

issue ba sa boys kung yung ex nila ay chicks na chicks, super pretty, maganda na sexy pa tapos si present e sakto lang?

na curious lang ako kasi one male friend said, "mas maganda yun ex ni ___ kay (gf ngayon)"

[simang]

^i guess for the barkada of the guy, sometimes it is. Ilang beses din akong nakarinig sa friends ng bf ko na hindi daw ako yung usual type ni bf (di naman nila sinasabi sa akin straight). Whether it's a bad or good thing, i don't care. Di ko naman na chinecheck pa ichura ng exes nya. Haha!

[j.adore]

I guess I'm looking more on the long-term view of the relationship. Single moms look for father-material aspects in men right? Doesn't that include financial capability?

[young_maiden]

question ulit about men. paano nyo nasasabi kung sobra na yung pagiging flirt ni girl sa inyo at nakakaturn off na? what if she likes flirting with you in person pero di naman siya nagtetext o tumatawag sayo pag di kayo magkasama? yun nga lang pag magkasama kayo she is sweet to you. nakakaturn off na ba yun?

[slickchick]

I think to be fair to the guy, a single mom cannot expect the guy to provide.  The guy, at the minimum, kung talagang loving sya at mapagmahal, at least man lang, buhayin nya ang sarili nya at hindi maging parasite.  That's the least I expect from a guy that would want to commit to a single mom.  Kasi di rin naman fair sa guy na buhayin ang partner AND kids ng partner nya.  It should be a joing effort when it comes to financial arrangements pagdating sa second marriages.  Just to be fair lang sa kids at sa walang anak na partner.

you have a point. That is one way to look at it - have the cousin talk to the guy about her issues. Kung talagang loving yung guy, maiintindihan nya.
Puede din nga hindi makapal mukha ng guy, talagang nakasanayan nya iyan, in which case if he has the money, he would not hesitate to do the same things for her.  But personally, this might be a bigger problem - kasi values na ang kalaban mo dito. Pano mo ichange ang value ng isang tao? Buti sana kung teenagers pa kayo, pero hindi eh. You are all consenting adults. Si cousin, may anak pa na kelangan alagaan.

as a single mom myself, i agree with the first point.. same kami ng outlook ng cousin ko when it comes to this.. even on the long term view, i don't want to "oblige" my guy to take financial responsibility for my son. if he wants to help in the expenses, then salamat, if hindi naman, that's the reason why we are working para hindi maging dependent on our men.

on the second point, sis Girltalker2 and sis simang, i also admire your maturity and your stand on relationships. if you were in my cousin's shoes, how would you start the conversation/discussion with the guy to tell him na hirap na kayo sa pag-shoulder ng mga expenses din nya? from the way my cousin described the guy, mukhang may kahihiyan pa naman na natitira sa katawan.. kasi kapag sinasabi ng cousin ko na "pasensya na eto na lang yung kaya ko ibigay", the guy would usually say naman daw "ako nga yung dapat mahiya kasi ako yung madalas manghingi at wala ako right mag-complain kasi nafi-feel ko na pabigat ako at times.. "...

[Girltalker2]

^ Cousin mo pa ang apologetic ano?

But never mind, baka puede lang nya sabihin - nag aalala sya sa future nila.  Hindi nya kaya bumuhay ng anak nya plus another one. Ano plans ni BF para mairaos ang sarili nya?

[argento]

Bakit nagcocomplain yung babae eh pinili niya maliit ang suweldo.

Sisihin ninyo yung guy kung ito ay walang work at umaasa lang.

[slickchick]

^ Cousin mo pa ang apologetic ano?

Hahaha! Actually sis, that was my exact words sa kanya - "ikaw pa talaga ang humingi ng pasensya ano?!?"...

Tinutulungan na nga ng cousin ko yung guy na maghanap ng more stable na work.. The last time we talked pati yung CV nung guy inayos na rin ng pinsan to make it more marketable. Mahirap lang daw talaga hanapan ng work yung line of work ni guy (which i think nasa line ng caregiving or PT ata)... Haist...

Thanks sa advice sis Girltalker2! appreciate your insights sis. 

[slickchick]

Bakit nagcocomplain yung babae eh pinili niya maliit ang suweldo.

Sisihin ninyo yung guy kung ito ay walang work at umaasa lang.

bro, nagkikwento lang naman yung cousin ko on the aspect na si guy minsan nagpapabili pa para sa family/pamangkins nya.. Wala naman sya complain about the guy earning less than her. I think naman natanggap nya yung guy even if mas maliit ang sweldo kesa sa kanya kasi mabait naman yung guy sa cousin and sa nephew ko.. ang ikinaka-disappoint lang ng cousin ko is kapag si guy nagpapabili pa ng extra para sa family/pamangkins nya.. kumbaga, ok na nga lang sa cousin ko na i-shoulder most of the time si guy, kaya lang sana wag na naman isama ni guy yung mga ka-pamilya nya..

[simang]

if you were in my cousin's shoes, how would you start the conversation/discussion with the guy to tell him na hirap na kayo sa pag-shoulder ng mga expenses din nya?

Ako, with how i usually talk my issues to my guy, i'll just say the same thing i said sa previous reply ko. "Sorry, wala pa kong budget for miscellaneous gastos so di ko muna sila mabibilhan". I don't know pero I think it's the simplest way to do it. Una, hindi mo naman hinamak or minaliit yung lalaki, considering na gusto mo rin naman sya talaga. Pangalawa, you stated your point --- that you can't make anymore gastos. If talagang feeling ng cousin mo eh maooffend pa din yng lalaki kahit na sincere at nice naman ang pagkasabi nya, maybe she can promise na next time na lang nya bibilhan? But she really has to follow through, meaning, kelangan next time meron talaga. Or if ayaw nya magpromise, wala namang choice yung lalaki eh. Again, nasa babae ang pace ng relationship. If she allows him to freeload, it's her decision. Hinahayaan nya kase eh, tapos magkocomplain sya.

[lesters_gal]

If i were your cousin sis sasabihin ko talaga dun sa guy na hirap ako sa expenses. Hindi ko naman obligasyon na bilhan yung ibang family members niya ng kung ano2x from time to time. Remember hindi everyday christmas. I don't get it, bakit yung bf is parang hindi nahihiya dun sa cousin mo na magpabili ng mga kung ano2x para sa mga family niya. Lalake sha for god sake wala man lang sha kahit konting ego sa katawan.  Sorry pero super turn off sa akin yung mga ganyan lalake na hinahayaan yung girl ang mag provide sa kanya. May kasalanan din ang cousin mo sis kasi sinanay niya ang bf niya na ganun, kaya ayan namihasa. Kapag yan ang nakatuluyan ng cousin mo i can imagine na kung anong mangyayari sa cousin mo.

[slickchick]

@sis simang - i relayed to my cousin yung suggestion mo.. to make it straightforward but say it in a nice way (wag naman tarayan or sungitan si guy). kasi i know most guys want straightforward answers (ayaw ng paligoy-ligoy) so kung talagang wala sya mailalabas pa, sabihan na lang nya si guy. and it's true, wala naman magagawa yung guy kapag wala sya talaga maibibigay. i even told her na kapag nag-iba ang attitude ni guy sa kanya and to my nephew, at least alam na nya na user-friendly lang and it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship... thanks sa reply sis! i appreciate your insights.. 

@sis lesters_gal - actually sis, from the way my cousin tells it, mukhang may katiting na kahihiyan pa naman si guy. as i've mentioned in one of my previous posts, the guy would say naman "ako nga dapat mahiya kasi ako yung madalas manghingi at wala ako right mag-complain kasi nafi-feel ko na pabigat ako at times..".. .. though i agree sis na may fault din yung cousin ko kasi she allowed it to happen during the early stages of their relationship... eh ngayon hirap na sya sa mismong finances nya, ngayon nya nakikita na hindi na tama yung laging nagpapabili si guy para sa family nya... sabi ko nga sa kanya, she needs to tell the guy kung talagang hindi na kaya ng budget nya.. it is still her money in the first place at mag-bf pa lang sila.. hindi naman siguro pagdadamot yun kung tatanggi ka dahil wala ka na talagang maibigay diba?? i am even actually helping her think of ways para maski yung food na pasalubong sa mga pamangkin nung guy eh medyo mas mura na ang bibilhin.. one time i suggested na ibili na lang nya ng 1 can of cookies yung mga pamangkins instead na happy meals sa mcdo.. nagiisip pa nga ako ng ibang ways paano sya matulungan.. haist!

[cute_pompom]

Can a guy who used to hire PSP (personal sex provider) change for good after getting married?

[cute_pompom]

What are your reasons for searching for Massage Spa (that offers extra service) review? If a guy is searching for a massage spa review, does it mean that he has plans of going and getting laid?