NAGSASAMA BCOZ OF THE KIDS - IS IT POSSIBLE?

[BDJ]

^Wow buti nahahandle niyo pa rin ang situation? Kung sa bagay marami pa rin namang may ganyang set up.

[aquacharly]

"Roofing" is the term some counsellors use for estranged/annulled couples who continue to live under 1 roof, in separate rooms. 
The primary reason is financial, either:   can't afford to maintain separate residences; or too much financial assets at stake, ayaw divide.

[london]

^ I know one. uncle and aunt ko. they live in one house but stay at different rooms. nung una, sabi ng aunt ko makasal lang lahat ng anak niya aalis na siya. but, wala siyang funds to support her lifestyle so ending di siya makaalis. pero siyempre sa labas ang pino project nila e okay sila.

[smoothie]

tanong ko.
1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?
2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?
3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

I was in this situation, will try to answer the questions as best as I can.

1. Yes, Pwede din factors like what sis aquacharly said like kids, lack of money or opposite and public image. Sa amin, kaya nagsasama kasi 3 reasons above. (lack of money) yung sa 2nd.
2. I think wala na. Sa akin I think kaya din hindi makaalis ang mom ko is because she's also dependent on my dad. emotionally and financially. Parang hindi kaya ng mom ko to live on her own. I think marami siyang fears. Plus, her lifestyle.
3. Yes, I prefer na naghiwalay sila. Imagine, laging may tension sa bahay. Simpleng pagpili lang kung saan kakain, mag-aaway pa.
4. oo. magulo lang.

Since I'm married, Ive moved out. But ganun parin ang set-up sa bahay. Sobrang tension. Kaya naiisip ko nga kung if ever maghiwalay kami ng asawa ko, ayaw kong bumalik sa bahay namin.

[ysa.belle]

1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?

1. yes. may mga tao naman na iniintindi ang kapakanan ng anak eh and maybe they want to work things out din.

2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?
3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

2. there are couples na nagsasama nalang dahil sa companionship.

3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

3. they have their own reasons na sila lang ang nakakaintindi.
4. maybe mas okay sila sa ganun na set up

[imdWOMANwhocntbemove]

I'm in this situation right now..and hindi ko na talaga kayang pakisamahan itong lalaking to.kaya nagdecide na ako na umalis na lang dito sa kanila..besides nakikita ko sa mga anak ko yung impact pag nakikita nila kaming nagaaway.maliliit pa mga kids ko 4 yrs old and 1yr old.pati parang my kids are losing their confidence plus may ibang effect sa behavior nila pag nakikita nilang nagsisigawan kami ng dad nila.siguro its much better na lang na maghiwalay kami. Financially and emotionally dependent din ako sakanya for 6 years kaya lang di ko na talaga kaya eh.i'm sure masasanay din ako na wala na siya sa buhay namin..

[BDJ]

^At least you still made the right decision kasi kung magtyaga ka pa magiging malala tapos makakaapekto pa ito emotionally and mentally sa mga anak mo. So at least maaga pa lang inagapan mo na. It is true parehong may downside ang magkahiwalay  na parents or broken family and yung nagsasama nga pero routine naman yung away. Pero sa nakikita ko mas magkakaroon pa ng peace of mind if magkahiwalay na lang ang parents na hindi magkasundo. Aminin na natin may situation na talaga na mahirap nang i-settle.

[langley]

May nabasa akong ganito sa blog ni Dr. Bing Wall, isang marriage therapist sa States.
He called them "room mates".
According to him kung isa sa kanila magbababa ng pride at gagawin ang role niya bilang husband or wife then there's a chance na masalba ang marriage.
Kasi di ba baka naghihintayan na lang sila na may isang magbaba ng pride.
Sabi nga ni Dr. Bing "Someone should end the cycle of evil."

[BDJ]

^Well yeah it makes sense rin naman it can be about pride or maturity issue. Though in my opinion and observation case to case basis pa rin eh! like kahit anong humility at katinunan ng pagkatao mo pero kung topak naman yung asawa mo like you are in abusive relationship or kung ano pa man ang reason then talagang malakas pa rin yung chance na hindi masalba ang marriage.

[girl24]

oo naman TS sobrang possible!

is it the best set up - no; is it ideal - no; but it is certainly possible.

kung yung ibang tao nga can live with their husband's kabit in one house eh itong set up na ganito pa kaya? i mean you had children with that guy so me history na kayo. pwede hindi na kayo intimate pero civil kayo. you work in sync regarding duties sa house and taking care of the kids.

the biggest downside of it all - yun nga lang hindi kayo parehong happy kasi wala ng love.

[Pretty_ava]

currently on this situation right now. mahirap pero dahil sa two girls ko, kakayanin ko, he told me he doesn't love me anymore, na hindi na ako maganda sa paningin nya, na wala na talagang feelings for me na sinayang nya buhay nya sa akin for 13 years,  we are both 29 years old pa lang and married with two kids. one is 6 years old and 4 months old.  i begged him to stay for my girls, pero lagi sya nakasigaw pa din sa akin, so i choose to shut up na lang, we are not talking kaya walang away pag may needs na kailangan i attend, emails lang kami nag uusap. so yun tahimik sa bahay, naawa kase ako sa girls ko laging hinahanap ang dad nya ng eldest ko, so yun, ganito muna for the mean time, but time will come din na i know maghihiwalay kami because we are not happy anymore. 

[BDJ]

^ grabe with the pride that I have as a woman kapag ganyang kahirap talagang I will stand na he doesn't deserve me. Bakit siya gwapo pa rin ba o gwapo ba talaga siya? Sad to say it reflects for who he is na hindi wife ang kailangan o gusto niya. He is not matured for marriage, I have to say hindi marriage ang gusto niya kundi laro lang. I don't want to be treated by husband na sigaw sigawan lang. Maayos naman ba ang treatment niya with daughters? Yan lang kasi ang natitirang concern dyan eh! I respect your decision to stay for the sake of the kids pero kapag nasa decision ka na kailangan nang umalis my advise here is huwag mong iwan mga bata or ang downside nga lang nito ay mamimili na mga kids kung kanino sila sasama. Kung hindi rin maayos ang trato ng tatay sa mga anak then it is time for you to make the right decision in which dapat na sayo ang mga kids.

[Pretty_ava]

^sis di naman sa pagmamayabang pero i still look okay, mukhang fresh grad pa rin ako, napagkakamalan ako na dalaga pa, my figure is really okay,  i only weigh 47 kilos eh kakapanganak ko lang 4 months ago. husband is pogi, tall, tisoy and buff. hands on dad sya saka okay ang set up namin with my girls, graveyard kasi sya and i work in a bank, so di match ang schedule namin, so pag morning sya naiiwan with my girls kasama mga yaya's nila and pag gabi ako naman. so kung walang sigawan at dedmahan lang kami, okay for me ang ganitong set up at least yung girls ko di nawawalan ng kasamang parent, mahirap kasi pag sa yaya lang naiiwan.

mas madami pang masasakit na salita ang sinabi nya sa akin, pero labas na lang sa tenga ko yun, as long as okay yung financial obligations nya wala kaming problema, as long as andyan sya for my girls, okay lang ang dedmahan set up..

[langley]

^ Sis as long as magkasama kayo ng husband mo mas mataas ng chances na you can win him back at mabalik sa dati ang pagtitinginan nyo.

I also experienced this briefly, yun hindi na ko pinapansin ng asawa ko. He even told me unti unti na nawawala pagmamahal niya sa'kin. I realized I become disrespectful to him. Tinatapakan ko na pala ang pagkalalaki ng asawa ko. So what I did first nag-sorry ako. Hindi personally dahil hindi niya nga ako pinapansin kundi sa text lang. And then I did my wifely duties. Kahit hindi ako pinapansin ng asawa ko asikaso pa din ako. Minsan hindi niya kinakain ang hinahain ko. Madalas madaling araw na siya umuuwi at di siya tumatabi sakin. I felt rejected talaga, ang hirap. Pero with prayers and my faith with God I still continue doing my wifely duties. I still say thank you kahit sa text lang kasi ginagawa pa din naman ng asawa ko 'yun duty niya sa mga anak namin. I always remember this Bible verse:

Galatians 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Lagi din included sa prayers ang husband ko. I always pray at that time na hindi mag harden ang puso ko at baguhin ako ng Diyos.

And after few months unti unti na rin nagbago asawa ko. Paunti unti kinakausap niya na ko. Tumatabi na siya sakin matulog pero my konting coldness pa din.

Then one time nagtext sakin asawa ko, una may inuutos siya sakin. And then huling text niya he said,
mahal na mahal niya ko at mga sweet nothings.

Ayon tuloy tuloy na. Okay na kami ng asawa ko. Natuto na ko irespeto ang asawa ko.

Tama nga si Dr. Bing Wall, "someone should stop the cycle of evil"

at sabi din sa Bible

Matthew 5:43-48
 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor[a] and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Romans 12: 19-21
"Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, "VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY," says the Lord. BUT IF YOUR ENEMY IS HUNGRY, FEED HIM, AND IF HE IS THIRSTY, GIVE HIM A DRINK; FOR IN SO DOING YOU WILL HEAP BURNING COALS ON HIS HEAD. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

1 Peter 3:1-2
"In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.…"

Mga sis God's way really works.

[mooncake and leaves]

it happens. i know of a couple with this setup, only, i can't say if they're together because of the kids or because there's no logic behind separating. no major drama in the marriage. talaga lang they grew apart, after spending years of practically not seeing each other though they live in the same house. matanda na din sila and the kids are also all grown up. the husband kasi is a family friend and nabanggit niya na parang hindi na talaga sila mag-asawa. the wife goes to work at night; siya, morning. so hindi na sila nagkikita. and siguro nga kasi may edad na, medyo kebs na. staying together makes better financial and emotional sense so why bother shaking things up? is probably what they're thinking.

[happie]

This is possible especially for people who value what people think of them. And especially true for people who have position in the society.

I commonly see this in old chinese couples. Kahit wala ng love, the parents still have to stay together for the sake of the kids.