NAGSASAMA BCOZ OF THE KIDS - IS IT POSSIBLE?

[mommy_me]

I had a friend. got married at age 23 bcoz the girl got preggy. throughout their marriage away.. typical away ng mga nagpakasal dahil nabuntis. muntik ng maghiwalay. try to fix things when the 2nd child was born. dumating yung point na muntil ng maghiwalay andd nagkaroon ng some sort of gf yung hubby. and came to a point na ni-admit nya sa wifey na hindi nya mahal. and now 9 yrs of being together and married still ganun pa rin. as per my friend nagsasama na lang daw sila bcoz of their kids. they never had sex for 1 year.

tanong ko.
1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?
2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?
3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

[langley]

1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?

Oo posible. Ang dami kayang ganyan. May kilala nga ako matatanda na sila, ang mga anak nila mga may sarili ng pamilya. Silang mag-asawa parang di mag-asawa. Di magkatabi matulog, kanya kanya sa pagkain(iba luto ng babae, iba din luto ng lalake) kanya kanya ng pera. Ang lagi sinasabi nung babae nagsasama lang sila ng asawa niya para sa mga anak nila. Para may tatay daw yun mga anak niya. Pero magmamahal wala na daw siya nararamdaman para sa asawa niya. Even now in their old age madalas pa rin sila mag-away. Walang unity at makikita mo din talaga sa pamumuhay nila.

2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?

nothing is impossible kung pagtutuunan lang nilang dalawa ulet yun pagsasama nila. Kung yun isa sa kanila magbababa ng pride then pwede ulit maayos ang pagsasama nila.

[sarahsensible]

I think this is possible. Nagiging topic namin ito ng hubby ko eh, he thinks na selfishness yung unahin mo ang sarili mong kaligayahan kesa sa mga anak mo. It's a matter of sacrifice daw.
I have a friend na nakakaisip daw syang makipag hiwalay pag nag aaway sila, pero kapag nakikita nya ang mga anak nya and maiimagine na hinahanap ang daddy nila, hindi nya kaya.

[bonita111809]

I had a friend. got married at age 23 bcoz the girl got preggy. throughout their marriage away.. typical away ng mga nagpakasal dahil nabuntis. muntik ng maghiwalay. try to fix things when the 2nd child was born. dumating yung point na muntil ng maghiwalay andd nagkaroon ng some sort of gf yung hubby. and came to a point na ni-admit nya sa wifey na hindi nya mahal. and now 9 yrs of being together and married still ganun pa rin. as per my friend nagsasama na lang daw sila bcoz of their kids. they never had sex for 1 year.

tanong ko.
1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?
2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?
3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

posible. may mga babae na ayaw lang talaga ng broken family. it's not as if mawawalan ng tatay ang mga anak nya. kasi kung civil naman sya, pwede pa rin naman nya ipakita ang mga anak nya sa tatay nila.

kung sa una pa lang eh hindi na nila mahal ang isa't isa, malamang sa malamang talagang wala silang nararamdaman sa isa't isa, lalo't puro away ang nangyayari. si mister puro resentment ang nararamdaman. kaya naghahanap ng ibang babaeng mas sympathetic kesa sa asawa nya.

may mga babaeng pilit na nakikisama sa mga asawa nila kasi hindi nila kayang tumayo sa sariling mga paa. naging masyadong dependent sa asawa. ok lang naman sigurong maging dependent, basta ba ginagawa nyang mabuti ang obligasyon nya bilang misis sa mister nya. ang lalake naman likas na provider yan eh. pero pag pinakitaan mo ng hindi maganda, kukwestyunin nya yung mga ginagawa nya para sa pamilya nya.

[kaiz]

possible. father ko pinaalam sa akin na nakikisama nalang siya sa mom ko dahil saakin. sabi nya that time, after i graduate, makikipaghiwalay na daw sya. sarili naman daw nya.
after college, hindi na nga talaga umuwi dad ko sa mom ko.

[lovemeagain30]

in a Filipino culture, napaka 'child centered' natin when it comes to family and marriage. pag dumating na ang anak sa mag asawa nakakalimutan na ng mag asawa kung pano sila nagsimula which is yung romantic love. parang lahat itinuon sa bata or sa mga anak. wala ng effort to work in the marriage relationship kasi abala na sila sa pagiging parent. basta andiyan ang isang parent na nakikita ng mga bata eh okay na yun.

sa perception ko lang naman, mali eto eh. I don't think you give your children a 'happy family' by doing this favor for them. kung wala ng romantic love and happiness sa married life, somehow children will feel it and they will suffer from it. its the same path they will take as well once they have their own family. I don't like to hear my children to tell me na nakikisama nalang sila sa asawa nila alang alang sa mga apo ko. I wont agree on them if they do it. It's a waste of life for me and you only live once. pag nag asawa na mga anak ko, asawa ko nalang maiiwan sakin. it will be a very lonely life if I no longer love him anymore.

[super bratinella]

That is possible, pero it is not right. Kasi it does not mean na nakatira kayo sa iisang buong happy family kayo, kung may problem kayo hindi rin naman makakatulong sa mga anak ninyo at the same time hindi rin ito makakatulong sa couples kasi you are just not letting experience true love within the house and you are teaching your kids it is ok to be with someone na hindi kayo totally mahal.
Just my point of view, but of course hindi ako pwede magsalita ng tapos cause I can not judge other people with this kind of situation.

[zu_0420]

I don't know for sure if wala na ba talagang feelings yung girl. I think meron din naman, hindi lang inaamin because minsan, may pagkadefensive tayong mga babae eh. Others tend to judge us sometimes kung sasabihin natin na mahal pa natin yung lalaki despite sa mga nagawa nila. I think it was good for them to stay with each other for the kids. Pero it's not a good enough effort. Ako rin naman, young mom, and happy naman kami ng hubby ko. Although meron kaming away sometimes, we always remind ourselves na hindi kami nagpakasal just because of the kids, nagpakasal kami kasi we love each other. We both believe naman na marriage is a covenant and not just something that springs out of responsibility. Hindi naman kasi yung kids ang dapat maging center ng issue dito eh. It's their marriage. 9 years is too short kung ikukumpara natin sa forever. The best thing for them to do, is to talk it out kung paano nila iwoworkout yung pagsasama nila.Yun kasi "for the sake of the kids" sometimes nakikita natin as sacrifice. Pero in truth, children learn how to love by the example their parents show to them. Kung nagsasama nga naman sila pero ganyan yung attitude nila, their not doing anything for their kids. They're just being selfish to not even giving the time to workout their marriage.

[Girltalker2]

I had a friend. got married at age 23 bcoz the girl got preggy. throughout their marriage away.. typical away ng mga nagpakasal dahil nabuntis. muntik ng maghiwalay. try to fix things when the 2nd child was born. dumating yung point na muntil ng maghiwalay andd nagkaroon ng some sort of gf yung hubby. and came to a point na ni-admit nya sa wifey na hindi nya mahal. and now 9 yrs of being together and married still ganun pa rin. as per my friend nagsasama na lang daw sila bcoz of their kids. they never had sex for 1 year.

tanong ko.
1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?
2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?
3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

Tanong ko sis, yung friend mo yung guy di ba?  Is the guy trying to justify his status of keeping his family while flirting with other girls (or having a GF)?  Typical story kasi iyan ng mga married guys. Pero malay ba natin.

- nagsasama lang because of the kids
- wala na silang nararamdaman, they don't love each other anymore
- hindi na sila nagiging intimate and if ever sobrang minsan lang and out of obligation lang


If you know the kabit, talagang magulo iyan. Because guys like these cannot be trusted. In the first place, he should not be sharing such stories to a third party. Kung gusto talaga nya maayos ang buhay nya, dapat ang kausap lang nya wife nya, parents nya, godparents or confidant na wala syang mapapala (ie sex).

[Cheesecak3]

Posibleng magsama lang because of kids pero hindi yan maganda. Kasi maramdaman pa ring ng mga anak na hindi masaya. For me, mas ok pa na hiwalay na lang at least peaceful ang bahay, walang ilangan na nangyayari. Ipapaliwanag na lang sa mga bata at maintindihan nila yan.

[clueless_bride]

May kilala ako na ganyan but eventually naghiwalay din kasi di din healthy yan sa mga kids.

agree with sis Cheescak3.... ok lang yung hiwalay at minsan lang magkita pero may harmony at maayos ang relationship as parents, kesa yung magkasama at nagbabangayan na  nakikita ng mga bata.

[aquacharly]

Sure, a couple may no longer love each other but still live together.

For the kids,.
For lack of money.
Or, the reverse:  because so much money, properties, & other forms of wealth is at stake.
Public image

People don't live together just because of love. 

I have seen couples who do not love  each other as husband & wife, yet live together happily.

[bonita111809]

Sure, a couple may no longer love each other but still live together.

For the kids,.
For lack of money.
Or, the reverse:  because so much money, properties, & other forms of wealth is at stake.
Public image

People don't live together just because of love. 

I have seen couples who do not love  each other as husband & wife, yet live together happily.

no couple can live happily together if they don't love each other anymore. what you see sometimes is just an illusion, a facade. only the couples can truly tell if they're happy with one another.

[cheezecake]

marriage naman sinasabi nila sa huli magiging companionship na lang pagdating ng araw.  I dunno how true or ilan percentage but maraming nagsabi na love is not forever depends lang siguro how soon mawala yun love na yun.

[cutieheart]

walang imposible sa diyos, as long as merong GOD sa heart nilang dalawa.. mamahalin nila ang isa't isa.. dapat nagba bible study at worship service ang mag-asawa.

[bonita111809]

marriage naman sinasabi nila sa huli magiging companionship na lang pagdating ng araw.  I dunno how true or ilan percentage but maraming nagsabi na love is not forever depends lang siguro how soon mawala yun love na yun.

I don't think that's entirely true. if old couples are together and are showing genuine happiness to each other, then it must be love. sa lahat ng encounters ko sa mga geriatric people, they grew old with their partners because they loved each other. companionship na matatawag kasi wala na yung sex but absence of sex in old age doesn't mean they don't love each anymore or the love has faded. maiintindihan naman ng bawat isa na hindi na nila kayang gawin ang ganung bagay.


if the love the other person feels for his/her partner is conditional, it will certainly not last forever.

[langley]

And besides the husband being a good father is also one reason for the wife to love and respect her husband and not to leave him no matter what.

If the woman leaves her husband who is a good father to her kids then she is selfish.

If your kids love your husband, why can't you?

[aquacharly]

no couple can live happily together if they don't love each other anymore. what you see sometimes is just an illusion, a facade. only the couples can truly tell if they're happy with one another.

Agree. Only they can say if they are happy together. So, who are we to say it's an illusion they are happy? Who are we to judge it is a facade?
ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE. Ergo, a couple not in love can still live together happily. 
Let us not impose our happiness blueprint on all. 

[BDJ]

1. posible ba talagang magsama na lang yung mag-asawa dahil sa anak?

Based on my observation nangyayari talaga ito just to save the complete family. Though if I were them I would rather not na lang kasi what for kung nakikita rin naman ng anak na hindi magkasundo ang magulang nila? It is both stressful na magkahiwalay ang parents or having broken family and yung nawiwitness ng children yung away ng magulang o hindi naman magkasundo. Pero I think mas malala ang epekto kapag magkasama ang magulang na away ng away kasi siempre damay ang bata run eh! Minsan nga yung bata pa ang napagbabalingan hanggang sa siya ang nagdadala ng hinanakit.

2. wala na ba talagang pwedeng maramdaman na pagmamahal sa isat-isa?

Depende na yan sa mismong mag-asawa. Sila na nakakaalam niyan kahit na routine ang away nila. Meron pa nga bugbog na at lahat pero mahal pa rin ang asawa.

3. kung oo bakit nagsasama pa?
4. ang gulo lang..

Aba ewan ko sa kanila  This is referring to number 1 kasi nga dahil sa bata diba? Though in some instances nga this is just to save the marriage. Meron naman dahil may habol sa asawa pwedeng kayamanan or whatsoever pa. Pwedeng pride rin nila na hindi magkaroon ng hiwalay na asawa.

[raynne]

Yes and that is happenning to us right now i think for a year already.  We're not talking to each other and sleeping in different rooms.  We had 4 kids (2 college,2 high school) and they understand naman the situation.