Neglected Pamangkins Because of New Family

[KVsWahmmy]

Mommies gusto ko lang maglabas ng frustration at kalungkutan... and hihingi na rin ng advice/suggestions siguro. Here's the situation:

Hubby has two pamangkins from his older brother. BIL and his wife have been separated na for quite some time. Now BIL has allegedly 'annulled' the marriage na, and got married a couple of years ago. BIL and the new wife now have a kid together. The two first kids from the first wife, now lives with the lola (my MIL). And BIL and wife lives in a separate place (mga 30 minutes away). BIL very rarely visits his kids. Once a month at most, and stays only for an hour - a couple at most. Pagdating sa financial support - let's just say naiiyak na lang si MIL dahil sa mga pagkukulang ni BIL. Many times, si MIL ang naghahanap ng paraan para may pangbayad ng tuition ang mga bata. The first wife gives some money din, pero hindi enough for both the kids' needs. Madami din issues itong si first wife, pero di ako masyadong aware kung ano.

Now this BIL and his new wife both work, BIL is in a BPO (officer level), so hindi natin masasabing nagdarahop sya. They brandish their pasyals and purchases on Facebook so I wouldn't say na 'gipit' sila. But, the two kids sa first wife, hindi maipasyal nor maka-bonding, pahirapan sa bayaran ng tuition fee, at sa pagbibigay for their other needs. Madalas umiyak si MIL sa amin, dahil nahihirapan na sya, she's 60+ na. Sya naglalaba, nagluluto, nagprepare ng things ng mga bata, and more often than not, nagpupuno sa financial na pagkukulang ng mga magulang, etc. etc. Yung mga bata parang sabik sa concept ng family palagi, when hubby and I go out with our kid, sinasama talaga namin, and kita mo sa eyes nila na parang masaya sila...pero di kumpleto. Ang lungkot-lungkot ng feeling, kasi ramdam ko yung heaviness. I was part of a broken family for a decade too, so I know how it feels somehow.

Ito yung problems:

1. Apparently/Allegedly, it is the new wife who's 'stopping' BIL from providing for and spending time with the first two kids. Kung bakit, hindi ko din alam. I don't know about the situation of second wives and first kids, pero hindi ba dapat as a mother - naintindihan mo ang needs ng mga anak? Na dapat sya pa ang bridge for the father and the kids to be close to each other lalo na't hindi na sila buo? Or normal ba yung ganung attitude na parang selos/galit?

2. MIL is already planning to seek legal help when it comes to providing for the financial needs of the kids. Ano kaya ang pinakamagandang gawin ni MIL para ma-obliga both parents to give the kids' needs regularly? Talking - MIL tried that many, maaany times already - and hindi talaga successful. So, next step na talaga ang kailangan.

[amethyst028]

^pwede siya mag file ng child abandonment. barangay level lang yun para ma obliga mag bigay. pag ayaw then they can take it to court. get a lawyer to write a letter for child support kung ayaw kasuhan ng 9262 for financial abuse.

bakit ganon yung new wife wala man lang concern sa mga bata? sana may kaso din na pwede ma file sa kanya. maybe ask a lawyer. consult lang kayo para malaman niyo rights nung mga bata. kahit na annulled yung marriage sa una legitimate children pa rin sila. they have the right to everything their parents have. nakakaawa naman ang mga batang napabayaan dahil lang may iba nang family.

[KVsWahmmy]

Thank you for the suggestions sis amethyst028!   as much as possible, ayaw ni MIL sana na dumaan pa sa korte, kasi nga, mapapagastos din sya, e wala naman sila work ni [textspeak!]. Will definitely suggest the barangay thing to her.

That's really the sad part sis... kasi kumbaga fine, hiwalay na nga kung hiwalay the parents. Nothing that can be done kung di na talaga ma-mend relationship nung mag-asawa. Pero ang sad dun, parang the new wife is really keeping the husband away from the kids. He doesn't even get to go to school events. Ang sana nga doon eh si new wife yung mag-effort to invite the kids to their house, spend time with them, etc. Not to replace the mother di ba, but just to show them they have a second mom in her. Maayos sana kung ganun.

I remember the panganay (a boy) once texted the dad to ask for something needed for school, the new wife replied saying wag daw hingi ng hingi sa tatay nila dahil sila nga daw nagkukulang na. It was followed with a litany of the wife's grievances, na wag daw maluho yung mga bata etc. etc. Hindi ko din alam talaga ang financial standing nila, but we do know they both have good and stable jobs. And besides, even if the father doesn't, legal responsibility nya na magprovide for the needs of the kids. Hindi maluho yung mga bata actually, the very little simple joys they want, hubby and I try to give pag kaya. Pero yung school needs and living expenses talaga, we encourage them to ask from their parents. So for the wife to text that to the little boy.... wow, hindi ko alam kung bakit talaga.

[wangwang]

sis,isoli na lang ni MIL yung mga bata sa tunay nilang magulang (BIL) .

[KVsWahmmy]

alam mo minsan sis naiisip na ni mother-in-law yan, lalo na pag yung pagod na pagod na sya... we sometimes think it's the best thing to do to teach my bayaw a lesson about parenthood. kaya lang ngayon pa nga lang na wala doon mga bata sa ama, ganyan na treatment ni new wife. paano pa pang nandoon na? natatakot si biyenan i-risk.

[aquacharly]

Return 1 kid each to each parent.
Sabihin ni MIL na she will accept back the kids pag magbibigay  ng SAPAT na sustento ang magulang.

1 parent: 1 kid. 

That cuts through the legal crap. 

[amethyst028]

^^hindi naman korte agad yun. just get a letter from the lawyer pero pwede naman barangay level muna.
i heard before sa isang radio show sabi ng lawyer mag file ng child abandonment the police will dampot the father and put him to jail. friday afternoon gawin para hindi makapag pyansa at dun siya mag weekend sa jail. that will teach the madamot father a lesson. and ang alam ko pwede pag usapain yung 2 parties sa barangay and dun magkasundo how much child support per month. kung hindi mag bigay file a case, malay mo matakot at magbigay.

kung baga takutin lang. baka sakali matakot pag alam niyang pwede siyang kasuhan at makulong sa ginagawa niya. naawa ako sa MIL mo, hindi na siya dapat nahihirapan dahil tapos na siya diyan. malalaki na mga anak niya sila na dapat bumubuhay sa families nila.

ang sakin lang sis para malaman ng MIL mo rights ng mga apo niya at kaso na pwede i-file just in case. not really para idemanda agad sila. iba na yung may alam diba? tsaka baka pag nalaman ng BIL mo na nag consult sa lawyer yung mother niya matakot din pati new wife niya. kapal naman ng mukha nila. dun sa tunay na mother asan na ba yun wala ba siyang paki alam sa mga anak niya? grabe bakit kaya may mga tao na nagagawa nila iyan sa mga anak nila.