I need advice/opinion from nonjudgmental, open-minded women :( Re: my BF

[beach_n_sunsets]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 10 years and maaga rin kami nag-start, 4th year high school pa lang kami na! (aga namin lumandi lol) We are each other's first and only, and naka-relate naman ako sa 'yo nung sinabi mo na dumarating talaga sa point ng isang relationship na magiging kampanteng kampante na kayo sa isa't isa.

Space ba 'ika ninyo? Fine, go ahead. "Cool off" ganyan, sige lang (pero personally sis, I don't believe in cool off, pang-high school lang 'yun). Pero 'yung makikipag-date sa iba and at the end of the day eh uuwi sa 'yo? Kaloka ateng.

Uulitin ko lang sinabi ng iba: it's stupid of you to allow this kind of setup and selfish of him to 'enjoy' this dating phase. Sorry kung harsh, ikaw na rin naman nagsabi na this is 'crazy.'

Ang tanong ko lang, ano bang gusto mong marinig mula sa 'min? YOU know this is wrong. YOU know that it's hurting your relationship (kung anumang klase yan). And YOU know na ikaw ang dehado sa ganitong setup.

Question ko lang din talaga is, why did you let this happen in the first place? I don't know with you ha, sa relationship namin ni boyfriend eh hindi pumasok sa isip namin itong parang open relationship thingy. It's destructive. Walang mabuting idudulot. If the guy really loves you, he would NEVER do this.

Sabi nga ng iba, once you let him, he WILL do this again. Nakita niyang okay lang sa 'yo, na meron pa rin siyang babalikan at the end of the day.

Gurl, you have a bright future ahead of you! Love yourself! 'Wag sirain ang sarili sa iisang lalaki. (I know I don't sound credible kasi isa lang naging boyfriend ko pero I just want to say it eh haha).

Pero good luck sis. Hope you find the solution to your problem.

[cecilydee]

there you go, your gut is already shouting at you! ang lakas ng feeling diba na mali ang ginagawa ng ex(bf) mo? listen to it. dont try to rationalize it. it is there for a reason. and that is your survival instinct meaning, takbo! run fast girl. or give him an ultimatum that you are going to run away na and will not tolerate this BS that he is trying to put you on. but i think papaikutin ka lang nito. why dont you tell your family na? you are there suffering in silence? while siya nagpapaka saya dahil nga na uto ka na niya..(sorry..)

omg. nakakaloka ang lalakeng yan...titikim muna ng ibang putahe bago magpa lock sayo? maling mali.

you know if your ex is really committed in your relationship, he wouldnt do such games with you. a relationship is sacred, serious bakit maglalaro pa?

ang sakit diba...but wala na tayong magagawa nagegets kita nung naglalaban ang feelings mo sa kanya versus your anger but this is the right time to enter your convictions na, girl. value your self worth. value your dignity.

hindi na questionable ito sis eh...super red flag na yan..

[iwannabeasupermodel]

Hi ladies! This is my first post here and I'm really sorry if I may seem too dramatic. I just want to get your point of view sa dilemma i'm dealing with right now. All my friends think we're (my bf and i) weird, immature, mean and all the other rude adjectives but please take time to read my story.

My (ex) BF and I have been together for almost 7 years. We became a couple back when we were in college. Baby pa kami pareho nun. I'm 26 now and I'm a 3rd year law student. He currently works for one of the top companies here sa Pinas. Ang bottomline ng kwento ko goes like this... Hindi kami nagsawa sa isat-isa but it just happened na naging comfortable kami sa relationship namin. We broke up pero we're still very much open about getting back together. Sa ngayon we're "dating" others. I know it's bad kasi ang dating is we're playing with other people's feelings. I didn't really like the idea so i stopped. I wanted him back but he told me frankly that he's still enjoying what he's doing right now. Ang reason niya is gusto niya magpakaga** while he's "single". Because when he comes back to me, he wants to be the best version of himself. Like my reason, bata pa din kasi siya nun naging kami. Ngayon niya lang nagagawa yung mga bagay na ganito kasi technically, he's off the hook. Pero I admit I'm hurt sa mga ginagawa niyang gestures sa ibang babae. Madami siyang dinadate but there's just one girl na "mainstream". She kinda believes that they're in a relationship. Of course I freaked out at first and i was very angry but napagkasunduan kasi namin to e. He explained to me he picked someone not pretty, not smart and someone na madaming bisyo para maging assured pa din ako sa relationship namin. Hindi ako naninira but the girl isn't really the type a guy wants to be serious with. Part of me nagsisisi for agreeing with him pero ayoko siya sakalin or anything. I know I'm desperate or crazy but I have every bit of his assurance kasi. Bago ko siya maging BF, best friends kami ng ilang taon and he still is up to this very day. Kilalang-kilala ko siya. Even if he's playing around, it's still me he only kisses on the lips. And what others do as a couple, sa amin lang yun. I know he's telling the truth dahil hindi naman siya ganung klaseng lalaki. He really avoids taking the girl to places where he could be put in a situation na wala siyang lalabasan. (Ex: movie house, dinner dates, inuman, and places similar to those) for my birthday he bought me something that just cost him an arm and a leg. Also, it's still me he takes to their family dinners and as a matter of fact both our sides of the family don't have an idea that we "broke-up". Because once they find this out, especially sa side ko, masisira talaga BF ko right? There's no way they would approve of him again. Hindi din ako nagbubuhat ng banko but his family loves me so much too. Most of our common friends know what is really going on sa amin and all they can say is my BF is such an as* for playing around and I'm crazy to even allow him to do those. I know immature kami pareho. Pero I'd like to believe na as long as alam namin pareho where we really stand, wala akong dapat ikabahala. I'm really hurt. And I know the girl thinks he's genuinely in love with her. I'm aware about the gestures he's been showing her. And totoo namang nakakainlove yun mga ginagawa niya. Also the girl keeps asking his friends (some of them are even my friends) kung wala na ba talaga kami. I've been told she's insecure daw sakin maybe part of it is because I'm a future lawyer and wala akong bisyo. Basically everything she's not daw. Nagtataka nadin siya bakit hindi pa siya pinapakilala sa parents ng BF ko, bakit sa FB hindi padin daw siya nagbubura ng pics namin and bakit hanggang sa IG lang daw merong pics "nila". (my bf has 50 followers lang. he doesnt follow his and my family and 80% dun alam yun totoong nangyayari) Naaawa ako sa totoo lang. Pero ang paulit ulit na sinasabi sakin ng BF ko, everything he's doing now will eventually have a benefit sa amin when we finally get back together. Can any of you ladies tell me ano kayang mga benefit yun? Dahil gulong-gulo talaga ako. We plan to get married when we're 30. And of course I don't know the details but he wishes to propose when we're 27 or 28. That's a year or 2 from now. Of course i don't want him to play around for that long. Pero i don't really know. :-( he wants to do all the kagag**han right now because as soon as we're engaged na daw, it's gonna be a different level. super serious na daw. I think he's selfish, he's coward but I love him so much. Any advice? Thank you so much for the time and sorry kung masyado mahaba ito.

I forgot to mention, he likes doing this daw dahil sa "excitement". Lahat ng flirting, sweet talking and yun effort ng mga babae sa kanya. Ineenjoy niya. Not that hindi daw siya excited sakin at hindi siya flirt with me pero gusto niya lang daw niya talaga tignan kung paano yun ibang girls.

sis, sabi nga nila, if you two are meant to be, kahit maraming babae ang dumaan and anumang convoluted shiz ang mangyari, magiging kayo pa rin.

so he want to explore and all that, then let him do it. but do it when wala ka na sa buhay niya, without you as a safety net to fall onto if things did not work out between him and others. kasi sa set up niyo niyan, nagpapagakatanga and gamit ka lang. i know it will be painful, but is it not painful now? i cant for the life of me imagine being in your situation. sobrang stress siguro nun. give yourself a break din, i know iisipin mo na mahirap and mamimiss mo siya but simula lang yan, and it's actually better since wala ka na iisipin na whatever the hell is he doing now with whoever.

[lisse]

I also do not buy the palusot na "just to experience lang, kasi I will be tali soon to only one person and siya lang naging partner ko ever, I want to explore and experience everything before I settle down." Kasi, why? Why do you need to experience "others"? Kasi may kulang? You need to feel complete? Hindi naman ibang tao makakapag-complete sayo eh, ikaw din mismo. And if your boyf is someone who needs "others" to feel "fulfilled" in life, eh that's saying something. Something bad.
Madmi ako friends na sila din since highschool or college, never nagbreak until ikasal sila at nagpamilya na. yes, they felt sawa na at some point, but they never went to others para matanggal lang yung umay nila.

[iamABreal]

Well sis, based sa mga sinabi mo, alam mo naman kung ano talaga dapat mong gawin, ayaw mo lang gawin.

given, mahirap mag let go, kasi mahal mo nga. ganon naman talaga e, pag mahal mo tas nasa ganyang sitwasyon ka, maguguluhan ka talaga, mag iiba kasi pananaw mo pag ikaw na mismo nakakaexperience  e.

pero sis, mahirap man hindi ibig sabihin hindi mo magagawa.

try mo na lang muna mag focus on your studies, tapos hang out with your friends, magpaka busy ka muna para hindi mo sya maalala. magpakasaya ka.

kasi most of the time, yung ganitong set up hindi maganda sa mga girls, walang benefits satin o kung pag iisipan mo, lalo na kung hindi ka mahilig sa fling or kung ano pa man. guys lang madalas ang nagbebenefit dito e. (just my opinion)

but still, it's up to you sis, i hope na soon marealize mo na or malaman mo na kung anong gagawin mo before it's too late. pray ka din sis, it'll help a lot

[mc21]

He's entering a tunnel he's never been before.
its a new adventure for him, not for you. or shall I say, he did an adventure without you.
anyway, set-up nyo yan. its all up to you both.

my only question is.... since he entered into a zone unknown to him. can he get back?
or when he comes back to you, is it for the better or worse?

[theshopaholicprincess]

Can't help but comment on the TS... based on your story you still have feelings for your malabong bf (ex or whatever) pero it seems that he is stopping to enjoy his freedom with other girls. Sakin lang bakit kelangan nya pa mag explore ng ibang babae kung ikaw talaga yung gusto nya mag end up sa altar ng simbahan? Ano yun para kang reserved na gulong pag na-flat yung sasakyan nya? No guy in his right mind would hurt the one he loves at kung seryoso sya na pakasalan ka, bakit kelangan mo mag wait ng 2 or 3 more years for him to settle with you. I feel like inaabuso ka nya in a sense na yung words nya puro paasa lang.

TS, just like what other sisses are saying here... you are young, smart and will have a great future ahead. Don't waste your time settling with a guy who is selfish and self centered. If he really loves you, he would have stopped dating girls noon pa. Isa pa you are taking up Law, instead of dwelling and worrying about the guy, why don't you focus all your energy on becoming a good lawyer in the future? Malay mo yung Mr. Right na para sayo nasa Law school pala. Sakin kasi I am always a believer na ang lalaki kung talaga gusto ng commitment hindi mo na kelangan magpaligoy ligoy... sayang ang oras para sa mga nonsense na bagay.

[Girltalker2]

given, mahirap mag let go, kasi mahal mo nga. ganon naman talaga e, pag mahal mo tas nasa ganyang sitwasyon ka, maguguluhan ka talaga, mag iiba kasi pananaw mo pag ikaw na mismo nakakaexperience  e.

Mahirap nga mag let go. Pero what TS has not realized, mas mahirap ang magstay kasi trapped ka, and there is no way out. Pero once you let go, mahirap lang sa umpisa, but eventually makakawala ka sa hirap na yun.

[bonita111809]

hindi naman siguro ako judgmental kung sasabihin kong para kang basahan. mapagpagan ka man ng dumi anjan ka pa rin sa pwesto.


no man can deeply love a woman who allows him to abuse her and treat her as a door mat.

yan ang lagi mong tatandaan. at may balak pa kayong magpakasal? hahaha! eh ngayon pa nga lang ginagawa na nya yan. marriage is never an assurance that a man will not fool around. papel lang yan. kayang kaya nya ulitin yang ginagawa nya sayo ngayon. ikaw lang ang kini-kiss nya sa lips? seriously? paano mo nalaman? kasama ka ba sa mga lampungan nilang dalawa? c'mon. alam kong matalino ka. law student ka di ba? please use your brain in this situation. wag puro puso ang pinapairal.

[LGV]

I also dont buy all of your palusots. Halatang halatang niloloko ka lang nun at alam mo pero in denial ka kasi feeling mo lageng mas lamang ka. Kung lamang ka nga doon sa girl na yun sa paningin nitong guy eh bakit yun ang dinedate nya at pinagaaksayang ng panahon bakit hindi ikaw? Im sorry alam ko masakit hindi ako nagpapakamean kasi gusto ko pero almost the same situation happened to me years ago and ang diff lang was wala kameng agreement na ganyan at never naman naging kame ni guy. But anyway maniwala ka samin na walang kahihinatnan yan kahit ano pa ang gawin mo, your case is hopeless.

One more thing, hindi nga nga naman sa nagbubuhat ka ng bangko pero walang sinabi sayo si girl? Again I will repeat, sino ba ang pinagaaksayahan nya ng panahon? At bakit naman magfifeeling si girl na in a relationship sila kung wala naman pinaramdam yang guy? It doesnt matter kung ilang years pa kayo at love kayo ng both families, believe me it doesnt count at all. Just to share, my husband now had this exgf na almost 13yrs in the making ang love story nila and this girl is a future doctor na baka nga doctor na ngayon, but guess what nung nagkalabuan na sila ng todo for many reasons, he was dating me and we bacame offiicial after months, 2 mos of being bf gf he proposed to me. Yes that fast. And we married each other after a year. Nothing is impossible dear.

Hindi ko to sinasabi sayo para masaktan ka ng todo pero para magising ka. Wag mong lokohin sarili mo. Alam ko na alam mo ang totoo in denial ka lang as I mentioned. So habang maaga stop mo na yan Im sure pagsisisihan mo lang yan kapag tinuloy mo pa. Kung totoo ngang future lawyer ka eh patunayan mo, gamitin mo utak mo. Mahirap maglaw kaya wag mo na dagdagan stress mo.

[baliwsayo]

Bat ganun, open-minded naman ako at hindi judgmental pero bakit hindi ko maintindihan yung problema? Kailangan yata dito sa problema mo eh rocket scientist eh. 

Isa lang ang maikocomment ko, ang talino ng ex mo kasi na-convince niya ang isang future lawyer. Hmm.. napapaisip tuloy ako ng malalim.

[alice_alice]

TS namnamin mo lahat ng sinasabi ng mga sissies naten dito.

Nung nabasa ko ang kwento mo ito agad ang pumasok sa utak ko yung nabasa ko sa isang blog:

huwag kang pumayag na ituring na gulong ng kahit na sino. pinapagulong at pinapaikot. pag hindi na kailangan, reserba. at pag wala ng silbi, ginagawang laruan ng mga bata.

Kasi obvious naman reserba ka lang pagkatapos niyang pakasasa sa iba wow meron pa siyang babalikan.

kahit naman di pa niya kinikiniss yung babae dadating ang point na magkikiss sila or more hindi porket sinabi niya dahil kilala mo na siya eh di na niya gagawin. at pag nga nagkevel up na sila dun sigurado ka pa bang babalik siya? 1-2 yrs napakadami pang pwedeng mangyari sa isang gabi nga sis marami na kaya wag ka rin sana magpaloko.

Magfocus ka na lang sa studies mo and better things will come your way. Baka makakilala ka pa ng better man.

[SendeeSands]

Ako din sis mag co-comment.

Been in this kind of situation before.
Mahirap. wala ka assurance eh. verbal lang agreement niyo. di ba sa batas, hangga't walang nakasulat, wala ka mabigat na ebidensya. Let him be na lang girl. Mahahaggard ka lang kakahintay sa result ng paglilialiw ng ex bf mo na love na love mo. mahirap pinagdadaanan mo kasi di ka naman susulat dito kung kaya mo lahat e. pero sis, mas mahihirapan ka kung di ka magpapalaya.

Yun lang naman. Smile ka na.

[insanelypurpleprincess]

After reading through everything here, it all boils down to decision making. You have two clear options.
1. Suck it up and take him as he is now. Stand by him as he is.
2. Walk away!
Either way, it will hurt like hell at the start, but think... which one will hurt more in the next 10 years?
Your call.

[msdielise]

Immature pa si bf ah at mahilig pa maglaro.. ang tanong hanggang kailan mo matitiis yan?

[vermich]

Ah mga sis.. salamat sa mga comments nyo at napa throwback ako..

I've been in the situation before.. ako yun nasa katayuan ng bf mo. I enjoyed being dated out by other guys, galante, smart and they throw a lot of attention to me much better than what my actual bf is giving me. Not saying that my bf then wasn't as smart or as galente as these guys I was dating. Kami na hindi kami ang setup: he can date other girls, I can date other guys, tapos kami sa mata ng friends at ng family namin. Kapag di ko gusto yun date ko sya takbuhan, parang reserve talaga.

Naisip ko rin yun chances na may mafall hard for us tapos hindi namin malusutan until I myself told him we should just completely break up. Kasi mahirap maglaro ng feelings ng mga din date namin. I realized din na yun gusto pakaga** whether in a relationship or not magagawa at maraming paraan. A piece of paper will not guaranteee a person's faithfulness..

Madalas kasal na, nasarapan hindi na matigilan makipag flirt sa ibang girls/ guys for that matter at yun ay nauuwi sa infidelity tinatawag. Move on na lang sis its a better option to avoid all this heart aches and hopefully you'll learn from this experience.

[sazleang]

Hi Sis, My Hubby and I were also together since college. 21 ako non and he was only 20y/o. somehow naiintindihan kita kasi when we reached our 5th year, naging comfortable narin kaming dalawa to the extent na hindi na ako nag aayos for our date, I don't even feel excited for our date/s. siya naman he felt so secured sa relationship namin to the extent na ganyan din nakikipag flirting na pala sya with other girl pero w/o me knowing naman. So nun nalaman ko yon, he denied pa and sakin naman, parang wala na akong nafeel non sobrang sakit pero paano pa dba?! so nakipag break nalang ako agad sa kanya and tried to move on. nakipag date ako with other men, sya naman nabalitaan ko lang na nag eenjoy sa mga night clubs and bar.. so for 4-5 months na ganun. narealize ko non na grabe namiss ko pala yun feeling na nag aayos ako para makipag date. nafeel ko ulit yun excitement na nawala samin dahil sa comfortable na kami pero alam mo after those months, siguro mga 6-7 months na ng break up namin, 2 kami narealize na iba parin pala yun relationship namin. actually siya yun unang nakarealize non and gusto nyang ayusin but ako yun mas nag eenjoy pa at ayoko pa ulit bumalik sa pagkatali.. pero nagising ako nun one day na parang sumuko na sya sa paghintay.. doon ako parang nahimasmasan na parang nawawala na sya sakin and I dont want it to happen kaya umayos ako. though hindi naging madali at may mga rebound effect pa pero nalagpasan naman namin yon together. Sis, nishare ko sayo itong experience ko kasi parang ako yun nasa shoe ni exBF mo. Hindi ko sinasabi na tama ang nagawa ko or tama naman ang ginagawa ng BF mo pero since sabi mo na mahal mo sya, pagurin mo nalang ang sarili mong maghintay hagang sa abot ng makakaya mo. at least pag umabot sa point na hindi mo na kaya at bumitaw ka, wala kang regrets and "what ifs" dba.. nashare ko din ito sayo kasi gusto ko iemphasize sayo yun exp ko na natauhan nalang ako at nag decide na aayusin ko na yun relationship namin nun nafeel ko na parang unti unti na syang nawawala sakin. Minsan kasi nature na ng tao na magbalewala hanggat alam nilang nandyan pa naman yun loveone nila. Magsisisi nalang or matatauhan kapag wala na..

So on your end, advise ko lang sayo hanggat mahal mo, wait hagang sa dumating yun day na umayos siya or hagang sa pagod ka na. Para pag dumating man yun araw na ayaw mo na, wala ka nang turn back moments.. or kung umayos na si BF, eh d paid off lahat ng pag titiis mo dba.. (marteer effect lang) ganon talaga ang LOVE eh. Major weakness of all human beings. God Bless You Sis.

[raven19723]

I feel your boyfriend. We think alike.
Men tend to be really selfish at times.
I know it's hard to comprehend. Just dont. Lol.

The thing here is you're overanalyzing things.
He said he'd be back for you. Just pray, trust and hope he keeps his word.

Enjoy! Chillax! Spend time with family and friends!

Life's too short to waste.

Keep it simple. Don't complicate things. Don't overthink.

Peace. 

[aquacharly]

But well... Sige, chillax... Put your brains in the freezer, Girl. 
Sure, keep it simple...   Suffering is a simple thing -- A cop-out or surrender   But a complicated endurance.   Lol.

Yeah, I know, Sarcasm is the lowest kind of wit. 
Peace

[baliwsayo]

^ Sorry can't help it.

TS, kasi naman, guys are territorial sa tutuo lang.. kung mahal ka ha. Otherwise, kung ayaw ka bakuran, malamang hindi siya talaga sure kung mahal ka. Okey ba sa yo yun maging option ka lang? Kung okey di sige go lang.. pero tingin ko hindi okey kasi ginawan mo pa ng thread eh.