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Author Topic: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?  (Read 4391 times)

killbill

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After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« on: May 28, 2014, 02:57:24 am »
I'm a single mom. To be honest dun sa 10 years na yun nagkaron din ako ng mga boylet, flings, MU or whatever you want to call it. Dumating ako sa point na tinatanong ko na yung sarili ko na kung bakit walang guy na sumeseryoso sakin. Finally, i realized na a mistake is repeated until a lesson is learned. So I avoided guys na alam kong hindi serious bf material type.

2 months ago, I met this guy through wechat. At first hindi naman ako ganun ka interesado sa kanya kasi magkasing tangkad lang kami. Nung nag meet up kami halos hindi ako naka ayos kasi galing akong elorde. Nung ihahatid niya ako pauwi, nagulat lang ako kasi automatic na binuhat niya yung gym bag and boxing gloves ko. The following week he asked kung may naghahatid na sakin papasok sa work tapos nag offer siyang sunduin ako sa bahay and ihatid ako sa office.  2 days after nagtatanong siya kung what time ako aalis ng bahay, to my surprise nasa labas na pala siya ng bahay at hinihintay ako. So ayun hinatid na naman ako sa office. Tapos nagtext bago ako mag out if may lakad daw ba ako kasi gusto daw niya ako sunduin. So ayun sinundo nga ako tapos nag coffee uli.

Parang simula nung unang meet up namin araw araw na kami magkatext / magkachat. Every friday sinusundo ako sa office. Nung labor day niyaya niya ako tumambay, iniisip ko pag ako dinala sa inuman nito turn off na ako sa kanya. Pero nag dinner lang kami tapos literal na nakatambay lang kami sa may bay tapos nagkukwentuhan. Very refreshing lang kasi never nag yaya ng inom na for me very refreshing kasi nasanay ako na yung mga lalake na lumalapit sakin eh obviously sex lang ang gusto.

Naka ilang hatid sundo na siya, nakailang dinner date na, movie date, kahit nung may sakit ako he made an effort makita lang ako. Ako lagi nasusunod kung saan kami pupunta, ano papanoorin, saan kakain. Ultimo sa derma sinusundo pa niya ako. Siya lagi nauuna mag text and tumawag sakin. Sa lahat ng lalake na nakadate ko siya lang bukod tanging ganun na napaka gentleman, pinagbubukas pa ako ng pinto ng oto niya. Napakilala ko na sya sa anak ko and sa mommy ko.

Last weekend he taught me how to drive, kahapon sinundo niya kami ng daughter ko sa mall. Nag meryenda, nag arcade. Hinatid kami sa bahay. Nanood kami with my daughter ng movie dito sa bahay. Tapos pasimple lang ako kiniss sa forehead.

Problema ko kanina tinanong ako ng daughter ko kung boyfriend ko na daw si guy. Di ko alam kung pano ko sasagutin yung tanong ng anak ko. Tinanong ko siya kung gusto niya ba maging boyfriend ko yun ang sagot naman niya "okay lang, kasi friendly naman siya."

I know he likes me kasi super effort siya and ramdam ko na nirerespeto naman niya ako kaso nababagalan ako sa kanya or baka naninibago lang ako dahil napaka gentleman.

And hindi ko alam kung ano sasabihin ko sa daughter ko.

Pov please

Girltalker2

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2014, 10:43:33 am »

^ sis, kilig naman sa story na nakaabang na sya sa labas ng house nyo.   :)

Nagulat ako sa story mo biglang pumasok sa eksena ang daughter mo hehe. I suppose your daughter is 10yo?  Ang sabi ko sa kids ko sa umpisa friend kasi.  We'll go out with a friend.  My concern kasi in introducing him as a BF, tapos later baka hindi magtatagal yung relationship. 2 months I think is a bit short.

I was dating my BF for over a year when I first introduced him to my kids.  Kung baga, nakilatis ko na sya in a sense - is he for long term?  Is he serious?  Nameet ko na ba any family member?  Friends nya?  have you been to his house/workplace?  Siguro  sigurista lang ako kasi I cannot afford another major mistake. Let's hear about the story of our other sisses.  Kasi kung close naman kayo ng daughter mo, tapos kung lumaki naman syang hindi kilala dad nya, baka mas madali sa kanya ma explain.


cussler

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2014, 03:27:02 pm »
i think that guy is serious. niligawan ka ga ni guy? sinagot mo na ba?

killbill

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2014, 04:52:14 pm »
Hindi naman siya nagsasabi na kung pwede ba sya manligaw or mga ganun. He would say na he's really happy he met me, na i definitely added color to his boring life, he met me at the right time.

Actually nung bago pa lang kami magkakilala nag ooffer na siya sunduin kami ng from my daughter's swimming class. Ako lang yung may ayaw. Tapos siya tong palagi nagsasabi na kung pwede daw ba sya dumaan sa bahay.

Nung inintroduce ko naman sya sa daughter ko and mom ko ang sabi ko is friend ko. Naloka na lang ako at ganun ang tanong sakin ng daughter ko kagabi.

What if mag presenta na naman siya sunduin kami ng anak ko, or pag niyaya niya kami lumabas kasama daughter ko. Isasama ko ba? Yung daughter ko pa naman mahilig magyaya sa mga friends ko na manood ng movie samin. Yung mga ganun ba. Never naman kasi ako nagpakilala sa daughter ko ng mga naging boylet before.

Nagyayaya siya na mag out of town, isasama ko ba? Dinedelay ko na nga lang. Sinasabi ko busy ako kaya hindi pwede.

Syempre iniisip ko kung ano iisipin ng anak ko kasi at 10 years old, curious na siya saka matured mag isip anak ko eversince. Iniisip ko din naman si guy baka naman mashock or ma turn off.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2014, 05:00:26 pm by killbill »

Girltalker2

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #4 on: May 28, 2014, 06:09:41 pm »

Tingin ko tama lang naman you enjoy the time with your guy. Ang sa pagkakaintindi ko sa kwento mo, there is nothing wrong naman in telling your daughter and mom na kaibigan mo sya.

Siguro at this stage, kasi 2 months palang kayo, mainam to keep your presscon at friendship level muna.  Of course the best na makaka gauge nyan is you. Time is not a necessary indicator naman, and kung mature ang daughter mo to accept him as your BF, baka nga puede mas maaga mo ipakilala as BF :)

Ang naisip ko kasi na stages in introducing your guy to your kids -  una as friends. Kung lagi naman na kayo magkasama, kung ready nanga sila as BF.  hehe  Pero initially public display of affection daw in front of the kids is not recommended, especially kung hindi pa sila masyadong nakapag bonding.


amethyst028

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #5 on: May 28, 2014, 09:56:34 pm »
@TS balak mo naman sagutin si guy? and mukha naman siyang super serious sayo. ako kasi hanggat hindi ko bf hindi ko pinapakilala sa parents ko. and hangga't hindi ko sure na siya na yung guy na gusto ko mapangasawa hindi ko ipapakilala sa anak ko.

ang hirap kasi magpakilala sa anak lalo na kung maging attach yung bata tapos biglang nawala yung guy. and ayoko rin kasi isipin ng anak ko na kung sino-sinong guy ang nakakasama ko. but that's just me. iba-iba naman ang diskarte at pananaw natin sa buhay.

ok na pakilala mo siya as friend kasi dating stage pa lang naman. and he seems a good guy naman based on your story so go ahead tignan mo kung ano mangyayari with this guy.

killbill

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #6 on: May 28, 2014, 10:35:47 pm »
^ Ayun nga yung concern ko, never ako may pinakilala sa daughter ko, takot din ako na baka pag hindi nag work out eh maging attached anak ko. Kaso yun nga mga mga times na gusto niya ako dalawin sa bahay, saka yung mga pag pe presenta niya na sunduin kami ng anak ko tapos gusto meryenda after. I think mukha naman siyang serious kasi compared sa mga nakilala kong guy before / naging boylet before, siya lang yung bukod tanging naging ganun ka gentleman, ultimo sasakay lang ng kotse ipagbubukas pa ako ng pinto. Pero never siya nagyaya ng inom, or nag iinvite pumunta sa bahay niya.

Minsan naiisip ko baka too good to be true. Ayoko din naman magpadalos dalos lalo pat malaki na yung anak ko.

Girltalker2

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2014, 08:18:52 am »

^ Sis, tama lang naman ang ginagawa mo.

Sabi mo nga mukhang serious naman yung guy, so so far, nameet mo na ba friends and family nya?  I think for me this is an important aspect na kelangan mo daanan for you to be sure of him din. Kasi syempre kung pumoporma ang guy, puedeng iba, pag kasama nya friends and family nya, puedeng makita mo rin ang different side nya.

Nag aantay din ako ng signs dati on things like - mat-test talaga ang patience nya or pag mainit ulo nya. Para makita ko rin ang different side nya.  :)

Good luck sis! You're on the right track.  :)


killbill

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2014, 09:29:21 am »
^ wala pa ako namemeet na friends niya and family. I've never been to his place. Nagrerent lang kasi siya mag isa. Alam ko lang kung san yung street. Same with his workplace. Pano kaya yun? Ano maisusuggest niyo mga sis?

Girltalker2

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2014, 01:10:59 pm »
^ Hindi ba pumapasok sa usapan ninyo about his friends and family?  San ang home province nya etc? During his bday, sino kasama nya magcelebrate? 

Well, since hindi pa naman kayo, sakin ha, just enjoy the moments, pero be on guard din. Hindi naman sa dinidiscourage kita, but just be wise, while following your heart.  My marriage did not work out before, at this age, ayoko na ulit maloko, kaya syempre, very cautious ako pagdating sa getting into serious relationships, especially if it involves introducing him na to my family.

Naalala ko kasi yung BF ko ngayon, first few months of dating, dinala na nya ako sa office nya. Yun yung first place na nakita ko ibang side nya.  Part sa checklist ko yung makita lahat ng sides ng buhay nya. Hindi yung nasa isang silo lang ako tapos marami pa pala akong hindi alam tungkol sa kanya.  I met kasi one guy before, he is sweet and all, pero pag tatanungin, san sya nakatira, alam ko banda dun pero di ko alam exactly where, tapos wala kaming common friends (we met at work lang).  So there is no way talaga for me to know kung binibilog lang nya ulo ko, kung totoong wala syang asawa or GF or what.

Anyway, dadating din naman kayo dyan, 2 months palang naman kayo nag-d-date, di mo kelangan madaliin.  :) 

« Last Edit: May 29, 2014, 01:16:14 pm by Girltalker2 »

killbill

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2014, 04:55:09 pm »
^ nagkukwento din naman siya tungkol sa family and friends niya. Nabanggit din niya sakin na may 2 na siyang anak with his first gf.

Dati iniinvite niya ako sumama sa kanila mag gym pero hindi ako sumama kasi baliktad schedule namin. Pag fridays automatic sinusundo ako from work tapos kakain lang or mag starbucks kwentuhan tapos ihahatid na ako sa bahay.

Weekends magkasama din kami saka nung labor day magkasama din kami.  Kaya ayun iniisip ko kung meron man siya asawa or gf di niya magagawa yun.

Ang pinagtataka ko lang is he rarely talks about his work. Ang aga aga niya nagigising and bihira lang siya nasa office. May times pa na ilang araw siyang hindi pumapasok sa work and pag tinatanong ko kung baka pagalitan na siya ng boss niya he would say hindi naman daw affected work niya.

Palagi kasi siya nasa track (clark and batangas)  he loves riding. He's got 2 sport bikes, 2 cars. Minsan the whole week siya nasa track so whole week din siya absent pero constant communication pa din kami. Pero ayun very unusual na palagi wala sa work para lang sa hobby niya. Pag tinatanong ko kung ano work niya sabi niya "engineer" ganun ba talaga mga engineer? No idea kasi ako. I mean normal lang ba sa mga engineer na papasok lang kung kelan gusto and yet he could afford yung mga ganung sportsbike? Ginoogle ko yung price nung isa nasa 15k usd.

Eto na naman. Sabi ko this weekend manonood kami maleficent ng daughter ko, he's asking if pwede sumama pag free daw siya. Isasama ko ba siya?

simang

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2014, 05:12:20 pm »
Your daughter's opinion is important to you, obviously, so i think it's advisable to let her spend time with him as much as possible, so i suggest yes! Isama mo sya sa movie date ninyo :)

With the engineer work, if he's into construction, and say project manager or higher na sya, the schedule is quite like that. Ilang beses lang kelangan mag report sa projects and usually, supervision lang ang work, hindi ganong handson.

Sis, enjoy mo lang muna, i'd say check din how he treats your daughter and how she is with him. Malaking factor din yun i guess

bonita111809

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2014, 04:54:59 am »
obviously, this guy is into you. and since he already met your kid and he didn't bail out, that's a good start. what you need to know is if he's really in for a relationship; a monogamous, healthy and fun relationship. aside from these sweet gestures and gentle man moves he's portraying, have you already known him?


before you get into deep ask him questions. there are things you should know before embarking on a whole new level of dating.


1. what are his short term goals?
at least man lang malaman mo kung anong plano nya sa buhay at kung pasok ba sya sa mga plano mo.


2. what are his long-term goals?
anong plano nya sa hinaharap?kasali ka ba at ang anak mo sa plano na yun?


3. what are his views on relationships?
you really need to ask him about this, especially that you are a single mom. may instant baby kayo. how will he cope with circumstances when your attention is not with him? is he up for being the substitute baby daddy? is it okay with him that not all your dates will be a date and will be a 'field trip' instead? ask him these things. trust me, you would know kung seryoso sya.


4. what does he think about you?
this question will give you answers of how he sees you beyond your physical self. kung importante ka para sa lalake, he would know and he would observe kung anong klaseng pagkatao meron ka.


5. what does he feel about you?
now this is a tricky question. listen carefully of his answers. he must at least be able to tell you a tidbit of his emotions about you. kapag di nakasagot agad, okay lang yan. normal sa lalake yan. hindi lahat ng lalake ma-emosyon. so let him take his time.


dapat masagot nya lahat yan sis. hindi yan pag-dedemand. that's one way of knowing the guy better.


a man would do anything to get the woman he wants regardless of what he really feels for her. so look beyong the sweet nothings. sure we appreciate it but what's his purpose? good luck sis. sana nga sya na ang para sayo. :D

bonita111809

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #13 on: June 01, 2014, 05:02:57 am »
^ wala pa ako namemeet na friends niya and family. I've never been to his place. Nagrerent lang kasi siya mag isa. Alam ko lang kung san yung street. Same with his workplace. Pano kaya yun? Ano maisusuggest niyo mga sis?

be cautious. I hope you don't mind me asking but have you had sex already? please sabihin mong wala pa. hehe. paabutin mo ng 3 months. at dapat sa 3 months na yun, dapat maipakilala ka man lang sa friends or ilan sa mga relatives. alam mo if you're really up for it, I have this crazy idea. ask him to get a CENOMAR at dapat kasama ka. hahaha! try mo lang. wala namang mawawala. eh pag nag-alangan sya, alam mo na.

killbill

  • Guest
Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #14 on: June 01, 2014, 12:05:16 pm »
^ i'm very proud to say na hindi pa kami nag sesex. First kiss namin last friday lang. Mostly holding hands. Lol.

Kahapon sinundo ako uli sa derma, kumain lang kami tapos may binili lang ako sa glorietta, hinatid ako sa bahay, sakto naman na nandun din yung isa kong tita, so pakilala na naman uli.

Next weekend isasama na niya ako sa batangas racing circuit. So may chance na akong may mameet na friends niya.

killbill

  • Guest
Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #15 on: June 01, 2014, 12:10:49 pm »
obviously, this guy is into you. and since he already met your kid and he didn't bail out, that's a good start. what you need to know is if he's really in for a relationship; a monogamous, healthy and fun relationship. aside from these sweet gestures and gentle man moves he's portraying, have you already known him?


before you get into deep ask him questions. there are things you should know before embarking on a whole new level of dating.


1. what are his short term goals?
at least man lang malaman mo kung anong plano nya sa buhay at kung pasok ba sya sa mga plano mo.


2. what are his long-term goals?
anong plano nya sa hinaharap?kasali ka ba at ang anak mo sa plano na yun?


3. what are his views on relationships?
you really need to ask him about this, especially that you are a single mom. may instant baby kayo. how will he cope with circumstances when your attention is not with him? is he up for being the substitute baby daddy? is it okay with him that not all your dates will be a date and will be a 'field trip' instead? ask him these things. trust me, you would know kung seryoso sya.


4. what does he think about you?
this question will give you answers of how he sees you beyond your physical self. kung importante ka para sa lalake, he would know and he would observe kung anong klaseng pagkatao meron ka.


5. what does he feel about you?
now this is a tricky question. listen carefully of his answers. he must at least be able to tell you a tidbit of his emotions about you. kapag di nakasagot agad, okay lang yan. normal sa lalake yan. hindi lahat ng lalake ma-emosyon. so let him take his time.


dapat masagot nya lahat yan sis. hindi yan pag-dedemand. that's one way of knowing the guy better.


a man would do anything to get the woman he wants regardless of what he really feels for her. so look beyong the sweet nothings. sure we appreciate it but what's his purpose? good luck sis. sana nga sya na ang para sayo. :D


Thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Nung friday natanong ko siya about dun sa mom ng kids nya, kung kelan sila last nagkita ng parents niya.

I asked kung bakit hindi nila naisipang magpakasal. Sabi niya he can't see himself married dun sa ex niya kasi may mga ugali yung ex niya na hindi niya na panget. Follow up question ko is anong ugali ba yung panget para sayo? Sabi niya yung ex daw kasi niya walang pinipiling oras at lugar makipag away. Kahit sa harap pa daw ng madaming tao saka friends nila. Siya daw kasi lumaki na "makuha ka sa tingin" ayaw daw niya yung nag iiscandalo in public. Mas okay pa daw na wag na lang muna magpansinan or at least bulungan na lang.

« Last Edit: June 01, 2014, 12:20:35 pm by killbill »

killbill

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Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #16 on: June 01, 2014, 12:29:32 pm »
Nung friday din pala. Binabasa namin horoscope nya, yung last sentence sabi "there is a chance in two that you will meet someone you'll quickly fall in love with." Basta parang ganyan. Sabi niya parang totoo yan lalo na yung last part.  Hehe la lang

bonita111809

  • Guest
Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #17 on: June 01, 2014, 01:10:49 pm »
^ i'm very proud to say na hindi pa kami nag sesex. First kiss namin last friday lang. Mostly holding hands. Lol.

Kahapon sinundo ako uli sa derma, kumain lang kami tapos may binili lang ako sa glorietta, hinatid ako sa bahay, sakto naman na nandun din yung isa kong tita, so pakilala na naman uli.

Next weekend isasama na niya ako sa batangas racing circuit. So may chance na akong may mameet na friends niya.

Good to know sis. A guy who doesn't want to give you time to investigate whether he's worthy of your intimacy is not your man. Kahit may anak ka na, make him feel that intimacy is very important for you and that you'll only give this to the right person. When he feels that this is really important for you, he will treat the moment of intimacy as a precious prize and he will prove to you in any way he can that he deserves it. :)

killbill

  • Guest
Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #18 on: June 01, 2014, 01:44:22 pm »
Good to know sis. A guy who doesn't want to give you time to investigate whether he's worthy of your intimacy is not your man. Kahit may anak ka na, make him feel that intimacy is very important for you and that you'll only give this to the right person. When he feels that this is really important for you, he will treat the moment of intimacy as a precious prize and he will prove to you in any way he can that he deserves it. :)

Yup yup. Lesson learned talaga. Galing nako sa mga ganung set up dati and in the end nasasaktan lang ako. Iba talaga yung pinaghihirapan. I read books like why men love bitches, why men marry bitches, the rules.

bonita111809

  • Guest
Re: After 10 years of being a single mom.... Now what?
« Reply #19 on: June 01, 2014, 02:09:06 pm »
Yup yup. Lesson learned talaga. Galing nako sa mga ganung set up dati and in the end nasasaktan lang ako. Iba talaga yung pinaghihirapan. I read books like why men love bitches, why men marry bitches, the rules.

I suggest you read steve harvey's book sis. Act like a lady, think like a man and straight talk no chaser. Ibang iba ang approach kase from a man's perspective. Nilahad nya lahat ng sikreto ng mga lalake. Marami ngang nagalit na lalake sa kanya kase binulgar daw nya yung playbook ng mga lalake. It will help you a lot sis. Dahil sa mga book na yan maramu akong natutunan about mga lalake and it helps me handle my relationship with my husband. :)

 

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