The Ex and the Current-Boyfriend Ex

[DianeShishio]

Medyo mahaba, bear with me.

I'm currently in a relationship with a married (separated for 9-10 years, not annulled) man with 2 children with his wife and 1 lovechild he had with a live-in partner after we broke up 6-7 years ago. We  just got back together May of last year and recently celebrated our anniversary.

He is a very funny, smart and charming guy who takes care of me very well. If soulmates do exist, he's probably my soulmate.

Last holy week, he brought me to their province to (re)introduce me to his family.... that's when I saw how integral his role was to the entire clan. His mother also called me in for a "talk". She was discouraging me from dating his son, which wasn't an issue at all since she was only thinking about my welfare.

A rush of emotions enveloped me since... anger, guilt, annoyance (not at him nor his mom). Despite the fact that were a wonderful couple and strategically laid-out life plans... there are too many trade-offs for us to continue our relationship, mostly at the expense of our families.

Last week, someone tipped the scales further: My "abusive" Ex. He did not hurt me physically, but the psychological trauma I sustained wrecked me. Neither one of us wants a relationship with each other, we merely wanted to catch up and keep communication lines open.

We were together for 2 years and had a nasty breakup with no closure. I had tried to look for closure during the year that I started dating again but never got it. Now, 2 years later, just when I thought  I could handle it and I was over him ... I felt instantaneously depressed the day after we met.

I realized that I still love him. It makes me wonder how I could love my ex (so much) when I am also in love with a man who loves me more than life itself.

I am not hoping to get back together with the EX but I feel extremely sad about my complicated relationship. I feel like my partner and I will never make it through. I feel as if at some point I will eventually snap because of all the responsibilities he has to fulfill before he could attend to my needs.

Should I just ditch them both out of my life so I could clear my head? :/

[aquacharly]

Step back from both of them.  Step away from the abusive ex; step away from the married bf -- until he gets an annulment.  Orderly terminations lead to orderly beginnings.

Open yourself to other possibilities.
If you are confused, it's your subconscious telling you you deserve better.   

[Girltalker2]

TS, parang confused ka sa feelings mo eh. One minute sabi mo soulmate mo na ang current BF mo, then another minute, you are having doubts.

Hindi ka pa naman magpapakasal di ba?  So best to just know what you want first.  And how do you do this?  You socialize and mingle, huwag magBF kung hindi sigurado.

I am not hoping to get back together with the EX but I feel extremely sad about my complicated relationship. I feel like my partner and I will never make it through. I feel as if at some point I will eventually snap because of all the responsibilities he has to fulfill before he could attend to my needs.

How did you say that your relationship is complicated?

Why do you feel you can not make the relationship work?  What are the factors that you think will break your relationship?  If strong ang mga iyan, better not pursue din, bata ka pa naman siguro, so marami ka pang ma-m-meet.

All his responsibilities - ano ano ang mga ito?  Attending to your needs such as

Sorry puro questions, kasi hindi complete yung story.

[baliwsayo]

Alam mo, pwede ka maging single muna naman.. hindi bawal yun sis.  Looks like pareho silang hindi okey for you.

[DianeShishio]

It's so nice to have 2 seasoned GTalkers to give me advice 

Orderly terminations lead to orderly beginnings.

Open yourself to other possibilities.
If you are confused, it's your subconscious telling you you deserve better.   

I completely agree... My boyfriend and I broke up for the similar reason in the past. I knew that it was nearly impossible for us to have a fairly "normal" life together plus the fact that our families were against the union.

It is kind of silly because the reason of our breakup still exists but we have an amazing bond. Were more of partners than lovers. I believe we would go far as a couple kaya we gave it a chance. I've given him an ultimatum regarding the annulment... as much as we both want it, the cost is quite steep.

TS, parang confused ka sa feelings mo eh. One minute sabi mo soulmate mo na ang current BF mo, then another minute, you are having doubts.

How did you say that your relationship is complicated?

Why do you feel you can not make the relationship work?  What are the factors that you think will break your relationship?  If strong ang mga iyan, better not pursue din, bata ka pa naman siguro, so marami ka pang ma-m-meet.

All his responsibilities - ano ano ang mga ito?  Attending to your needs such as

I wanted to keep it short para hindi boring... Hehe.

He is my soulmate but I amhaving doubts as to how my life will turn out if I stay with him. What if we come to a point where we would have to choose between our families and each other?

He is currently supporting his parents, his 2 children plus an adopted sister his parents took in. Plus a love child from his last live-in partner. Hindi lang siya financial drain, it takes a lot of time as well. I'm worried that my (hypothetical) kids and myself, will be shortchanged.

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Feeling ko rational naman lahat ng fears ko, I'm just not sure if I should just increase my tolerance to these variables. Is it really too effed-up to work?

And the Ex, well panggulo lang sa kwento, but it made me realize what a deep rut I was in. He's single, just 5 years my senior and has no baggage. Hindi naman mahirap makahanap ng ganun eh... but to find someone you can even possibly have a deep emotional connection with? *sigh* slim to none....

Pessimistic as it may seem... I really don't get along well with a lot of people, much less connect with them. :/

[aquacharly]

^there! You hit the nail on the head.
STOP being pessimistic. Open yourself to more people, more experiences.   Do not limit your choices. 
Life is beautiful, more beautiful outside our bakod. .