Thinking of "paglalayas"

[clairedelune08]

21 years old na po ako. At nag graduate na ako last year. I'm already an RN pero hindi pa ako nakakapag practice ng profession ko. But right now, I have a part-time/full-time job as an online English teacher and dahil jan hindi na ako humihingi nga kahit ano mula sa parents ko. Ako na rin ang nagbabayad ng internet, telephone and electricity bills sa bahay which is my responsibility naman kasi ako madalas gumagamit ng mga utilities na yan. Pero ang tanging problema ko is super strict ang parents ko. Minsan lang ako nakakalabas ng bahay. It's because palaging nagtatanong parents ko kung saan ako pumupunta. It's like I have to be specific. Hindi ako pwedeng umalis na walang valid reason or something. This Saturday nga pupunta sana kami ng friends ko sa Guimaras. I'm from Iloilo kasi. Super lapit lang niyan sa Iloilo. And they didn't allow me to. I don't see what's wrong? Simula nung nagkatrabaho ako, never ako humingi ng kahit ano sa kanila. Why won't they give me what I want? Gusto ko nang maglayas pero nako-konsensya ako dahil [textspeak!] tutuusin, may utang na loob pa rin naman ako sa kanila. What should I do? Help please.

[AVIDGOLFER]

Parents knows what's Best for you.....Sana hindi mo ituloy ang balak mong  pag lalayas  baka mamaya mapariwara lang buhay mo.  IMHO, I guess your parents are just overprotected on you. They are just thinking about your security and safety after all. why not try to sit down and  talk with them and laid down your cards and tell them that you're old enough and knows what's right for you. Tell them that you deserve a break and needs to unwind. Let them realize that you need to have your own niche and to have a happy life by exploring the beauty of nature by going through local destination. Tingin ko makikinig naman siguro yan and don't be sarcastic and fight witht hem...try to explain your side so they will understand... That's just my tow cents.

[chinkywinky]

Hindi solution ang paglalayas. Talk to you parents, communication is the key.

[aquacharly]

Parents do not mean  to be selfisf/deny you happiness;  they just worry all the time about your safety.   Babae  ka -- you have so much to lose. 

Do not create problems in your life by making layas. Ma off track distract ka sa Timeline mo, nag aantay ka nga lang for better things -- don't screw it.  Another problem will not solve a problem.

 When you tell them you are going off to this or that place --  tell it as a well-thought out plan. Na you considered the safety aspects, potential pitfalls & that you are reasonably prepared.   

[Girltalker2]

Sis, when I was your age, strict din parents ko. Naiinis ngako kapag tuwing lalabas ako, ang dami nilang sinasabi na lalabas ka na naman etc.  Kasi they sleep at around 8pm. Naman, di ba lalabas ka palang nyan? hehe  Little did I know ang normal gimmik hours pala starts at 12mn (time na umuuwi ako).

For me it wasn't a matter of gusto ko lagi lumabas. It is more of not being interrogated na parang mali ang ginagawa ko. Naiinis ako. And ang mga suggestion ng mga sis natin na - to communicate - can NEVER work at least for my parents.  Strict sila, walang open communication, authoritarian eh. 

How did I deal with it when I was your age?  I went to school again.  Meaning I pursued further studies AWAY from home.  That way, productive nako pero nakaka gimmik din ako within my limits.  Ya limited ang money ko because I have to live off from my savings from my working yrs pero I learned a lot about life living independently din. And at times, I miss din my parents. 

Pag dating sa outing, baka worried lang sila sinong kasama mo.  They don't trust your friends?  Or kung may BF ka na, baka di nila gusto ang BF mo for you?

[hisana]

I personally see nothing wrong with moving away from home at your age -- hindi ka na rin naman teenager, nakagraduate ka na, and it seems like you're trying to be self-supporting na rin. Do keep in mind, though, na ibang level ang bills when you're already on your own. Bills will suddenly seem to come out of nowhere! LOL, sorry, I exaggerate. Will you be living by yourself? With a housemate? If so, are you ready to share a house with someone who is not family? How about groceries? Do you have plans for postgrad studies? Do you want to save up for a car or your future house? I'd like to emphasize the financial reality of moving out because I know too many people in their early 20s who live paycheck to paycheck and would love to be rent-free again or at least have extra money like they did when they were still living at home. But if you're ready, living independently from your parents is something I consider a really positive move. It will not guarantee that you'll finally feel free or happy, but it will open you up to new experiences and allow you to evaluate your real priorities in life.

But if you mean maglayas as in tipong aalis ka without your parents' consent, well, mahirap nga naman yun, to break ties with your parents just like that. Other than being very strict, your parents don't sound like terrible people. (Though honestly hindi ko rin alam how to effectively deal with very strict parents kasi minsan unreasonable-sounding nga naman ang dating nila. All I can do is try to compromise, however small, para hindi naman ako feeling kawawa, LOL.) There are mothers and fathers out there who are truly abusive, yung mga tipong no choice ka na talaga kundi maglayas! Kung hindi ka payagan, I suggest that you wait for a few years. Siguro naman they don't plan on controlling you forever or letting you live there forever. It's just that many pinoys consider your age as batang-bata pa talaga and in need of guidance. Baka payagan ka rin naman eventually sa mga gusto mo once you've matured some more to their liking. Konting tiis pa, hehe. Good luck.

[aoshi_01]

Parents will always be strict. I'm 31 years old (laglagan time!) but they're still strict with me. Question lang sis, are you an only child too? If you are,  it's part of the package. Plus the fact that you live with your parents gives them more rights na maging mahigpit sa yo. I'm not yet a parent, pero I think they will always see us as their children no matter how old we get.

Running away is not the solution. It never was and will never be.

[ohcmon]

Just make sure that if you indeed made layas, have the decency to not come back home kapag nahirapan ka na.

[Lute]

nah, there are other measures na similar sa pag lalayas,

you can opt to apply for work in a far away place.

or you can simply tell them you want to feel how to live on your own.

be creative.

once you get the right excuse. ayun na.

[clairedelune08]

Hi guys. I didn't think this post will have a lot of replies. But here's my good news though, pinayagan na ako for the Guimaras trip! 

Parents knows what's Best for you.....Sana hindi mo ituloy ang balak mong  pag lalayas  baka mamaya mapariwara lang buhay mo.  IMHO, I guess your parents are just overprotected on you. They are just thinking about your security and safety after all. why not try to sit down and  talk with them and laid down your cards and tell them that you're old enough and knows what's right for you. Tell them that you deserve a break and needs to unwind. Let them realize that you need to have your own niche and to have a happy life by exploring the beauty of nature by going through local destination. Tingin ko makikinig naman siguro yan and don't be sarcastic and fight witht hem...try to explain your side so they will understand... That's just my tow cents.

You were right! I tried talking to them in a calm manner. Usually kasi kapag kinakausap ko sila parang padabog and all. But I tried to be considerate about what they think din but in the end, they said yes without any condition at all. Thankie!

Hindi solution ang paglalayas. Talk to you parents, communication is the key.

Ditto. Communication is indeed the key.

Parents do not mean  to be selfisf/deny you happiness;  they just worry all the time about your safety.   Babae  ka -- you have so much to lose. 

Do not create problems in your life by making layas. Ma off track distract ka sa Timeline mo, nag aantay ka nga lang for better things -- don't screw it.  Another problem will not solve a problem.

 When you tell them you are going off to this or that place --  tell it as a well-thought out plan. Na you considered the safety aspects, potential pitfalls & that you are reasonably prepared.   

Actually, I was just planning to save this action as a last resort na talaga. Yung tipong kapag sumusobra na, dun na ako maglalayas. Nakakapanghinayang din naman kasi kapag naglayas ako, mas malaki ang gagastusin ko. Haha. Pero eto, pinayagan din naman pala ako. Thanks a lot!

Sis, when I was your age, strict din parents ko. Naiinis ngako kapag tuwing lalabas ako, ang dami nilang sinasabi na lalabas ka na naman etc.  Kasi they sleep at around 8pm. Naman, di ba lalabas ka palang nyan? hehe  Little did I know ang normal gimmik hours pala starts at 12mn (time na umuuwi ako).

For me it wasn't a matter of gusto ko lagi lumabas. It is more of not being interrogated na parang mali ang ginagawa ko. Naiinis ako. And ang mga suggestion ng mga sis natin na - to communicate - can NEVER work at least for my parents.  Strict sila, walang open communication, authoritarian eh. 

How did I deal with it when I was your age?  I went to school again.  Meaning I pursued further studies AWAY from home.  That way, productive nako pero nakaka gimmik din ako within my limits.  Ya limited ang money ko because I have to live off from my savings from my working yrs pero I learned a lot about life living independently din. And at times, I miss din my parents. 

Pag dating sa outing, baka worried lang sila sinong kasama mo.  They don't trust your friends?  Or kung may BF ka na, baka di nila gusto ang BF mo for you?

It was really a good decision na nag aral ka uli sis. At least, you learned a lot from the whole experience. I don't have a boyfriend naman but they're kind of suspecting kasi may mga nanligaw na dati sakin na ayaw nila pero wala na naman yun. Hihi. Anyway, thanks for sharing your experience sis.

[clairedelune08]

^ Good solution! Creative na paglalayas. @claire,  find work outside of Iloilo (Cebu? Manila?) and start living life independently. But be careful with the "world outside" as you seem to be overprotected since birth by your parents

Actually, I can't wait to do this. I'm planning to work as a nurse sa Manila. Pero yun eh kung confident enough na ako sa skills ko bilang nurse at sa pagiging independent. Sa ngayon kasi, never ko pa na practice yung profession ko. So, dito muna ako sa city namin mag wo-work as a nurse. Quite scary din kasi 21 years akong nasa puder ng mga magulang ko. Pero kakayanin! Hihi. Thanks!

I personally see nothing wrong with moving away from home at your age -- hindi ka na rin naman teenager, nakagraduate ka na, and it seems like you're trying to be self-supporting na rin. Do keep in mind, though, na ibang level ang bills when you're already on your own. Bills will suddenly seem to come out of nowhere! LOL, sorry, I exaggerate. Will you be living by yourself? With a housemate? If so, are you ready to share a house with someone who is not family? How about groceries? Do you have plans for postgrad studies? Do you want to save up for a car or your future house? I'd like to emphasize the financial reality of moving out because I know too many people in their early 20s who live paycheck to paycheck and would love to be rent-free again or at least have extra money like they did when they were still living at home. But if you're ready, living independently from your parents is something I consider a really positive move. It will not guarantee that you'll finally feel free or happy, but it will open you up to new experiences and allow you to evaluate your real priorities in life.

But if you mean maglayas as in tipong aalis ka without your parents' consent, well, mahirap nga naman yun, to break ties with your parents just like that. Other than being very strict, your parents don't sound like terrible people. (Though honestly hindi ko rin alam how to effectively deal with very strict parents kasi minsan unreasonable-sounding nga naman ang dating nila. All I can do is try to compromise, however small, para hindi naman ako feeling kawawa, LOL.) There are mothers and fathers out there who are truly abusive, yung mga tipong no choice ka na talaga kundi maglayas! Kung hindi ka payagan, I suggest that you wait for a few years. Siguro naman they don't plan on controlling you forever or letting you live there forever. It's just that many pinoys consider your age as batang-bata pa talaga and in need of guidance. Baka payagan ka rin naman eventually sa mga gusto mo once you've matured some more to their liking. Konting tiis pa, hehe. Good luck.

Yep, I guess wala namang masama sis pag nag decide akong mag move out or something pero yun eh kung kailangan talaga, like I have to work outside our town. Sa ngayon, hindi pa ako masayadong ready. Hihi.

Yung nga ang ayaw ko kasi ayokong masira yung relationship ko sa parents ko. Ayoko din kasi ng masyadong drama. So as much as possible, ayoko kong kaalitan yung mga magulang ko. The good thing is, pinayagan na ako so maybe kailangan kong panindigan to. I have to be responsible with myself na. Haha. Actually, di na ako makapaghintay na mapunta na ako sa late 20s ko. Yung I can do anything I want na talaga without having to ask for permission. Pero syempre, hindi ko na mababalikan ang age na to, kaya I'm living in the moment. Thank you sa advice, sis!

[clairedelune08]

Parents will always be strict. I'm 31 years old (laglagan time!) but they're still strict with me. Question lang sis, are you an only child too? If you are,  it's part of the package. Plus the fact that you live with your parents gives them more rights na maging mahigpit sa yo. I'm not yet a parent, pero I think they will always see us as their children no matter how old we get.

Running away is not the solution. It never was and will never be.

Hi sis! Wow! You must really have overprotective parents. Actually sis, I'm the eldest of 3. Siguro another reason why super higpit nila sakin kasi parang nagiging breadwinner na rin ako. Given na wala nang stable job ang both parents ko at nag aaral pa yung dalawa kong kapatid. So, kaya ako siguro ako pinag iingatan. Hihi. Tama ka sis! Kahit papano naman, may right pa rin silang pangaralan tayo even if we have our own family na rin someday.

Just make sure that if you indeed made layas, have the decency to not come back home kapag nahirapan ka na.

Hahaha. I'm not planning to do it anymore, sis. I think I have a notion na kung ano magiging life ko pag naglayas talaga ako. Hihi. Thanks, anyway.

nah, there are other measures na similar sa pag lalayas,

you can opt to apply for work in a far away place.

or you can simply tell them you want to feel how to live on your own.

be creative.

once you get the right excuse. ayun na.

Someday, sis. Someday. Pero sa ngayon, siguro I'm not that ready pa.

[Ma.Jewel_1987]

Why not think of living independent instead sis? Magwork ka sa malayo magboarding house, apartment etc, ipakita mo sa kanila na kaya mo na, imo "paglalayas" is so childish.

[wangwang]

tama..communication is the 'key',para maintindihan ka ng parents mo..solve ang problem mo sis..all i can say is,love your parents..

[simang]

Based sa replies mo TS i can feel that you're indeed very sheltered and i'm guessing you're not really ready to move out yet.

Ako i've been living with my sister since nagstart ako mag college (our parents are abroad, and the rest of the family nasa province). There were times na gusto ko din bumukod magrent ng sarili kong place especially pag nag-aaway kami ng kapatid ko. Feeling ko kaya ko naman magshoulder ng bills, marunong naman ako magluto, maggrocery, etc etc. pero thinking about it, yung sister ko nga na ang dami ng savings nakapagpundar na ng sariling sasakyan, at very successful sa trabaho na anytime pwedeng pwedeng magsarili, hindi nya ginagawa kase she's thinking about me paano ako pag mag isa lang ako. More than the convenience of being in the same house with her, alam ko sasama ang loob nya sa akin if i leave.

If maglayas ka that is leave your house without your parents' consent, vinalidate mo lang yung thinking nila na immature ka pa nga. Tama sila, find a way to prove to them that you're capable of living on your own -- working/studying somewhere else.

[snowberry]

Buti na lang  hindi mo itinuloy paglalayas mo. You see, pinayagan ka rin naman,

Sorry , I find your reason sa paglalayas as very petty . Isipin mo na lang kung anong pag aalala ng mga magulang mo in case na naglayas ka .   I am a parent and halos ka edad mo ang daughters ko. May times din na parang ayaw ko silang payagan dahil nag aalala ako sa mga kasama nila .

 Pero ,later okay na ako. It's our unwritten rule na they will give me the complete information kung saan pupunta ( including hotel name and numbers ) at mga kasama , again with contact numbers. I also tell them to communicate frequently. Example, nandun na sila sa venue at every night na nakabalik na sila . ganun din if paalis na sila. Also, huwag makipag inuman . Alam ko some of you will frown but this arrangement works well with us .Nawawala worries ko at nagtitiwala ako sa kanila dahil they do follow my rules.  Mind you, I also do this kapag ako ang gumimik hehhe . As simple as saying pauwi na ako.

Siguro maipapayo ko  na kapag nag out of town at kasama na barkada eh don't forget your family pa rin , as in parang wala ng pakialam. KAhit isang text o tawag man lang to let them know you are fine while you are away. Siempre parents will always think of their child kung kamusta na kaya siya dun lalo na kung mga ilang days din naman ang gimik.

[mc21]

Apply ka ng work dito sa manila.
It will not be called "paglalayas"
you are just exploring the world using your college degree.
para may freedom ka na, you will know kung kaya mu na tumayo sa sarili mung mag-isa.

if that fails, pwede ka namn bumalik sa poder ng parents mu, do it while they are still living.
kapag wala na sila mahirap mag-aral tumayo mag-isa, walang gagabay syo.

just my opinion.

[Irtwisted]

You're a grown woman. Maybe the term you are looking for is "moving out" and not paglalayas (to run away). As a grown woman, you are entitled to make your own decisions; your parents should be able to advice you but they no longer have full rights to control your movement/whereabouts. 

It's good to now that you were able to calmly talk to your parents about your trip. 

[sistah!]

i just have to share. i am 32 now. my parents are still strict in a way. while they do not outright say i cannot go out or something, i still see a level of distress when i tell them i am going out without my husband. marami din silang tanong about where i go, what i do and who i am with. i dont mind anymore. sometimes i find it cute, sometimes i find it annoying na nagtetext sila pag nasa labas ako at hinahanap na ako.

point is, parents are parents and will always have a sense of worry about their kids. ganyan talaga. i've reached this point because i pushed my boundaries also when i was younger but always in respect of what they want. never forget na mahal ka nila. it just takes them a while to realize that their kids become adults too.