How can a family survive immigration?

[maika14]

Sisses, help please... I'm so torn.. 

My family have this chance to immigrate to the US. Actually, the immigration lawyer is pretty much positive that it's gonna be this year that our visa will become current. Been waiting for it for almost 6 years. I'm a nurse, by the way.

My husband runs a business and thank God for everything, business is doing great. We've been together for 11 years. Married for 5 years. It was just recently that we were blessed with a baby. Yes, I was one of the TTC girltalkers you see everyday.

Here's the dilemma. My husband said na hindi ko naman daw kailangan umalis. Yes, I know. If I'll think about my small family of 3, I really don't need to go. My husband is a great provider. Someone does our laundry, cook our meals, yaya for my baby, driver for my husband. I mean, yes. Pwede ako dito sa pilipinas! Iniisip ko palang yung house chores, napapagod nako. Pero kaya ko. Hindi ako pinanganak na mayaman. So, kaya ko.

But when he met me 11 years ago, I was still in school. Nursing school, to be specific. I shifted from my previous course kasi I wanted to try going abroad and earn. ME. EARNING. ON. MY. OWN. I don't want to ask money from him and give it to my youngest sister (who's still in highschool, by the way) or my mom for her regular haircut or whathaveyous... I mean, come on! Hindi naman ako linta. Oo, asawa ko sya pero diba, dyahe na manghingi ng pera esp that it's a family business?

For someone who's driven like my husband, I know, he understands me.

Pero sabi nya, (which I know din naman) na mas malaki ang mawawala sa kanya kung sasamahan nya ako sa US while he can stay here and continue working. Hindi ko sinabi sa kanya na iwan nya yung negosyo. Family business nila yun and he can delegate. Anong ginagawa ng internet. He can even go home whenever he needs to.

Ang gusto nya, iwan ko yung anak ko sa kanya at pupunta nalang daw sila sa US 2-3 times a year to visit me! Ano?! Hindi ako papayag. Iwan namin sya ng anak ko, pwede pa! Tse!

Anyway, he said na ayaw daw palakihin ang anak nya sa America at mag aaral sa public school. Pero hindi pa nya kakayanin ang private school. Hindi din daw enough ang kikitain ko para dun. Half of my salary daw will go to childcare...

I don't know what to think anymore. Ganun ba kamahal mamuhay ang mga may anak sa US (yung walang relative na sasalo sa childcare ha)? Hindi ko ba kakayanin ang sitter at private school?

[mooncake and leaves]

some discouraging things:
i don't have a kid but yes, mahal ang buhay sa US. i have a friend who lives in the midwest and she's a stay-at-home mom/wife right now. her husband is a doctor and they have one kid who attends a private pre-school. their area in the midwest is not as expensive but still, it's a struggle.

hindi na rin ata ganun kadali to find a high-paying job in the medical field. i have a sort of friend who took years of training and studying and looking for a company that will hire her. umabot ata ng 3-4 years paghahanap niya ng maayos and regular work. her sister naman who's also a nursing graduate, she had to move to san jose just so she can get a job.

on the upside:
baka malas lang mga kakilala ko. i need to ditch them and find new friends. seriously, you don't really need to send your kid to a private school. some school districts are competitive enough. yun nga lang, the good ones, mahal ang rent/bahay.

i have another friend who was able to raise two children all by herself and even send her dalaga to a UC. yun nga lang, sakripisyong bongga talaga and the difference was that, her kids were already old enough to be left alone before she suddenly had to be a single mom. what you can do, instead of hiring a babysitter, you can enroll your kid in a pre-school. that was what my previous boss did.

for me, your biggest challenge will be the fact that you'll be on your own. it's not just the financial aspect, though that's bad enough. pero yun lang idea na ikaw lahat. ikaw lang nagtatrabaho tapos pag-uwi mo ng bahay, ikaw lang magaasikaso sa anak mo. malungkot din kasi and if you and your husband will be apart, that's going to be a challenge and it might put a strain on your marriage because you'll go through changes, you'll feel lonely and isolated and you'll feel as though hindi ka niya maiintindihan. and how can he possibly understand? mga ganyang chorva.

sorry if i'm not making much sense. inaantok na ko. goodnight. ayusin ko na lang to bukas

[marose17]

You want to uproot your family to another country.  Naturally, your husband will raise his objections.  I think your husband has made valid points which you should consider.  I understand that you want to be financially independent and this is what is luring you to migrate.  However, have you tried working or setting up a business here so you can have extra funds to give to your family?  Do you really believe that getting a job in the US is worth being apart from your husband considering that you have a good life here?  Think again.

The standard of living in the US is higher compared to here.  Even if you are earning well there, your expenses could be double.  And yes, private school is expensive.  My cousins pay close to USD1,000 per month per kid for a Catholic private school in the South Bay area of Los Angeles.  It is hard to get a good and reliable babysitter.  You may consider a highly rated (academically) public school but of course, the culture is a lot different and your kid might be influenced by kids who have different values.

[younis]

to the TS, iba na ang situation mo ngayon may pamilya ka na, you have a husband and a baby to consider. kung kakayanin mong mahiwalay sa asawa mo kahit kasama mo ang anak mo sa US, then be ready to face yung mga cons na idudulot ng pagkakahiwalay nyo ng husband mo.

eto na lang may isha-share ako, may friend ako na yung brother nya and his family nasa US. hindi naging madali ang buhay nila dun gang umabot sa point na lubog sila sa utang at umabot sa puntong inadvice sya ng sister nya na umuwi na lang ng Pilipinas para makapag-umpisa ulit.. ang sagot ng brother nya sa kapatid nya "huh? nasa kama na ako lilipat pa ako sa sahig?"

comparing the sister and her family na nakapagtayo na ng 2 bahay dito sa Pilipinas, maganda ang trabaho nilang mag-asawa, versus sa kapatid nya na nasa US, na lubog sa utang... "American Dream" is not for everybody.

kung tutuusin yung sister nya way above average ang lifestyle dito while the brother, below poverty... well at least nasa "US" sya, yun naman ang argument ng brother...


I was almost in the same situation as yours before, ang pinagkaiba lang, I was offered a job in the US, kaka-kasal lang namin ng husband ko that time, at talagang hindi kami madapu-dapuan ng "spark" to migrate especially to US, sa ibang countries nacoconsider namin, pero sa US hindi talaga. ayaw namin magpalaki ng anak sa US. Yung job offer naman hindi naman nalalayo sa sinusuweldo ko dito kapalit ng mga maisasakripisyo pa namin kapag umalis kami. and so ang ending, we opted to stay.

[maika14]

Girls, thank you so much for your replies. I appreciate them immensely. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and gathering info as leaving home is never easy.

I've tried working on my own before. I was a staff nurse for a big hospital and I enjoyed what I do. Pay is minimum. Kulang pa sa date namin ng asawa ko kung ako ang naglalakas loob manglibre. Or sometimes, I'd give some to my mom or brother or sister for school or baon. Spending my salary however I want was never an issue to anyone. I always have enough as I still get allowances from my husband. Anyway, sarili ko lang naman ang iniintindi ko.

When I became pregnant and had a complicated pregnancy, I left work. So no more extra peso to give the family-I-hold-dear. Don't get me wrong. My family can survive on their own. My father has work. My brother whom I give money for baon before has already graduated and is now looking for work. It's just that being an older sister, I always have this tick to splurge them. We had enough growing up. But it was always enough. And living with my husband, it felt good to have some extra. I feel that I also want to give them that "extra" I enjoyed. Well, because it feels nice to give.

And, I noted, that when you have a business, everything is at stake. We almost closed down shop some years ago. It was tough to see my husband go after clients who don't pay, cheques that are no good while he has workers waiting for the weekly pay.

Pero ok na sya ngayon. Thank God, we got through hardships. I hope this good break for him last for a long time at marami syang tauhan na nakakapag-paaral ng mga anak o nakakapundar ng mga gamit para sa family nila. I believe, more than his family, my husband's driving force to work harder is because a lot of families count on him.

But since naexperience ko na ang magkapera (kahit minimum wage lang yan) at ngayon, SAHM ako, ang hirap. I can never ask my husband for something for my own family. It doesn't feel right. First, family business kasi nila yun. I don't know. Nahihiya ako. I have a good relationship with my inlaws. Let's leave it at that.

Second, I want to give my daughter something. With husband's business, everything is "pinapaikot". It's a risk and I don't want her education or health to count on something na "pinapaikot". How easy is it to turn investments to liquid should there is an emergency? I don't know... Mahirap? What if my husband get sick? Or I get pregnant again?

I talked to my brother. He said, not all nurses get the chance na makapag abroad. I-try ko daw. Magipon ako. Magtiis muna. Hindi pa naman daw mag aaral anak ko so pwede pang mag ipon talaga.

I talked to hubby. He said, yes, he'll accompany me and my daughter and once we're settled, magbabalikan sya US-Phils. Bahala na how often but he'll make a way. He has a network of close family relatives in the US and they delegate a few things on him too, US and Phils-based small-businesses. He was well-loved (or I always say, well-used)  . He's just so busy. I really don't want to meddle with the family's small fortune. Too much politics. I love my little cocoon where hubby loves me and my baby. That's enough for me. I'm guessing that this move is beneficial for him too. If he wants to expand business, pwede. Immigrant naman ang pasok namin. Madaming pwedeng i-explore. He's smart. I know, right this moment, he's thinking about it.

I asked my mom to obtain a tourist visa and I pray and pray to God that she'll get one. That way, I'll eliminate the need for daycare. Although, my aunt who's in the US said that daycare is a way of life in the US. But, since I'm starting, getting a car, renting a house etc, I'd need all the cash I can save. When hubby is with me, mom is in Phils. Then vise versa.

I hope I can pull this off. I'll check the water first. If it won't sit well with me and my small family, I'll go home. I just don't want this opportunity to pass. BOth for me, hubby and baby. Gosh, I really wish this would work.

[mooncake and leaves]

^ goodluck. kaya mo yan. and sayang talaga yung chance. give it a year at the very least. wala akong kilala though na umuwi hehe. that's what we always say-- try muna. pero ayaw na umuwi after a few years. 

[maika14]

^ thanks mooncake. hehe, oo nga. Well, sabi nga nila, US is a land of opportunity lalo na sa masisipag. Maybe we could work this out. Sana makayanan naming mag asawa. thank you ulit.

[younis]

^ kakayanin nyo yan basta magkasama kayong mag-asawa. Good luck!

[shopaholic18]

^^well i left Philippines last year, leaving everything behind, my job in the hospital as a pharmacist, my immediate family and friends when i got married. been here for 6 months now and i could say na mahal man ang standard of living dito, kakayanin mo naman kasi marami namang opportunities if masipag ka lang. wala pa kaming kids ng hubby ko pero i think ok naman dito palakihin ang bata since my hubby who is a filipino/american was born and grew up here anyway. regarding daycare, i could say i'm fortunate that my inlaws are here and are willing to babysit in the future but i would want my parents to spend time with the grandkids too so what i plan is to petition my parents in 3 yrs so hopefully by then we'll be ready for the baby financially and settled na ko dito. regarding doing chores, i don't know its a hard as people think kasi dito they make everything easy, with all the appliances and all that. i never had to do those things in the PH but here i have to but i don't think its as hard as i thought or maybe that's just me but i think you'll be fine living here. lahat naman mabibili mo dito or makukuha mo if magsisipag ka like house, car etc which i don't think i will ever have even if i work overtime in the PH so i think its worth it. goodluck and i hope pahalagahan mo yung opportunity na makapunta dito kasi bukod na hindi ganun kadaling pumunta dito, hindi rin lahat nabibigyan ng ganung chance.