Am I being unreasonable? My husband "almost" cheated on me :(

[bonita111809]

I am not yet married but i had a bf who cheated on me. Also my dad had an affair eh papa's girl ako so i wish them all hell. Lol.

I went through hell as well. But my bf changed for so much the better when i left him and some officemates took an interest in me. Takot siya eh

In my opinion, a cheater or anyone who has attempted to do so is willing to  do all those unreasonable things you demand from him if he really is changing for the better.

My bf kahit hindi ko dinemand, he lets me check his phone, somehing i never really do. He lets me know where he is from time to time and when he goes on guys nights out or barkado outings, either sinasama niya ko or kung siya lang, he calls to update me. Kilala na rin ako sa hotel where he works, dati hindi niya ko pinapakilala ngayon even the managers know me. He doesn't get in touch with the girl now kahit magkawork pa sila. I try not to act clingy and instead trust him

From time to time, i would still remember the hurt and he lets me talk about it. Hindi siya naiinis na binabalik balikan ko pa rin.

If someone is willing to change, then no demand can be too great. This is ky opinion lang naman.

Also, set your standards, i realized this a little too late going to the point of begging him not to leave. A woman with standards is more respected than one who doesn't. Minsan kaya paulit ulit naginagawa, dahil hinahayaan natin.

he will love you even more if you stop talking about the past. life is too short to dwell on the negativity of what has been done. he may not say anything pero pagtagal maiinis din yan at inuungkat ungkat mo pa yung mga bagay na tapos na, lalo na't magpapaalala sa kahinaan nya. he taking one step forward and you two steps back. so move on completely and forget the past. focus on now.

[LeallianFaye]

Hi sis Halfbloodprincess, My H2B "almost" unintentionally cheated on me too, hindi nya ka-officemate pero sister ng ka-officemate nya. Nagkakilala sila sa company outing dahil bitbit ng ka-officemate ni H2B ang sister nya.

Almost the same lang tayo sis TS kasi h2b mismo ang nagsabi sakin lahat pero yung sakanya is less than a week lang nangyari yung company outing nila is Sat and Sun and then inadd siya ng almost kabitch nung Monday sa FB then Tues sa Skype naguusap sila till Thurs and pagkauwi niya from office he told me everything and showed me everything by Friday he said they can't be friends and then blocked her sa skype. Sa FB naman I have no problem kasi I know his password and hindi sya talaga nag FFB.

I felt betrayed kahit almost at not intentionally. Ang sabi ni H2B sakin he's really sorry for what he did at he's fully aware na nawala ang trust ko sakanya, he said he's willing to do everything for me para hindi ko sya iwanan kasi mahal na mahal niya ko. I said sakanya if gusto niya pa kong mag stay it's going to be hard kasi may lamat na ang relasyon namin at hindi na the same like before at palagi kong mababalik sakanya at mababanggit yun, Magiging miserable ako for a long time and I will bring him down with me. Sabi nya sakin okay lang sakanya at tanggap nya na yun ang consequence ng nagawa niya sakin, okay lang daw sakanya kahit awayin ko siya for the rest of his life. Syempre natuwa naman ako sa sinabi niya kaya give ako ng second chance.

Totoo naman mga pangako niya sakin, he's doing everything para mabalik ulit ang tiwala ko sakanya, he's like before parang walang nag bago ang sweetness niya sakin paminsan more pa.
Pagna-aalala ko yung nangyari we will sit down and talk about it, icocomfort niya ako at isesecure niya ako. Hinahayaan niya ko mainis at malabas yung sama ng loob ko sakanya kasi he think it's better that way kesa ikimkim ko, mas gusto niya pag nabobother ako naguusap kami at sinasabi ko sakanya. About sa phone naman and mga message nya wala akong problem dun kasi nakikita ko lahat walang account niya na hindi ko nabubuksan mapa email, fb, viber, kakaotalk, lahat kahit before pa hindi ko lang chinecheck yung time na naguusap sila ng girl kasi I know he's not going to cheat on me nung time na yun. Hindi rin siya umaalis ng bahay pag freetime nya he spends it on me, alam ko kung nakapasok na siya sa work or nakauwi na siya kasi nakakapag usap kami sa Skype while he's at work. He's reassuring me without me asking him. He's helping me to get over yung nangyari. I don't know if I should be glad na nangyari yun dahil mas napatunayan ko na mahal talaga ako ng h2b.


Hindi na rin sila naguusap nung girl dahil si h2b na mismo ang lumayo at nagblock sakanya sa skype niya, gusto rin ni h2b na iblock si girl sa fb sabi ko wag na baka maisip pa nya na naka-apekto sya satin at matuwa pa sya.

Ngayon okay na okay na kami like walang nangyari at hindi ko na nababanggit sakanya ang tungkol dun kasi tinulungan niya akong makalimot at matanggal yung sakit.

Sabi nga ni sis Snix "If someone is willing to change, then no demand can be too great."
Totoo yan kasi bakit mo pa sasabihin na magbabago ka kung onting demand lang ni wife/gf eh hindi mo na magawa.

[happie]

You have to try to forgive so you can move on. If you're not willing to forgive, what's the point of staying together?

[shenshen8080]

In my honest opinion, your "demands" are not unreasonable at all. Sometimes, guys don't have it innately in them to do all these things and the woman has to call it out. Ikaw talaga ang magdadala, because sad to say, some guys can just be plain stupid at some points of their lives. You have to have it in you to draw the line. Just my two cents.

[ayelski10]

I also want to share...

4 days ago, i caught my husband cheating on me. It badly hurts me so much na parang gusto ko ng maglaho. Ang masaklap pa I'm on my 8th month pregnancy. We're married last June 2014.

Nahuli ko siya last Tuesday night, while having dinner that night, biglang nag brown out. My mom told us na tinanggal nya muna daw yung phone na red na naka charge sa kwarto ng brother ko. She's actually referring to my husband. So nagulat ako na may phone sya na red eh color black yung phone nya. So I asked him while we're having dinner, he said na sa hipag ko daw yun hindi sa kanya. So dedma lang ako. Then noong magka ilaw na, I went to my brother's room to check kung nandoon pa yung phone. So kinutuban na ko kasi wala doon. Then habang nagpaplantsa si husband, I checked the other room so nakita ko yung phone na red na naka charge. I tried to open it kaso nakapatay pa. Then he called me so nagmamadali ako bumalik sa room namin. After awhile, medyo kinukutuban na ko na he's cheating on me, binabantayan ko kilos nya. When I went downstairs para mag c.r., when I went back doon sa other room kung san naka charge yung red phone, wala na doon... Feeling ko sasabog na ko sa sobrang galit. Then nakakuha ko ng tiyempo ng umalis ang asawa ko. My first instinct was to check his jacket na nakasabit sa back door. Tama nga i saw the red phone there. Nagmamadali ako lumabas at inopen ko yung phone. Tama nga instinct ko, i saw a lot of messages. (I will not go into details, naiiyak lang ako)...

When I went back, he saw me with the red phone in my hand. The moment I saw his reaction, bigla ko syang nasampal. (First time ko gawin sa kanya kahit nagka issue na kami before na mag jowa pa lang kami). I cried so much. I felt that I was betrayed by him. Feeling ko mapapaanak ako sa sobrang galit at inis ko sa kanya. Kahit pala buntis, may lakas parin para msaktan mo ang ibang tao physically. Naka ilang sampal yata ako sa kanya noon. At first he denied. Pero sinabi ko sa kanya utang na loob wag mo ko gawin t****. He said sorry... He said na fling lang daw yun at nakilala lang nya few days ago. By the way my husband pala is police officer assigned sa MRT.

Ang sama sama ng loob ko kasi parang sa tinagal tagal namin mag bf/gf (7 years na mag bf/gf before kami nagpakasal), bakit ngayon pa sya nagloko kung kelan kasal na kami at buntis pa ako. First thing na naisip ko is palayasin sya, makipaghiwalay na, at ayoko makita nya ang magiging baby namin once na makapanganak ako. Until now, naiiyak pa din ako kahit nag uusap na kami ng casual. He said he will never do it again. If I could trust him again. He loved me so much kaya sabi nya baka di ko daw nabasa yung ibang messages doon sa red phone na mahal na mahal nya ang asawa nya (he was asked yata by the "girl" kung mahal nya ang asawa nya).

I'm trying to convince myself na pagsubok lang ito sa relasyon namin. I keep on searching sa internet "Why my husband cheated on me?"... I want to find an answer to that question.

Guys, I really need your advice. I love my husband so much. Ang nakakainis lang is the nature of his work. Alam naman natin na pag pulis, kaliwa't kanan ang mga babae..

[langley]

Guys, I really need your advice. I love my husband so much. Ang nakakainis lang is the nature of his work. Alam naman natin na pag pulis, kaliwa't kanan ang mga babae..

If you choose to stay with your husband then you need to forgive him and start trusting him again.
Wag maging mapaghinala. Lagi kang magdasal na protektahan ng Diyos ang marriage niyo at ang asawa mo. Magtiwala ka din sa Diyos. Ngayon be a good wife. Do your wifely duties. Do not try to control your husband. Love and respect him.

[engroselle]

if your hubby thinks your demands are unreasonable, try turning the tables on him... ask him what he would feel if you did to him what he did to you?! tignan ko lang kung di ma-praning at tumino yan.

[aquacharly]

AYELSKI10 - what ADVICE are you looking for?

1st, let's focus  on some facts na dapat mo kalkalin   to get answers to your question:  "Why my husband cheated on me?":
     "Fling lang.. Few days lang sila magkakilala... Mahal na mahal ko asawa ko.."
     "... Kahit nagka issue na kami before na mag jowa pa lang kami..."
      "Alam naman natin na pag pulis..."
The above statements say a lot, in very few words.   

Looks like you have made a decision, to forgive - again.
You're doing great, hinaharap mo fears mo (of future infidelities).  Hindi tulad ng iba, nagbubulagbulagan -- "we're fine.  Harmless lang yung landian nila -- matulungin  lang hubby ko."   Lol

What advice can I give you?
1st, don't go slapping him again.  Violence breeds violence/resentment. 

2nd,  do not let your fears (pulis, etc) freeze you.  Hindi ka dapat si Frozen.  Let it go, let it go, let it go. -- not your husband, but your insecurity, anxiety, lack of trust.
Eh sino nga ba naman hindi magiging insecure, anxious/tense & distrustful given your circumstances?
BUT you can control yourself to move beyond all that.   Sabi mo nga kahit na 8mos ka eh Nagulat ka sa lakas mo umupak.  Pwes, convert that energy into positive things. 

Instead of ruminating and leading yourself to a nervous breakdown or homicidal episode --  pour your energy into improving yourself. Total make-over: physically & intellectually.  The financial, psychological & emotional make-over will surely follow too.  Do something everyday --  be mindful, be consistent & persistent.

A woman who is confident and empowered, IMO, yan mas mahirap betray.  Nahihiya ang husband eh, he will view himself as tarantad*ng tang@ who cannot appreciate the great blessing his wife is.   A BFF guy told me --  on the verge of scratching an itch, he thinks:  "Teka she will look at me as just another of those men who lack self control and integrity. Liliit ang pagtingin sa akin".   

But then, there are no guarantees in life nowadays. Everything seems to come with Limited Warranties. 
We can control only ourselves.  So, it's really quite useless to focus on our fears & others' weaknesses.
So, if  one can't get guarantees -- pwes, get the best insurance you can get for yourself. That's improving yourself, making yourself stronger & self sufficient. So should your worst nightmare happen,  you will not just crumple and cry -- you will  be able to recover & move on.

Kwerdasan  mo mindset or pananaw mo.  Be a fighter. Hindi iyong  you will add martial skills to your ability to slap a man around.  But in the sense na sino ba mga Harot na yang sisirain ang good moods mo?!  Ang buhay mo?  Excuse me ha for being kinda crude kasi pasensya na sawa na ko karirinig tungkol   sa mga Harot--  I tell wives:  You are more than what they are.  You are more than a vagina."  Act like that then:  more than a vagina.

Good morning!