Hay sis Girltalker2, matagal ko ng kinikimkim ito, thinking if I should share my story or not to ask for advices..hanggang sa ito na nga, hindi na nakayanan and I needed to hear other people's opinion aside from my mom and sis
Mas pinakamahirap at masakit din ang ngyari days before my dad left. hindi ko na muna shinare dito kasi I needed to take a rest from it first and tried not to get too depressed..kasi talagang I got hurt
Nung Sunday na yun na tinext niya ako na nasa Bicol na siya at babalik siya a few days after he will leave for the U.S, talagang nagalit at nasaktan kami, pero more on ako ata ang pinaka-naapektuhan..kasi amongst us 3 eh ako yung madalas na kinakausap ng papa ko. I wanted to text him but I am bad with saying what i feel when I am angry, I felt na baka I will push him away more if I was the one who composed it. So my mom composed a message to him na parang it came from the 3 of us, I agreed sa mga gusto niyang sabihin and I added what else she missed out on. We sent the message using my mom's number and got no reply. Days passed..a week passed..then 2 weeks passed wala ni isang pirasong textback. I assumed he is very angry. he did not bother to find out why I did not reply din sa tinext niya.
Days before he left, my sister contacted my father's sister. asking what will he do with the maleta that is with us and that my dad can pick it up and they can meet half-way with my sis..he tells his sister that he doesn't need the maleta na raw. wow, talagang wala siyang balak ata makipag-kita na at gesture na parang galit na talaga siya
I then texted him, asking him what did we do wrong, why didn't he want to see us anymore and that I hope he wont ignore my text. I got the shock of my life sa mga rineply niya, I really didn't expect it.. the gist of it is that he HATES my mother. He asked why is she always dominating our conversations each time he visits us here..why was she at the airport with me..he said he received a long text from her (yun ang tinext namin) and he didn't even bother to read it all..he only read the last part which said "goodbye (name ni papa". he said why is she saying goodbye to me? and that he had said goodbye a long time ago to her already and that he doesn't want to be anywhere near her in his whole life..he said that seeing her only reminds him of the "injustices" she did to us in the past, especially to me. he said we could have been in the U.S long before we were 18..that his family doesn't like her..he said that this has been building up since his last 3 visits but my mom can't simply take a hint. he said he can even die at peace even if they do not make amends or whatever, basta ayaw na niya makita, makausap etc si mama..at wala rin daw itong right para makipag-communicate sa kanya or send text messages to him
the painful part is that my mom is clueless about it. she has been civil to him all this time para lang samin. yun pala eto ang nararamdaman ng papa ko about her
I just can't believe how unkind, how yabang and how highly he thinks of himself na siya pa yung galit eh siya rin naman dahilan bakit sila naghiwalay at bakit wala kami dun. I replied to him na bakit hindi nalang kayo maglearn to forgive each other na! na past is the past na and cannot be undone, and that we kids suffered enough because of your separation, pati ba naman ngayon na reunited tayo eh mangyayari pa ito? I said why can't you guys just be civil, why there should still be HATE between you both. just accept the fact that both of you had each of your own faults and that pride and miscommunication played a very big role why kayo nasira and that we kids had to suffer coz of it
I tried my best to convince him or at least make him think about it first before deciding like that. i told him that you should have told me before you came that this is how you really felt about her, para hindi na nag-effort si mama para sayo and that this would not happen. again, kami nanaman yung nasakripisyo dahil sa pride ninyo. but HE IS AS HARD AS A STONE. he said no one can influence him and he is just a stubborn sob daw..he is in a point in his life that when he doesn't like someone, he will stay away from them and hindi siya mapipilit. eh ano pa ba magagawa ko kundi tanggapin na ganito na nga? he just said his main priority now is to help me and my sister and that it breaks his heart that he was not able to spend time with me this trip (yeah right.thanks to his shitty pride)
so ayun, I only told my sis about it, and my close aunt in the U.S... I DO NOT DARE wanna tell mama. I cannot imagine what she would feel and how she would react. Ayoko ng isipin kung ano man yun, nasasaktan lang ako when I think about it. Tanong nga siya ng tanogn sakin kung nagtext ba or nakausap ko pa si papa before he left..I just told her hayaan nalang natin siya. Sa ngayon, papa said when he visits he will just stay at a hotel and not in our house anymore, para hindi na niya makita si mama ever
..oh well...wala na ako magagawa..just go with the flow nalang talaga
