Background:
My mom and my dad separated when I was 6 months old. they weren't able to get married before they separated coz they were processing their respective annulments that time (he had a first wife and 2 kids from his first marriage, my mom had 1). 2 kaming anak niya..it was a bitter separation, walang closure..he moved to the US that time to be able to get a better job and eventually get us to live there but after a year or so, he decided to go to school subsidized by the government, and so it started na wala na siyang napapadalang money to my mom..
and another painful thing is he suddenly hardly ever calls anymore according to my mom..even if Christmas..bday namin..and the likes. i can imagine how much hurt my mom went through, and why she is still bitter until today. coz it is the reason why we didn't really live a happy, normal and comfortable life like what he promised..and those times na tinatawagan ng mama ko my dad's sister/brothers, all they said was they didn't know his contact number..which she believe is total BS.. my mom had no choice but to fend for us 3 kids.after working some time in Manila..she decided to move on and move to Palawan for many reasons..during that time, as my grandma made me kuwento, my dad called our house in Manila and looked for my mom, my grandma told him we already moved to Palawan..that is when he said he realized that it was officially over between them..we moved back here in Manila after 5yrs. We were brought up by our grandparents as my mom had to work her ass off just to put us to school.
Fast forward to 10 yrs ago..my sister had this itch to get in touch with my dad coz she was already gonna get married and she wanted him to know this. after she was able to find out the number of my dad's sister..that's when the communication started. see? alam naman talaga nila all this time ano number/location etc pero they NEVER as in NEVER made the effort to make us know and try to connect us with our dad..we had to do it ourselves.
after almost 7yrs after that marriage of my sis, we started exchanging emails, individually, with my dad. we didn't really wanna pour too much hatred or questions at him kasi baka mamaya magdisappear nanaman! all we wanted was to be able to get to know our him, to feel what it is like to have a dad..and I secretly wished magka balikan sila ni mama.
After that 7yrs, he finally decided that we should all meet in person. I do not believe this is his first time in so many years na tatapak siya ng Philippines. I believe he has been coming back and forth but only visiting his siblings...but never, as in NEVER made the effort to even locate us or what. ang sakit isipin sa tutuo lang. If it weren't for my sister's effort, malamang we never really got to see/know nor hear from him until we die.
3 times na siyang nagvisit na nakita namin siya and nakasama. The first time, I remembered it was really awkward, he was apologetic of all the faults and abandonment that he did. But he didn't fail too to let us know, in front of our mom, that she had a fault too. our conversations lasted until 4am..laughing, joking, sometimes serious convo about our future now that he is in the picture. He kept on promising that
he will make it up to us (kids). but I guess all are just empty promises...again. now, we are experiencing what my mom felt when she was left here in the PI and when he was in the US, making false promises to her. now alam na namin bakit ganito nalang ka-bitter si mama.
He promised us he will petition us. he promised us that he will buy as a house here in the P.I and he will retire here with us in 2 yrs (he said this first time last 2012) and be with us in one roof so we could make up for lost time. he promised to help us financially to make-up for all the years my mom supported us single-handedly kaya hindi kami nakapag-college ng matino. at madami pang ibang promises.my sister and I have told him numerous times through email and personal (during his recent visits) na we need financial help sana, kasi we're struggling. whereas siya he has this big house in the US (siya lang nakatira dun), 3 cars (mercedes,etc) pero kami ni lupa sa paso wala, ni turnilyo ng kotse wala. my sister nga said years ago na "pa, akin nalang the volks mo" as a joke, he said sure, sa kanya na daw yun, seriously. But it's now 2014 and the volks is still in his garage lol. he also sold one of his cars and was thinking of buying a Mercedes Benz sports car pero afraid he will look too old for it and might be criticized, I jokingly told him na sa halaga ng sports car na yan makakabili na ng 2 cars para samin ni mama hehe..he just said he will save the money "for our future" nalang daw. nanaman.... nung una, I had so much high hopes!! I felt I was so grateful and lucky na para bang "FINALLY!" hindi na kami magstrustruggle at makikitira sa bahay ng grandparents ko, finally kahit nagkanda leche-leche married life ko, meron akong tatay na biglang tutulong sakin para makabangon uli at magiging buo na ako kahit wala akong asawa! It’s not just financial security, but emotional and the feeling that finally, I am able to meet and know my dad who was just like a ghost to me after all these years of my 20+ life! all of these were shattered as time passed..kasi ni isa dun, hindi niya tinupad, nor did he even made an effort to make it happen. Mga sis, mataas na posisyon niya sa work niya,,he works for the navy in the US..Aside sa finance person siya dun, marami pa siyang slashes sa title niya, and he is like the right hand of his boss. I saw it sa calling card niya and even in his email address. kaya nga he can afford 3 cars, a big house etc eh
We sent him links of houses that my sister and I researched na okay at pasok sa budget niya (2M at he requested us to do the research for him), we gathered the papers he needed for petition, but he NEVER filled them like what he said. he got our hopes up last 2012 before he left for the US na he has $25K that he wants to put on investment for us kids...he promised in 2yrs time (that was 2012!) na magreretire na niya, but ever year dinadagdagan niya ng dinadagdagan number of years before he retires! and ang pinakamasakit sa lahat..he confessed to my sister and I that the first time kami ngkita and the year after that, he really planned to get back to my mom and win her back..but he said as time passed and as he spent more time with her,,he realized she was not the same as before (well, ganun din siya noh!) he realized it is not going to work out for them...at nung tinanong ko siya if he is still wanting na sa iisang bahay kami nakatira when he retires, he said he will just get a separate house for him, and a separate house for me and my sister..he said he doesn’t want to live in the same roof with my mom .sa loob loob ko, eh si mama???!! don't tell me you won't even make up for all the s*** you put her through at hindi mo pa siya isasama sa pag-"payback" ng pagkukulang mo?!.
another thing that irks us is my sis researched his name and saw that he got married and annulled in the US in just more or less 5yrs when he left when I was 6months old. until now hindi niya inamin ito samin kahit nagpaparinig kami minsan sa kanya...
mga sis, don't get us wrong,. hindi kami mukang pera or after his properties. we wouldn't be hoping for a better life if he did not promise us one..he made us expect..but now puro expectations lang pala..
i just wanted to share how nakaka sama ng loob how he made us hope but can't fulfill his promises. I know may kanya kanyang sikap talaga tayong lahat dapat and don't depend on anyone if you want success in life..we have already been living that kind of life since he left us, just depending on ourselves. kung hindi naman kami pinangakuan, we won't have high hopes, we wouldn't expect.
Sa mga ngyayaring ganito for 3yrs since we met him in person..unting unti na namin narerealize that he really can't keep his promises..kumbaga, nawala na gami ng gana to hope. parang, "come what may" nalang kami when it comes to him..if he wants to visit us,fine, we will show na ok lang, we don't have ill feelings sa kanya, we won't ask anything nor demand from him, we won't make him pakonsiensya..kung hindi siya magpapadala ng pera coz we don’t ask, fine. kung ano makita niyang lagay ng buhay namin, it is up to him to take action or not. if he doesn't want to visit us, fine din..sanay naman na kami..if he only wants to spend X number of days with us and XX number of days with his family, sige, go ahead..we all know already by now where we stand. pero hindi mawawala yung sama ng loob sa mga puso namin.
now, on his 3rd visit he arrived last Thursday ..nakakasama ng loob na we only saw each other for 5-10mins before he left with his siblings..he said may connecting flight siya to his province and he will stay there until 25th (or more for sure just like last time). I even asked him (thru email before he arrived) if there is any emergency happening in his province that needs his immediate presence kaya nagpa-connecting flight siya kasi I found it odd bakit agad agad he has to go there..he said none naman daw, he just wants to relax, sleep and eat the delicious food daw there that he has been dreaming of. So talagang kitang kita na we are not his priority. We are not his main reason why he is visiting PI. It has always been about his siblings/real family, not us. ang sakit sakit lang. Tapos for sure if something happens to him. Baka wala man lang nakapangalan para saming magkapatid any of his properties or whatever na puwede naming manahin. I am not really after his wealth..its just that, wala talaga siyang credibility, wala siyang pangakong pinatupad. Makes me think sometimes na sana hindi nalang namin siya kinontak!
how to deal with this kind of father? tama ba yung ginagawa namin na huwag nalang umasa and 'come what may' pagdating sa kanya? sorry kung mahaba post ko..I just needed to vent out
